The Grass is NEVER greener, but let them learn the hard way.

[fallenheart]

Of course I'm not implying that the whores be bangs on his sex field trips to Thailand are better people than you.

 

You are obviously an intelligent good person.

 

BUT....(there's always a but).....I AM arguing that in the eyes of your Ex, the whoremonger.....that YES. Those whores are better than you. He thinks so. Doesn't make it true to me or you or anyone else....but in his mind, you weren't as good. They make him happier.

 

Just like my ex's husband is "better" to her than me. She loves him more than she ever loved me. This is a fact.

 

I don't know you. I don't know your ex. I'm simply saying that logic and reason dictates that he values the whores and sex trips more than he values you, otherwise he'd still be with you.

[Zammo25]

The thing is Mr Wonderful has won and why is that ? Because he is better than me in everyway possible. Tough to take but there we are. I am pretty much broken over all this having councelling and now on ad's so she has done a good job on me all in all.

[NoMoreJerks]

Of course I'm not implying that the whores be bangs on his sex field trips to Thailand are better people than you.

 

You are obviously an intelligent good person.

 

BUT....(there's always a but).....I AM arguing that in the eyes of your Ex, the whoremonger.....that YES. Those whores are better than you. He thinks so. Doesn't make it true to me or you or anyone else....but in his mind, you weren't as good. They make him happier.

 

Just like my ex's husband is "better" to her than me. She loves him more than she ever loved me. This is a fact.

 

I don't know you. I don't know your ex. I'm simply saying that logic and reason dictates that he values the whores and sex trips more than he values you, otherwise he'd still be with you.

Yeah, sure, but I am pointing out that he might -- and probably will - regret it , at some point down the line. When? I don't know. Maybe tomorrow, maybe 20 years down the line...... Or maybe never. But the possibility is there, and people HAVE regretted decisions, and the priorities they had at a certain point in their lives. I regret my priorities in my early/mid-20s. I realize now that I was so stupid. I regret so many things I've done (or haven't) done in the past, all the opportunities I've lost, all the good things I passed on, because I didn't know any better, because I was too fixated on certain preferences/likes to value the things I could've had. But it's too late now. And mostly, when people do regret breaking up with their ex'es, it IS too late for them. This stuff usually does not happen overnight. It usually happens a year or two down the line.

[fallenheart]

Zammo....I dig you man cause you see things clearly like I do. You're not lying to yourself. You're not blowing sunshine up your own ass saying things like "She'll realize how great I am someday!" cause you realize the harsh truth is....she WON'T.

 

Yes....you realize that. But you haven't accepted it.

 

If you just accepted that she's replaced you, she's gone, you lost her forever, it's over, you'll never ever win the fight....well, then you wouldn't be all broken up about it and on pills to try to make yourself happy.

 

You would just say "Well....that's that I guess." and go out and try to meet a new girl. Cause this one ain't coming back. Just like the ones I've lost that are now happily married.

 

Forget her. Lost cause. Accept it and move on to the next one.

[NoMoreJerks]

The thing is Mr Wonderful has won and why is that ? Because he is better than me in everyway possible. Tough to take but there we are. I am pretty much broken over all this having councelling and now on ad's so she has done a good job on me all in all.

Has your counselor ever told you to grow the f*ck up and stop wallowing in self-pity? Good. Because *I* am telling you that. That is, if you want to be more than an object of ridicule and laughter and pity for everyone around you, including OTHER women who ARE good enough for YOU. Man up already. Who gives a sh*t if some man has a bigger dick than you do, or makes more money than you do. That does not make him a better person than you are. It just means that your ex prefers that over the qualities you have. Big deal. So find someone who prefers your qualities over the qualities of other men.

[fallenheart]

Yeah, sure, but I am pointing out that he might -- and probably will - regret it , at some point down the line. When? I don't know. Maybe tomorrow, maybe 20 years down the line...... Or maybe never.

