joebob83 Posted January 11, 2013 Posted January 11, 2013 Several months back, this girl started working at the same place I do. She was cute, very sweet, and I was going to just take the jump and ask her out... but then I heard her talking about a boyfriend. So I put her out of my mind, very successfully actually, for several months. I never stopped thinking she was cute, but I wouldn't have called it a crush at all. I never thought about her outside of work or anything. But when you exchange greetings with someone, have a few mini-conversations each week, see how she interacts with other people, all for the period of months... You get to know them, as a person, better than you'd think. So about a month ago, I heard through the grapevine that she'd had a fight with her boyfriend. It turns out that it was nothing major, they are still together, but... it sparked something in me. You see, she's not perfect. She smokes like a chimney, she has piercings and tattoos, she has a little bit of a wild past... These are the things that helped me not develop huge feelings for her in the first place. But when I thought for a moment that she might be actually available, I started thinking about my life. I thought that maybe it was time to just accept that there's no such thing as a perfect little angel just waiting for me somewhere. Maybe it's time to start trying harder to look past someone's imperfections and focus on the good. So, suddenly, accidentally, without consciously trying to, I couldn't stop thinking about all the wonderful things about her. How I haven't met anyone so sweet and nice and kindhearted and upbeat and full of life and smart as her in a long, long time. How she's the complete opposite of any other girl her age you'd meet on the street, what with her brain and personality and lack-of-bitchiness and whatnot. So now, I can't get her out of my head. My question to you is, what do I do and how do I do it? Should I try harder to ignore her? I've tried before, but I always break down and end up saying at least something. I got close, once, to at least getting her off of my mind this way, but, just when I was finally starting to make progress... Something unique happened at work, and instead of working in different areas, we had to spend the whole day together. Alone. I went right back to always having her on my mind. Should I just throw away social conventions and manners and ask her out anyway? It terrifies me but, at this point I think a painful rejection might be the only way to move on... I feel like I'm at the end of my rope here, so, any help at all... I'm begging. Some more information about her: I don't know much about her relationship, but it's not perfect. They've been together for a year, but in the middle of that time period they broke up for about 3 months. Also, the fight I mentioned earlier went like this: apparently she wasn't paying enough attention to him whilst drinking with a group of friends, he got huffy and left, and broke up with her in a text message. Apparently they were back together within 24 hours. I'm pretty darn sure that she does not have a thing for me, but judge for yourself: If we're in the same place at the same time, she ALWAYS says hi, usually followed up by something else, a question or comment, she initiates a mini-conversation. But, she doesn't go out of her way to communicate in any other way, doesn't sit near me at lunch, doesn't talk my ear off. The one day we had to spent all day working together, she was quieter than usual; we talked some, it was enjoyable, but she never asked me anything remotely personal, she didn't even throw back a "what about you?" when I asked her about herself. BUT! Then that day, she sat with me at lunch, despite her normal friends being there, like usual. I don't know what that was about; she hasn't done it since. It only happened once before, I thought it was just because hardly anybody was working that day though. Both times, though, she asked me directly if I wanted to come outside with her while she smoked, even though she knows I've never smoked... Part of me thinks she's just being polite, but part of me thinks it's an odd thing to ask a casual acquaintance non-smoker... One time I vaguely thought MIGHT be some kind of flirt was when she invited me to her birthday get-together. I was taken by surprise, I hadn't even known I rated high enough on her radar to be invited. I said as much, she said "Of course you are!" I politely declined, ( A. I don't drink, and it was definitely a let's-get-drunk party and B. her boyfriend would be there.) But she kept saying I should come anyway, then suddenly tried downplaying the drinking. It was a bit odd. So, I asked who else was going to be there, and even though I knew for a fact her boyfriend would be there, she avoided mentioning him at all. Then immediately after that, she proceeded to follow me around the building, all the way back and forth, "helping" me with an errand that was definitely just a one-person job. I don't know.... I probably read way, way to much into nonexistent subtext there, but, whatever. I didn't go, by the way, cuz I had no desire to be the only sober person at a bar, or to meet her bf. I'm sure nobody has read this far, but, if you have, thanks, I just needed to vent... One way or another, please talk me into doing something definite, cuz I'm in emotional limbo and it's killing me. Thanks in advance...
Mrlonelyone Posted January 11, 2013 Posted January 11, 2013 There is only one hard and fast rule of workplace dating. It ends one of two ways. (With a bit of a grey area between). You make your feelings known, they are mutual, you date, get married and live happily ever after. You make your feelings known and they are rejected, or you date for a bit and it ends. One of you then has to find another job. I'd say think about how well you know this person. As of right now do you feel good enough about them to date them very seriously for a very long time and possibly even marry them. If you think she could be the love of your life, don't let a job stop you. As hard as jobs are to find, love can be even harder. However, jobs are still pretty hard to find. Unless you are really really serious about this person don't do it. Work is not the place for casual dating. Unless you think you might put a ring on that left hand of her's don't even try it. TL;DR There is a mathematical inequality to judge weather or not to date someone you work with. Casual dating < Good Job < Potential spouse. Date them if and only if they are a potential spouse.
Author joebob83 Posted January 12, 2013 Author Posted January 12, 2013 I could definitely see myself with her. Lots to think about. Thanks.
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