Author joystickd Posted January 12, 2013 Author Posted January 12, 2013 Is it at all possible that she was still weighing things with the other guy? or perhaps she'd met him during the time you were trying to secure her affection? If the other man is a new thing or even a historically tumultuous old thing, you may not have been intentionally misled. Things may have been "off" with him at the time you initially went out. It's a little hard to be "up front" when you don't know what your own situation is. She did, however, give you some pretty clear signals after that first date or whatever it was. Some of this is going to just come down to you learning to read them. Again, you're not always going to get explicit, direct answers to questions you haven't asked (you keep saying she gave you the "impression"...which leads me to wonder whether you did ever ask directly yourself). If you did and ask and got lies in response, you do have a legitimate reason to be pissed...if you didn't, well that's on you. If she was actively pursuing a relationship with the other guy while telling you directly that she was interested in pursuing a relationship with you, that's a different story and you would have every right to be annoyed. She had told me at the beginning that she wasn't seeing him anymore. I knew her for a few years and I got the impression she was someone that would be straight with me. I started liking her and all that other stuff just clouded me from seeing what's going on.
dreamingoftigers Posted January 12, 2013 Posted January 12, 2013 She really wasn't honest and sounds like she was testing the waters. That's a pretty big flag. If she's seeing him, then what's she doing out with you saying that you'll go out again in the first place? That's someone who wanted to see if she was going to jump ship. Which means that she thinks it's okay to do that in a relationship. You didn't get a bad "woman" you avoided an unstable "person." They are out there. Lots and lots of em. They are in both genders too, watch out! And no, I doubt this was about getting you to pay for dinner, LOL. really? Dinner? I'm sure dude doesn't date on the streets of Mumbai.... And if she wanted him to pay for dinner more, she would've kept going to dinner with him until one guy or the other figured it out. Hell, she could've gotten free meals from five or six guys if she wanted to cut her food costs that badly. 2
Author joystickd Posted January 12, 2013 Author Posted January 12, 2013 She really wasn't honest and sounds like she was testing the waters. That's a pretty big flag. If she's seeing him, then what's she doing out with you saying that you'll go out again in the first place? That's someone who wanted to see if she was going to jump ship. Which means that she thinks it's okay to do that in a relationship. You didn't get a bad "woman" you avoided an unstable "person." They are out there. Lots and lots of em. They are in both genders too, watch out! And no, I doubt this was about getting you to pay for dinner, LOL. really? Dinner? I'm sure dude doesn't date on the streets of Mumbai.... And if she wanted him to pay for dinner more, she would've kept going to dinner with him until one guy or the other figured it out. Hell, she could've gotten free meals from five or six guys if she wanted to cut her food costs that badly. ^ The real reason why I'm pissed. I should have seen this before she even said it. I really like here and I got caught slippin. That is one of my biggest fears. I really do want to meet someone and be in a relationship but the whole thing of someone capitalizing on the blindness caused by feelings and vulnerability thing going on has me really on the fence about it.
dreamingoftigers Posted January 12, 2013 Posted January 12, 2013 ^ The real reason why I'm pissed. I should have seen this before she even said it. I really like here and I got caught slippin. That is one of my biggest fears. I really do want to meet someone and be in a relationship but the whole thing of someone capitalizing on the blindness caused by feelings and vulnerability thing going on has me really on the fence about it. What signs did you miss? How did you slip? Sounds like she's the problem in this one....
newmoon Posted January 12, 2013 Posted January 12, 2013 Women I want to hear from you why in the hell are you not saying stuff early on. Come on I want to know. i thought we were supposed to be mysterious to keep a man's attention
truth_seeker Posted January 12, 2013 Posted January 12, 2013 She really wasn't honest and sounds like she was testing the waters. That's a pretty big flag. If she's seeing him, then what's she doing out with you saying that you'll go out again in the first place? That's someone who wanted to see if she was going to jump ship. Which means that she thinks it's okay to do that in a relationship. You didn't get a bad "woman" you avoided an unstable "person." They are out there. Lots and lots of em. They are in both genders too, watch out! And no, I doubt this was about getting you to pay for dinner, LOL. really? Dinner? I'm sure dude doesn't date on the streets of Mumbai.... And if she wanted him to pay for dinner more, she would've kept going to dinner with him until one guy or the other figured it out. Hell, she could've gotten free meals from five or six guys if she wanted to cut her food costs that badly. You are right on. This woman is the type to weigh her options constantly whether she is in a relationship or not.
