Author joystickd Posted January 12, 2013 Author Posted January 12, 2013 Just honestly, if someone is burned 100% of the time, there's a character or dating cue that's missing. I'm not trying to be hard on the dude AT ALL. it could even be that he refuses to date until he sees [insert miscue here]. He's says he's razor-sharp on the sexual end of things and I believe it. That could also be a pretty strong adaptation to being able to read the sexual cues but missing the feeling and dating cues. OP, can you put your finger on what it was about this girl that triggered availability and safety? And does that same quality look like anything similar from the other dating experiences before? The only reason i even pursued was because she said she wasnt talking or wirh anyone. 1
edgygirl Posted January 12, 2013 Posted January 12, 2013 Not bored just having troublefinding one. Small town/rural area so most get married off early. Its not that im attracted to inconsistent women. Hey do you think it's only hard for men? It's hard for all of us! No reason to be so angry. Do you think only women don't say stuff early on? Men do that too. Usually people are unsure about what they want. It happens. All the time. Small town, big town... it sucks for all of us after our 30s. We all have disappointments. But we all keep going and trying although it's frustrating. You should, too. It will all pay off when you find someone to love that loves you back. 2
Author joystickd Posted January 12, 2013 Author Posted January 12, 2013 Hey do you think it's only hard for men? It's hard for all of us! No reason to be so angry. Do you think only women don't say stuff early on? Men do that too. Usually people are unsure about what they want. It happens. All the time. Small town, big town... it sucks for all of us after our 30s. We all have disappointments. But we all keep going and trying although it's frustrating. You should, too. It will all pay off when you find someone to love that loves you back. Sorry but i have honestly given up on the love stuff. Its rare i find a single woman that is into me. All i have ever seemed to attract that reciprocated was married or women with boyfriends. I have the worst luck with single women or women dating around. Thats another reason im angry because im so damn tired of the only action im getting us being the other man but its not even worth it anymore to try to change it
edgygirl Posted January 12, 2013 Posted January 12, 2013 Sorry but i have honestly given up on the love stuff. Its rare i find a single woman that is into me. All i have ever seemed to attract that reciprocated was married or women with boyfriends. I have the worst luck with single women or women dating around. Thats another reason im angry because im so damn tired of the only action im getting us being the other man but its not even worth it anymore to try to change it Hmm I understand the frustration but again it's pretty common. I can't recall if you've done online dating. Maybe you can find a woman in another larger city who is looking for a serious relationship and can't find it? Maybe in your city there aren't enough single women in your age range. We are all crushed in the head... I don't want to minimize your suffering but remember it happens to all of us. Keep your ONS but mix it a bit with trying to find the one in between... don't give up, it takes time and patience. Good luck.
Author joystickd Posted January 12, 2013 Author Posted January 12, 2013 Hmm I understand the frustration but again it's pretty common. I can't recall if you've done online dating. Maybe you can find a woman in another larger city who is looking for a serious relationship and can't find it? Maybe in your city there aren't enough single women in your age range. We are all crushed in the head... I don't want to minimize your suffering but remember it happens to all of us. Keep your ONS but mix it a bit with trying to find the one in between... don't give up, it takes time and patience. Good luck. I lost the patience. I dont do online. Most are at least 30 min drive. I prefer meeting someone offline. A lot of liars in online dating. I tried a couple of years ago and stopped because of deception.
edgygirl Posted January 12, 2013 Posted January 12, 2013 You can't meet anyone good online. You did a good thing on just sticking with real women instead of the facade they play online. Yes sure... good advice. Not. That's why OP is miserable. What do you suggest he do exactly? That's not very constructive.
StanMusial Posted January 13, 2013 Posted January 13, 2013 It's a ****ty situation but not unusual. If you work with her, just go cold turkey on that one. Might be difficult depending on your level of infatuation/attraction/attachment but you do what you have to do. Be nice and say hello but don't pursue it. Been there done that.
Author joystickd Posted January 13, 2013 Author Posted January 13, 2013 It's a ****ty situation but not unusual. If you work with her, just go cold turkey on that one. Might be difficult depending on your level of infatuation/attraction/attachment but you do what you have to do. Be nice and say hello but don't pursue it. Been there done that. I won't be bad I done vented. Another female coworker just called me and wanted to go out lol. She had just dropped her boyfriend off to work.
