Le' Christophe Posted January 12, 2013 Posted January 12, 2013 (edited) Happy new year, amigos! So long story short, when I was younger I was the nerdy, sloppily-dressed type who spent way more time talking to books than to girls 8) But now that I've just turned 28 and am just finishing up my PhD in neuroscience, I've finally had time in the past year or so to get out into the wide world! And that includes...dating. Ahh, if only they could train you for a doctorate in that! Now I know that someday, I'll find that special person who's just right for me, and we'll probably come into each other's lives when and where we least expect it. You can't make these things, happen after all - they just kinda have to happen on their own. But until that time, I want to have fun just dating, meeting all different kinds of people, all with different personalities and their own life stories to tell. My QUESTION, though, is...am I running out of time? Sometimes I regret that I started this part of my life so late. I'm not even sure if 28 is viewed as closer to 'college hunk' or 'creepy old guy' age, lol! I guess realistically, I'm just...wondering how much time I have left now. All those TV shows talk about dating in high school, dating in college. But once I reach my thirties, do you think I'll already have missed the 'prime age' for that kind of thing? I mean, you can see from my icon that I'm no Brad Pitt appearance-wise, but I'm in good shape - athletic and all. So that might get me a few extra years, right? I know there are some single women in their thirties, but do you think girls in their late or even early twenties, which make up the vast majority of singles, would be interested in dating a man in his thirties? I know SOME girls like older men, but I don't know just how common that is, or how much older they're usually willing to date. Thank you all so much for you input!! Edited January 12, 2013 by Le' Christophe
Maneater Posted January 12, 2013 Posted January 12, 2013 You're the perfect age. luckily for men, age is not an issue. And since you're a doctor, you'll get women from 21-35 after you You need not worry. 1
ScreamingTrees Posted January 12, 2013 Posted January 12, 2013 Are you fishing for compliments or what? You've obviously got no real problems, I doubt you REALLY feel that you do. 1
Nightsky Posted January 12, 2013 Posted January 12, 2013 For $2,000 cash and all expenses separate I will give your Doctorate in DATING. You must either travel to Florida or fly me out to you and put me in a nice Hotel. I will have you ready in 7 days guaranteed or I kick your ass! There is a method and a mindset to successful dating. All your talk about wondering if you're out of your prime, if you're a creep, and if you look good all points to some one who could go his entire life with out dating. Look the best thing for you to do is just use common sense and snap out of being this way. If you have the cash to burn though I'll gladly snap you out of it. Read my 10 commandments of dating thread. It's closed so you'll have to find it. Pay no attention to the angry women posting in it or my responses to them. Only read the commandments. Also stop worrying about being a creep and just be yourself. Hit on women. Yes go up to them and flirt, ask them out, and make moves on them during the date. Be happy to be you. Also stay away from bars and online dating. I mean only go to a bar for fun, sure hit on girls but don't make it your main way of meeting girls. Same goes with online dating... though probably just stay away from that all together. Meeting girls when you volunteer, work, run errands, go to a friends party or are just hanging out at the beach or where ever is best. You're in your late 20's act like it. This is your ****en prime. Your prime can last long or it can be wasted. Enjoy my friend, don't worry about not screwing some HS chick when you were in HS or some college chick when you were in college. Screwing the college chick will be a lot easier now... I mean you're going to be a professor right haha even if not nothing stops you from meeting one if thats your thing. Don't feel like a creep just follow the law. 1
Author Le' Christophe Posted January 17, 2013 Author Posted January 17, 2013 Haha, that does sound like a fine training camp, my friend!! (Really, they SHOULD have dating camps - that would be a great idea!) Y'all are saying that I don't have anything to worry about...I guess that means I still have a lot of time. I just wasn't sure where late-twenties fit into the scheme of things! So when DO things start to get harder for a guy, around mid-thirties maybe? (And being doctor really will help you think, that's not just a myth? Haha, that's true, I WILL be a professor!)
