So there it is

[ConfusedHumanBeing]

Hey guys....again. Today, I have hit rock bottom again. (EX 21 year old broke up with me three months ago. I'm 26... said she loved me and needed time yada yada. Had HUGE issues growing up... went to therapy for 8 weeks ....turns out she "lost feelings" for me during that time and wanted to be single. Said I didn't appreciate anything she did or show enough affection which was a lie.. Week later, says she likes someone else but its weird and not a relationship. Says "its complicated" but obviously likes him. I think he has a GF but I'm not sure at all)

 

So, I've been attempting to go NC with her as I have done that before for about a month before responding to a breadcrumb, but NC has always just made things worse in my head. When I DO talk to her, I feel like I still have a false sense of my hand on the pulse if that makes sense.....hope I guess. It's incredibly false obviously, but it still makes life a little more bearable when I think that there might be a "chance." When I go NC, like most, I feel the urge to talk to her to make sure she knows I still care type stuff, especially since she said one of the reasons she didn't want a reconciliation was because "I didn't pay enough attention to her." So, my diluted head thought maybe keeping casual conversation every once and a while might be ok....well WRONG obviously hence why people say don't do it lol. I stop for like two or three days, then go right back to it again just to stop again. Rinse and repeat.

 

So, today, I get a new phone in the mail (old one busted). I decided to install all of my old apps on there. One app I didn't have before was Instragram, so I installed it. Now, before I continue, I have told her to block me on social networks (facebook, twitter, etc). Does that mean I stopped trying to look? Sadly, if you know me, you know that it didn't. I have an incredible streak of being nosey to the max, and the person I loved only amps it up that much more. Noticed recently she made everything on her page public (I was only able to see default photo from there) and noticed she has been writing depressing statuses and then just straight up deleting her facebook and reactiviting it a day or two later. I'm not vain and I know that probably had nothing to do with me.....She texted me on Sunday talking about my favorite team (Seahawks) playing that day. Casual NICE TD or whatever was happening in the game. She has been acting pretty depressed when texting me I've also noticed. She forgot my birthday on Tuesday which really irritated me and I made it known and she was like "WOW totally did not realize it was the 8th. I'm sorry Happy Belated Birthday." I was pretty upset (I realize she isn't obligated to say anything because we are not friends or dating), but said alright whatever. So, the next day, I asked her what happened to her? Told her that she has been not acting herself the past couple of months and she said "I know" She said later she has just been really busy and ready to graduate already and leave the place where she lives. I get that, its the same dream she had while we were together. Again, didn't matter, but I was mildly glad she was having a rough time with whatever she was dealing with because I have been for a while myself.....

 

Sorry, sidetracked. So, I install Instragram and of course, I wonder if my ex has it. Sure enough, she did (Just got a new phone a month ago as well). Most of her photos were with her and her friends...but there were two that stood out to me. One was a guy in her room about three weeks ago in his underwear wearing some sort of weird shirt. Turns out the guy that was in there is a friend of mine. Not good friend, just mild. They were friends before we were so cool. Found another one from saturday where she was taking a picture at Starbucks with some guys hand in the photo with caption of ...then wrote something today saying "I wish you were walking with me to see this sunset." I can only imagine life was a little easier breaking up with someone without social media making it so tempting.

 

So, that almost killed me today. I wanted to know but I didn't want to know...ya know lol? I didnt want a face or her text associated with the repeated cycle in my mind. Now, I have it....or not. Who even knows doesnt matter its not me. So, I texted her this morning and just flat out asked her. She goes "Why does it matter :/" I said "It does actually" She goes "Well you have a GF now, so it shouldnt be a problem" I then said "We are dating, not in a relationship" and she goes "You said GF last week but okay"....and I again asked her....she goes "Not really. Its complicated" Which she has obviously said before. I told her "I figured because youve been acting weird this week" and then she responds with "Well he has been around for awhile so I dont know if he was the reason I acted different this week"....I laid it out that it's not my business, but with dating someone or not, I miss the f*** out of her and that I do think about her a lot, even if I am some passing thought to her".......no response. Wasn't thinking there would be obviously. It sucks so much because there is nothing I can say or do because her mind is made up. Help me!!

[Simon Phoenix]

Dude, stop contacting her. For your sake and for hers. It's not helping anything. You need to override your nosy impulses and stop this.

[ConfusedHumanBeing]

Dude, stop contacting her. For your sake and for hers. It's not helping anything. You need to override your nosy impulses and stop this.