 

In my observations it's almost always "never." But either way, I'm glad you're not sitting around waiting and hoping for that regret as some kind of validation or "reason to go on." I've done that in the past and it was one of the biggest wastes of my time and I'm ashamed of that.

 

I hope you don't feel like I'm singling you out...I certainly don't want to make you feel bad. I was just using your examples to illustrate my opinions on how break-ups work and the true nature of people.

 

Men show their true selves to their other male friends...I'm sure women do the same. It can reveal some really ugly truths. Maybe it's best we never know how people REALLY feel after a break-up.

 

None of my exes have ever regretted leaving my dumb ass....but I hope someday yours shows you some kind of remorse, and more importantly, I hope you're in such a good place in your life that nothing he says would even matter to you in the slightest anyway!

[NoMoreJerks]

In my observations it's almost always "never." But either way, I'm glad you're not sitting around waiting and hoping for that regret as some kind of validation or "reason to go on." I've done that in the past and it was one of the biggest wastes of my time and I'm ashamed of that.

lol, I do not need any validation from anyone, certainly not my sex-addict / porn-addict ex who loves f*cking STD-infested whores in Thailand.... You are projecting again -- just because YOU want validation (even if it's negative validation about how you're such a pitiful human being, less of a man than the man your ex chose over you, etc.) doesn't mean everyone else wants that sort of validation from an ex who treated them like sh*t or thought we weren't good enough for them.

 

I hope you don't feel like I'm singling you out...I certainly don't want to make you feel bad. I was just using your examples to illustrate my opinions on how break-ups work and the true nature of people.

There is nothing you say that will make me feel bad. Why? Because I do not need validation from your or anyone else, not about my relationships, and certainly not about my views on this. I know for a fact that people do regret letting go of their bfs/gfs. I have a few friends who have had that sort of thing happen to them and I certainly have read a lot about others' experiences with that as well. However, I am not the type of person who keeps a harem of ex'es . Once it's over, and he walks out (or I walk out), it's over and I do not want to stay in touch with the ex. I have a friend who kept in touch with her ex, for years, and then I heard that she just got back together with him, for the 8th time (I am not kidding). Some people like to keep in touch with their ex'es because they have a yo-yo'ing personality; they yo-yo in and out of relationships. Break-up, reconcile, break-up again, rinse repeat. I am not like that, and I could care less if someone thought I wasn't good enough for them. My attitude is: someone who thinks I'm not good enough for him, is not good enough FOR ME.

 

None of my exes have ever regretted leaving my dumb ass....but I hope someday yours shows you some kind of remorse, and more importantly, I hope you're in such a good place in your life that nothing he says would even matter to you in the slightest anyway!

I already am in that place. Sure, I have my moments at times, but by and large? I am fine with it. Being single does not scare me. Being without him does not scare me. I was ok before I met him and I will be ok afterwards, and none of his waltzing into and out of my life, says anything about my self-worth and my value as a good, interesting, decent person, who deserves to be appreciated, loved, etc.

[na49]

I'm more content with just chalking it up as a loss and going forward. I'll play again some day, and one day hopefully I'll win because I'm still very young. It may be "her loss", but right now it's definitely not. I'd rather be real about it instead of lying to myself. Is she pining for me 3 months after dumping my ass? Is she feeling anywhere near the amount of depression that I feel right now? Nope! She's with her new 24 year old rock star boyfriend. She picked him over me. She cheated on me with him. I'm the clear loser in this situation because she gets away with clean hands while I'm here heartbroken trying to get over her. He may be a "loser" but that's for her to find out, not for me or anyone else to tell her. I like to think that I was more caring than we will ever be just given his personality and the way he treats her. but it doesn't matter what I think. To her, I'm lower than dirt and she doesn't want to be with me. Will she come back? Probably not. I shouldn't want her to come back anyway. She's toxic. I'll find someone else eventually, and just try to worry about myself for now.

 

OP's post may be on the optimistic side, but I think it just offers a bit of a more positive outlook rather than the "I'm dirt. Woe is me. I suck" attitude that we all have.