Els Posted January 17, 2013 Posted January 17, 2013 I think you'll be fine. I think you should just practice talking to women in general, and see if you can get some chemistry going with a girl. Don't box yourself in - you'll come across as pretty creepy if you consistently go for girls 10 years younger while ignoring all the women your age. But if you just talk to lots of women and let the cards fall where they may, you're likely to get better responses and chances of success. I do find it odd that you haven't attempted to talk to girls during grad school. I'm in grad school in a hard science, and it still isn't like being stationed in an all-male troop in Afghanistan or an oil platform - you meet people of both genders in your lab or class or conferences or even the university cafe or library. Neuroscience isn't likely to be as male-dominated as physics or computer science, so I'm betting there were at least a few girls in your lab. Didn't you at least make friends with them? 1
NoClue2 Posted January 17, 2013 Posted January 17, 2013 gonna just come out and ask it... are you a virgin? i see that as maybe being the underlying problem here (which it's not a problem at all, especially as a man) 1
charlietheginger Posted January 17, 2013 Posted January 17, 2013 Doctor, Get your job rolling for a yr live on The cheap. Save the money buy a fancy Car downpayment on a house. When your All set you make a OLD profile. You meet As many women as you can and have sex. Yes doctor its that simple. But you must not EVER MARRY them.You Just lead them on. Then when your 40yrs Old you settle down with the hottest 28yr Old you can find. 1
Author Le' Christophe Posted January 17, 2013 Author Posted January 17, 2013 Well, I started college when I was 12 so by the time I started graduate school for my master's degree, the female students in my group were much older than me - which wasn't a problem, they were beautiful! But obviously, they were far past my maturity level at that time. And for whatever reason, too nerdy or too introverted back then, or just too focused on school, who knows...I took a lot longer to mature socially than most. I never even felt an attraction to girls until I was 22, believe it or not! So once I started having feelings of attraction, for the first couple years I was still very shy about approaching girls, didn't know how to do so unless it was someone I worked with or sat next to in class, and when I did get up the guts to talk to them I usually made a very poor impression because truth be told, I was extremely immature and socially awkward for my age. (Have you ever seen Big Bang Theory?) That didn't start to change finally until I was about 25, when I finally started getting out into every social activity I could think of and learned to feel more relaxed around people and communicate more skillfully. No no, that's alright - I just lost my virginity last year actually, haha. That was ALSO a big factor in helping me feel more relaxed around girls. So I guess in many ways, I'm going through the stages now that MOST men go through in their late teens. So with that late start, I guess you can understand where I'd wonder if I started TOO late to have much time left.
Els Posted January 17, 2013 Posted January 17, 2013 Oh, so you HAVE 'talked to girls'. I was misled by your OP, sorry. In that case, I think you're pretty much on the road to success? Just keep doing what you're doing, practicing the social stuff (I may be a girl, but I totally get how it feels like to be socially awkward and have to push yourself to go out there and do stuff), getting to know women. Your PhD and looks will certainly help, so all you need is the confidence, charisma and personality to go with it, and you'll be set. (And yes, I do watch the Big Bang Theory, great show!) 1
NoClue2 Posted January 17, 2013 Posted January 17, 2013 Well, I started college when I was 12 so by the time I started graduate school for my master's degree, the female students in my group were much older than me - which wasn't a problem, they were beautiful! But obviously, they were far past my maturity level at that time. And for whatever reason, too nerdy or too introverted back then, or just too focused on school, who knows...I took a lot longer to mature socially than most. I never even felt an attraction to girls until I was 22, believe it or not! So once I started having feelings of attraction, for the first couple years I was still very shy about approaching girls, didn't know how to do so unless it was someone I worked with or sat next to in class, and when I did get up the guts to talk to them I usually made a very poor impression because truth be told, I was extremely immature and socially awkward for my age. (Have you ever seen Big Bang Theory?) That didn't start to change finally until I was about 25, when I finally started getting out into every social activity I could think of and learned to feel more relaxed around people and communicate more skillfully. No no, that's alright - I just lost my virginity last year actually, haha. That was ALSO a big factor in helping me feel more relaxed around girls. So I guess in many ways, I'm going through the stages now that MOST men go through in their late teens. So with that late start, I guess you can understand where I'd wonder if I started TOO late to have much time left. omg, you have sooooo much time!!! and you don't even have to worry about virginity hehe! you are golden, my friend. you look handsome from your pic, have an amazing job, seem to be getting better socially. you are so beyond so many men your age. you're al ittle behind, but once you get in there, you will catch up really quick. don't worry about. god, you have so much time. 1
