I have nothing left to say..

[promises]

The eMM's contact last week has, of course, done what it always does and left me feeling absolutely miserable days later. I did not respond to him. This hasn't been the case in true form ever before. I'd always say something even if small.

 

I'm very bothered today. Because I know that his entire family and many many mutual friends are rallying around both he and his BS lately giving a lot of support and attention. He is obviously, too, or this wouldn't be the case.

 

I'm very hurt by his continued actions towards me and his fishing or whatever it is he is doing.

 

It bothers me so much that I am but a thought in his days every couple of weeks now. "Checking in"... when at one point he supposedly loved me. All of it bothers me.

 

I have thought of a million things to say to him and yet, not one of them sounds right anymore. Not one thing is something I want to say. This hurt is too deep.

 

I know somewhere he knows I am hurting. But, I doubt he understand the extent of it. Nor does he care enough to do more than the occasional check in.

 

I have nothing to say. We can never be friends again, like we once were. We can never be lovers. We can never be anything but a memory. And, now even the friendship is stained and washed away.

 

I just have nothing more to say.

 

I feel insulted and I feel like he will never know just how much this has hurt me.

[dreamingoftigers]

I think you should say one more thing to him: " Go Away."

[Alice2012]

I'm very hurt by his continued actions towards me and his fishing or whatever it is he is doing.

 

Why do you still have this email account active?

[Alice2012]

Do you really segment your life that much that only one person would have an email address? or that it wouldn't be important that others be able to reach you via that email?

 

I'd never change my email over a guy. Never.

 

This isn't her primary email.

[promises]

They SHOULD be rallying round the marriage. They should have done that in the first place. You know that. Why do you keep hurting yourself by staying in touch with people who know what they are doing? It isn't any of your business.

 

No he probably doesn't get that he hurt you. He probably thinks that you knew what you were doing when you got into it. He shouldn't be concerned with you anyway. He should only be focused on his wife.

 

And I know you don't get that.

 

I don't have anything to say to you either.

[Alice2012]

This isn't her primary email.

 

Is this your primary email Promises?

I thought you said he found it from another group email.

 

Why haven't you blocked yet?

[whichwayisup]

The eMM's contact last week has, of course, done what it always does and left me feeling absolutely miserable days later. I did not respond to him. This hasn't been the case in true form ever before. I'd always say something even if small.

 

I'm very bothered today. Because I know that his entire family and many many mutual friends are rallying around both he and his BS lately giving a lot of support and attention. He is obviously, too, or this wouldn't be the case.

 

I'm very hurt by his continued actions towards me and his fishing or whatever it is he is doing.

 

It bothers me so much that I am but a thought in his days every couple of weeks now. "Checking in"... when at one point he supposedly loved me. All of it bothers me.

 

I have thought of a million things to say to him and yet, not one of them sounds right anymore. Not one thing is something I want to say. This hurt is too deep.

 

I know somewhere he knows I am hurting. But, I doubt he understand the extent of it. Nor does he care enough to do more than the occasional check in.

 

I have nothing to say. We can never be friends again, like we once were. We can never be lovers. We can never be anything but a memory. And, now even the friendship is stained and washed away.

 

I just have nothing more to say.

 

I feel insulted and I feel like he will never know just how much this has hurt me.

 

I have no advice except take care and go pamper yourself. A spa day is in order!

[promises]

This isn't her primary email.

 

Yes it is now. It was secondary, I had to switch when I shut the other down. I'm sick of changing anything in my life for them.

[Alice2012]

Yes it is now. It was secondary, I had to switch when I shut the other down. I'm sick of changing anything in my life for them.

 

 

Oh that's right - you blocked him on the other one, but he had another email saved that you sent one time from the former secondary one.

 

What about blocking?

The only problem with that is - you can unblock.

[promises]

Oh that's right - you blocked him on the other one, but he had another email saved that you sent one time from the former secondary one.

 

What about blocking?

The only problem with that is - you can unblock.

 

I will look at what it takes to block. Good point. I'm totally flat today.

[Alice2012]

I'm sick of changing anything in my life for them.

 

I know the wife put you through the ringer, but you should forward the emails to her. Forward them and then block him from that email.

 

He's "torturing" you by doing what he's doing - you realize this?

And you're accepting it.

 

Don't be loyal to him and protect him - he would turn on you in a heartbeat.

[promises]

I know the wife put you through the ringer, but you should forward the emails to her. Forward them and then block him from that email.

 

Don't be loyal to him and protect him - he would turn on you in a heartbeat.

 

 

He already turned on me. He left her, came to me, professed his love. Went back, then professed his love of me to her and left a second time, only to go back.

 

I have thought about forwarding to her, but, (and I mean this in the greatest respect of the situation) she is a 'mean girl' so to speak and it wouldn't matter what I said, she would come after me again.

 

It's like she doesn't really care that he cheated. Apparently, (according to her) this isn't the first time he cheated, either. She just wants her life to stay the way it is.

 

Anyway, I have thought of forwarding- but, even my IC says not to due to the situation.

[whichwayisup]

Yes it is now. It was secondary, I had to switch when I shut the other down. I'm sick of changing anything in my life for them.

 

OK I lied..I do have some advice.

 

It is a pain in the ass to have to change your email address, but if you want him to really leave you alone, then make it impossible for him to reach you. Everybody is different and can handle varying ways of avoiding the exAP, but if any contact from him every few weeks or months is going to do a lot of damage to you, then do all that you can to protect yourself, shield your heart.

[promises]

 

He's "torturing" you by doing what he's doing - you realize this?

And you're accepting it.

 

 

Yes, it's hard to believe that this is the case for me, but, accepting that what he is doing now is just messed in the head and indeed, 'cruel', is hard to accept. But, it is cruel.

