HangingOnByAThread Posted August 20, 2004 Posted August 20, 2004 I've been dating a wonderful man for just about three months now. He's a fantastic guy. He doesn't get extremely emotional, but he's very stable and loving toward me, for the most part. He's broken up with me, sort of, maybe four times in the past few months, due to my clinginess and constantly asking him about our relationship. When I'm sad he pulls away, which makes me even more sad. When I'm upbeat and focused on myself, everything seems fine. Lately I've really been focusing on my own life, which is helping, because it gives him more of his own time, and it helps me be more of the girl he fell in love with. Everything is fine right now (he just called me at work, said, "Hi sweetie" and just wanted to talk with me for a few minutes while on his lunch break), but due to the few times he's broken up with me (none of which lasted more than a couple of days, because he needed time to think), I'm constantly scared, even when things are going well. Ok, maybe not constantly, but every time we have a good night, like we did Monday night and last night, I get paranoid about when the other shoe is going to drop. I do a pretty good job of hiding it, and I'm not really letting it affect me outwardly, but I'm skittish now. He's a very decent guy, there's no one else, he's always there for me, even when he broke up with me (he would call me to talk), but I'm still fearful to let go and have fun, wondering if he's going to do this to me again. Is it possible that I was just pushing him away before and casting doubt, and that we'll be ok together assuming I continue to work on my own life? Do we have a chance? We almost never fight, and when we do, it's a very minor argument. We're very compatible and have a lot of fun together.
Pocky Posted August 22, 2004 Posted August 22, 2004 For now you just need to relax. Things are going well and he's responding in a positive way. Put the worries on the back burner for now and just see how things progress. Don't allow the stress of what has happened put more stress on you. You just keep creating a cycle and you need to not allow worry to jeopardize something that seems to be making you happy.
happymeal Posted August 30, 2004 Posted August 30, 2004 I'm in a similar situation, although I started dating the guy 7 months ago. But, we were off and on until about 3 months ago. So, we've been dating for about 3 months. If "what is our relationship" comes up, he tries to avoid the question. Until that question pops up, I'm fine and happy. But, I feel the same way you do. I know we're dating, but if he's hesitant to be "my boyfriend", then it makes me wonder what it is about me that keeps him from wanting to be bf/gf. Anyhow, I try not to think about it. Maybe your guy is like mine and the thought of talking about the relationship scares them because they're inexperienced. Has he had any past relationships? Serious ones?
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