Jonathan_NZ Posted January 12, 2013 Posted January 12, 2013 Clearly I'm new here but this seems like a great sounding board and sometimes advice from unbiased strangers is the best kind. So.... I've been with my partner for 6 years, she became pregnant within a month of us getting together. She decided that she wanted to keep it and that meant I had to step up and do the right thing (support her through it all etc and make "us" work). Things were ok until she started to get bigger due to the pregnancy, I had no issue with it but she wasn't interested in sex, I didn't want to force her to do anything so never pushed the issue, we continued on getting along fine, talking etc the usual couples stuff. After my son was born things were still the same, she wasn't interested in sex, rejecting any notion of it (this isnt mere days after my son being born, im speaking of 2 to 3 months). I had learnt that her ex partner was quite abusive in a sexual manner, Ive never gotten details as I know she wouldnt be comfortable talking about it and its got to be hard enough for her, so I again didn't really puruse sex any further. Its now been 4 years without sex, again we still talk and get along but its more a feeling of flat mates or renting together. She has said that she loves me when weve had arguments but Im finding it harder and harder to reciprocate those feelings. We dont cuddle or kiss, they seem awkward. Im in a real bind because she has been good for me, she has straightened my life out and given me purpose (my son). Why Im finding it so hard is because of my son. I have responsibilities, I need to be there for him (and her, I got her pregnant and changed her life), support him and set good examples and the thought of not being there for him 24/7 for anything scares me. Then theres the new boyfirends playing dad (i know thats being paranoid but he my son). Im really lost on what to do as I dont want to hurt her and I know she will be devastated( not talking myself up at all) and Im terrified of being alone. I have very very few good quality friends to fall back on for support and very little funds to support myself were I on my own (I know these arent reasons to stay with someone or not but things that go through my head) Any tips or advice would be greatly appreciated and feel free to ask any further questions if you feel ive missed something.
FailedFirstLove Posted January 12, 2013 Posted January 12, 2013 Communicate! Please do it before its too late! Don't be one of those that just crack and leave out of the blue! 1
Author Jonathan_NZ Posted January 12, 2013 Author Posted January 12, 2013 (edited) Thanks for the reply I dont want anyone to get the wrong idea either, she is a great person, im just telling the story from my side I have tried, the last time we had a talk I brought up the no sex and very little in common and it never came to anything. She always clams up and never has anything to say. I definately wouldnt do it out of the blue but Im afraid to bring it up that im not happy because as I mentioned that would realy hurt her. Actually its not that Im not happy, i think its that im not getting anything out of the relationship, yes ive got realative financial stability, a gorgeous son and someone to talk to but there doesnt sem to be that strong connection that I would expect. And I expecting to much? Edited January 12, 2013 by Jonathan_NZ
Author Jonathan_NZ Posted January 12, 2013 Author Posted January 12, 2013 Have decided to talk to her tonight. Not to break up but to see if.. 1. there is anything to save and 2. if there is something to save, how to save it.
FailedFirstLove Posted January 12, 2013 Posted January 12, 2013 Have decided to talk to her tonight. Not to break up but to see if.. 1. there is anything to save and 2. if there is something to save, how to save it. Yep that's the way! If all guys would let girls in on their thought before it was too late their wouldbt be so much heart break. If she wants it to work and love you still she will talk to u and try work something out. It may mean she has to sacrifice something for you. Some people keep it all inside and dot say it. How is the other person to know what's wrong? If you both feel the same way then a mutual breakup or seperation may help. At least it won't end up bitter good luck to you!!! I ope u can work it out and have a great little family
FailedFirstLove Posted January 12, 2013 Posted January 12, 2013 Maybe even consider couples counseling if u really want to save it together. It may help and have suggestions for the both of you to feel loved. Maybe even a little get away alone or time alone each week. Having a child can be alot of pressure and time consuming. But don't take me word haha I don't have a kid!
Author Jonathan_NZ Posted January 12, 2013 Author Posted January 12, 2013 I really appreciate the input. When it comes to head and heart the fight can be never ending and someone elses perspective can be priceless. My biggest fear is that its been so long that any kind of intimacy will feel awkward. Only time will tell I guess.
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