joystickd Posted January 12, 2013 Posted January 12, 2013 I'm a straight forward guy. It's hard as hell for me to deal with women sometimes because they are not straight forward and inconsistent. I'm just confused and hurt right now. Somethings like I'm seeing someone or I'm not into you should be said early on. Why the hell do women go to do all this delaying of saying things like that? It makes me lose respect for them. I know I would say it and I demand the same in return dammit.
Treasa Posted January 12, 2013 Posted January 12, 2013 I'm a straight forward guy. It's hard as hell for me to deal with women sometimes because they are not straight forward and inconsistent. I'm just confused and hurt right now. Somethings like I'm seeing someone or I'm not into you should be said early on. Why the hell do women go to do all this delaying of saying things like that? It makes me lose respect for them. I know I would say it and I demand the same in return dammit. I agree with you, and I'm pretty damn upfront. 1
Balzac Posted January 12, 2013 Posted January 12, 2013 Ok we get it, we've all been there ~~~~~> spill the beans. She did what to you?
crude Posted January 12, 2013 Posted January 12, 2013 Why tell you right away? The better guy she's been angling for might fall through, or you might turn out to spend way more $$ on her than she thought, which would make you marriage material. If she tells you she's not into you before the check is paid, well then it'd be a disaster for her because in your anger you might scream "Dutch". 1
Author joystickd Posted January 12, 2013 Author Posted January 12, 2013 Women I want to hear from you why in the hell are you not saying stuff early on. Come on I want to know.
Treasa Posted January 12, 2013 Posted January 12, 2013 Awesome! I found a way to make myself invisible! 3
Author joystickd Posted January 12, 2013 Author Posted January 12, 2013 I agree with you, and I'm pretty damn upfront. You are in the minority i guess.
KathyM Posted January 12, 2013 Posted January 12, 2013 It could be that the lady doesn't know how she feels at first, and is just giving you a chance, and then later decides she's not interested and gives you the "not interested speach". Some people, on the other hand, know up front they are not interested, but they have trouble letting someone down, so they beat around the bush and waste your time. Some people are users who keep you around for company until something better comes along, and then they give you the speach. Could be any number of scenarios, but I agree that if they are not interested, they should not lead you to believe they are, and should not waste your time. 3
monicaelise Posted January 12, 2013 Posted January 12, 2013 I'm not much for full disclosure early on. Despite the accusations of "vomiting" out my life in the previous thread, I generally don't share more than I feel comfortable with until I'm good and ready to. I don't really feel like I owe more than that, and honestly, I don't feel like having someone I may be interested in penalize me for my life. I'm happy to offer up a warning (I will definitely admit to carrying baggage) and I won't lie, but I'm not giving anyone anything I don't want to. The fact that someone feels entitled to the information doesn't mean anything to me. I won't ask about anything I wouldn't want someone to ask me about, so I don't feel an obligation to share. I'm quite happy with everyone maintaining a "don't ask, don't tell" policy. If you want the gory details of my baggage, you're just gonna have to wait and see how things play out. 1
Author joystickd Posted January 12, 2013 Author Posted January 12, 2013 Ok we get it, we've all been there ~~~~~> spill the beans. She did what to you? I put this in another thread. Very confused. I had been knowing this woman for a long time and I really like her. I had been trying to take her out and she kind of had been putting it off for a while. I figured she had been kind of dealing with her daughter being home from college and health issues. Yesterday I just say hey lets do dinner and a movie. She finally comes out and says she was still seeing this one guy and that is the reason she had put me off. I was under the impression she wasn't seeing anyone and she said she really liked the guy. A mutual friend told me that she had said that she really liked me. Then she said she thought of me as one of her best friends and didn't want to mess that up. I was shocked because the whole time I was thinking she liked me. Why couldn't she have just said that from the beginning? F**kin women My thing is why bullsh*t around. Just be straight with me. I am straight with everyone. I don't keep anyone around if I'm not interested or only see them as a friend and dammit I expect the same f**kin sh*t in return. Don't bullsh*t around with me. She should have seen that I wasn't looking for a f**kin BFF. WTF
monicaelise Posted January 12, 2013 Posted January 12, 2013 I put this in another thread. Very confused. I had been knowing this woman for a long time and I really like her. I had been trying to take her out and she kind of had been putting it off for a while. I figured she had been kind of dealing with her daughter being home from college and health issues. Yesterday I just say hey lets do dinner and a movie. She finally comes out and says she was still seeing this one guy and that is the reason she had put me off. I was under the impression she wasn't seeing anyone and she said she really liked the guy. A mutual friend told me that she had said that she really liked me. Then she said she thought of me as one of her best friends and didn't want to mess that up. I was shocked because the whole time I was thinking she liked me. Why couldn't she have just said that from the beginning? F**kin women My thing is why bullsh*t around. Just be straight with me. I am straight with everyone. I don't keep anyone around if I'm not interested or only see them as a friend and dammit I expect the same f**kin sh*t in return. Don't bullsh*t around with me. She should have seen that I wasn't looking for a f**kin BFF. WTF In your case, it looks like she just didn't want to hurt your feelings. Remember your way of navigating the world/reality is not the right way, it's just the way you do things. Lot's of people don't work this way and don't have any desire to. So you're a straight shooter...good for you. Lots of folks don't want to deal with the potential repercussions of taking this approach. For some of us, it almost seems a bit obnoxious and unnecessary. Just sayin'...
