Honiebee Posted January 12, 2013 Posted January 12, 2013 He contacted me and asked to see me. He wants to hang out and he's found some films he thinks I'd really like. Sad thing- I want to go and see him. I feel ashamed for wanting to meet him this badly. I know what you guys will say (not in a bad way at all) but I thought I'd post here. Thanks. X
FailedFirstLove Posted January 12, 2013 Posted January 12, 2013 He contacted me and asked to see me. He wants to hang out and he's found some films he thinks I'd really like. Sad thing- I want to go and see him. I feel ashamed for wanting to meet him this badly. I know what you guys will say (not in a bad way at all) but I thought I'd post here. Thanks. X Ha you already know that suggestions wud be. Don't go... In the end it's your decision. But what if its not an act of reconciliation? What if its just a string his leaving for you.... if your beginning to slightly heal wud u want to go back To square one? Imagine u going and him saying oh I've been seeing this girl... Devastated...! But take care. Whatever u decide 1
Simon Phoenix Posted January 12, 2013 Posted January 12, 2013 Go do it. Go follow him like a good little pet, have sex with him, have him kick you out and feel bad about it. Seems like a great plan.
NoMoreJerks Posted January 12, 2013 Posted January 12, 2013 booty call comes to mind, but to be honest, if i were in your shoes, i'd go and see what he really wants. if he does not bring up reconciliation at all, i would tell him to never contact me again, and would leave.
Simon Phoenix Posted January 12, 2013 Posted January 12, 2013 booty call comes to mind, but to be honest, if i were in your shoes, i'd go and see what he really wants. if he does not bring up reconciliation at all, i would tell him to never contact me again, and would leave. She's been waiting for this guy for four years, I'm pretty sure she knows what he really wants.
NoMoreJerks Posted January 12, 2013 Posted January 12, 2013 She's been waiting for this guy for four years, I'm pretty sure she knows what he really wants. 4 years??? Wow... Is there a link to the original post that details her story...?
NoMoreJerks Posted January 12, 2013 Posted January 12, 2013 OK, I skimmed her original thread w/ her story.. wow.... are you insane? Do NOT go..... booty call... your ex is an assh*le... he has no respect for you whatsoever.. you think that the fact that he is having sex with you behind his gf's back is a good thing for you and gives you hope that he might come back to you? Think again. He has completely devalued you in his mind, and is just using you, for sex and companionship, when he has nothing better going on. Go if you want to continue being treated this way.. 1
Amelie1980 Posted January 12, 2013 Posted January 12, 2013 Ask him what his intentions are first...then.decide.
Simon Phoenix Posted January 12, 2013 Posted January 12, 2013 Ask him what his intentions are first...then.decide. You really think he's going to tell her the truth? He'll tell her whatever he needs to to get some ass. 2
TaraMaiden Posted January 12, 2013 Posted January 12, 2013 He contacted me and asked to see me. He wants to hang out and he's found some films he thinks I'd really like. Sad thing- I want to go and see him. I feel ashamed for wanting to meet him this badly. I know what you guys will say (not in a bad way at all) but I thought I'd post here. Thanks. X Oh please don't make me lose my composure and say something I truly regret. You don't want to lose the friends you've made on this forum, the support you've gained, the truth you've heard, by acting like a weak, spineless, puny little idiot, do you? you don't want to give in to this wholly stupid, ridiculous idea of "Oooh, I've got some movies you'd really love watching...." yeah, right... Read - "I'm feeling really horny, and i know all I have to do is snap my fingers, make up any old lame excuse and you will just open up, take it, and be my phukkbuddy - when I want, how i want." And you have the gall to post about your concerns about your mother? I think you have more than enough to worry about within your own world, without being indignant and angry with her - because trust me - the way you feel about her, is NOTHING TO THE WAY SOME OF US FEEL ABOUT WHAT YOU'RE DOING!!!
TaraMaiden Posted January 12, 2013 Posted January 12, 2013 Look what you wrote (amongst other things!) in your other thread: But I think - the comments on this thread about me projecting that relationship fantasy on to him are true and I'm probably seeing things that aren't there., and no contact at all seems to be the only way forward, even if he tries to get back in touch. I don't want this to go on for another 4 years. "and no contact at all seems to be the only way forward, even if he tries to get back in touch. I don't want this to go on for another 4 years." HELLO-O-O-O-O-??!?
