Million.to.1 Posted January 12, 2013 Posted January 12, 2013 Back when my grandparents dated, They used to go to dances etc. Every saturday night. Usually they might see each other 1-2-3 times a week while courting/dating Couples never moved in together, (sometimes didn't even have sex before this either) until after they were married, or sometimes, very rarely though, if they were engaged. Seems that there are plenty of successful marriages from that generation. Now it seems like a prerequisite to "live together" before getting married (or just committing seriously if marriage ain't your thing) and people make such a big deal about rushing into that. Does being cautious and using the modern way of progressing a relationship really work that much better? 1
TheZebra Posted January 12, 2013 Posted January 12, 2013 The problem with your observation is that you're not looking at all the other variables. You're only looking at one isolated observation (people didn't live together or have sex until marriage) and one isolated conclusion (divorce rates were lower then than now). A LOT happened in the last 50 years that affect marriages. Let's look at one biggie - women leaving the home for the workforce. With women today being more independent than women in the 50's, women have more options. Nowadays if the marriage or the relationship sucks, the woman can leave it without fearing much repercussion. Back then, what would a single mother do if she tried getting a divorce? She didn't work, and social stigma was much worse for a divorced mother - especially a divorced single mother. Nowadays, it's not only acceptable, but encouraged for a woman (or man) to leave a relationship they're not happy in. Women can afford to do this today, but they couldn't back in the day. They had less freedom and less ability to do so. What I wrote above is just one factor that you have to consider when you're comparing marriages from 50 years ago to marriages today. Let's also consider things like globalization, technology, changes in political beliefs, etc. Basically, you could write a whole thesis on the subject. One thing's for certain though, saying that the fact that we live togteher and have sex before marriage today is the cause of poor marriages is a poor link. 2
carhill Posted January 12, 2013 Posted January 12, 2013 IMO, the 'best', meaning most socially accepted, results come from those members of each generation which most fluidly and completely adapt to the current social and societal dynamics of those times. Their genes are the ones in demand and which propagate subsequent generations. Folks living in or reflecting the 'olden days' either had their time or they have become irrelevant, socially and/or genetically. Adapt and change or die (in the genetic sense). One perspective. Are the 'olden days' healthier? That's subject to debate. Mixed bag, IMO. Regardless, then is then and now is now, and I state that opinion having great general respect for the 'olden days'. 1
Feelin Frisky Posted January 12, 2013 Posted January 12, 2013 Who is to say. It's a world of individuals and random experience with unique other persons. I don't know that anyone culturally recommends living together first. It seems however to be a way to avoid divorce. And I would rather live and lose without the complications of having legalities dragging behind me. I'd love to experience marriage once though and hope it would be forever (which would probably not be that long for me anyway:p ).
Author Million.to.1 Posted January 13, 2013 Author Posted January 13, 2013 The reason I ask is because I am getting a hard time in another thread about "moving in" with my boyfriend. He is moving countries to be with me and with all the immigration and visa issues we "have to" move in together. We both want to though too, in fact I'm really excited about it. Another poster has condemned our relationship to death because we havent seen each other in a while, and dont know each other (which is subjective), and are rushing things, but really, it's the best option for us. I am thinking back to different times when not having lived together or to already know all the little habits of a partner were not necessarily a recipe fo disaster.
StanMusial Posted January 13, 2013 Posted January 13, 2013 I think things were simpler in the "olden days" in male/female relationships. Modern society is much more complicated for an untold number of reasons.
crude Posted January 13, 2013 Posted January 13, 2013 In the old days people settled for mediocre lives. Back then, if the man slapped around his wife, they stayed together. Now they get divorced. Just staying together doesn't mean anything. People had low expectations in the past, women were underutilized. This reminds me of the people who talked about the good old days, which turned out to be the 30's and 40's when about 50 million people died in wars and exterminations. The old days sucked, and the people weren't as good as you think. Your elderly grandparents were young once, and not as sweet and harmless as they appear today.
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