[NoMoreJerks]

na49, think about it -- why are you a LOSER in all this? Sure, you lost someone that you wanted to be with, but did you really LOSE? Do you really want to be with someone who cheated on you, or who had a wandering eye, or who jumped on the next available dick (literally) as soon as she dumped you? How is it a loss, when you realize that this person is a whore and would not have been good enough for you in the first place? It's not about deluding oneself or sour grapes at all. It's just that sometimes we find out who they truly are, after they dump us, because that's when we get thinking, when previously, we had rose-tinted glasses on, viewing them, and everything about the relationship, as perfect and the best thing that could happen to us.

[Harradin]

"Not good enough for me" = inferior. It does not mean "different" or "just not what I need right now." It means exactly what it sounds like....NOT GOOD ENOUGH.

 

That's the way it IS. It's black and white. People don't dump people because things are "complicated" or "it just isn't working right now" or "the chemistry isn't there." People dump people cause THEY SIMPLY DON'T LIKE THEM. Stop trying to use softer language to change the facts of the situation!

 

It's true in Zammo's case...it's true in my case....and it's TRUE IN ALL OF YOUR CASES! You just can't face that harsh horrible truth that you just plain weren't good enough for the person you love, they found someone BETTER, and they left you. So you make excuses to try to heal the pain but it's just an excuse.

 

Just like the person that broke your heart is happily sleeping in the arms of someone else, and they forgot all about you years ago, and it wasn't a hard decision whatsoever, they DO NOT regret it, and they will NEVER come back, cause you were never good enough for them. THE END.

 

My situation heavily opposes your theory, I'll explain:

 

I treated my ex like a princess, she tells me she loves me frequently and our relationship was very close.

 

At the start of the week, my ex's parents tell her they're getting divorced, she's distraught. So I look after her and be there for her during that time, she is obviously upset and I took her out to change her mind on things. She tells me how grateful she was that I was there for her and how much she loves me. I then go away for the weekend, I come back to an email (that she didn't write) from her dumping me for my "friend." My "friend" had been making moves on her SINCE he found out about her parent's divorce, so naturally she was upset and confused. He also got his friend before he tried to send her messages questioning the relationship she was in with me. Even though she made the decision to leave, I'm 99% certain (even mutual friends tell me) that she was manipulated by him, especially as the email was in the "friend"'s writing style. They went public the next day!

 

She then continued to text me up to a month after the BU, the way she did when we were going out, she was telling mutual friends she didn't think she made the right decision, and was asking about me. I had enough and try to get her back, where she tells me that she doesn't know who to pick, I tell her to choose right there and then because I'm not mucking around and she gets angry and chooses him. She then tries to get me to be friends, I refuse and not heard from her since, its been 3 months NC.

 

But in the standard "leaving for someone else," the someone else is better. But in my case, its very wrong.

 

Education:

 

Me - GCSES, A Levels (Maths, Physics, Chemistry,) currently studying a Maths Degree.

Him - little GCSES, a BTEC IT qualification and the lowest level of IT technician in a company.

 

I win. To add insult to injury, he did a IT qualification, he works as a IT Technician and yet I know more IT then he does!

 

Physically:

 

Me - National judo champion, competing in national level motorsport, kickboxing here and there. Physically fit. Can handle my drink.

 

Him - Fat, sits at a desk doing work and does 1 day of scouting where he does f all. Cannot handle his drink, promptly throws up everytime he drinks.

 

I win.

 

Personality:

 

Me - Shy, Polite, Extremely loyal, caring, there when friends need me, honest/blunt(e.g. if a friend is being a d*ck, I'll tell him) can calm people down, I can be counted on, I can be trusted. I will probably love her more then any other guy will, hands down.

 

Him - Manipulates, backstabs, throws money/offers to help people because he doesn't know how to do otherwise, puts on a 'nice guy' act, only to be ruthless, rude, very good at making the other person look the bad guy, can have banter but its sh*t banter, creeps people out, even mutual friends say he has something wrong with him.