Author Le' Christophe Posted January 17, 2013 Author Posted January 17, 2013 (edited) Yes, I have haha. Sorry, I didn't mean to midlead you I'm definitely still not a pro at it though by any means!! For one thing, I'm learning that girls seem to almost universally be attracted to guys who are chill, macho - the quiet, manly-men, who sit on motorcycles with an angry look on their face and drink beer and talk about their manly tattoos, grrr! Where I just...frankly wouldn't want to BE that way. If it's a good day, I like to show it by doing cartwheels in the sun and laughing and singing! And when a girl's sad, I'll sit and cry with her. I mean, I'm a bodybuilder and I've had all sorts of combat training, but I just...don't believe in the whole 'macho swagger' thing! I really should have been born a girl, lol xD Or maybe I just love the old days where a man was supposed to be princely and elegant, lay his coat down for a lady. Do you really HAVE to be subdued and macho to be attractive as a male? There's gotta be at least a GRAIN of truth in that 'Kate & Leopold' movie... You both really think I...look okay? Seriously?? I didn't...think that. Thank you both, so much!! <3 Edited January 17, 2013 by Le' Christophe
Els Posted January 17, 2013 Posted January 17, 2013 Nah. My bf abhors tattoos, thinks beer tastes like piss, prefers a car to a motorcycle. I would definitely call him 'manly', but not in the swagger-ish ways. IMO the guys who do so are trying too hard to prove something, as opposed to being confident in who they truly are. That's distinctly unmasculine. You'll need to find the girls who appreciate you for who you are, though, because there are certainly girls who love the tattooed cigarette-puffing motorcycle-racing dudes. The girls in grad school would be great to start with, assuming you can do so without compromising your job (it might be forbidden to date grad students if you lecture them, for instance). 1
Author Le' Christophe Posted January 17, 2013 Author Posted January 17, 2013 (edited) Exactly! Being overly-masculine is...well, UNmasculine! There was a girl I was with briefly a few months ago, beautiful and outgoing, wonderfully unique and so intelligent. She could sit at a piano and just compose a movement on the spot, it was amazing! And had such profound intuitions about people and what they were thinking and feeling inside. Anyway, we were just friends at first but she had family problems, had even tried to kill herself...and I wanted to help her, so I took her places she'd never been (since her family had been poor), and she told me no one had ever made her feel so special, talked to her about things that troubled her so deeply...and that she loved me. That was my first relationship But then, one day out of the blue, just a day after saying how much she loved me...she called to say she'd fallen for someone else and to leave her be. He was that tough, biker-sort, and she claimed that machismo showed he wasn't 'a doormat'. So I wonder if maybe showing off machismo like that proves that a man can be a good 'protector'? Then again, she was pretty young too...so even though I miss her, maybe thinking that more macho guys are the stronger ones and the better protectors is just an assumption younger girls tend to make? Or, like you said, it could just depend on the person. You're right, I'll bet a lot of grad students aren't into that sort as much! And in any case, you're certainly right that a person needs to love you for YOU, and no facade concealing who you truly are. (Your boyfriend sounds like a nice, stable guy by the way!) Edited January 17, 2013 by Le' Christophe
ScreamingTrees Posted January 17, 2013 Posted January 17, 2013 Don't let it bother you, she had no way of how well a "protector" you'd be. And is that even necessary/relevant in modern-day society? No. Unless a biker looking guy grabbed you by the shirt collar, she'd have no idea of knowing if you wouldn't just sock him in the face and send him off to slumber land.. 1
Author Le' Christophe Posted January 17, 2013 Author Posted January 17, 2013 So you don't think a girl would make that assumption as a basis for leaving a person then? Because absolutely, you can't know who would really protect you until you were actually in a situation like that, between a macho man and a more gentle guy. And I'm sure she knew that. Maybe she just...still needed time to look around before settling on someone, then. I just hope she'll be safe... Heyyyyy, all this talk about Big Bang Theory, I didn't notice you had it in your own icon! Win 1
Els Posted January 17, 2013 Posted January 17, 2013 Exactly! Being overly-masculine is...well, UNmasculine! There was a girl I was with briefly a few months ago, beautiful and outgoing, wonderfully unique and so intelligent. She could sit at a piano and just compose a movement on the spot, it was amazing! And had such profound intuitions about people and what they were thinking and feeling inside. Anyway, we were just friends at first but she had family problems, had even tried to kill herself...and I wanted to help her, so I took her places she'd never been (since her family had been poor), and she told me no one had ever made her feel so special, talked to her about things that troubled her so deeply...and that she loved me. That was my first relationship But then, one day out of the blue, just a day after saying how much she loved me...she called to say she'd fallen for someone else and to leave her be. He was that tough, biker-sort, and she claimed that machismo showed he wasn't 'a doormat'. So I wonder if maybe showing off machismo like that proves that a man can be a good 'protector'? Then again, she was pretty young too...so even though I miss her, maybe thinking that more macho guys are the stronger ones and the better protectors is just an assumption younger girls tend to make? Or, like you said, it could just depend on the person. You're right, I'll bet a lot of grad students aren't into that sort as much! And in any case, you're certainly right that a person needs to love you for YOU, and no facade concealing who you truly are. (Your boyfriend sounds like a nice, stable guy by the way!) He is; I wouldn't trade him for the top biker in the world, either. It sounds like the girl you were after was a little immature. Different strokes for different folks, anyway, I have no doubt that there will be girls who'll appreciate you for you. You sound like a sweet guy, and I'm glad the incident with that girl didn't turn you bitter. We all have encounters like that in our lives, they shape us to be better and stronger. I still recall an older, geeky guy whom I had a crush on in my younger days completely overlooking me in favor of the stereotypical hot, dolled-up girl. He's in his early 30s now and has never had a girlfriend, so I suppose I get the last laugh. :laugh: 1