SJC2008 Posted January 13, 2013 Posted January 13, 2013 I lol at many of the responses in this thread! Social cues! Oh by that you mean reading between the lines and "getting the hint"? Oh that cue! I feel like such an idiot now:( Are we to a point now where we won't even slip the BF or guy she's dating into a convo? He'll that USED to be all it took. Now it's: (personal example). I DEFINATELY want to get together! Said with confidence! Then it's busy, busy, doing xyz. When are you free? Oh well I have to go cow tipping and then the next week I'm going to the hoover dam to seal some cracks. Hmm?? Sounds like this chicks full of shyte but I'm confused? She sounded like she was looking forward to getting together, hell she said she definately wants to! If you don't have the spine to say you're dating someone or thanks but no thanks, shove your "social cue" up your wazoo. But wait, men are mean and get mad when we reject them! Ok well how dare you judge me for how someone else treated you.
dreamingoftigers Posted January 13, 2013 Posted January 13, 2013 I lol at many of the responses in this thread! Social cues! Oh by that you mean reading between the lines and "getting the hint"? Oh that cue! I feel like such an idiot now:( Are we to a point now where we won't even slip the BF or guy she's dating into a convo? He'll that USED to be all it took. Now it's: (personal example). I DEFINATELY want to get together! Said with confidence! Then it's busy, busy, doing xyz. When are you free? Oh well I have to go cow tipping and then the next week I'm going to the hoover dam to seal some cracks. Hmm?? Sounds like this chicks full of shyte but I'm confused? She sounded like she was looking forward to getting together, hell she said she definately wants to! If you don't have the spine to say you're dating someone or thanks but no thanks, shove your "social cue" up your wazoo. But wait, men are mean and get mad when we reject them! Ok well how dare you judge me for how someone else treated you. Whoa whoa whoa. Hold on there friend... When I mentioned the cues, the only reason I brought it up is because JS said he had been burned EVERY time. Otherwise, cool, she's not with it. If he hits a one-off where someone is not good with how they handle their ****, then that is 100% on her for acting how she did. Now when JS says, "Oh Hells no, this isn't woman, it WOMEN" (as in ALL of his dating experiences), it makes me go, "hmm. Now why would a razor-sharp guy like JS have something like this happen in ALL of his dating experiences? Over three billion women in the world, surely he would find even one of his dating experiences would NOT be him getting "burned" as he put it." So what's going on? Is it his region? is it the type of girl (that's my guess)? is there something on date one that is throwing them right off? Does he try to do a disco striptease to get close to them? Does he show off a penis enlargement collection to them in his Mom's basement? Anything is possible, right. Women Be Bitches is not a constructive or helpful insight for breaking a pattern in which one keeps getting "burned." If you keep baking and trying to pull a cake out of the oven with your bare hands when it should be ready, it's not "Ovens Be Bitches." It's "hey, this oven does what is it supposed to do, maybe I need to do something different instead of giving up baking altogether." Jeepers, I gotta get some of you guys watching Dora the Explorer. She can show you basic problem-solving.
SJC2008 Posted January 13, 2013 Posted January 13, 2013 Whoa whoa whoa. Hold on there friend... When I mentioned the cues, the only reason I brought it up is because JS said he had been burned EVERY time. Otherwise, cool, she's not with it. If he hits a one-off where someone is not good with how they handle their ****, then that is 100% on her for acting how she did. Now when JS says, "Oh Hells no, this isn't woman, it WOMEN" (as in ALL of his dating experiences), it makes me go, "hmm. Now why would a razor-sharp guy like JS have something like this happen in ALL of his dating experiences? Over three billion women in the world, surely he would find even one of his dating experiences would NOT be him getting "burned" as he put it." So what's going on? Is it his region? is it the type of girl (that's my guess)? is there something on date one that is throwing them right off? Does he try to do a disco striptease to get close to them? Does he show off a penis enlargement collection to them in his Mom's basement? Anything is possible, right. Women Be Bitches is not a constructive or helpful insight for breaking a pattern in which one keeps getting "burned." If you keep baking and trying to pull a cake out of the oven with your bare hands when it should be ready, it's not "Ovens Be Bitches." It's "hey, this oven does what is it supposed to do, maybe I need to do something different instead of giving up baking altogether." Jeepers, I gotta get some of you guys watching Dora the Explorer. She can show you basic problem-solving. It was more of a rant on flaking than anything but I should of made it clear who I got social cue from. In one of Emillas post she made it seem like the woman's flaking was a social cue.
