Roi Posted January 12, 2013 Posted January 12, 2013 *my sincere apologies for my language, I'm in a REALLY bad mood* So I already told my whole story, let's just say my ex basically dated me to make her ex jealous, left me for him without me knowing (she hid it well), had sex with him, came back crying and admitting that the grass was not greener at his side, drags me along for another 3 months while telling me how much she "loves" me, suddenly dumps me for her ex again and moves on without any sorrow. It's been about 2.5 months now and I've been to gym 5 days/week, invested in ****loads of supplements and healthy dieting (getting my bodyfat% below 10 I'm into natural bodybuilding), I've not broken NC, I have tried writing all this **** down, I have gone partying and had sex with 2 other girls, and STILL every day at college when I see her my mood flips even though I tell myself she is none of my concerns anymore, she walks by and that deep bitter betrayed feeling makes me feel sick!! How the F*ck did she move on without ANY effort (YEAH I KNOW SHE HAS WHO SHE WANTS NOW, AND I KNOW IT'S HER DECISION) but it feels so damn unfair because I had more respect for her (maybe too much), didn't lie to her, wasn't as jealous as him, am in better shape as him and I would have caught a f*cking bullet for her, NO MATTER HOW I THINK ABOUT IT, WHATEVER I DO TO IMPROVE MYSELF, I CAN'T SEEM TO DEAL WITH THIS ANGER AND BITTERNESS, I LET IT COME OVER ME AND TRY TO ACCEPT IT BUT THE PAIN WON'T DISSAPEAR AND IT'S DRIVING ME INSANE
portableversion Posted January 12, 2013 Posted January 12, 2013 (edited) bro hang inther i just made a post on zammos thread aaaaarrrrgh!!! personally i dont think there is a more horrible experience than getting dumped, its happened to me , crap ive always gotten dumped and its always hurt real bad and each time it just seems to bite worse than the time before. For me having family members die off has been way easier to deal with than being dumped. I just dont think we are meant to live that way.death is understandable and makes sense and at times really does seem to be a blessing, especially if u believe in the after life but being dumped wow F-ME. Im gonna be so cautious when it comes to dating. and yeah ur probably helping yourself, perhaps u'd be worse off if u didnt do all the exercise but i think u need more, alot more. me im lucky ive accepted the label alcoholic, the 12 step program has been amazing over time, plus i went to group therapy and individual therapy, plus having a physically demanding job, plus regular church attendance and confirmation classes, my schedule was packed for the longest time with selfhelp and working over time. i know i needed it all.now im laid off i try to goto church everyday now, i have felt forced to put trust and faith into god and jesus. the ultimate source of love they wont leave us for somone else.if anything we dumped them, and made them cry. i will say it being rejected in love is the most horrible thing that can happen to a person at least for me, nothing has shattered my psyche more than falling in love with someone ive been sexually active with then to have them got do that with someone else. its has unique access points to my soul. next time im starting to think u knw what u wanna have sex ur gonna have to wait until we get married, ive gotta know its gonna last, i may not survive the next dumping, its been too much and it just gets worse everytime. Edited January 12, 2013 by portableversion
Author Roi Posted January 12, 2013 Author Posted January 12, 2013 . Yeah definatly, to me it's just the feeling of being betrayed that's the hardest to deal with! I basically treated her like a princess, like I'm 20 so that's still really young, when we woke up together one time, she was crying because she felt really bad about something, just really moody, I sneaked down and made banana's with chocolate topping for her, she comes down and tells me she's not hungry, and starts crying again, I take her back upstairs and gently massage her back into sleep, I sneak down again go to the store and get 2 big cans of ben&jerry's and a chick movie/ WHEN I HAD AN EMOTIONAL BREAKDOWN SHE TOLD ME THAT MY NEGATIVITY SCARED HER OFF.. The only time she was really sweet was during the honeymoon phase and still I have such a horrible time coping, and I feel for you bro, thanks for replying
TaraMaiden Posted January 12, 2013 Posted January 12, 2013 In that case, if you can't fight it - accept it. Go with it. Work with it. If you can, when you feel angry, just sit, close your eyes, and breathe deeply, in, for 4 seconds, hold for 4 seconds, blow out hard, for two seconds. do this three times. Focus completely on feeling what it's like to breathe in deeply, what it's like to hold your breath, and what it's like to let it go. Do it a couple of more times, but this time, release the breath over 5 seconds, don't blow it out fast. see what a difference it makes to breathe out calmly.... now, that done, bring your breathing to normal. And focus on your body. Where is the anger? Give it form, size, colour, shape, density, weight... mke it into a physical object. Then, actually make it shrink, either by melting it, or peeling it round and round like an apple.... keep going, until the piece is so small and insignificant that you can barely see it. Now - smile. Force a real, live, huge smile. Keep smiling, get up, and go about your business. This will work. but you have to do it.
Author Roi Posted January 13, 2013 Author Posted January 13, 2013 In that case, if you can't fight it - accept it. Go with it. Work with it. If you can, when you feel angry, just sit, close your eyes, and breathe deeply, in, for 4 seconds, hold for 4 seconds, blow out hard, for two seconds. do this three times. Focus completely on feeling what it's like to breathe in deeply, what it's like to hold your breath, and what it's like to let it go. Do it a couple of more times, but this time, release the breath over 5 seconds, don't blow it out fast. see what a difference it makes to breathe out calmly.... now, that done, bring your breathing to normal. And focus on your body. Where is the anger? Give it form, size, colour, shape, density, weight... mke it into a physical object. Then, actually make it shrink, either by melting it, or peeling it round and round like an apple.... keep going, until the piece is so small and insignificant that you can barely see it. Now - smile. Force a real, live, huge smile. Keep smiling, get up, and go about your business. This will work. but you have to do it. Hmmm, I will try this, thanks for the fast reply, I will let you know how it went. It's weird how even though I really want to move on, why is it so addicting for my body in some way to feel this self-pity and anger? Like I know I have to do this and there's no way around but still even though I'm doing myself a favor it feels like betraying my own body and emotions, it's really hard to explain! Also I kind off feel like someone who has a manic depression lately haha, I can be really occupied with the present and happy-ish when suddenly I see her I get this extremely vulnerable feeling
Recommended Posts