Author Le' Christophe Posted January 17, 2013 Author Posted January 17, 2013 Well I can tell just from writing you what a genuinely warmhearted person you are, so even I can tell he was an absolute jerk for treating you and making you feel the way he did. But like you said, we all go through experiences like that with people - whether because of their own issues, or just because they have a little growing up to do. But it sounds like you found a wonderful match to spend your life with, in a way you probably thought would never happen back when you had that crush on the other guy...and I know I'll find the person for me too (Though if he ever DOES want to get into motorcycling, tell him I'd be happy to give him a few pointers - because admittedly it IS a lot of fun ;D) 1
MrCastle Posted January 17, 2013 Posted January 17, 2013 I must say I do like your enthusiasm and positivity, given your late start in the dating game. I'll just echo what's already been said, you seem to be well on your way. You already have most other areas of your life sorted out. Hope you become a familiar face, we could use your energy around here. 2
Author Le' Christophe Posted January 17, 2013 Author Posted January 17, 2013 You really think I come off that way? Haha, well thank you so much, that's an incredibly sweet thing to say! Sure, I'd love to meet the folks around these forums - you sound like really nice people just from the ones I've spoken with already
Els Posted January 17, 2013 Posted January 17, 2013 Well I can tell just from writing you what a genuinely warmhearted person you are' date=' so even I can tell he was an absolute jerk for treating you and making you feel the way he did. But like you said, we all go through experiences like that with people - whether because of their own issues, or just because they have a little growing up to do. But it sounds like you found a wonderful match to spend your life with, in a way you probably thought would never happen back when you had that crush on the other guy...and I know I'll find the person for me too (Though if he ever DOES want to get into motorcycling, tell him I'd be happy to give him a few pointers - because admittedly it IS a lot of fun ;D)[/quote'] That's the spirit! And, thanks for the kind words. I actually think we both lucked out in finding each other, because I will be the first to admit that introverts have a tougher time in dating. Not impossible, just tougher. Motorcycling, perhaps, when we have a bit more cash at our disposal. We've both just completed our undergrads a couple years ago. The biker lifestyle definitely isn't for us, though! 1
ScreamingTrees Posted January 17, 2013 Posted January 17, 2013 So you don't think a girl would make that assumption as a basis for leaving a person then? Because absolutely, you can't know who would really protect you until you were actually in a situation like that, between a macho man and a more gentle guy. And I'm sure she knew that. Maybe she just...still needed time to look around before settling on someone, then. I just hope she'll be safe... Heyyyyy, all this talk about Big Bang Theory, I didn't notice you had it in your own icon! Win I think she just sounds odd.. As much as it sucks to be played with like that, you can't let it bother you.. Perhaps her preferences changed suddenly, there's no way to really get inside that person's head and figure out their reasoning.. You're obviously not letting it bring you down, so good for you. 1
Author Le' Christophe Posted January 17, 2013 Author Posted January 17, 2013 Ooh, have you both taken the Myers-Briggs test? I've noticed that introverts often have the best people skills, because when they were younger they spent more time observing, learning to understand people...so that by the time they become outgoing it's in a way that relates to people very well. I'm an ENFP xD We extroverts you see, though our aim in life IS to know everyone in the world personally...can scare people off by seeming a bit 'too much' with the enthusiasm sometimes! Especially where I live in Northern California, they like people to be melloooooowwwww... (Don't know why I picked the bunny for that one, that emoticon's been staring at me since I started and I just HAD to use it ;D)
Author Le' Christophe Posted January 17, 2013 Author Posted January 17, 2013 (edited) So that's not normal...okay, THANK you. It did hurt, a LOT actually - to be talking about spending the rest of our lives together and all the fun times we were going to share one moment, and to not even be wanted as her friend anymore the next. And every day I do remember the things we used to talk about, even how she used to swing her head to get the long hair out of her face haha. And what it felt like to hug her and tell her everything would be okay from now on... I just...you know, try to look at the realities: she was young, hopefully I did everything I could have done to make her happy and help her life be better in that time. And if there ever WERE feelings there, or if she ever does need help, I think she will come back into my life someday - even if as just a very good friend. I just have to accept that things...don't always go as we think they will. But when I find the right person...they will Edited January 17, 2013 by Le' Christophe
Els Posted January 17, 2013 Posted January 17, 2013 (edited) Really? I don't think I have the best social skills, but if you say so... I get INFP or INTP by turn, depending on which online test I take (or my mood at the time ). Haven't taken the professionally-administered one. Edit: Oh, just noticed that you asked about 'both' - you mean the bf? He's an INTJ, heh. The P vs J causes conflict on occasion. Edited January 17, 2013 by Elswyth 1
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