Estarrio Posted August 20, 2004 Posted August 20, 2004 Hi all! Thanks in advance for reading! I've been with my fiance for close to three years with a small "break" in the beginning. I proposed to her last October...with the understanding that it would be a couple of years before we were ready (financially, etc..). We moved in together in May. Everything with her has been wonderful...UNTIL we moved in together. As a bit of background, I'm 27 and have lived with partners before and was living on my own prior to this move. She is 25 and this is her first time away from her family. Things have been rocky since we moved in for several reasons. One of the biggest factors is that she does not communicate with me. She rarely tells me what is bothering her. I can get insecure myself and I tend to paint the worst case scenario if I don't know what's going on... Since we moved in, our sex life has gone through a drastic decline. She actually has not initiated sex once in our new place. She used to initiate all the time. She states that the differences are that she hasn't had much drive (no pill changes or major stress - she's on vacation atm), and that it's less of a pressing issue since we can have it all the time now. That is all well and good but four months? I realize there is an adjustment period but to not initiate in four months makes me feel like she's not attracted to me anymore. For the past couple of months she has also started going out to clubs with her friends every weekend. These aren't clubs for people our age, rather a young single, college type club that features flimsy clothing, grinding and drunken nakedness...basically meat markets. Her friends cheat on their respective boyfriends everytime they go. I've told her that I wouldn't mind her going so much if it weren't EVERY single weekend, if she toned down her clothing, if our physical relationship was normal, if we could actually spend some time together on one of my days off!!! I recently quit smoking...I was on day three and although she promised to spend some time with me that night...she left me to go to the club knowing I couldn't join and be around the smoke. I just feel like she is selfish and has no respect for me... Given the fact that talking about things doesn't really result in anything, does this sound like a doomed relationship to anyone? I still love her to death and it would be hard to leave her but I can't live like this. Am I over-reacting? Oddly enough, she's still picking out wedding dresses and planning our future together... Any advice or comments would be greatly appreciated!
doubledown Posted August 20, 2004 Posted August 20, 2004 Es, my take on this is...it looks bad for you, and I hope I'm wrong, but... My EX is the same age and I saw alot of the same chages right before she dumped me. You're right about your girl not respecting you - the whole club/smoking thing. Even though she's still talking about the wedding I wouldn't take that as a sign of anything long term. Many women (girls) that age talk about that stuff and how much they love you and then turn around and dump you the next day and have a new BF by the end of the week. It's very confusing and frustrating. I hope I'm wrong about your situation, but it has all of the signs that she's almost out the door. Get out now and save your dignity and self esteem. And start looking for women who are a little bit older, 25 seems to be a very unstable age for women. Just look at other posts and message boards, many of the guys who are having problems have an GF or EX that's 25 yo. Good luck.
friendofafriend Posted August 20, 2004 Posted August 20, 2004 being in a long relationship myself{with two kids}times can be very rocky,after the lustie first couple of years you really have to work on it,cooking,clean,washing someones dirty clothes is not sexy,you both may need to put some effot into your relationship ,dont just see the things that she is doing wrong,see what other things you could do help solve the problem.as well she needs her space away from you with her mates,dont be too needy that you push her into thearms of another man. p.s from a friend of a friend of a friend ,going out every weekend is taking the p*** abit that does need to be addressed,so you can at least one thing sorted at atime to see if she really does want to be together or she needs to be with someone else who dont mind her being out so much, so maybe yes your relationship is doomed!!!!!!!!!!
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