Ruby Rose Posted January 12, 2013 Posted January 12, 2013 Hey everyone, Any advice on my situation here would be much appreciated! I am 23, my boyfriend is 24, we are classmates studying at the same university and "almost" live together - we live in the same building and see each other every day. We've been together for over a year and are both happy and in love. We are also each other's first real and serious relationship (I dated two guys before him, he also dated just a couple of girls, all of them rather casually). I know how much we both care about this relationship. The thing is, my boyfriend was offered an opportunity to study abroad and leave the country for almost 5 months. I know this has been his dream and he would regret not taking the chance. I understand it will be great for his career and personal growth (I studied abroad while in high school myself so I really do understand). I want to be supportive and just be excited for him and I am doing my best and trying, but there's something standing in the way. See, in the past we've already tried this long distance relationship thing, when he was away in the US for the summer last year... and boy, was it difficult. I am a sensitive and affectionate person and I missed the intimacy (emotional and physical) and closeness terribly. Those 4 months were so hard for me, even though I did try to distract myself with working and focusing on my friends and hobbies and whatnot, but it didn't work very well. I vowed that I wouldn't do the long distance again, that it's just not right for me. And here I am, couple of months later, dealing with the same situation. I would never have the heart to "forbid" him from going, I know it is not a right thing to do. But I have no idea how to deal with this. There is this little skeptical monster inside my head telling me "Why is he leaving me here alone again?" and "Why can't we just have a normal relationship?" and worrying this time it will be even worse and more difficult and that I'll eventually give in to the doubts in my head and it will take its toll on our relationship. Also, I trust him, but while he was away for the first time, seeing pictures all over Facebook at of him having tons of fun with a bunch of girls, his new friends, didn't really help. Before he was offered this opportunity to study abroad, we planned on moving in together and now it is all of a sudden out of the question for at least another year. I guess I'm disappointed about that too since I've been looking forward to it. Can you please help me deal with this? The last thing I would ever want is to ruin this relationship but I can't fight with myself all the time...
Ghisop Posted January 12, 2013 Posted January 12, 2013 I don't think 5 months is really a long time. If you love him don't hold him back- let him go and have an amazing time. He will love you more for being supportive of his dreams. Him wanting to go is about him, has nothing to do with you at all. 2
Author Ruby Rose Posted January 13, 2013 Author Posted January 13, 2013 Ghisop, Thanks for the reply. You're right! I really want only the best for him.
amayana Posted January 13, 2013 Posted January 13, 2013 Oh dear, I can see how frustrating this must be for you but I believe you should adopt a more positive attitude. Him studying abroad will be hard because he will have a great time and make lots of new friends and experiences. However, you could plan on going to visit him while he's away. I'm sure it would help you deal with the situation. I agree that 5 months isn't long at all! Like I already said, try to be less pessimistic and more optimisitc. Studying abroad is a wonderful experience
Author Ruby Rose Posted January 13, 2013 Author Posted January 13, 2013 Thanks, amayana, that's some really good advice! I think that's exactly what I need to work on - being more optimistic about the whole situation and possibly even see it as a positive thing for our relationship, in a way. I know I will still have my "moments" from time to time, I'm still going to miss him dearly. And while I am well aware of what's about to come and what to expect, I will do my best not to let the doubts get me down. I think me visiting him could help too..
FitChick Posted January 13, 2013 Posted January 13, 2013 You survived it before, you'll survive this time. Besides, with electronic communication, it's not like you have to wait days or weeks to hear from him. Any reason why you couldn't visit him in his new location at least once while he is gone?
meeji Posted January 14, 2013 Posted January 14, 2013 I think it would be totally selfish not to let him go. You guys can do 5 months. People who are married to military men go up to 4 years long distance. Think of it as a testament of your love. I think it will be fine. Just be strong and believe that what you guys have is strong to enough to stay together
Recommended Posts