what does this mean? 8mo. on/off relationship with difficult communication,EXCEPTsex

[Kate]

my guy and i have been on again and off again now for 8 mos. basically we were friends first, then started dating. but the whole on and off thing has been because i feel totally taken for granted at times, underappreciated. my guy is going through a transitional phase in his life right now, but there are some things i can't make excuses for. it's a long story, just consider the fact that this has been extremely difficult and draining for both of us -- one minute things are fine, the next i am feeling horrible about us. it's always me complaining i'm not getting waht i want, and really, i'm not. but besides that...

 

the only time i feel EXTREMELY -- and i have had several serious relationships! -- connected to this man, is when we have sex/make love. it's wierd, it doesn't feel like sex, but it isn't emotionally overboard where it feels like extreme lovemaking either. we both find this funny, as the bedroom is the only place we connect. we are not wierd, do not even role play or do kinky stuff...it's like we just stare at eachother the whole time and can't belive how good we feel together. obviously this is a physical act, but when i am with him like that, i can see allllll the good that we are. it seems to be the only thing keeping us together, and we only do it once or twice a week tops!! as i have been TRYING to give him more space. for him, it is the same for me...i can see the tenderness in his eyes, and the way we talk about it is just different. i can't put into words this utter connection we have. if it were just sex, we would likely go date other people and do it with them instead -- like i said, we are very rocky right now because he can't give me waht i need emotionally right now.

 

is it possible that this is a clear sign of our connection and chemistry? we never fight ----- we just have somewhat heated conversations that are initiated by me and are emotionally draining.....yet NECESSARY. this guy doesn't see what his lack of actions is doing to me. is there something to be said for incredibly connected and heartwarming sex with two people and what it indicates about the relationship? does anyone have a positive story to tell? because we are not meeting eachothers emotional needs outside of the bedroom, but they are definitely present in the physical/intimate state. and i promise this is not a case of just "wanting something that isn't working to work so the passion is fueled..." -- even when things WERE consistent for a couple of months straight, we were INCREDIBLY connected emotionally/physically in the bedroom.

 

help???? i am going through hell thinking that one day i will find a reason for our connectedness and all with be right with us. someone please tell me if my relationship simply sounds like bad timing that could be perfect when the timing is right -- is this an indication of such?

[meanon]

For most people they either connect with someone or they don't. As this is what usually happens, it's confusing when we find we have a great connection with someone in one area of our life and not in another.

 

I don't think it's a question of timing. The emotional connection simply doesn't work outside of the bedroom. This makes you unhappy. I think it very unlikely that something this basic will change. Great sex is hard to give up but you will be happier with someone you can relate well with on every level.

[amer]

maybe you hve finally hit a peak of sorts sexually and it has nothing to do specifically with this guy.

[Kate]

i'm 25, he's 26. i don't feel like it's the only thing keeping us together, and we don't even do it that much to begin with. it's just that when everything else is awry, this is the one thing that is consistent and awesome. in my past relationships, the bedroom was always a reflection of any bulls.hit that was going on -- if it was good, sex was great -- if it was bad, sex was not so great. i am deeply emotionally connected to this person in the first place, there is just sooooo much going on between us in our personal lives right now, mainly his, that it's been so hard for me to feel stable with him. we are not seeing other people and both feel strongly about giving ourselves freely to people (sex).