Sunnylover21 Posted January 12, 2013 Posted January 12, 2013 So my bf moved to Australia 4 months ago, and around Xmas time told me that we weren't actually together kept saying things like I'm young and single etc - but carried on talking to me everyday. Stupidly I was under the impression that really we were still together he was just talking rubbish. However on New Year's Day he slept with this girl from home who is also living in Australia ATM and still speaks to her sometimes. Since this happened he talks to me religiously every day (almost all the time we are both awake and not working), is making a real effort, has booked his flights home for 2 weeks time and has actually told me he wants to try again when he's home. But he's told his friends what happened with this girl, and she is coming home at the end of the month - just a few days after him. I don't know what to do. Do I try to forgive him? After all he did say we weren't together, it was me that thought we were. Or us what he did unforgivable? Especially as he's told his friends and still talks to her (she's the only person out there that he actually talks to though as he's made no friends!)? I'm just really looking for some generally guidance. We're both only 20, so never really experienced anything like this before!
silicone Posted January 12, 2013 Posted January 12, 2013 I don't think both of you were on the same page. Even though my gf and I are LDR, we know where we stand, mostly. We're both exclusive to each other. He can't have his cake and eat it.
Darren Steez Posted January 12, 2013 Posted January 12, 2013 He used the I'm young and single thing because this girl was in the picture, it's funny now he's slept with her he's now more devoted to you. As the saying goes "Love should have brought your as$ home last night" of course home is metaphorical since you're long distance but point is he's had his fun, he detached from you so in his head it was alright to go ahead and have sex with this girl and when it was finished, you're exclusive again, so he's done no wrong. If he loved you and was so committed to you, he wouldn't have gone deep into her. You weren't stupid to think you were together, that's why he kept calling you, he was keeping you sweet. Don't fall for his BS. Kick him to the curb 1
starrystarrynight Posted January 12, 2013 Posted January 12, 2013 I don't believe he truly meant it either when he said about ending your relationship whilst in Australia...if so, why keep in constant contact all the time? No friends are in constant contact every day! And if he really had wanted to end it, he should have talked about it to you before heading out to Australia, not over the phone while he was there. I think he wanted the best of both worlds - he didn't want to lose you, but wanted someone else while he was out there. If you still want to be with this guy, all you can do is see how this week pans out. Have a talk with him when he gets back and ask him how he feels about both you and the other girl. Then see how he behaves once she returns. It's a shame he's gone all that way to meet new people, to then just hang out with one girl that he knows from back home! He needs to break away from this other girl, especially while he's out there. And if you don't want to be with him anymore, or don't feel you can trust him, then completely understandable. He can't just decide to end it when he wants just so he can sleep with someone else! And there is always the risk he may do that again, even when he returns. 1
AbeNormal Posted January 12, 2013 Posted January 12, 2013 (edited) I agree with the posts above. This would be my suggestion. Call him and say something like “Hi sweetheart, how are you doing, blah blah blah. By the way, you know that I’m young and single, right? The girls and I were planning to go out tomorrow night and, hopefully, I'll find a cute, hard-bodied stud to have some fun with... Anyway, can’t wait to see you when you get back, babe!!” Of course I'm joking (with the intention of making a point), but come on. When he did the “we weren’t actually together thing” he was already planning to do his thing. No concern for you – he felt that statement would give him a free pass. It likely should – a pass out of your life. The main thing is that he wasn’t thinking about you or your feelings – just himself. It seems all so calculated (whether he had already been messing around and then felt he needed to "retroactively set the rules”, or whether he was planning to mess around). He says “I’m young and single”. Ok, so are you. And you don’t need to be tied to a manipulative cheater or, at best, someone with questionable character. You said “Stupidly I was under…”. I presume that statement is not serious - at least I hope it is not so. Don’t sweep this under the rug. Either end it with this guy or give him hell – make him grow up fast emotionally/ethically, etc. (if he can) - and YOU set the ground rules for the future. Personally, based upon my experience, I would move on since this would always be a (lingering) negative aspect to any relationship you might have with this guy. How can you trust someone who would act this way? When might he do it again? Under what circumstances might he do it again? Does he care, in a deep compassionate way, about the effects his actions have upon others? Will he protect your heart above all else? Yes you are both young, but it's time for you to command respect by setting firm boundaries concerning what is, and what is not, acceptable to you in a relationship. Best of luck. Edited January 13, 2013 by AbeNormal 1
Ribbons Undone Posted January 14, 2013 Posted January 14, 2013 his behavior is unacceptable. u deserve so much better. someone who will care about u and love u. someone that only needs and wants u. if u accept his behavior and stay with him, it will lead to more and more situations like this. leave the fool, don't be the fool!
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