Catplates Posted January 12, 2013 Posted January 12, 2013 My daughter recently ended an affair with a work colleague. She still has to work with him occasionally. She phoned me this morning, asking my opinion of why this man would be angry and hostile towards her. I had no idea what to say, except he was probably feeling the same remorse and anger at himself that she obviously is. Anybody here with any experience with work affairs? Thanks Cat.
Alice2012 Posted January 13, 2013 Posted January 13, 2013 My daughter recently ended an affair with a work colleague. She still has to work with him occasionally. She phoned me this morning, asking my opinion of why this man would be angry and hostile towards her. I had no idea what to say, except he was probably feeling the same remorse and anger at himself that she obviously is. Anybody here with any experience with work affairs? Thanks Cat. Is the OM married?
Feelin Frisky Posted January 13, 2013 Posted January 13, 2013 I have. It can be horrible if you really get emotionally invested. One person has to leave--really leave and not just work on a different floor or something in the same building. I had a serious relationship for years. Then she moved to a different floor and we were still "connected" in a way even though we had lived together and she had moved out and shacking up with someone else. A year and a half passed by and I went out with someone else from the job but ran into a big-mouth on the NYC subway who had to go and gossip. I stopped seeing her--we were extremely discreet. Then another year went by and I started seeing someone at night school I hoped to make my wife. One day I was coming up the elevator and the girl I had the brief thing with got on. It was just me and her. And when the door opened on the floor we were going my worst rival enemy who was a female was standing there. This bitch then called my long term flame on the second floor--assuming I was seeing this girl again and she came up to close to my office and made a scene. She insulted me and that night with my actual g/f I cried. And she turned out to be of no emotional use. It was a stinking mess. My old g/f moved away but called me a year later and squared that she was wrong to take the word of that rival meddler. We never spoke again though.
Author Catplates Posted January 13, 2013 Author Posted January 13, 2013 Whose idea was the affair? Who ended it? Who is whose superior at work or are they peers? What consequences are possible for either of it's reported? Those are the parameters I think. Depending on those there are all sorts of reasons. But why is she even talking to him if she's staying married? These WS boggle my mind sometimes. Hi Alice, thanks for your post. You are always very forthright and concise. I am guessing the affair was a mutual decision. It was ended because he dumped her and a couple of days later her husband found out. They are peers at work. She speaks to him in a work capacity... no longer in contact on a personal basis. YOu think your mind is boggled???? She has driven me nuts with worry the last couple of weeks. Cat
whichwayisup Posted January 13, 2013 Posted January 13, 2013 Hi Alice, thanks for your post. You are always very forthright and concise. I am guessing the affair was a mutual decision. It was ended because he dumped her and a couple of days later her husband found out. They are peers at work. She speaks to him in a work capacity... no longer in contact on a personal basis. YOu think your mind is boggled???? She has driven me nuts with worry the last couple of weeks. Cat Is the OM married as well? Your daughter should quit her job to prove to her husband she's worthy of another chance. Not sure how her H is going to trust her working with the OM (MM?) daily, especially too, how is she going to heal if she has to see him and deal with his emotions of anger and whatever else. Tough situation all around. Hope things get better. 1
Spark1111 Posted January 13, 2013 Posted January 13, 2013 can she transfer? can he? It will be almost impossible to heal without NC for both your daughter and her H. My H transferred to another location and then another. What killed me was to attend a lecture several months later with my H and just know every secretary in the building suspected his affair. so much for keeping it a secret. women especially pick up on that flirty, romantic vibe. 1
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