 

I know that's the sad part. I'm fully aware what I am doing is incredibly dumb and not helping a thing. I've tried everything to gauge some sort of reaction from her didnt work, telling her how I felt didnt work, telling her I was going on dates she didnt care....you cant force someone to care I do understand that. I just wish SO MUCH that she did. I have mini panic attacks when I start thinking about her which is ALL the d*** time. I wish "The Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind" was real, so I can erase everything of my mind. Its driving me loco

[fancy feast]

You have to teach yourself to stop doing this kind of stuff. The next time you get that itch to look at one of her profiles, try your best to resist. Take it one by one. Eventually, it just goes away and you stop giving a ****.

[ConfusedHumanBeing]

You have to teach yourself to stop doing this kind of stuff. The next time you get that itch to look at one of her profiles, try your best to resist. Take it one by one. Eventually, it just goes away and you stop giving a ****.

 

Yeah, thats my biggest problem is doing that, then creating stories in my head and playing "guess who" which is SO much worse than not talking and I do get that....but I KEEP doing it. Keep asking questions that I really dont want to know. Why do I want to know this stuff?

[na49]

Reading your story makes me want to reach out to my ex less. It made me remember that reaching out to her really doesn't do anything and although it's nice to still hear from them. If we aren't hearing anything good, is it really that good to hear from them? So thanks for that. I'm sorry you're dealing with this.

 

I'll be rooting for your Seahawks on Sunday though. My Jets wouldn't know anything about playing in the playoffs and having a really good defense.

[ConfusedHumanBeing]

Reading your story makes me want to reach out to my ex less. It made me remember that reaching out to her really doesn't do anything and although it's nice to still hear from them. If we aren't hearing anything good, is it really that good to hear from them? So thanks for that. I'm sorry you're dealing with this.

 

I'll be rooting for your Seahawks on Sunday though. My Jets wouldn't know anything about playing in the playoffs and having a really good defense.

 

You know whats funny? I go to this board sometimes to read what other people say with their problems and I just chuckle sometimes and go "Why do you keep shooting yourself in the foot?"......and yet here I am. I need to take my own advice, but I am so broken down from ALL of this I KEEP doing it. It's almost like I'm so obsessed with getting her back in my life, that I wont be happy until I get her back....thats obviously wrong, I know I will be okay in the end. However, I can't breathe at times. It's like someone keeps taking my heart and smashing it against the wall, and I'm the one throwing it to it. I really dont know how to make myself stop. I love her and I hate her at the same time.

 

And go Hawks!

[na49]

You know whats funny? I go to this board sometimes to read what other people say with their problems and I just chuckle sometimes and go "Why do you keep shooting yourself in the foot?"......and yet here I am. I need to take my own advice, but I am so broken down from ALL of this I KEEP doing it. It's almost like I'm so obsessed with getting her back in my life, that I wont be happy until I get her back....thats obviously wrong, I know I will be okay in the end. However, I can't breathe at times. It's like someone keeps taking my heart and smashing it against the wall, and I'm the one throwing it to it. I really dont know how to make myself stop. I love her and I hate her at the same time.

 

And go Hawks!

 

I hear you. I give others advice. If only I'd take it for myself. I also hate my ex so much that I love her. It sucks. It sucks that I don't know how she feels about me now. I know I shouldn't want to know. I shouldn't want someone who cheated on me to come back. I do though! I want her to know that I do miss her and that I do love her and that my ignoring her charade wasn't to insult her but to try to help me. Maybe if she understood it, it would help her if she did think I was a jerk.

 

This whole moving on thing makes me sick. Makes me wish I never got as attached to this girl than I did. I'm 18, why did I honestly believe this girl when she said that she wanted to marry me and stay together forever? We're just starting college. She'll go through guys like a kid goes through new toys. Once she gets bored of them she'll get a new one. How hypocritical of her to do this though... She's the one who is all about "true love" and "long lasting relationships" I loved her. Knowing there's nothing we can do to bring them back just sucks.

 

 

Alright my bad for venting in your thread lol. Having a bad night.

[ConfusedHumanBeing]

I hear you. I give others advice. If only I'd take it for myself. I also hate my ex so much that I love her. It sucks. It sucks that I don't know how she feels about me now. I know I shouldn't want to know. I shouldn't want someone who cheated on me to come back. I do though! I want her to know that I do miss her and that I do love her and that my ignoring her charade wasn't to insult her but to try to help me. Maybe if she understood it, it would help her if she did think I was a jerk.

