Dumped me all of a sudden

[yourekillingme]

Looking through the threads i see my story is so common.

After a very happy 8 months i was dumped out of nowhere. I will try and keep it short. We both are 32

 

We were not real close but childhood friends until she moved away (4th grade). We hooked up last year through chatting on facebook and decided to date. Instantly things were great. The more time went on the more i realized i met the woman of my dreams Ive been in several relationships but this one taught me what "real" love and happiness is all about. We were inseperable and she not only told me but showed me in many ways how much she cared about me. It was new to me having a woman make me feel so loved and special.

 

Her background:

During our dating, arguments with her ex husband (divorce final 6 months before we dated) kind of heated up about her daughter. She was also going through financial struggles on top of working full time and school. Im not rich but im good financially and helped her with necessities without going overboard. She gave me gifts which she considered small to show her appreciation. I loved them! She was so excited about me. I overheard her conversations about how great i was and how she was ready for the rest of her family to meet me for Thanksgiving. She loved how all her friends and coworkers liked me

 

The turn:

We had an argument which was extremely petty but i guess it triggered her. She snapped and told me she was "overwhelmed" and doesnt have the tolerance or energy for a relationship. I tried calling her the next day but no answer or reply to text. My not understanding had me texting and begging which pushed her further away. i gave it a few days. During that time i thought deeper about what she said that night and some of our previous conversations. She also talked about her dad alot that died when she was 18. Everything lined up with depression. She ignored me

 

After:

I was hurt but going through plenty of breakups i understood being dumped and recovering and accepted the break. I hid her facebook statuses and resigned our Words with Friends game and hid all of the gifts she gave me so that i could begin to heal.

 

Here is where it gets tricky. We NEVER had arguments and both really loved each other. In the beginning of our breakup every few days she would send me a random text and we would have a small conversation then she disappears again. This went on for about a month until i explained my hurt and missing her (which she never replies to). Ive taken her to lunch and she even looks different and is all of a sudden cold hearted not loving at all. She still says she is overwhelmed. Its been two weeks since we have talked or texted but she still sends me Words with Friends game request even though i told her its hard for me because i still miss her and love her.

 

I dont know what to do. its been 3 months and i still love her and miss her so much. she was like my soul mate. if there is no hope i want to remove all contact and move on. but right now im hanging on to hope even with the very dry and random replies to my text and her words with friends game request. Help!!!!

[TaraMaiden]

You're right.

Other than the details and individuals, your story, is sadly, like those of so many others, both men and women.

 

You need to go No Contact (read the Updated Guide, Link in my signature) and use it as the basis and reason for your survival.

You need to stick to it, to get through it....

 

The ball is in her court, but it seems her previous relationship is still a very sore issue, she also has some attachment to her relationship with her dad...

 

There is no specific relevant point on which to fix; all you know is that this is broken, and you need to heal yourself.....

[yourekillingme]

Thank you for your quick reply. It hurts and I feel like im running when i want to be supportive. but i am going to read your link now.

[soccerrprp]

Hmmm. You say that you had an argument that "triggered" the break-up then later say that you NEVER had arguments. Which is it?

 

What was the argument about? I think it key based on your testimony.

[yourekillingme]

We never had an argument before our break up i should have stated. Sorry. She called me over because she "needed a hug and wanted to cuddle" I was there shortly after. She was still kind of light hearted. But she didnt want to be touched. I was confused and question this which triggered her snapping and making the statement about tolerance and energy. Looking back i should have noticed the signs. She was crying about working and school and not seeing her daughter as often. and how much she hated her ex and how all her money was going towards bills

[MyAngel]

I am so sorry you're hurting. I can relate to a few things in here with my break up. She told me she was overwhelmed with her life (I assume that my being in it was another aspect that was overwhelming.)

 

What does "overwhelmed" mean in a break up conversation? Anyone care to share their thoughts?

[Dante311]

I'm sorry mate, I know how you feel.

 

Sometimes you don't want to know why... or shouldn't. I know I wouldn't.

If someone is going to reject me, that's it. I give it a novel attempt to let her know how *I* feel, but if that isn't good enough, she knows (from previous conversations) it's over for good as I walk. I've only caved once, primarily because I was the recipient of abuse... other than that, i've never turned back.

 

I empathize, and extend my arm to your sorrows, friends. Keep strong and moving forward. Why spend the time and effort on someone, despite loving, who cannot return it? It's human nature to fall into and out of love... Given the circumstances, I would not be surprised if she comes back, and it's up to you if you want to open that door. To me, it's a pandora's box. To decide if you can tolerate the torment subconsciously knowing she MAY walk out again... and back, and out, and back... too much for me.

 

[Dante311]

Hmmm. You say that you had an argument that "triggered" the break-up then later say that you NEVER had arguments. Which is it?

 

What was the argument about? I think it key based on your testimony.

 

I will say it's not ONE argument that triggered it. Women typically, in a pattern-esque manner, check out of a relationship a long time prior...

[yourekillingme]

Dante thats exactly where i am. Righ now i still love her but ive been thru this "breakup rodeo " before and know its a process. Now im missing her and want her to come back but cant wait til im not worried anymore

[newmoon]

this is sad and i'm sorry you're hurting. the way i see this situation, it was really only you that fell in love, not her. if she loved you at all this wouldn't have happened. her divorce was final too close to the time you guys hooked up. 6 months = not enough healing time, especially since there is a child involved. she probably really needed a friend to talk to and open up to and you were there, as a friend to her (hence all the little tokens of thanks) and while she was remaning friendly you were falling in love. when women get out of dating/marriage relationships we need that validation again that we are pretty/desirable, and you gave her that for a while, until she was strong enough. please don't hold out hope - move on and try to find someone with less baggage who will be open to your love. you also seem kind of stuck on the fact that there were 'no fights/arguments.' imo that isn't a very good benchmark for knowing anything; an absence of fights doesn't equal a perfect relatioship, just as loads of fighting doesn't mean doom. just sayin'

[yourekillingme]

Wow Newmoon! You brought in a brand new perspective! I was dead set on it being depression. Your post makes sense also