dreamingoftigers Posted January 13, 2013 Posted January 13, 2013 It was more of a rant on flaking than anything but I should of made it clear who I got social cue from. In one of Emillas post she made it seem like the woman's flaking was a social cue. Kk, cool. I can honestly see from a guys perspective where dating women can be pretty frustrating at times. A lot of us have been socialized to never, ever hurt a guy's feelings or arouse his anger. BUT if a split/rejection has to happen, there's no fluffy way to go about that. Lots of women fall onto either end of the spectrum: Being really aggressive about what they want, and you better fix it, yesterday. Because women before me fought for my rights to treat men just as crappy as they treated us for awhile. OR Being super-passive and not even mentioning that they want something specific or that person didn't fit their expectations. To the point where I have (very very rarely) seen women stay in or even marry someone they weren't "all-in" for. There are of course plenty of women in the middle. Them there are those that oscillate back and forth between the two extremes, frustrating. It isn't just a gender thing but I find it more pronounced in women. More often I think guys share what's on their mind regardless of effect or delivery. Just as damaging if they only tend to speak when upset to the point that they do. I truly wonder about this woman he met up with. I think there's a few possibilities here: 1. Checking out her options 2. Not actually seeing the other dude but wanted to shut JS down for some reason and didn't give a great excuse but one he couldn't really argue back to. 3. Her relationship with the other guy was unstable and now he's "back." 4. She heard he has a reputation of sorts (possible) Whatever it is, is not overly important so long as JS has a way to be happy post-wishy-washy woman.
Author joystickd Posted January 13, 2013 Author Posted January 13, 2013 Whoa whoa whoa. Hold on there friend... When I mentioned the cues, the only reason I brought it up is because JS said he had been burned EVERY time. Otherwise, cool, she's not with it. If he hits a one-off where someone is not good with how they handle their ****, then that is 100% on her for acting how she did. Now when JS says, "Oh Hells no, this isn't woman, it WOMEN" (as in ALL of his dating experiences), it makes me go, "hmm. Now why would a razor-sharp guy like JS have something like this happen in ALL of his dating experiences? Over three billion women in the world, surely he would find even one of his dating experiences would NOT be him getting "burned" as he put it." So what's going on? Is it his region? is it the type of girl (that's my guess)? is there something on date one that is throwing them right off? Does he try to do a disco striptease to get close to them? Does he show off a penis enlargement collection to them in his Mom's basement? Anything is possible, right. Women Be Bitches is not a constructive or helpful insight for breaking a pattern in which one keeps getting "burned." If you keep baking and trying to pull a cake out of the oven with your bare hands when it should be ready, it's not "Ovens Be Bitches." It's "hey, this oven does what is it supposed to do, maybe I need to do something different instead of giving up baking altogether." Jeepers, I gotta get some of you guys watching Dora the Explorer. She can show you basic problem-solving. When I attempt to actually date and see if it evolves into a relationship yes I get burned. I've come to the conclusion it has more to do with the women than me. When I go to work I have had residents offer to fix me up with someone. I get told that I'm a good looking guy, but it's like well if it's like that then why am I having to settle for being the other man for some woman already in a relationship and having terrible luck with women that are single and not in LTRs. Trust me if I could I would leave the small town rural area, but at this time I have family members with health issues and two sisters I'm helping them with school. This situation is crazy to me because she was one of the women that always talked about how good I looked. Hell once when her daughter came out to work she even in the middle of me having a work related conversation told her daughter that I looked good. Its just a messed up situation. Residents at work are wondering why I am still single. Some of you guys think its tough in a big city then try being a black man in small town/rural area that dates outside his race mainly because the black women in the area want the more stereotypical black man.
