Broken Up With And Hurting!!

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Hi, Sorry this is so long but I need to get it off my chest. I’m a 47 year old guy who is an all around good and nice guy. I’m not overweight and fairly decent looking so I’m told. I’m friendly, well educated, successful, well spoken, and confident but not cocky. I’m definitely not an a-hole. I have plenty of friends, and am well respected by them. I don’t treat my women like crap but I’m not a wishy-washy pushover either. I treat my woman with respect, affection, and all the other things women supposedly want in a good guy and a good happy relationship and future. Not tooting my own horn or anything, but many girls I know who are friends tell me that I’m a heck of a nice guy and that I’m a great catch. I sure don’t feel that way right now...ugh…

 

So I meet the sister of a good fishing buddy of mine for the very first time while we were all on a fishing trip. I didn’t know it at the time I met her, but her two brothers and a couple of other mutual friends had been telling her that they knew of a really great guy who she may be interested in and that she should meet this guy and decide for herself. This girl had been in a 10 year relationship with a guy who treated her like crap and eventually cheated on her. She had been completely broken up with him for two and half years prior to us meeting, had moved on with her life, and had been dating for quite some time.

 

When we first meet it is instant attraction for both of us. I got her number and told her I would contact her in a couple of days when I get home from the fishing trip. I do just that when I get home and a few exchanged text messages lead to phone discussions. The phone discussions are great and we have a ton of things in common. We do live an hour from each other but we are both completely fine with the distance and it’s not an issue. We talk about setting up a date within ten days or so. We end up seeing each other sooner than the ten days when she invites me up to her place because I didn’t have any electricity from super storm Sandy and she did. I spent 4 days with her and it was absolutely fantastic!! We talked about everything and anything just getting to know each other better and we hit it off like I have never hit off with anybody before. We both were excited and looking forward to seeing each other again in a couple of weeks. We both have busy work days, but we talked and/or texted with each other every single evening until we saw each other again for Thanksgiving. I spent another 4 days with her over Thanksgiving and once again, everything was absolutely fantastic!! Again, we talked about all kinds of things ranging from basic nothingness to even about how we felt about each other. When we talked a little bit about past relationships, she did tell me that soon after her bad 10 year relationship was over, it seemed like she somehow sabotaged and destroyed a couple of relationships with decent guys who she met and started seeing. She said that she was able to look back at things and thankfully see and understand the mistakes that she made and now doesn’t have to worry about making those same mistakes again. I liked this girl more and more every single time we talked and saw each other and she told me the same thing about me. We were like best friends, like buddies, and we were also very warm and fuzzy with each other and also affectionate, romantic, and passionate when it was appropriate. I know one hundred percent based off of how she acted towards me and her telling me that everything that I felt was mutually felt by her also. Things seemed great and I was loving it!!

 

Between Thanksgiving and Christmas we planned to see each other again but the meeting fell through because she had to work. We kept in very close contact though every single day though and exchanged our disappointment in not being able to see each other until Christmas time now. Three days before Christmas I come down with a nasty case of the flu and was sicker than a dog and did not make it to see her over Christmas. She comforted me the best she could over the phone and did offer to come down and help take care of me but I told her I did not want her to catch what I had and get her sick too. We still spoke every single day, set our sights to see each other for New Year’s Eve and we were both very anxious to see each other. My flu sickness still wasn’t completely over yet but I felt plenty fine enough to see her for New Year’s Eve. We were both excited and anxious to see each other! I go to see her on New Year’s Eve day. That night we go to a New Year’s Eve party at a local resort with 3 of her friends. We laughed, we touched each other, we danced, we kissed while dancing and at our table. It felt awesome to kiss her and ring in the year 2013!! The whole time we were all warm and fuzzy with each other and had a great New Year’s Eve!! The next day we were both a little rung out and tired but we still were nice and cozy with each other the whole day and relaxed most of the day spooning with each other, napping, and watching tv. I left that night to go home with a nice hug kiss goodbye telling each other what a nice time we had and I felt great about everything!!