TaraMaiden Posted January 12, 2013 Posted January 12, 2013 One of the 'other things'.... I wouldn't have been done it without this forum. I probably would've just carried on blindly, until I finally gave up- or he decided he didn't want to see me any more. This way I've sort of taken a bit of control back- I'm just furious at how much time and effort I've wasted. Just trying to knock some sense into you..... I know we seem harsh (well, I sure do!) but we none of us honestly want to see you do this, and be such a push-over. Literally!!
Mcnulty Posted January 12, 2013 Posted January 12, 2013 You are limp wristed and have little decency or self respect. If you were a guy, people on here would be telling you to grow a pair of balls. Why are you posting this after the previous 4 page post of support advice? Do you need more affirmation and advice, because if you do, you're going the Frederikkk way about it as in, not listening to a sensible word these good people say.
Author Honiebee Posted January 12, 2013 Author Posted January 12, 2013 (edited) Look what you wrote (amongst other things!) in your other thread: "and no contact at all seems to be the only way forward, even if he tries to get back in touch. I don't want this to go on for another 4 years." HELLO-O-O-O-O-??!? Thank you Tara. I have not messaged him back- I didn't expect him to contact me when I messaged him last week telling me not to. This is beside the point. Either way I haven't replied. I am unsure and ashamed as to why I so want to see him- in light of everything everyone on this forum has said. And everything I have felt in the past week and the positive steps that had been taken. But I haven't given in or caved or replied- I just felt very sad and ashamed for wanting to. Edited January 12, 2013 by Honiebee
TaraMaiden Posted January 12, 2013 Posted January 12, 2013 I wish I lived next door to you - then I could come round when he does, and we could all watch movies together, then we could both wave him bye-bye when we ask him to leave now.... or I'd get my brother to come see you and pose as your new BF - and he could sit and watch movies with you too.... I am sooooo glad you haven't replied - Good On YOU gurl!! :bunny: But you know what you have to do now - don't you? Block/delete his number - and when he next texts, send the blocking text. it's in the No Contact updated guide!! 2
Author Honiebee Posted January 12, 2013 Author Posted January 12, 2013 I wish I lived next door to you - then I could come round when he does, and we could all watch movies together, then we could both wave him bye-bye when we ask him to leave now.... or I'd get my brother to come see you and pose as your new BF - and he could sit and watch movies with you too.... I am sooooo glad you haven't replied - Good On YOU gurl!! :bunny: But you know what you have to do now - don't you? Block/delete his number - and when he next texts, send the blocking text. it's in the No Contact updated guide!! The reason I posted here was the feeling of shame I had when I recieved the text and wanted to reply. I did read ALL the advice in the large thread and I did take it on. I did send a message explaining I couldn't keep the situation going any longer and recieved no reply- so I thought that had been taken on board by him. I can't block text messages on my phone but I can send the text back to him from the contact guide. I haven't done anything about the message he sent this evening though, just haven't responded at all. I just felt extremely sad that even after all the truth - and it is truth- I've read about him and his reasons for seeing me- even after that- I stil wanted to reply and see him. Without this forum I wouldn't have done that- I would have text him straight back. I know the feelings won't magically disappear overnight, but after all the things I have read about what he's doing- and understanding what kind of person he is- it made me sad that a stupid text from him could warrant such a strong response in me. I don't understand myself. Tis all. I will stop making threads - if he contacts again this thread is enough! thank you. X
NoMoreJerks Posted January 12, 2013 Posted January 12, 2013 I wish I lived next door to you - then I could come round when he does, and we could all watch movies together, then we could both wave him bye-bye when we ask him to leave now.... or I'd get my brother to come see you and pose as your new BF - and he could sit and watch movies with you too.... I am sooooo glad you haven't replied - Good On YOU gurl!! :bunny: But you know what you have to do now - don't you? Block/delete his number - and when he next texts, send the blocking text. it's in the No Contact updated guide!! I wish you lived next door to me!!! We'd have so much fun!!! But no sociopath ex involved... Cos , well, he's probably in Thailand right now, having a vacation with his favourite Thai whores in the land of smiles... 1
TaraMaiden Posted January 12, 2013 Posted January 12, 2013 two things: One: Healing from something of this magnitude takes time; you have to allow yourself that, and understand it. It's been 4 long years....! A toddler can't walk the moment he stands on his 2 feet for the first time... and he often ends up going where the heavy head goes!! You're just a 'toddler' at this - baby steps, hun, baby steps.... Two: never quit posting: Sometimes, you'll just need to vent. Your first post didn't make it clear that you had no intention of responding, and made me think you'd weakened. I apologise if my post offended you or was harsh - but I just felt like shaking you!!! But don't let me put you off from ever coming in and having a good old moan. We women are good at that - but at least we share!! And your experience is invaluable to others, and may be exactly what someone needs in order to heal. Tjose healing, are the best advisers.... be well, take care - and don't be too hard on yourself. I did that plenty for both of us....! (sorry!)