Emilia Posted January 12, 2013 Posted January 12, 2013 I put this in another thread. Very confused. I had been knowing this woman for a long time and I really like her. I had been trying to take her out and she kind of had been putting it off for a while. I figured she had been kind of dealing with her daughter being home from college and health issues. Yesterday I just say hey lets do dinner and a movie. She finally comes out and says she was still seeing this one guy and that is the reason she had put me off. I was under the impression she wasn't seeing anyone and she said she really liked the guy. A mutual friend told me that she had said that she really liked me. Then she said she thought of me as one of her best friends and didn't want to mess that up. I was shocked because the whole time I was thinking she liked me. Why couldn't she have just said that from the beginning? F**kin women My thing is why bullsh*t around. Just be straight with me. I am straight with everyone. I don't keep anyone around if I'm not interested or only see them as a friend and dammit I expect the same f**kin sh*t in return. Don't bullsh*t around with me. She should have seen that I wasn't looking for a f**kin BFF. WTF She was straight with you, she never went out with you. It's not her fault you are not good at interpreting social clues. She kept putting off going out with you because she didn't want to. What's so hard to understand about that? maybe she knew if she had been more forthright you would have lost your s**t? You seem pretty angry over someone you weren't even dating. Perhaps she was afraid of your temper? 7
Author joystickd Posted January 12, 2013 Author Posted January 12, 2013 In your case, it looks like she just didn't want to hurt your feelings. Remember your way of navigating the world/reality is not the right way, it's just the way you do things. Lot's of people don't work this way and don't have any desire to. So you're a straight shooter...good for you. Lots of folks don't want to deal with the potential repercussions of taking this approach. For some of us, it almost seems a bit obnoxious and unnecessary. Just sayin'... I don't want my f**kin time wasted. If you not interested then just say it. It's as simple as that. I would have been cool if it was said early on. I'm just mad now because it took so damn long for her to even say it. WTF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm real big on that issue. I don't ask for nothing I wouldn't do.
Author joystickd Posted January 12, 2013 Author Posted January 12, 2013 Its things like this that make me understand why guys lie to you. I guess its easier to navigate through the bullsh*t. A mature thing is to be straight forward and honest.
Star Gazer Posted January 12, 2013 Posted January 12, 2013 I put this in another thread. Very confused. I had been knowing this woman for a long time and I really like her. I had been trying to take her out and she kind of had been putting it off for a while. I figured she had been kind of dealing with her daughter being home from college and health issues. Yesterday I just say hey lets do dinner and a movie. She finally comes out and says she was still seeing this one guy and that is the reason she had put me off. I was under the impression she wasn't seeing anyone and she said she really liked the guy. A mutual friend told me that she had said that she really liked me. Then she said she thought of me as one of her best friends and didn't want to mess that up. I was shocked because the whole time I was thinking she liked me. Why couldn't she have just said that from the beginning? F**kin women My thing is why bullsh*t around. Just be straight with me. I am straight with everyone. I don't keep anyone around if I'm not interested or only see them as a friend and dammit I expect the same f**kin sh*t in return. Don't bullsh*t around with me. She should have seen that I wasn't looking for a f**kin BFF. WTF The whole time you thought she liked you, but until or unless you asked her out, it would have been pretty presumptuous of her to tell you she didn't want to mess up your friendship, or to announce that she's seeing someone. I don't talk about my dates to other guys either.
