Hereiam007 Posted January 12, 2013 Posted January 12, 2013 hi. Thanks for reading this and replying she is 49. I am 42. She calls me her best friend to her sister. She calls me whenever she wants me to talk to me. I don't call her. I don't want to call her. I helped her our when she was going through a break up with her ex boyfriend. This was 6 months ago. I know she is not over Steve. But, she started seeing a guy name Frank about 1 month ago. She says she is just dating him and nothing serious. Also, at the same time she is stringing me along, by saying, "your my best friend" I don't know why I don't go for you" "babe" I go visit her and we stay in separate beds. I stay at her place at least once a week, but talk on the phone at least 3 times a week for several hours at at time. How do I step it up with her and let her know that she can't be calling me all the time, while she has a boyfriend. She let her boyfriend know that She and me are best friend. Do I have feelings for her? yes. Do I want to risk the friendship? no. I know she hasn't choose me so I just want to move on but she is not letting me. I really don't know what else to do or say. I met her online 7 months ago. I could feel jealous because she has not choose to date me. MAC
Author Hereiam007 Posted January 12, 2013 Author Posted January 12, 2013 You just spoke the truth and thank you for saying that. I guess I won't pick up the phone when she calls. Do I say anything to her as to my reasons when I go cold turkey on her?
Author Hereiam007 Posted January 12, 2013 Author Posted January 12, 2013 Also, she has a disease called CRPS where she has depended on me massaging her body, and she acknowledges this. She refers me a person who handles her estate and takes care of her. She does not work because she has some trust funds.
Author Hereiam007 Posted January 12, 2013 Author Posted January 12, 2013 I do think this is on my terms. Since she is the one calling me, and I don't call her. I let her know that I don't want to be squeezed in when her and frank are fighting or having the night off from each other. Also, she does have herpes which adds another twist to it. This alone makes me not even want to kiss her or do anything with her. I could see myself dating someone with heroes ONLY if I knew that want only me and no other person. I understand about what you mean about the friend zone and I don't want to be in it. With her disease that she has. She has hundreds of guys hitting on her. The reason why she calls me her best friend is because I don't hit on her, but she has a boyfriend now. Thanks for your post Leisure. 1
Author Hereiam007 Posted January 12, 2013 Author Posted January 12, 2013 She has a boyfriend who doesn't mind getting herpes. And every body says that we look good together. However, I do want to move on
Author Hereiam007 Posted January 12, 2013 Author Posted January 12, 2013 Leisure, That is true. I need to realize that nothing in life is free. And really I just want to move on from her. She has said to me before, "I don't know why I don't sleep with." I said because you still love your ex. And with the guy that she is sleeping with she said that is what it only is. She will not give her heart to this guy Frank. She just needed to sleep with a guy.
todreaminblue Posted January 12, 2013 Posted January 12, 2013 Leisure, That is true. I need to realize that nothing in life is free. And really I just want to move on from her. She has said to me before, "I don't know why I don't sleep with." I said because you still love your ex. And with the guy that she is sleeping with she said that is what it only is. She will not give her heart to this guy Frank. She just needed to sleep with a guy. she didnt need to she wanted to, there is a difference,loving some one is a true commitment....from them and from you, sometimes wanting someone to hold and to hold you without the chance of getting hurt is tempting,no risk involved,no hurt feelings on either side I am tempted to follow, this route without the sex....which is a bit of an ask....;0)...asking a guy hey i just want you to wrap your arms around me, i need a hug makes me look a bit pathetic...not ready for sex....... given up on love a bit at the moment, doesnt mean that you should though..have you spoken to her about how you feel?..best wishes and best of luck.....deb
Author Hereiam007 Posted January 12, 2013 Author Posted January 12, 2013 Deb, What do you think she is feeling. Is she stringing me along by giving me compliments here and there. She say that I am gorgeous and I have it. I don't like it when she would invite him over and not me. Like my life revolves on their schedule. What is the best way to move on?
Mrlonelyone Posted January 13, 2013 Posted January 13, 2013 You are probably too much of a gentleman to do what I will prescribe but here it is. You are a real friend to her. In cases like yours I think all you can really do to step it up is make a physical move. Since you already massage her for her issue this should not be a huge leap. The next time your massaging her be a bit more sensual about it. As a matter of fact, I'd bet that she's spent some time wondering why you haven't tried anything while you are massaging her. She's probably spent some time when she was not with anyone in particular wondering if you find her unattractive. I don't know any woman who lets her good friends touch her like that. As Liesureguy said. You've been a good friend to her already. Too good. I don't need to tell you that at your age what you've been doing is the work of a spouse or SO. Unless she sees you as being that man you need to let her go, and find someone who will. Some woman will treat you right.
StanMusial Posted January 13, 2013 Posted January 13, 2013 OP you say you are 42? This is Day 1 stuff. There is a very slim chance you will ever have a romantic relationship with her. If you have your heart set on that, then YOU should be the one going on dates with her, not some other dude. Otherwise, find someone else.
Author Hereiam007 Posted January 13, 2013 Author Posted January 13, 2013 How do I go saying am I the man? I can say it in a joking manner. Just like I say to her. Don't let anyone ever replace me as massaging you.
StanMusial Posted January 13, 2013 Posted January 13, 2013 Just from reading this thread it seems to me there have been some openings. You're massaging her for crying out loud. Do you want to stay friends or be her bf? The longer you wait the worse it will get. Better to be upfront or leave her be. I don't envy your situation, I have always avoided those situations myself.