[teatotaller]

I'm sorry you are hurting, promises.

[whichwayisup]

 

I have thought about forwarding to her, but, (and I mean this in the greatest respect of the situation) she is a 'mean girl' so to speak and it wouldn't matter what I said, she would come after me again.

 

It's like she doesn't really care that he cheated. Apparently, (according to her) this isn't the first time he cheated, either. She just wants her life to stay the way it is.

 

Sounds like they have a messed up dynamic and they like it that way. Some people need to have drama, lots of it in their lives to 'feel' and have those high's and low's ... The further you are from it, the better off you will be.

 

Do a Cartman and say "SCREW YOU, I'm going home." and mean it..never look back.

[wanting more]

They SHOULD be rallying round the marriage. They should have done that in the first place. You know that. Why do you keep hurting yourself by staying in touch with people who know what they are doing? It isn't any of your business.

 

No he probably doesn't get that he hurt you. He probably thinks that you knew what you were doing when you got into it. He shouldn't be concerned with you anyway. He should only be focused on his wife.

 

And I know you don't get that.

 

Maybe HE should leave promises alone but doesn't. He's not focused on his wife. He's lying still to everyone. Promises HASN'T responded (guess you didn't read that part) and she's having a tough time dealing with it.

 

Do you have the same bull**** ugly comments for every OW saved and you just copy and paste in new threads??

No he probably doesn't get that he hurt you. He probably thinks that you knew what you were doing when you got into it. He shouldn't be concerned with you anyway. He should only be focused on his wife.

 

 

The very few good points you make are completely overlooked by your sarcasm.

 

stay strong promises.

[promises]

Maybe HE should leave promises alone but doesn't. He's not focused on his wife. He's lying still to everyone.

stay strong promises.

 

He is still lying to his wife. He's saving face right now, but the only one who knows the truth is me.

 

Thanks, wanting more. LS (this space) is helping me stay strong.

[promises]

I'm so sorry you are hurting. What can you do to make your day a little brighter to help you get through this?

 

I'd like to know what others have done to find their center again? That would be helpful.

[jwi71]

Yes it is now. It was secondary, I had to switch when I shut the other down. I'm sick of changing anything in my life for them.

 

You change it for YOU.

 

Are you in IC?

 

Have you rallied your friends and family about you?

 

Its not good to see consistent unhealthy posts from you promises...

[promises]

You change it for YOU.

 

Are you in IC?

 

Have you rallied your friends and family about you?

 

Its not good to see consistent unhealthy posts from you promises...

 

Yes, I have enlisted my friends/family. I have great love around me. And, when I'm not in this space, I can promise you that my life is right now about 70% in the happiness realm. I come here when it hits me.. this hits me.

 

There is more to my story- which is what you are hearing in my pain. He new my pain and monopolized on it. That is the true unrest I feel. That is the most difficult piece of this puzzle.

 

So, it's easy to say that OW are never the victim. I do feel, however, that I have been victimized to a great extent. Whether others choose to understand that or not. But, regardless, I need to move on and this is how I am doing it- writing and just getting the crap emotions out that way.

[TaraMaiden]

I'd like to know what others have done to find their center again? That would be helpful.

 

You really want to know?

I went on a retreat where the theme was the perpetual inability of suffering humans to let go of attachments, and practised meditation.

 

That's why I'm such a know-it-all Bitch.

because "I know it all, bitch":laugh:

 

Truly, it was like a new year, in the height of summer.... it felt wonderful.

[promises]

You really want to know?

I went on a retreat where the theme was the perpetual inability of suffering humans to let go of attachments, and practised meditation.

 

That's why I'm such a know-it-all Bitch.

because "I know it all, bitch":laugh:

 

Truly, it was like a new year, in the height of summer.... it felt wonderful.

 

 

haha! Perfect!!

[thefooloftheyear]

Yes, I have enlisted my friends/family. I have great love around me. And, when I'm not in this space, I can promise you that my life is right now about 70% in the happiness realm. I come here when it hits me.. this hits me.

 

There is more to my story- which is what you are hearing in my pain. He new my pain and monopolized on it. That is the true unrest I feel. That is the most difficult piece of this puzzle.

 

So, it's easy to say that OW are never the victim. I do feel, however, that I have been victimized to a great extent. Whether others choose to understand that or not. But, regardless, I need to move on and this is how I am doing it- writing and just getting the crap emotions out that way.

 

I can relate..

 

Some of the responses can be harsh. I know how you feel... You hang on to some hope that this will eventually work itself out..It might be just a pipe dream, but you hang on just the same...Its totally understandable.

 

Seems like time is your only friend...I know its seems that way to me anyway..

 

Be strong!

 

TFOY

[Got it]

Oh promises. I am so sorry honey for your pain today. Please try and find something positive to take comfort in today. I think you have gotten some great support and advice here and please ignore those that have never been part of this dynamic at any point and cannot understand how the OP, MP or BS may feel.

 

Sweetie, know that as hard as this is, you are in a better place. In regards to his repeated contacts and your vulnerability to stay NC I want to send you this story:

 

A man found himself in the middle of a long hallway. In the middle of this long hallway was a solitary door. He walked up to the door and knocked on it. It was answered by a clown who proceeded to beat the life out of him. The next day, the gentleman was in the hallway once more, and once more found his way to the door and knocked on it. Again, it was answered by the same clown and again the clown beat him senseless. This occurred for 4 more days - the man would be in the hallway, go to the door, knock on it and the clown would answer the door only to beat him senseless once more.

 

On the 7th day, the man was once again in the hallway. He walked up to the door and knocked on it - but no one answered. So, he went looking for the clown.

 

Please don't go looking for the Clown. ((((promises))))