 

We talked and texted the next two days on Wednesday and Thursday, and then on Friday night at 8:30 PM she called me and said that it wasn’t going to work out between us. She said that her feelings for me stopped progressing. She said that she had been thinking about it for a while. I said, “You’ve been thinking about it for a while?”, “Since when, twenty minutes ago?” She said it’s just better if we end things now and move on. I know I flushed white as a ghost when I heard her say all of that and I was immediately in such huge shock and absolutely devastated that I couldn’t even get anything sensible out of my mouth. I just couldn’t wrap my brain around what was happening and I basically was just saying to her that I can’t believe this is happening. I did ask her if there was someone else and she emphatically said that there was not. She said that I was a great guy and that I did nothing wrong. All else that I could get out of my brain and my mouth was that I can’t believe that I’m saying goodbye to you for good and that it’s over between us. She just said that she was sorry… I didn’t want to but I said goodbye…

 

For me to say that I was upset beyond all belief is a huge understatement!! I didn’t sleep at all that night and only slept about 5 hours in the next couple of days. I just couldn’t figure out why that happened? We had grown very close in the two months we were involved with each other and everything seemed absolutely perfect. I can’t come up with one single shred of any negative pertaining to even one single second of any thing or time we had with one another in that two month period. She works in the legal field and was under a lot of stress from work and from work related legal issues that she was handling for family members also but I didn’t believe it was anything bad enough to think that things would be so abruptly ended between us, especially so out of the blue like that. I saw absolutely no indicators that anything like an ending to our relationship was going to happen.

 

I was crushed and dying to know why this happened. I ended up talking with one of her sisters. I told her sister the reasons she gave me for ending things but that there had to be more. I said that nobody can expect their feelings to be constantly moving forward at a rocket launch speed and that it’s completely normal for them to stop and take a break. I said that is when you just chill, enjoy the current state, and optimistically wait for lies ahead. Her sister reluctantly confessed to me that her own family may have been contributing to my girl’s stress because she was also constantly getting hounded by all the members of her family reminding her that she was in a crappy relationship for 10 years and now has the greatest guy to ever come into her life and to “not screw it up”. Her sister thinks something finally just snapped and she not only ended things with me, but also told all her family members that she doesn’t want to hear another word about me because we’re not seeing each other anymore so “Everybody Just Back Off”.

 

The whole breakup still just makes no sense to me. Here is a girl who darn pretty and beautiful to me; is well educated; successful; well spoken; classy; sharp; articulate; kind; warm and compassionate; and an all around sweet, caring, and giving person. She comes from a good family with a good upbringing, and her brothers who are also my friends are of the same caliber. While I still don’t think the stress factor is in any way a decent excuse for her ending things with me, I must say that I’m dying to know why she did end our relationship. I mean how can something that seemed so right, and a relationship between two people who openly spoke about the current status of the relationship, and were supposedly both on the exact same page, go right down the toilet and be ended?? It just makes no logical and reasonable sense to me!!

 

I don’t believe it was all just a sham and that she was just a great actress. Even though I admit that I liked her a lot and liked her even more every time I was with her, I don’t believe I was love-struck, blinded, and didn’t see any signs of this coming. I’ve been around the block a few times and have been in a couple of 7+ year relationships with women who thought the grass was greener on the other side of the fence, only to find out that they made a horrible mistake in thinking that. I have no problem finding or meeting women and I’ve dated plenty of women and believe I’m a pretty level headed guy. Yes things moved quickly between us, but we both were just going with the flow and both of us were comfortable with the pace and where we were with the current status of relationship between us. We were in no way telling each other we loved each other or anything like that to that extreme, but we did say that we like each other and that we both were looking forward to what lies ahead for us.

 

I wrote her and mailed her a letter telling her that I believed she closed the door a bit too quickly on us. I didn’t beg her or grovel to her. I simply stated my take on our two months together and told her that I heard her reasons for ending things between us but that they didn’t make logical sense to me and that didn’t fully understand why she ended things. I told her that I didn’t want things to end when they did and that if anything I wrote in the letter made sense to let me know. She probably has received the letter I wrote her and has had it for a day or two. I’ve received no communication from her at all since the breakup. Like I said, this breakup just makes no sense to me whatsoever and I don’t have one single shred of anything negative that I can grasp onto to make sense of it all. I hit it off with this girl better than anybody I’ve met in the last 10 years and I also had the happiest 2 months that I’ve had in a long, long time. This girl showed me everything that I have been looking for in a woman. She also made me believe that her feelings for me were identical. How in the world does somebody act, say, talk, and show the feelings and emotions that we shared with each other and then just end things with a total blind-side?

 

It’s definitely a major bummer to have to pick up these pieces, reassemble things, and try to get my head screwed back on straight so I can move on and hopefully eventually find all those things that can make me happy again.

 

Do all nice guys just always finish last??

 

If anybody has any opinions, ideas, or insights, they would be greatly appreciated. If not, it helped just writing this out and getting it off my chest even though I have the support of my friends and family who have been great!!

 

 

Thanks!!

Crushed In Pennsylvania…

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Just a B.U.M.P message in case anybody has any comments or opinions. Thanks.