Author Hereiam007 Posted January 13, 2013 Author Posted January 13, 2013 Well, she has said that we are friends nothing more and that we will be nothing more than friends. And she was adamant about it. I do want to move on, but how do I? I like to do this in the smoothest way possible.
StanMusial Posted January 13, 2013 Posted January 13, 2013 Good God man why torture yourself? That's like being on a diet and ordering cake only to sit and stare at it. You're a free man, stay away from her. Do you have any other options? You definitely need to find someone else to turn your affections to.
Author Hereiam007 Posted January 13, 2013 Author Posted January 13, 2013 i am not into her in a romantic way. I am trying to be nothing more than a friend to her that is sick. I just don't like it because I think she strings me a long. I have come to the conclusion that i should move on, but while she is sick this is the part I may feel guilty about. She is in no position to be dating or going out. Her sickness has got the best of her. and I prefer not be her because it is a full time job taking care of someone who is sick. I just no longer see any benefit to it. She does encourage me to date. I have been dating, but at the same time. she calls me at all hours. I DONT call her. She calls me and i want to walk away from her, but she won't let me. She calls to me crying about how sick she is and how much pain she is in. There is nothing about me who is a wimp, nor do I stand to be second to her boyfriend. I can attract any girl to me. My friend knows this. It comes down to guilt. I am not in short of having sex with woman. I can get that all the time. What it comes down to is me having to explain myself to woman about my sick friend.
Mrlonelyone Posted January 13, 2013 Posted January 13, 2013 Heriam007. She's said adamantly that she just wants to be friends. Letting you massage her, for Gods sake, and you don't feel you can let your hands wonder a bit!? She's given you permission to put your hands on her. Just Bogart the woman already! If she slaps your face good and hard or screams then brutally cut her out of your life. This woman is driving you nuts, getting everything she could want emotionally and such from you, while you don't get emotional or sexual fulfillment. You have needs and if she ain't meeting them.
StanMusial Posted January 13, 2013 Posted January 13, 2013 i am not into her in a romantic way. I am trying to be nothing more than a friend to her that is sick. I just don't like it because I think she strings me a long. I have come to the conclusion that i should move on, but while she is sick this is the part I may feel guilty about. She is in no position to be dating or going out. Her sickness has got the best of her. and I prefer not be her because it is a full time job taking care of someone who is sick. I just no longer see any benefit to it. She does encourage me to date. I have been dating, but at the same time. she calls me at all hours. I DONT call her. She calls me and i want to walk away from her, but she won't let me. She calls to me crying about how sick she is and how much pain she is in. There is nothing about me who is a wimp, nor do I stand to be second to her boyfriend. I can attract any girl to me. My friend knows this. It comes down to guilt. I am not in short of having sex with woman. I can get that all the time. What it comes down to is me having to explain myself to woman about my sick friend. This is not a romantic problem then. I'm a little confused. How about telling her that her bf should be performing these duties? 1
Author Hereiam007 Posted January 13, 2013 Author Posted January 13, 2013 woman say things they don't mean. I know woman better than they know themselves for some woman. She has flirted with the idea of saying, " I don't know why I don't go for you." The fact is she is sick and on medication. I would like to leave her and just move on with my life. She knows as we talked about it that there will be a time when i won't be massaging her due to my girlfriend. My friend understands that. Perhaps, this post is better for woman who know what woman are thinking or men who been in this similar situation. Thanks for reading.
Author Hereiam007 Posted January 13, 2013 Author Posted January 13, 2013 I did tell her that her boyfriend should be doing theses things and stepping it up. She says he can't do them as good as I could, and that I should train him on how to do it. The problem is that she is just sleeping with while protecting her heart. I feel that I am just getting her better with physical thereaphy for her to sleep with other guys. She is not committed to one person. She just right now wants to sleep with guys. She does has herpes, and I don't want this.
Mrlonelyone Posted January 13, 2013 Posted January 13, 2013 Man just cut this woman out of your life. She sounds like a big steaming bag of issues which, true many of us have issues. What makes it a steaming bag of issues is that she does not want to give anything back to you emotionally or physically. Put that back of issues on the curb, dust off your hands and move on. I thought it sounded like you were real true blue good friends at first. Now it sounds like you are truly in the friendzone and being taken advantage of. 1
Author Hereiam007 Posted January 13, 2013 Author Posted January 13, 2013 Thanks. I think it is the medication that she is using. I helped her many times cope with this, and I don't really have the strength to do this anymore for her. I do think she is using me, and that is the reality of it. There are some red flags i have seen in her that makes me want to avoid contact with her. I try to move on but she calls me crying for help. This is old for me. She says that she needs help and that i am only who she can trust.
StanMusial Posted January 13, 2013 Posted January 13, 2013 Help her out as a friend, that's what friends are for. Don't get drawn into some kind of romantic entanglements with her. Herpes? Honestly guy she sounds like a wretch of a person. 1
Author Hereiam007 Posted January 13, 2013 Author Posted January 13, 2013 i am just way too tired to be helping her. I am burnt out. What i do for her, she needs her boyfriend to do. I just need a clean break from her. I don't she realizes that I am tired, but some how she says I am her best friend and I don't know if this is some kind of guilt trip that does on me on purpose.
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