LadyChatterley Posted January 12, 2013 Posted January 12, 2013 We met. We did sexual things over a course of several weeks.. never 'technical sex' due to a condition I discovered I had that does not allow much in there! How wonderful. It was all still sex to me. It was my first everything. It wasn't completely empty. We talked a lot. He wasn't sleazy. He'd talk to me often throughout the day and want to go places with me. He was always paranoid about coming off like he was using me. He doesn't want to see himself as one of those guys Natural causes kind of made it die out, and now he doesn't talk to me much, and he might be into someone else. He was on the rebound when we met and was clear with me. I don't want to know what's going on in his life, so I must remove him, but I don't know if I should just block him, get it over with, move on without notice because nothing would have ever come anyway. Or talk about why and how I felt about it, then remove..just to get it out and because it makes me feel better. Yeah I might look pathetic, but no one else knew about us. We have no common circle, and I have stuff on him that he wouldn't want to get out if he got mad or something.
Balzac Posted January 12, 2013 Posted January 12, 2013 (edited) Firstly ouch, realistically it's still a loss. Secondly, sorry about your diagnosis. Your last statement, about confidential info and him becoming angry is the most concerning. The way you postured it sounds like a threat? I'd advise against writing a letter. Not seeing a reason to block him. It's a no radio frequency situation. I'm getting the impression that say, months from now, contact occurs, you've got no interest in dialogue or hooking up? I get that he doesn't want to be that guy. Edited January 12, 2013 by Balzac You don't look pathetic btw.
Author LadyChatterley Posted January 12, 2013 Author Posted January 12, 2013 Thank you. It can be resolved but takes diligence and tools to recondition your body that I see no reason to bother with since I'm not involved with anyone anyway. haha I don't mean in a threatening way. I meant that people might think it would make me look foolish, and he might share it with people he knows, but I'm saying I doubt that because I know embarrassing stuff about him too. I was never going to write anything bitter though; I was just going to be assertive and say it was a nice time...how I wish we could have been friends, but he doesn't seem to want that. Also, I guess I just wanted to block him because I don't want to feel bad if I see that he's with other people, even though I have no right to feel bad, and if we aren't friends, it's not worth the knowledge..? But it is kind of sad cutting someone out. And yeah I've thought about that..keeping the option open for months, but I figured he might be involved with someone by then and not even care to get in contact.
Balzac Posted January 12, 2013 Posted January 12, 2013 The bottom line is that this is about YOU. Whatever actions you take should be about your feelings and what's most comfortable for daily life. That being said, your need to not know about him w another is good enough. That's valid reason to block and cut all options. Take care of your need to move on.
Author LadyChatterley Posted January 12, 2013 Author Posted January 12, 2013 Thank you for your input. I'll consider doing just that then. If it really is a loss, and he wonders what happened, I'm sure he'd try to get in touch again.
Balzac Posted January 12, 2013 Posted January 12, 2013 That's how to look at it. It releases your mind but of course he can find you. He's an adult, he didn't want to be that guy, it's okay to employ your plan.
Author LadyChatterley Posted January 12, 2013 Author Posted January 12, 2013 Since I made this thread, I also just want to express something and get this out there for catharsis. I feel bad about doing it, not out of guilt but because I wish I didn't know what I missed. It never even ended officially. I was still turned onto it all. We were still planning to see each other, but schedules got in the way, and such distance naturally occurred that like I said, he may be into another. It wasn't animalistic or anything. I wouldn't have liked that my first time anyway. In fact we would crack up laughing over things that didn't go right or laugh at anything at all several times a week. We'd talk all night while naked together. I think it's the intimacy and being close to someone that felt good. I wish we had never cuddled and fell asleep together and then woke up followed by a kiss on the cheek from him while we were still dazed. Many of his kisses were tender. He made me feel desired by saying everything about me is cute. He was even eager to suck on my toes. It's like you're in a haze, and the rest of the world doesn't matter. You own the night, and there's no reality. It's just two beings in the moment. I remember one morning when I had to leave he wouldn't let go of me, in a cute way. As I was trying to get away laughing saying I need to go, he'd hold on tighter saying, "Nope," like he could just lie in bed with me all day. If I could go back, I would have stayed in that bed as long as I could. He'd always make sure that I felt okay, about life in general I mean, like he would say he does care for me as a person. He kept warning me that either he or I could catch feelings. I don't know I have feelings, but I know I want that again, and it's hard to get. I don't want to just have a one night stand, and I can't think of anyone else sexually but him right now. I just want to be over it. I'm trying to remind myself he's probably an affectionate person and does all that with anyone he gets with.
Author LadyChatterley Posted January 12, 2013 Author Posted January 12, 2013 Thanks you're probably right. I think if I send a letter, I'll subconsciously be expecting some response under the guise of it being final and having the last word, and if I don't get it, I'll be disappointed. I'm just going to try to move on. I think I'll laugh about it some day once I experience real intimacy.
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