man_in_the_box Posted January 19, 2013 Posted January 19, 2013 I'd go so far as to say I'm better in bed than a thin girl because I don't have the vanity or sense of entitlement. Nobody sees the huge irony in this sentence?
Lillyfree Posted January 21, 2013 Posted January 21, 2013 Nobody sees the huge irony in this sentence? oh i did. but i was too busy feeling sorry for myself because i'm what people would say 'a thin girl' and therefore bad in bed. then the next thing i was thinking of is how quickly can i gain sufficient weight that would give me skills in bed and attention of non-shallow men.
Lillyfree Posted January 21, 2013 Posted January 21, 2013 back on topic however - i think there's more to OP not being attracted to his gf than the weight. it could be the whole attitude... but if she's not willing to work on herself, look after her health - that would be a dealbreaker for me and i can understand completely.
todreaminblue Posted January 21, 2013 Posted January 21, 2013 He's not merely talking about looks. She acts like a shrew. I think fat people try to console themselves by telling themselves that to like thin people is "shallow." According to whom? Who said thin people feel entitled or self absorbed. There are plenty of thin people who have spirituality. Please, don't be jealous of others who have some measure of self control and have chosen not to be gluttonous. i am overweight i have never consoled myself with"to like thin people" is shallow....or that guys who dont like me because i am carrying extra weight are shallow,that's their choice to be with who they are attracted to....it isnt actually consoling to think people are not with you because of the way you look...calling them shallow because of that doesnt improve that outlook in my opinion... i wouldnt go out with a guy who had weight issues with women because i have already been with the body builder type, i have mainly been out with really fit guys...and yes carrying extra weight.....i can keep up...i have that body type so i have capacity to put weight on.I like how you call overweight people gluttonous....very zen
Author faithfulman Posted March 17, 2013 Author Posted March 17, 2013 Someone asked what her weight was when we met, well exactly the same. We have now been together 1 year. We don't fight much anymore, she's been a lot nicer now that I've stood up for myself. I am still not attracted to her and do not know what to do. I love her very much. I can't help but think about all of these girls around me who are very attractive. I keep debating in my head about cheating. I know there are girls interested in me at school. I feel like I am missing out, I feel sexually frustrated. I want to be satisfied and the thought of doing it with her is unattractive. Yes she does walk, she complains of knee pain all the time. She sprains her knee or ankle at least once every couple of months and has to stay home from work. She's always having back pain, knee pain and such. I try to drop hints about her eating food that's not healthy and she just keeps building her stockpile of junk food. Now that we've been together a while, I am starting to put on excess weight and it's worrying me. I don't want to end up like her. I hate junk food. I never ate junk food before I met her. She is in denial of her weight problem. Her sister just had surgery for making her stomach smaller, her brother is considering doing it, he's 600 lbs. I think she is thinking about it, she seems interested. I keep telling her she doesn't need surgery, with basic diet and exercise she can lose weight. I was overweight as a kid, I lost the weight, I have expertise in weight loss and she wont take advantage over my capabilities to help her lose the weight. Talking to her about anything is useless. I need some sort of tricks to make anything work. MY QUESTION: How do I stop thinking about other girls and be attracted to my girlfriend again. It is a physical thing.
shalisha42 Posted March 17, 2013 Posted March 17, 2013 Hi Faithfulman: You don't have to accept this relationship. It's not making you happy. You have the right to be in a relationship with someone you are physically, spiritually and mentally attracted to. No need to feel guilty either. Why do you feel you HAVE to stay with her? You can love someone and not be attracted to them. I would be honest, tell her you want to date others. There will be a mourning period. She will be angry, you will probably feel guilty, but they're just feelings - they're not facts. You won't be young forever, you won't be on this planet forever. Why suffer? Why miss out? Yes, you are missing out! Be honest, tell her, and then date others. 1
Lillyfree Posted March 18, 2013 Posted March 18, 2013 if her sister and brother are obese too, there's obviously FOO issues. maybe she wasn't taught proper eating habits, maybe junk food is what they mostly ate? surgery doesn't mean weight miraculously disappears, it means she will only be able to have small amounts of food in her stomach after it - and she can do that herself now. you say you love her....is it more that you feel you are the one to 'save' her? because you can't save people from themselves. someone that's willing to endanger their life in that way needs counselling, you aren't doing her any favours by sliding into an unhealthy lifestyle with her.
Whatitistoburn Posted March 22, 2013 Posted March 22, 2013 i love her, i dont want to leave her but i dont know what to do. Even if i wanted to leave her i couldn't because of financial reasons. We live together for like 8 months now and when ever she brings up marriage or kids i feel like i dont want to now, like i've changed my mind. How do i get attracted to my gf when she's so big. Hi, previous posters asked why do you feel like you HAVE to stay? You mentioned several times that you love her but you are no longer attracted to her. Its difficult if not impossible for a relationship or marriage to work without attraction. If you are a couple and you are obviously in a sexual relationship, you have to be attracted to each other to be happy and content and ultimately, for the relationship to work. Otherwise, you should just be friends then. Friends love each other but they dont have sex (some do but thats a diff story). You mentioned you cant leave because of financial issues and that you are going to school full time and she is working. I just want to clarify is this one of the reasons why you HaVE to stay and so you have to stay in love and be attracted to her? This is a choice that you both make and i respect that but this choice is obviously not making you happy because you arent really attracted to her and you keep thinking about cheating. You not attracted to her will be obvious to her and as one poster said, maybe thats why shes cranky all the time. So its clear that this relationship or arrangement is not making both of you happy. So thats your answer, Break up. I know its not easy but you have to do it for both of your sake. You can still be friends if thats ok with both of you. You can help her with her weight or at least try to. But thats all dependent on you and her. If its not easy because of financial issues, you would have to work on that. Find a part time job or something and be independent. Only then will you be really happy. Hope that helps. Cheers Xx
diipii Posted March 24, 2013 Posted March 24, 2013 400lbs !! She clearly has issues that you wont solve. Move on. Life is a one-time deal.
Author faithfulman Posted April 29, 2013 Author Posted April 29, 2013 i'm not leaving her because I love her. I guess this is all the advice i'm going to receive. thanks everyone. i love her, i'm happy with her just need to help encourage her.
Emilia Posted April 29, 2013 Posted April 29, 2013 i'm not leaving her because I love her. I guess this is all the advice i'm going to receive. thanks everyone. i love her, i'm happy with her just need to help encourage her. sounds more like a sister than a girlfriend to me. Rather you than me that's for sure
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