lovepugs86 Posted January 12, 2013 Posted January 12, 2013 So he ended things. He told me he can't let go of what was bad in our relationship, he can't look forward to starting over, and he feels happier without me around. We are meeting up tonight for "closure." What is the best way to go about this? Part of me wants to yell and scream at him, but the other part just wants to cry. I need some positive support right now...
PinkSapphire Posted January 12, 2013 Posted January 12, 2013 I am going through this, too, so I will tell you what worked best for me. I would avoid the big dramatic cry-fest (that we have done several times and left me SO empty and nauseous and...ugh! NO!), and try to have a mature, though likely teary, conversation. Keep it mostly positive. First, right now, write down your thoughts. Keep it raw, be angry, be accusatory. Everything you want to say to him but know you won't. Then, read it to yourself and think it over, go on a walk or run if that helps you gain clarity. Come to terms with yourself that it wasn't working, it is best you go your separate ways, and think of all the crap you no longer have to deal with. Allow yourself to feel sad and think of happy times, too; being true to your feelings will help you heal from this. When you see him tonight, keep it light and positive. "It just wasn't working, we tried our best. I want you to be happy, I want to be happy. I hope you find someone, I wish you the best, etc" Even if it isn't entirely true (deep down it probably is; you likely still love him). Acknowledge what you tried and what the issues were, focus on the future. State what you will do now "I need to focus on school/my new hobby/an old passion, etc., and I plan on taking my career forward by..." This will help you and him feel uplifted and that there is a bright side eventually. Leaving on a good note will help you move on and not feel so crappy afterwards. Keep it respectful towards both of you, keep it caring and loving; walk away knowing that you both feel loved by each other but mature enough to acknowledge the end of things. This isn't easy, but will leave you without any regrets to go back and try to fix, making things worse. What you both want to hear is how much you are loved by each other and how much you regret losing each other, so say that. Give each other what you want so you are free to move on: "I like you a lot, X, and I really wanted to make this work, but I just don' tknow how to fix it. [This issue] just kept coming back and wouldn't go away; I love you and will miss you." Hug, hold each other. Part with positive words as though you are briefly leaving a good friend. It will help psychologically. Then, when you get home, tell yourself it is over and you tried your best. Outline the htings you have learned, and then get excited about eventually meeting someone new. Then, alert your close girl and guy friends that you will be needing support in the coming weeks, and call up a FWB. Good luck! 1
PinkSapphire Posted January 12, 2013 Posted January 12, 2013 Oh, and if there is anything eating at you that you need to say, say it but in the nicest way possible. Don't worry if that turns out to still be pretty mean. And if there are any nagging questions, ASK them; do not be afraid of the answers, but prepare yourself to hear the worst. If he does anything that angers you or upsets you, turn away a bit and swallow your tears, squeeze his arm and say, "I understand." You can also say, "I want you to be happy/I don't want you to be hurting anymore. I think this is for the best." Try to smile at him. This will all pass, the feelings will finally, slowly fade. If you behave with dignity, that will be remembered, mostly for yourself so you don't have to have regrets about him or upsetting memories. As women, we dislike leaving any kind of relationship on a bad note, so if you do it will eat at you hindering your progress to move on. So, act with the highest dignity and kindness you can muster - this is for yourself. But don't let a nagging statement or question eat at you, either. You can do this. 1
Author lovepugs86 Posted January 12, 2013 Author Posted January 12, 2013 Thank you so much for your advice. Your posts made me tear up... I've been racking my brain all day about what I want/need to say to him. You're right, I do want to leave on a good note. I want him to see that I truly do love him and that I will survive without him... and that someday if he ever realizes his mistake, I'll be around to hear him out... even if I've moved on. We both have told each other that we will always love each other... I just want him to know that I did all I could and that I cherish everything we had... I'm sure I will get some answers that hurt like hell, but I'd rather hear the truth then wonder about it any longer. Thank you for the support I needed that. 1
PinkSapphire Posted January 13, 2013 Posted January 13, 2013 I am so glad it helped, and that something good was able to come out of all of the pain I myself endured I hope it went well for you and you can rest easy knowing you did the right thing to the best you could. I hope he returns in the future, even if just as a good friend, and that you will soon find someone who is a great fit for you. I wish you well
Author lovepugs86 Posted January 14, 2013 Author Posted January 14, 2013 Do you think there's still a chance he could come back someday?
Recommended Posts