PogoStick Posted January 12, 2013 Posted January 12, 2013 It's been a long and messy relationship. We hooked up last new years and the relationship slowly grew from there. I never wanted to give her a full commitment but we still decided to get an apartment together in July because our leases were both up at the same time. I've really struggled with myself, depression and marijuana use, which added to me being a difficult boyfriend. I still brought lots to the table, and obviously she was attracted to me despite these issues. She's had problems with anxiety and eating disorders so I don't deserve all the blame. She was going through her own issues figuring out her life too, with school and career. In the end it was too much and we started unraveling in late October. One night she drove me crazy as she committed and broke up with me 3 times in one night. My head was spinning and I felt suicidal. Never attempted anything but told her in confidence and safety because we had discussed these issues in the past. She couldn't handle the situation and decided I needed to move out, which forced me to move to another state to get back on my feet. The first month away was lots of "Miss you, love you, can't wait to visit" from her. She would wear the sweatshirt I left behind for her, sometimes even when going out. It has slowly been dying and frustrated me that there was never a clean break, nor explanation to what was happening or what she was feeling. I finally pressed her on the issue and demanded closure. She gave it, said we're over, she's sorry, and we can be friends in the future. Still no explanations but at least not dragging me along. I expect that this is the end and it's not my 1st breakup by any means. Of course there's a part of me that wants to leave the door open too. I plan to move back to the area in 6 months as a totally new man. I'm debt free, just finished my degree, totally substance free, getting in shape; and now just need to pull it all together emotionally, and move forward with my career. Maybe I won't even want her by that time. I feel I'm a well rounded package, tall, attractive, intelligent, loving. Still she's special to me and someone I've had very genuine feelings for. If she was attracted to me as half a man, I'd like to think I'll be irresistible as a total package. Here's to the start of a very long and difficult journey.
FailedFirstLove Posted January 12, 2013 Posted January 12, 2013 Yep all those things you mention about changing it for yourself. Personal improvement! It will help you distract your self from her and I'm sure by that time u DEFINETLY won't want her because u will meet someone better since u will be a lot better. And how would u go back wit her if she still hasn't improved? Sounds like you were both at the worst point in life and u weren't helping each other get through it. Relied so much on attraction! But please make ur change goodluck to you!
Author PogoStick Posted January 13, 2013 Author Posted January 13, 2013 (edited) Thank you. I know there is a good chance I will move on and end up with someone else but I hate the idea of closing the door. I also recognize that we had some good things that we might be able to learn and grow from. One thing I look at are marriages and realize that they are never perfect. The ones that work are the ones where people put in the effort to work through problems. People here tend to be very negative to second chances. Does anyone here believe in people making positive changes and working it out in the long run? I know it's a necessity in relationships that really last. BTW I'm married and divorced. It's interesting because my ex is romantic and is supportive of me keeping the door open on this one. She tells me this girl is just scared and that it's worth seeing how it goes when I move back. Edited January 13, 2013 by PogoStick
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