Author joystickd Posted January 12, 2013 Author Posted January 12, 2013 What signs did you miss? How did you slip? Sounds like she's the problem in this one.... I should have seen she was like you said. I let me really liking her cloud that part that would have seen it. When I'm out just looking for casual sex I'm razor sharp. Oh she is wasting my time move on or she is this move on, but when I really like someone it's the total opposite. It's a weird situation for me. I meet women that I only want to have sex with and they are really into me but the women I meet that I am really into have bullsh*t issues, what this one did or just want to be friends.
dreamingoftigers Posted January 12, 2013 Posted January 12, 2013 I should have seen she was like you said. I let me really liking her cloud that part that would have seen it. When I'm out just looking for casual sex I'm razor sharp. Oh she is wasting my time move on or she is this move on, but when I really like someone it's the total opposite. It's a weird situation for me. I meet women that I only want to have sex with and they are really into me but the women I meet that I am really into have bullsh*t issues, what this one did or just want to be friends. Dude, you can't build an R without some vulnerability and letting someone in a bit. And yes, there will be times where you get burned. I think that women do this far more often and frequently than men do. BUT TBH I think that men need to do it more often. If you got burned, it just means that you are one step closer to finding someone special. Sex feels good but in and of itself is empty after a time. I know it doesn't feel this way now. But really, celebrate the fact that you dodged a bullet. I kid you not. Us girls go through this crap so often because so many men act entitled to having multiple women. It doesn't tend to surprise us when mr." Seemed like a good idea at the time" turns out to have a girlfriend, or often wife. Or was just browsing online, or in person or whatever. And it always hurts to feel duped and/or passed over. BUT it is much better than ending up with the extra-curricular shopping bastard! Ugh. These days it seems like more women are dating like men have been and it's probably only going to get more annoying. Best of luck.
carhill Posted January 12, 2013 Posted January 12, 2013 OP, it's how some women are. You're fortunate this one terminated before you invested more interest and care. It might not seem like it right now but she gave you a gift. Good luck. 1
Author joystickd Posted January 12, 2013 Author Posted January 12, 2013 Dude, you can't build an R without some vulnerability and letting someone in a bit. And yes, there will be times where you get burned. I think that women do this far more often and frequently than men do. BUT TBH I think that men need to do it more often. If you got burned, it just means that you are one step closer to finding someone special. Sex feels good but in and of itself is empty after a time. I know it doesn't feel this way now. But really, celebrate the fact that you dodged a bullet. I kid you not. Us girls go through this crap so often because so many men act entitled to having multiple women. It doesn't tend to surprise us when mr." Seemed like a good idea at the time" turns out to have a girlfriend, or often wife. Or was just browsing online, or in person or whatever. And it always hurts to feel duped and/or passed over. BUT it is much better than ending up with the extra-curricular shopping bastard! Ugh. These days it seems like more women are dating like men have been and it's probably only going to get more annoying. Best of luck. I understand what you are saying but im done with feelings and all the other stuff because i always get burned. Key word here always. Im either too nice or i have this. Im just tired of this sh#t. Ive spent a long time always being the friend. Then when i thought someone was interested it turns to some bs. Only thing that has worked for me was just meeting someone with the intent of it being nothing more than sec. Ive been burned too many times. Its time to stick with what works for me
KraftDinner Posted January 12, 2013 Posted January 12, 2013 I should have seen she was like you said. I let me really liking her cloud that part that would have seen it. When I'm out just looking for casual sex I'm razor sharp. Oh she is wasting my time move on or she is this move on, but when I really like someone it's the total opposite. It's a weird situation for me. I meet women that I only want to have sex with and they are really into me but the women I meet that I am really into have bullsh*t issues, what this one did or just want to be friends. Sounds like for relationships, you are attracted to women with issues...there is something within you that makes you do that. Maybe the fact they are screwed up is appealing to you somehow. I'm not being facetious. A lot of people do this. 1
PhillyDude Posted January 12, 2013 Posted January 12, 2013 Wait how old is this woman if she has a daughter in college? 37 to 42???
Author joystickd Posted January 12, 2013 Author Posted January 12, 2013 Sounds like for relationships, you are attracted to women with issues...there is something within you that makes you do that. Maybe the fact they are screwed up is appealing to you somehow. I'm not being facetious. A lot of people do this. I didn't realize she had issues. I figured because she was older it would be better because she had some maturity.
KraftDinner Posted January 12, 2013 Posted January 12, 2013 I didn't realize she had issues. I figured because she was older it would be better because she had some maturity. People usually don't outgrow that ****.
Author joystickd Posted January 12, 2013 Author Posted January 12, 2013 Wait how old is this woman if she has a daughter in college? 37 to 42??? In her 40s
PhillyDude Posted January 12, 2013 Posted January 12, 2013 In her 40s And I was told by friend the other day that people no longer play games in their 40's LOL
Author joystickd Posted January 12, 2013 Author Posted January 12, 2013 I'm burned so much at my attempts to date and hope it evolves to a relationship I wonder is it even worth it at all. I have better just banging married women and women with boyfriends at least I know its sex and nothing more. They don't have to weigh options and figure out what they want.