Star Gazer Posted January 12, 2013 Posted January 12, 2013 I don't want my f**kin time wasted. If you not interested then just say it. It's as simple as that. I would have been cool if it was said early on. I'm just mad now because it took so damn long for her to even say it. WTF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm real big on that issue. I don't ask for nothing I wouldn't do. How was your time wasted? You asked her out, she said no and explained why. How is that time wasted? 1
monicaelise Posted January 12, 2013 Posted January 12, 2013 maybe she knew if she had been more forthright you would have lost your s**t? You seem pretty angry over someone you weren't even dating. Perhaps she was afraid of your temper? Bingo! And OP, your two posts following Emilia's confirm exactly this point. THIS is why women aren't as "up front" with you as you seem to think you deserve to have them be. They just don't need to deal with your ****. 2
Author joystickd Posted January 12, 2013 Author Posted January 12, 2013 She was straight with you, she never went out with you. It's not her fault you are not good at interpreting social clues. She kept putting off going out with you because she didn't want to. What's so hard to understand about that? maybe she knew if she had been more forthright you would have lost your s**t? You seem pretty angry over someone you weren't even dating. Perhaps she was afraid of your temper? I'm angry because it wasn't said early on. That is the only reason I'm mad. We actually did go out once. Then she told a mutual friend that she really liked me and that person told me. I would have never pursued any further if that had not been said. The thing that pisses me off the most is someone not being forthcoming with me about certain things. It bothers me because I spent a lot of time being lied to in my life and dealing with inconsistent people so its a very big thing for me. As a matter of fact when she told me I just said well I guess I will have to make other plans. I'm also pissed at myself more than anything because really I shouldn't have deviated from my usual way of doing things. I really liked her and thought it was time to do something different. Just shows that I should stick with what works.
Author joystickd Posted January 12, 2013 Author Posted January 12, 2013 Bingo! And OP, your two posts following Emilia's confirm exactly this point. THIS is why women aren't as "up front" with you as you seem to think you deserve to have them be. They just don't need to deal with your ****. not being upfront with me is the reason I'm mad and not that she is seeing someone else. She gave the impression that she wasn't.
Author joystickd Posted January 12, 2013 Author Posted January 12, 2013 How was your time wasted? You asked her out, she said no and explained why. How is that time wasted? Let's see here. We talked everyday at some point she should have said it before yesterday.
Author joystickd Posted January 12, 2013 Author Posted January 12, 2013 The whole time you thought she liked you, but until or unless you asked her out, it would have been pretty presumptuous of her to tell you she didn't want to mess up your friendship, or to announce that she's seeing someone. I don't talk about my dates to other guys either. I'd like to know because honestly I want to have a full scope of what is going on so I can make an informed decision. I mean would you do a procedure on your body or invest time in something you don't know everything about.
Star Gazer Posted January 12, 2013 Posted January 12, 2013 I'd like to know because honestly I want to have a full scope of what is going on so I can make an informed decision. I mean would you do a procedure on your body or invest time in something you don't know everything about. An informed decision about whether to ask her out? Comparing a date invitation to having a procedure done on your body is like comparing apples and hand grenades. 2
Author joystickd Posted January 12, 2013 Author Posted January 12, 2013 I'm just pissed right now and really need to vent. I am more mad at myself than anything. I really liked someone and let myself get vulnerable. I let the emotions cloud me from being rational. This is honestly opt out of dating and relationships. I prefer meeting someone and just me having sex with them. I like someone and start slipping. Things I should have noticed I don't even notice. It didn't help that other people are like yeah she is into you. I'm thinking it was the last of me trying to do the dating thing. I just don't have the patience to wait around for you to figure out how you feel. You either want me or don't its as simple as that.
monicaelise Posted January 12, 2013 Posted January 12, 2013 Is it at all possible that she was still weighing things with the other guy? or perhaps she'd met him during the time you were trying to secure her affection? If the other man is a new thing or even a historically tumultuous old thing, you may not have been intentionally misled. Things may have been "off" with him at the time you initially went out. It's a little hard to be "up front" when you don't know what your own situation is. She did, however, give you some pretty clear signals after that first date or whatever it was. Some of this is going to just come down to you learning to read them. Again, you're not always going to get explicit, direct answers to questions you haven't asked (you keep saying she gave you the "impression"...which leads me to wonder whether you did ever ask directly yourself). If you did and ask and got lies in response, you do have a legitimate reason to be pissed...if you didn't, well that's on you. If she was actively pursuing a relationship with the other guy while telling you directly that she was interested in pursuing a relationship with you, that's a different story and you would have every right to be annoyed. 1
Author joystickd Posted January 12, 2013 Author Posted January 12, 2013 An informed decision about whether to ask her out? Comparing a date invitation to having a procedure done on your body is like comparing apples and hand grenades. We had went out once and she mentioned we would go out again. You don't get what I'm saying.
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