had lunch with ex... what does this mean?

[sotoman]

hi all.

just want to know whether i should let my hopes up or not...

appreciate any advice...

 

ok heres the deal:

 

she still has half her stuff at my apartment, she never got it all after she moved out.

 

we have had periods of NC, but she always texts me after 2 or 3 days, tho i dont always reply.

 

last time i asked her, she said she still feels emotionless toward me, and cant get back together with me. she says she still feels hurt about certain things.

 

---

yesterday, i had to take her off the lease to the apartment, so we both had to go to the leasing office and sign a paper. it was unavoidable, since she moved out over 2 months ago, and the landlord has been nagging me to get it done.

 

we both went, signed the paper, and we were both having a nice conversation.

then she said that i seem like a whole new person, that my therapy is having a great effect on me (combat related PTSD).

she said my behavior is changed, and its night and day, compared to how i was before.

i mentioned that the therapy is teaching me how to think and handle things differently, and i feel great. -its the truth!

i told her that i had to say something. i said that if she was sure that she didnt want to get together EVER again, i would feel its better if i left her alone so she and i can both move on. -she said nothing.

i asked her again, and again she said nothing.

 

ok, so i dropped it, and we talked about her work, etc. few laughs, and a goodbye hug.

then she asked if she could take me lunch for my work (i work at night), and i said 'no im fine. but thanks anyway'.

then she kind of insisted to take it to me at 2am, my lunch break.

i said ok.

 

so last nite, at 2 am she calls and says shes headed over to my workplace with some food for me. she shows, up, and she asked if i could sit in her car and chat. i did for about 15 minutes, until i had to return to work.

before i left, we made plans to have lunch today.

 

so today we went and had lunch, and went to a few pawn shops to look for deals (just like we both used to enjoy).

again, more conversation, the breakup didnt come up at all.

laughs, some catching up since we havent been talking for a long time.

 

when she took me back home, she said thanks, and no hug this time.

 

---

i dont want to get my hopes up, but im sensing many mixed signals.

why did she say nothing when i told her about letting her go if we had no chance in the future?

why did she insist on taking me lunch at work like she used to?

 

im confused.

if theres no hope, i dont want to be played with.

if shes still confused and angry, then im ok with being patient and giving her space.

i do love her, but i dont want to be friendzoned.

 

thanks for your advice!

Edited January 12, 2013 by sotoman

[alwaysthere0]

Its best not to hold onto hope. While you can never know what will actually happen, Im more than sure she misses you but may actually only want a friendship from you. You cant ask her 'Is there ever a chance?' its such an impossible question to answer when her decision right now was to end it.

[sotoman]

thanks for your input alwaysthere0! youre right, theres no way i can know what shes thinking or feeling.

 

--actually, a friend at work talked some sense into me.

 

he says that she misses me alot, but shes not wanting to get back together.

he also said that she knows that im there waiting for her, like a little puppy.

which is why when i did NC with her, she didnt worry, because she knew i wasnt going anywhere. theres no sense of loss, or any feeling of finality, and shes confused and not knowing what she wants, and is still hurt.

he said she wont realize what she lost if im available anytime she wants to call or text. she wont be able to clearly make a final decision if im that puppy waiting to hear from her.

 

now i dont know if its possible for her to want to reconcile someday, but i do feel like a sucker.

 

it might be the case that she doesnt know if she wants friendship, or is mixed up, or maybe she never wants to try again ever.

whichever the case, i dont like the idea of me being the little puppy waiting for her to lead me along or play with my emotions.

 

if she wants to try again, then she should tell me already. if she is serious about never being together again, then she should stop calling and texting every few days.

-s*** or get off the pot, so to speak.

 

any thought on this? am i right?

i think im going to change my phone number.

[alwaysthere0]

It's true! If she knows you are always gonna be there for the taking she will take full advantage of that. It would be a great ego

Boost for her! You need to ignore her & go NC so she can actually realise what she has given up. Don't ever be someone's doormat. Just focus on you & begin to move forward without her in your life & then you never know what will happen, she could eventually come back & you could be in a good enough place to decline.

[alwaysthere0]

Oh and don't feel like a sucker, sometimes you can't help getting caught up with emotion! And I think changing your phone number & making it super hard for her to contact you would make this whole process easier.

[sotoman]

thanks for the input alwaysthere0!

youre right.