makeitright Posted January 11, 2013 Posted January 11, 2013 We were living together for 4 years. I would have married her 3 years ago had my financial situation allowed for it. I just got it all under control and was about to propose next month when out of the blue **** hit me with she loves me but not in love with me.. left me and is now wanting to date a recently separated married man.. getting new spur of the moment tattoo's that look terrible. She turned 30 yesterday. Her issues she stated when leaving were we weren't spending enough time together and that it felt like we were more like roommates who had sex than in a relationship. She said that she's been unhappy the last month and that she wanted to leave. There were a few other issues but nothing that she was willing to talk about or fix.. and they were all fixable such as lack of romance recently I'm kind of chalking it up to TGIG effect with this recently separated married dude who's been showing her attention. I've been hopeful that she'll come back but at the same time I know in the back of my mind that she's not and as my friends, family, and recent new counselor states I need to move on. I'm on day 5 of NC.. She's tried to contact me once but pulled the checking up on you as a friend line so i didn't respond... i had a friend text her to come get her things this sunday... I'm recently down 20lbs trying to take care of myself. But I constantly ache for her.. constantly thinking I won't find another woman.. Look at other women but never attracted to them.. How do you let go of someone who really was closer to you than a family member? Everyone tries to get me to hate her to use that to focus me.. but I can't shake the feelings of love... it feels like a very close family member died and i'm never going to see them again.
Balzac Posted January 11, 2013 Posted January 11, 2013 It is the death of that dream, trust and loss of love. Hating her is the opposing but equal force to love. What we strive for is neutral. For right now, feel your feelings, shed your tears and maintain your personal boundary. No reason exists for contact. Do not look for reasons why she made her decision. It hurts, it's scary and you're gonna feel lonely. Sorry for your misery.
Coping Vortex Posted January 11, 2013 Posted January 11, 2013 We were living together for 4 years. I would have married her 3 years ago had my financial situation allowed for it. I just got it all under control and was about to propose next month when out of the blue **** hit me with she loves me but not in love with me.. left me and is now wanting to date a recently separated married man.. getting new spur of the moment tattoo's that look terrible. She turned 30 yesterday. Her issues she stated when leaving were we weren't spending enough time together and that it felt like we were more like roommates who had sex than in a relationship. She said that she's been unhappy the last month and that she wanted to leave. There were a few other issues but nothing that she was willing to talk about or fix.. and they were all fixable such as lack of romance recently I'm kind of chalking it up to TGIG effect with this recently separated married dude who's been showing her attention. I've been hopeful that she'll come back but at the same time I know in the back of my mind that she's not and as my friends, family, and recent new counselor states I need to move on. I'm on day 5 of NC.. She's tried to contact me once but pulled the checking up on you as a friend line so i didn't respond... i had a friend text her to come get her things this sunday... I'm recently down 20lbs trying to take care of myself. But I constantly ache for her.. constantly thinking I won't find another woman.. Look at other women but never attracted to them.. How do you let go of someone who really was closer to you than a family member? Everyone tries to get me to hate her to use that to focus me.. but I can't shake the feelings of love... it feels like a very close family member died and i'm never going to see them again. Dude my story is very similar. My ex got tattoos and then left for a recently divorced man. The feelings of death are something we all feel here on this forum. I still can't accept that she isn't with me and she is with someone else. It changes in a flash.
ItxWillxGetxBetter Posted January 11, 2013 Posted January 11, 2013 Letting go is a process and it takes time. You can't will it or rush it. It just happens. My situation is similar to yours. My ex of almost 9 years (we were engaged) left me for the same reasons and she found another guy. I was devastated. I, like you lost a ton of weight and started to focus on myself. I'm 3 months post BU and somewhere between the second and third month I felt a whole lot better. Still have my moments but you can feel yourself get stronger. In time you will realize that the reasons do not matter. When it ended for me I was like you trying to understand why and I also assumed it was GIGS. Now...it really doesn't matter. The end result is always the same. The best thing you can do right now is to maintain NC. Trust me the more you are in contact the longer the time and the harder it will be. Take it from someone who is ahead of you....its gets a lot better. Just grieve, keep yourself busy whatever you can. The first month is always the hardest. I know it will still suck because even when you are busy you still think about that person but you need to pass the time. Stay strong and come here to vent or read about others. It helped me. Good Luck.
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