 

I win.

 

 

She clearly didn't leave because he was better, nor that I wasn't good enough, because hell, she was telling me how much she loved me and how grateful she was that I was there for her! Even my mutual friends tell me how much of a big mistake she made dumping me for him, and say I'm far better without her. I don't like blaming but it seemed to be her and the circumstances (upset and him appearing and manipulating her) she was in that caused the breakup, not that I wasn't good enough. I have a feeling she will try and come back, at some point.

 

To be honest, I don't know whether I lost or gained. I was betrayed by two people and I'm better off without them, but doing the right thing screwed me over in the first place.

Edited January 21, 2013 by Harradin

[na49]

na49, think about it -- why are you a LOSER in all this? Sure, you lost someone that you wanted to be with, but did you really LOSE? Do you really want to be with someone who cheated on you, or who had a wandering eye, or who jumped on the next available dick (literally) as soon as she dumped you? How is it a loss, when you realize that this person is a whore and would not have been good enough for you in the first place? It's not about deluding oneself or sour grapes at all. It's just that sometimes we find out who they truly are, after they dump us, because that's when we get thinking, when previously, we had rose-tinted glasses on, viewing them, and everything about the relationship, as perfect and the best thing that could happen to us.

 

I consider it a loss because I was the one who got hurt and she wasn't. It doesn't need to be a bad thing though. Okay I lost, but I can make this into something great if I let it. Working on me, getting out of my shell, doing things different, meeting new people, going to the gym, loving MY life.

 

You make good points though, I guess I don't have the self esteem or confidence to feel that way about myself or the BU yet or else I would (getting there though, last night was the first time I thought to myself, "how many guys was she f*cking when I went home? I don't live on campus like she does so she's got the whole campus to herself and I know she invited guys to her dorm to hang out" I was frustrated as f*ck after thinking this).

 

I definitely have learned more about myself these past 3 months than I have ever learned before. I realize the way I was, can't be the way I continue to be or else I'll get stepped on and abused again. When I take the rose tinted glasses off. I'm not "in love" with my ex at all. I don't wish her happiness with this new guy or anyone to be honest. I don't wish her the best throughout college. Bitter? Yes. I am. Maybe once I'm over this completely I won't care whether she's happy or not because I'll be happy and that'll be what matters to me. I see her as someone who hurt me. Someone who really doesn't have any respect for me anymore. So I'll feel the same. I do feel the same at times, then other times she gets back up on the pedestal and I fantasize about how great it would be if she was still around. (the way I remember her before she broke up with me. Not the way she is now)

[lemonlegs]

Yeah, he sounds like a lousy guy with a lot of issues.

 

But you loved him. And if he hadn't been the one to leave you, you would still be with him.

 

People that leave aren't conflicted. It's cut and dry. They choose to leave us cause the other option is better. Period.

 

Okay, your last response to me made sense. But this here is where I have an issue with what you're saying. Generally, you're saying that you believe that everyone who has been left or dumped would still otherwise be with their dumper. I used to think that too, especially in regards to my current boyfriend who's ex of 4 years dumped him. It made me sad to think he'd still possibly want to be with another girl perhaps if she hadn't left him.

 

However, when he shed light on the situation, he told me that they both knew the relationship had to end, but being who he is, he had a hard time giving up on something he had invested so much time in to. So, she beat him to the punch. Was he upset? Of course. But, he still realized it had to happen. She kept contacting him relentlessly until HE told HER to stop and who knows, if he had never told her to stop, she may still be contacting him. She was young and it was her first serious relationship and she seemingly was insecure and constantly craved attention from any guy that offered it. Whatever, it happened. In my boyfriend's case, he eventually realized that those were her flaws and in all reality, he "WON" as you and Zammo like to put it, because he's not with a girl who craves attention from any guy that finds her remotely attractive despite the fact she yeah, she technically broke up with him. She has a new boyfriend now, but chances are, unless that guys a huge sucker, they'll run into the same problems if she keeps that up.