 

This whole moving on thing makes me sick. Makes me wish I never got as attached to this girl than I did. I'm 18, why did I honestly believe this girl when she said that she wanted to marry me and stay together forever? We're just starting college. She'll go through guys like a kid goes through new toys. Once she gets bored of them she'll get a new one. How hypocritical of her to do this though... She's the one who is all about "true love" and "long lasting relationships" I loved her. Knowing there's nothing we can do to bring them back just sucks.

 

 

Alright my bad for venting in your thread lol. Having a bad night.

 

I hear ya man. I was doing so much better....then BAM just hit it again about a week and a half ago. Mild talking to her gave me stupid hope that MAYBE it could be fine.....when all it did was give her more confidence in being with pushing towards someone else. With the being 18 and wanting to commit, SAME thing here. Was a serious when I was talking to a young 21 year old who has never had another relationship about marriage? Its dumb for me to sit here and worry about it every...single...minute of the day. Even exercising, playing basketball, being with friends, being on OTHER dates....its her. RIGHT THERE. It doesn't look like its going anywhere soon either and thats the worst part for me. I hate myself and I hate thinking about it SOOOOOO much. It drives me crazy. I'm 26...ive been in many different relationships. I've never loved someone as much as my EX. I've said and done everything I possibly can to have her see how much I care and its a WIFF every single time.

 

I can't do anything else. I've tried everything I can possibly think of....and what does she want?? To be in a "its complicated" relationship. Where she gives her all and the other person doesnt want it as much. Its been three months of "its complicated" with this guy.....while I've tried to get back out there, but I dont want what else is out there. I want her and WHY DO I WANT HER?? She obviously doesnt want me

[Simon Phoenix]

If you can't do anything else, then don't do anything else. F--king stop, What separates humans from the animals is the ability to control their urges and make rational decision. You know it's not working, so stop doing it. Or every time you feel the urge to contact your ex, find a brick wall and bash your head against it. Because that's basically what you are doing every time you contact her. Maybe if you feel physical pain from it you'll stop your self-destructive, devaluing behavior.

[ConfusedHumanBeing]

If you can't do anything else, then don't do anything else. F--king stop, What separates humans from the animals is the ability to control their urges and make rational decision. You know it's not working, so stop doing it. Or every time you feel the urge to contact your ex, find a brick wall and bash your head against it. Because that's basically what you are doing every time you contact her. Maybe if you feel physical pain from it you'll stop your self-destructive, devaluing behavior.

 

Haha that is a good point. I need one of those shock collars that dogs use everytime I pick up the phone and try to text. It's been four months, and today has been the WORST out of all of them. Just like most on here who have been through a BU, the feelings of being replaced sometimes outweigh the feelings for the actual person. I miss her SO f***** much. I've never wanted anything more in my life and that is REALLY annoying to me. As I've said, I go on here to read other post and just say "Oh man, why do they KEEP doing the SAME stupid S*** over and over again." I do the EXACT same thing every time. I cannot go NC to save my life. I went a month!! How in the blue hell did I go a full month without talking to her???? Was a better than I was now? NO I wasn't. The whole time, I would just wonder what she is doing, who she is talking to, where she is at.....The past three years, I've made myself available to her and help her, be with her, just love her. We had a good relationship. The only times there were "issues' were the last month were I hated my job, and I never got mad at her or hated her....I just was bummed out. AND NOW I'm sitting here on a friday night just wondering how in the hell did it get to this point? We were so happy early on and everything was incredible. When she left at first, I thought there would be a chance to show her that its not that bad. She doesnt even want to even TALK to me. I'm the worst person on the face of the earth currently....not really, she is "friendly", but its very apparent she never wants it again. How can someone NOT want something that made them happy? She seems sad, but would rather CHASE then attempt to TRY and reconcile with someone who would make her feel important???? Guys use logic and girls use emotion and she says she doesnt have those feelings anymore and that makes sense, but even just going OUT somewhere with me would be an ultimate sin. That is what drives me crazy. It drives me up a wall actually. I dont understand women in the slightest. "I want a guy who cares for me, and puts me as his top priority. I want a guy who is caring, funny, and will do anything to make me smile. There arent enough guys like that!".....and yet here is one awesome dude that she doesnt want. Its dumb

[jovan]

You just have to accept it not understand it, SHE DOESN'T WANT YOU! I know it hurts, my story is really similar to yours. Everything was okay till the 21th December when she said that she doesn't want a relationship with me anymore. And she broke 5 year relationship in 5 minutes. I was devastated, and I still am, and every day is its own battle. I know how you feel, but stay strong man, you will get over it in time!