Author joystickd Posted January 13, 2013 Author Posted January 13, 2013 (edited) I truly wonder about this woman he met up with. I think there's a few possibilities here: 1. Checking out her options 2. Not actually seeing the other dude but wanted to shut JS down for some reason and didn't give a great excuse but one he couldn't really argue back to. 3. Her relationship with the other guy was unstable and now he's "back." 4. She heard he has a reputation of sorts (possible) Whatever it is, is not overly important so long as JS has a way to be happy post-wishy-washy woman. It's a crazy situation because she said she wasn't seeing anyone. I took the time to know her before I even went out with her the first time and the impression I got that she was someone that wasn't about BS. The mutual friend called me last night too and she was shocked because they talk all the time and she never mentioned that she was seeing anyone and this was the person that she told that she really liked me. This is the inconsistent behavior I'm talking about. I mean why confide in a friend that you like me and then do some stuff like this. Well whatever the situation is I lost a lot of respect for her because as she said in the text that I was one of her best friends then why take so long to say what you need to say. As a matter of fact we agreed earlier in the week to meet on saturday. Then I got the text that she had been seeing someone on Friday. The funny thing is the texts before that were kind of playful and flirty. Inconsistency. I don't really have a bad reputation the only thing that has happened was that I use to bang a nurse that was married out there in the parking lot late at night but she knew about that well before all of this and plus I showed that I wasn't there for the sex and that was my mistake because I should have and maybe it would have turned out better. I'm just tired now. I wanted to date and hope to eventually find that one person but it seems all I can ever be is the other man to a woman in an LTR. I understand now why men have multiple women and lie. It's BS out here dealing with the majority of these women. Everyone tells me I'm a great guy. I don't do it in the hope of finding someone or some reward I do it because that is who I am and now I wonder after all these years is it even worth the effort anymore to be that guy to these women out here in the world. All I ever get from single women is games and BS. Edited January 13, 2013 by joystickd
Author joystickd Posted January 13, 2013 Author Posted January 13, 2013 She texted me and I asked what took so long to tell me. She said she honestly doesn't know. I told her I wouldn't have been mad about it. i was just troubled that you can't say something like that to someone you consider a best friend. Her response was I don't tell people my personal business not even my best friends. I let her know I wasn't mad just a little bothered by what happened. She thinks I'm mad so I stated I was a little troubled by and we are still cool. After venting on here the situation bothers me because of the overall bigger picture not anything she did.
Author joystickd Posted January 13, 2013 Author Posted January 13, 2013 She texted me again saying he did something unforgivable and she probably wont be with him much longer. Then said she needs a friend more than a boyfriend. Confusing woman because i dont get why she would say that now.
monicaelise Posted January 15, 2013 Posted January 15, 2013 Run. You're setting yourself up to be the rebound...again. Don't be stupid.
Author joystickd Posted January 15, 2013 Author Posted January 15, 2013 Run. You're setting yourself up to be the rebound...again. Don't be stupid. I decided to be friendly to her thats it. I got someone else interested. It just that she has a boyfriend. It will just be a casual thing.
monicaelise Posted January 15, 2013 Posted January 15, 2013 So help me god if you come back here bitching about how horrible women and dating are... You've been warned. 1
Woggle Posted January 15, 2013 Posted January 15, 2013 Just take a break from dating for a while and concentrate on other areas of your life and have the backbone to cut things off the minute they start any crap. Along the way you should meet quality women. I also agree with getting out of a rural area. I am sorry to stereotype but for all their moralizing I find that country folk in hick kind of towns tend to be scandalous as hell. Just forget about this woman you are talking to now and forget she even exists. Let her be some other man's problem now. Also stay away from taken women. It will give you some serious trust issues. 1
dreamingoftigers Posted January 15, 2013 Posted January 15, 2013 She texted me again saying he did something unforgivable and she probably wont be with him much longer. Then said she needs a friend more than a boyfriend. Confusing woman because i dont get why she would say that now. I would actually perch for a bit, but def NOT turn away any other, *ahem* single options. There's something there but it MIGHT (very tiny chance) be circumstantial. Female friends are good though for networking for other single female friends (stats proven) I honestly don't know how you get so many casual "taken" women in such a smell area. Are you kinda the local stud?
KungFuJoe Posted January 15, 2013 Posted January 15, 2013 joystickd, What you are doing is touching a hot pan on a stove to see if it's hot. After burning yourself, and screaming and yelling about how much it hurts...you settle down. Then you see this hot pan sitting over on a stove...and you wonder if it's hot........
Author joystickd Posted January 16, 2013 Author Posted January 16, 2013 I would actually perch for a bit, but def NOT turn away any other, *ahem* single options. There's something there but it MIGHT (very tiny chance) be circumstantial. Female friends are good though for networking for other single female friends (stats proven) I honestly don't know how you get so many casual "taken" women in such a smell area. Are you kinda the local stud? I wouldnt say stud but most taken women when they get to know me its like they see me as the guy they should have been with. My job also helps me too.
phineas Posted January 16, 2013 Posted January 16, 2013 She texted me again saying he did something unforgivable and she probably wont be with him much longer. Then said she needs a friend more than a boyfriend. Confusing woman because i dont get why she would say that now. Ask her what. I'm beginning to wonder if "he" even exists. Sounds like one over elaborate mind-fruck to me.
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