 

This is just an example I can attest to. My point is, you're leaving out the fact that exes may have their own issues to sort out... they're not going after someone better, they might THINK they can find something better, and entering into a new relationship might seem better on the surface, but there's no way to tell if that's really the case unless they get married later on down the road. In your case, you seem to see your ex through rose coloured glasses, so you don't see ANY flaws with them, which I guess kinda sucks. But 1) in time, I guarantee you'll realize something about her that didn't mesh well (as if leaving you for someone else doesn't do it for ya) and 2) I'm simply trying to disprove your theory that EVERY SINGLE DUMPEE should be view inferior to their dumper.

Edited January 22, 2013 by lemonlegs

[fiat500]

the grass is greener....for a little while

 

but then the honeymoon phase ends and you have to get to know the real person and work on the same sh*t you always need to work on in any relationship. and you get into the same ruts you need to work through just like everything else. there is no escaping this

 

sure, some relationships just naturally can't work out and some relationships are unhealthy or abusive

 

but save for those exceptional circumstances, if you're leaving someone for something that seems new and exciting, you're throwing your best friend in the trash. it's like dumping a dog on the side of a rode in the most abominable weather conditions and driving away.

[lemonlegs]

the grass is greener....for a little while

 

but then the honeymoon phase ends and you have to get to know the real person and work on the same sh*t you always need to work on in any relationship. and you get into the same ruts you need to work through just like everything else. there is no escaping this

 

sure, some relationships just naturally can't work out and some relationships are unhealthy or abusive

 

but save for those exceptional circumstances, if you're leaving someone for something that seems new and exciting, you're throwing your best friend in the trash. it's like dumping a dog on the side of a rode in the most abominable weather conditions and driving away.

 

This is exactly the point I'm trying to make... except people who are really down on themselves would rather convince themselves that they're inferior people all around and it's not their exes that have the issues...

[fiat500]

i think it's part of the healing process. on one hand, while it's a good idea to recognize your flaws in a failed relationship and fix them...eventually you have to wake up and take your ex off the pedestal you placed them on since they dumped you and stop convincing yourself your ex chose THE BETTER OPTION since they left you.

 

once you have the rose tinted glasses off chances are you'll realize they treated you in a sh*tty way during and toward the end of the relationship and you still blindly loved them for it.

 

it's like a flawed defense mechanism. you sense the end of a relationship and you just bend over and let them treat you the way they do because you're afraid of losing them.

Edited January 22, 2013 by fiat500

[Renard99]

The "losers" people see their exes with....they're not losers. They are the winners cause they are the ones that were chosen. Go ahead and lie to yourself and say "well that guy doesn't even have a job and he has two kids from an ex-wife that he doesn't support....he's a loser I'm so much better than that, why can't she see it!!"

 

You know who doesn't think he's a loser? Your ex-girlfriend that wants to be with, that thinks he's sexy and desirable, and makes her happy.

 

Lemonlegs...at some point your ex looked you in the eyes, held your hand, and said some sweet, encouraging things like "It's not you, it's me. We just didn't work out....we weren't on the same page. Really...you're wonderful...but it's just not meant to be...."

 

And as soon as that same ex gets together with friends, the words are much different. "Man, I'm SOOO happy that's over and I never have to see lemonlegs ever again!! What a train wreck that relationship was! I'm so glad I hooked up with So-And-So and finally found out what real happiness is!!"

 

Harsh reality, but that's the way it is.

 

As for "good enough for YOU" as opposed to "good enough" in a general sense....well, what's the difference? I don't care if I'm "good enough" for some one-legged 47 year old shut-in that works at a cat food factory. I wasn't good enough for the women I loved, so that's all that matters. I value THEIR opinions of me higher than someone that I am not attracted to.

 

Ok, but where do you guys draw the line?