TaraMaiden Posted January 12, 2013 Posted January 12, 2013 I wish you lived next door to me!!! We'd have so much fun!!! But no sociopath ex involved... Cos , well, he's probably in Thailand right now, having a vacation with his favourite Thai whores in the land of smiles... Liked your post - the first part ....! I wished I lived next door, too! Yeah, land of smiles.... and nasty little germs, very probably. I cannot hand on heart consider that they have the same health and safety reg's we have...... 1
Author Honiebee Posted January 12, 2013 Author Posted January 12, 2013 two things: One: Healing from something of this magnitude takes time; you have to allow yourself that, and understand it. It's been 4 long years....! A toddler can't walk the moment he stands on his 2 feet for the first time... and he often ends up going where the heavy head goes!! You're just a 'toddler' at this - baby steps, hun, baby steps.... Two: never quit posting: Sometimes, you'll just need to vent. Your first post didn't make it clear that you had no intention of responding, and made me think you'd weakened. I apologise if my post offended you or was harsh - but I just felt like shaking you!!! But don't let me put you off from ever coming in and having a good old moan. We women are good at that - but at least we share!! And your experience is invaluable to others, and may be exactly what someone needs in order to heal. Tjose healing, are the best advisers.... be well, take care - and don't be too hard on yourself. I did that plenty for both of us....! (sorry!) All that was said on here about me being weak or having a lack of decency and self respect is true- it IS what needs to be said and what needs to be heard by me. I am aware the situation is pretty dire and the minute I found out he was actually with another girl I should have done the right thing and not gone back. He has been single since the summer (to my knowledge!!!!) but that doesn't make what I did ....right, I know that. Sorry about the post I read it back - sorry it doesn't say anything either way does it!! I posted because I just felt extremely ashamed that the desire for him came rushing back. I read the original post I made- four pages with interest and a lot of sadness- I was/am so angry at myself for this to go on for four years- and I was furious with him too. I read what people said about his gas lighting and using me just for sex - the relationship was in my head and I was furious- how dare he ruin my life like that. How dare he use the control he had over me for his personal gain?! I was fuming and held on to those feelings when starting NC. And the desire and feelings for him all came back as soon as I get a stupid booty call message. It annoys me this can happen even after all the truth about him. Again, thanks. I read it all and it does all help- it just unfortunately doesn't stop the feelings being there- but as you say- baby steps they will go. I'm just angry they haven't!! X
NoMoreJerks Posted January 12, 2013 Posted January 12, 2013 (edited) Liked your post - the first part ....! I wished I lived next door, too! Yeah, land of smiles.... and nasty little germs, very probably. I cannot hand on heart consider that they have the same health and safety reg's we have...... Well whatcha waitin for? Move to Canada! We have above zero temperatures every now and then (including today!)... According to conservative accounts 5% of the female population of Thailand engages in prostitution........ I bet you the number is even higher than what the government admits to... Every year, the country welcomes 20+ million tourists, most of them sex tourists..... So it's the STD hub of the world... pretty much. Which reminds me, I should get tested for STDs again.. Movie nights, etc., sound good! Such a shame that all my girl friends are too high maintenance and need an invitation a month ahead of time, to spend some time together. Or claim they are too busy to do that sorta stuff, but then you find out that they are going out to play pool with a bunch of guys.. Oh well, until you move to Canada, I'll have to make do with movie nights on my own. Which brings me back to the OP.. OP, you should hang out more with friends. not necessarily going out (as you might be too emotionally drained to go out -- as I am at the moment , cos I'm dealing with my break-up), but how about a movie night / girls' night in? Maybe have each of your friends cook some small dish as well, and bring it with them, and you can also have a potluck type thing. I wish I could do that, but most of my friends are too busy or too high maintenance to do that sort of thing... i can imagine that it would greatly help with getting over the feeling of "addiction" to the ex.. I watch Coronation Street, and East Enders, and read Cosmopolitan and Glamour, and it helps me keep my mind off him, gives me some positive energy, etc. Edited January 12, 2013 by NoMoreJerks
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