Author joystickd Posted January 12, 2013 Author Posted January 12, 2013 Im calm now. I just really needed to vent. I will have to see her because i work with her. I will keep my distance. She should have said it early on especially since as she says it that she considers me one of her best friends. My thing now is why would you go telling people you liked me. The inconsistency of women frustrates me. 1
dreamingoftigers Posted January 12, 2013 Posted January 12, 2013 Im calm now. I just really needed to vent. I will have to see her because i work with her. I will keep my distance. She should have said it early on especially since as she says it that she considers me one of her best friends. My thing now is why would you go telling people you liked me. The inconsistency of women frustrates me. Honey, you are attracted to inconsistent women.... You bored with the good girls?
ThaWholigan Posted January 12, 2013 Posted January 12, 2013 Honey, you are attracted to inconsistent women.... You bored with the good girls? He probably doesn't meet many. Sometimes your environment and the energy you put out to it draws certain kinds of people towards you. 1
dreamingoftigers Posted January 12, 2013 Posted January 12, 2013 He probably doesn't meet many. Sometimes your environment and the energy you put out to it draws certain kinds of people towards you. Just honestly, if someone is burned 100% of the time, there's a character or dating cue that's missing. I'm not trying to be hard on the dude AT ALL. it could even be that he refuses to date until he sees [insert miscue here]. He's says he's razor-sharp on the sexual end of things and I believe it. That could also be a pretty strong adaptation to being able to read the sexual cues but missing the feeling and dating cues. OP, can you put your finger on what it was about this girl that triggered availability and safety? And does that same quality look like anything similar from the other dating experiences before?
123321 Posted January 12, 2013 Posted January 12, 2013 I put this in another thread. Very confused. I had been knowing this woman for a long time and I really like her. I had been trying to take her out and she kind of had been putting it off for a while. I figured she had been kind of dealing with her daughter being home from college and health issues. Date the daughter, she will have a lot less baggage.
Author joystickd Posted January 12, 2013 Author Posted January 12, 2013 Just honestly, if someone is burned 100% of the time, there's a character or dating cue that's missing. I'm not trying to be hard on the dude AT ALL. it could even be that he refuses to date until he sees [insert miscue here]. He's says he's razor-sharp on the sexual end of things and I believe it. That could also be a pretty strong adaptation to being able to read the sexual cues but missing the feeling and dating cues. OP, can you put your finger on what it was about this girl that triggered availability and safety? And does that same quality look like anything similar from the other dating experiences before? Actually this was totally different than most of my dating experiences. Im in a small town so dating pool is very small. This person is from town i work in. It almost like im taking what i can get because of the small dating pool. Anyway most of the time i end up with more women that are more aggressive and proactive about dating me. This one i had to be more proactive and initiate.
TheFinalWord Posted January 12, 2013 Posted January 12, 2013 I put this in another thread. Very confused. I had been knowing this woman for a long time and I really like her. I had been trying to take her out and she kind of had been putting it off for a while. I figured she had been kind of dealing with her daughter being home from college and health issues. Yesterday I just say hey lets do dinner and a movie. She finally comes out and says she was still seeing this one guy and that is the reason she had put me off. I was under the impression she wasn't seeing anyone and she said she really liked the guy. A mutual friend told me that she had said that she really liked me. Then she said she thought of me as one of her best friends and didn't want to mess that up. I was shocked because the whole time I was thinking she liked me. Why couldn't she have just said that from the beginning? F**kin women My thing is why bullsh*t around. Just be straight with me. I am straight with everyone. I don't keep anyone around if I'm not interested or only see them as a friend and dammit I expect the same f**kin sh*t in return. Don't bullsh*t around with me. She should have seen that I wasn't looking for a f**kin BFF. WTF Hey there, You let this girl give you the run around. Don't give any woman your manhood; which is basically what you're doing when you're pining after a woman that is only throwing you scraps of attention. It's a frustrating state b/c it's akin to perpetual rejection. It's more maddening because you let it happen. Basically, all men have to go through this one time to learn to prevent it from happening again. "Fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me." It's embarrassing because you've basically been made to feel like a court jester, but the worst thing you can do is let this ONE woman jade you from all relationships. Not all women are like that Learn to read between the lines. Don't listen to words, look at actions. If getting a date with her is always just out of reach ("yeah we will have to go out sometime"/ "oh sorry something came up"/ "sorry I'm busy this weekend") she's not that interested. Yeah, things do genuinely come up, but if a girl is interested in you, she will not let you ask her out multiple times and shoot you down. Most women will ignore or fade when they're not interested, some will straight up tell you they're not feeling it (stings, but always the best way as these are the high integrity/high confidence women and you can respect them even if they reject you)...but there is a type of woman that strings along. I've dealt with one before. There is probably another guy she is interested in; in that case you may be a back up option, a source of external validation, or you have a resource/skill she likes having access too. Whatever it is, don't play along anymore. Just cut it off. 1
Author joystickd Posted January 12, 2013 Author Posted January 12, 2013 Honey, you are attracted to inconsistent women.... You bored with the good girls? Not bored just having troublefinding one. Small town/rural area so most get married off early. Its not that im attracted to inconsistent women.
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