 

You make out like you're the scum of the earth, lowest of the low and no one could possibly love you when only one person has made one decision. Yes... I know you loved the person, as I did with my ex but at no point did I label myself as inferior when she left and shacked up with a muscular guy with a flashy car. As harsh as it sounds I viewed it as just another one of those times when you get a rejection in life, like after a job interview. Sure, it hurt a hell of a lot more and took a hell of a lot longer to get over, but I didn't brand myself as inferior compared to the other candidate (which yes, you can say I was). I dusted myself off and looked for another job opportunity.

 

I know relationships are a million miles away from job interviews but you guys just seem to be beating yourselves up by labelling yourselves. Your bruises will never heal when you keep hitting the same spot but you seem to like to argue the case for their continued existence.

[mutant]

Ok, but where do you guys draw the line?

 

You make out like you're the scum of the earth, lowest of the low and no one could possibly love you when only one person has made one decision. Yes... I know you loved the person, as I did with my ex but at no point did I label myself as inferior when she left and shacked up with a muscular guy with a flashy car. As harsh as it sounds I viewed it as just another one of those times when you get a rejection in life, like after a job interview. Sure, it hurt a hell of a lot more and took a hell of a lot longer to get over, but I didn't brand myself as inferior compared to the other candidate (which yes, you can say I was). I dusted myself off and looked for another job opportunity.

 

I know relationships are a million miles away from job interviews but you guys just seem to be beating yourselves up by labelling yourselves. Your bruises will never heal when you keep hitting the same spot but you seem to like to argue the case for their continued existence.

 

I think fallenheart and zammo have made fairly good points. When an ex dumps you it's normally down to them wanting to be with a better person. For Instance Renard, If you were more attractive/muscular and owned a flashy car maybe your ex wouldn't have left. I don't want to know, but i believe my ex is now seeing a more attractive and richer man. I dont think I am a lesser man, but I would like to be richer and more attractive.

 

What I don't agree with zammo and fallenheart is that we should wallow in self pity and wish we were the other guy. Instead, get the F-CK out there and work towards transforming yourself into Mr Irresistible! In our case Renard maybe we should hit the gym and possibly work harder for that car, if that makes us feel more confident.

[Renard99]

I think fallenheart and zammo have made fairly good points. When an ex dumps you it's normally down to them wanting to be with a better person. For Instance Renard, If you were more attractive/muscular and owned a flashy car maybe your ex wouldn't have left. I don't want to know, but i believe my ex is now seeing a more attractive and richer man. I dont think I am a lesser man, but I would like to be richer and more attractive.

 

What I don't agree with zammo and fallenheart is that we should wallow in self pity and wish we were the other guy. Instead, get the F-CK out there and work towards transforming yourself into Mr Irresistible! In our case Renard maybe we should hit the gym and possibly work harder for that car, if that makes us feel more confident.

 

I see what you're saying but I'm perfectly happy being me! I'm now with someone that likes me for exactly who I am and I'm happy with that. If someone I'm with wants a big muscular guy who's rich then I just see it as we're not right for each other because I'm neither and that's just who I am.

 

Don't get me wrong, I'm still jealous of those that have it all and given the chance I'd work for it...but... short of a massive change in career and salary, a massive amount of plastic surgery and a massive personality transplant, I know it's not going to happen anytime soon and I know that I am who I am....... and that has been vindicated to me by finding someone that likes me for who I am now.

 

I don't see the point in labelling yourself inferior and the wallowing in the self pity when everyone is completely different and no less loveable for it!

[dumPI]

Believe those who say that a lot of times (if you've been a good/excellent boyfriend/girlfriend for a long time) it's not about us but about them

 

My ex left me for someone else after 8 months together. We reconnected as "friends" after 7 months NC. In that time she had dated and broken up with a couple of guys.

 

She said to me: "You were the best. Couldn't find one like you" (of course I know I have to take her words with a grain of salt). However, the fact is that our reconnection lasted 3 months and she forced NC on me most likely to be able to freely attach emotionally to a new guy. So in the end I was best but she is still trying to find better. Good luck!

