GudRiddens2013 Posted January 12, 2013 Posted January 12, 2013 :confused:I happend to find this forum if it means anything at all! I have read motivational books, took many trips to speak with my therapist, and trusted others who I felt were reliable, not in the least bit, but can't find the answers that will rest my mind upon peace. I am very attractive, retired from the entertainment industry, went back to school to pursue my graduate degree and became a new mom for a person who despite of what you do to remodify yourself can't appreciate the resilience that God can puts inside a person that's a change for the positive. Their life before you met them wreaked havoc and you decided to stay in and disregard the red flags that shouted danger lies ahead! I have been trying to forgive myself for not allowing better judgement and the way I was brought up to over rule the apparent signs of failure that he lives with. At the time, he had 4 children from different women, a military service member and never been married. I was a greenhorn of course, in my late twenties, and a single parent with a child 8 years of age. I had finished my undergraduate and wanted a shot at life being from Texas, there was no opportunity at that time for me. Therefore, I relocated and started dating online which was what led to my demise today. Needless to say, I connected with my husband and shortly thereafter his baby mama drama wasn't far in reach. She's calling me to tell me of the trouble that lies ahead but I didn't listen to her. Now I have respect for her, looking back, she was the woman I am today, a person riveting from betrayal, mistrust, and grief. She and all the women he's hurted doesn't need to go through what he's putting people through. I married him despite this gut-wrenching reflex inside me and a voice not to marry him. Its been several years of him being unfaithful, my family doesn't talk to me anymore because of my eldest daughter running away to get away from the drama of my marriage, then I ended up sick in the hospital not far from death but after all of this happening, the man came back asking for a second chance to make it up! The sickest part that I allowed him to come for a second shot at our marriage then I get pregnant after 5 years of marriage to this man. The baby is born, I am deeper into my faith with God then he returns back to his old habits. The wake up call to where I had to call it quits was when my doctor diagnosed my women's exam not good and taking all this medicine to help my body because of an unfaithful man. I had to kick his butt to the curve and had the courts to order him to pay alimony and child support. So far, it appears that I won or got even but in a sense money can't resolve what struggles I wrestle with day to day. The child visitation is the one I totally hate because how can I get over it when every week comes around I got to be reminded of his betrayal and pains. Life can be rough but this healing process that most folks mention of please hurry because this is something I want to do away with quickly because I come short to say, What's the point of us being here today period because in December 2010 it had bottom-out so why did you come back to redo what you promised never to do again? Those are the questions he can't answer? Just a thought that's all!
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