 

Most of the times it's just a matter of feelings. Everytime she is over the honeymoon period hers decay and she dumps the guy. Then it's time for her to objectively revisit her relationships and that's when I'll always win and I know it.

 

I even told her back then "if you and me can't find someone better, at the end we both will be each other's best". Of course it doesn't bring me any current benefit and I had to endure the whole break up as well as I could.

Edited January 22, 2013 by dumPI

[Zammo25]

I like to be honest with myself and face the truth head on. Too many people on here delude themselves that somehow the ex is not over the moon to be rid of our sorry ars*s and the thread title was like a red rag to a bull for me. You see, know, the dumpers do not regret it, hardly, ever. Not for a second. They decided me, you were not good enough for them and we are the losers, they are the winners.

 

Mr Wonderful is better for her in everyway possible so she used me as a stepping stone to better times and now she has reached this she does not give a toss if I live or die and anything we shared together is now totally meaningless to her. The fact whatever I did, how much I loved her, what I did for her and her daughter was a waste of time as a shinier and better option turned up and she moved on. What pisses me off the most is that Mr Wonderful was on the scene whilst we were still together, I am sure, and then she withdrew. I can see this now. She put up no fight as Mr Perfect was already sniffing around which made it much easier for her to leave the relationship with no fight and no regrets. Life is not fair, the nice guy nearly always finishes last and people can ruin others without a thought or a care in the world. All of us here are broken, abandoned, lost whilst our ex's are being plowed by a better guy and that sucks but that is life.

Edited January 22, 2013 by Zammo25

[Zammo25]

That is why I like fallenheart. He tells it how it is and does not buy all this " ex will regret it bullcrap " They don't , they never will and they have a much better option now. You are surplus to their requirements now, like I am.

[mutant]

That is why I like fallenheart. He tells it how it is and does not buy all this " ex will regret it bullcrap " They don't , they never will and they have a much better option now. You are surplus to their requirements now, like I am.

 

Okay. It's good that you realized that the ex is better off without you. Question is, what are you going to do about it? Sit there thinking the ex is being ploughed by Mr wonderful and wallow in self-pity or man-up and take control of your life? Once you have identified your flaws you have to correct the mistakes and improve yourself.

[Zammo25]

Okay. It's good that you realized that the ex is better off without you. Question is, what are you going to do about it? Sit there thinking the ex is being ploughed by Mr wonderful and wallow in self-pity or man-up and take control of your life? Once you have identified your flaws you have to correct the mistakes and improve yourself.

 

You know NOTHING about me and the efforts I make. I am just saying the ex is far better off with Mr Wonderful, I know this, she knows this, Mr Wonderful knows this and fallenheart knows this as we have looked deep into our souls and realised we are inadequate and lacking, so honesty is always the best policy in my opinion. Face it head on instead of " airy fairy " the ex will regret it bullcrap as they don't , won't and never will.

[mutant]

You know NOTHING about me and the efforts I make. I am just saying the ex is far better off with Mr Wonderful, I know this, she knows this, Mr Wonderful knows this and fallenheart knows this as we have looked deep into our souls and realised we are inadequate and lacking, so honesty is always the best policy in my opinion. Face it head on instead of " airy fairy " the ex will regret it bullcrap as they don't , won't and never will.

 

I have actually been following your threads and posts for months now and you have always been referring to him as "Mr Wonderful" and talking of your ex being "plowed". What I cannot comprehend is why you haven't achieved closure even after "understanding" your ex's position and accepting facts as they are. You may be " inadequate" to her but not to everyone else. It's also a fact that there will always be someone better than us and we cannot live in fear that they will come sniffing around.

[NoMoreJerks]

Oh yeah, just because one woman left you, you are now universally inadequate, for ALL women, right? Because ALL women have the same criteria and are attracted to the very same type of guys.... Apparently THAT is not self-deluding / defeatist, but saying that the ex will likely regret his/her decision down the line, IS? Wow.