JimmyDiGriz Posted January 11, 2013 Posted January 11, 2013 Hello, First time poster, needing feedback rather than advice. Been in a year long relationship with a woman... I'm 42, she's 48. Overall happy relationship, until both of us decided to move in together recently. Sometimes I act the fool, sometimes she keeps things inside and lets it fester. But all in all, we have mad love and respect for each other. Lately, things have been rockier than normal due to the fast approaching move in date. After not speaking or being in contact for three days, she sent me an email this morning. I responded. Have a read. Tell me what you think. Perhaps I read her email wrong and took the wrong approach. Perhaps you can tell me what she really wanted to hear. My response was sent at 7:45 this morning. Haven't heard anything back yet. Her email: James, I can't express enough the magnitude of sadness I feel right now. My world seems upside down at the moment with fear 's icy fingers around my throat. I am not quite sure how to proceed. On one hand I love you very much yet on the other i am not sure we are heading into a healthy union . I am about to lose my home and move in with a potential roommate who has high demands ( will not live south of the five freeway) this stance had us looking in kinda sketchy areas due to the lack of funds we both need to live . Yet I am fearful of moving in with you because if things do not go your way childish behavior will be displayed there for hurtful comments which can not be taken back will be out in the open which could possibly poison a good relationship So you see my quandary ? ____________________________ My response: Quandary? Perhaps... depends how you look at it, In order to answer your question in a neutral light, I must play the role of neutral observer. You are on the fence regarding your future living conditions, and rightly so. On the one hand, you have a stubborn potential roommate who refuses to make concessions by choosing a place to live that is more in your chosen geographic location and environment. If she is exhibiting, as you call it, "high demands" now, it can only get worse. Living with her might prove extremely difficult which could lead to many hair pulling episodes. On the other hand, you have a boyfriend who exhibits childish behaviour and who causes you hair pulling episodes, as well. On the plus side, your boyfriend loves you very much and would take a bullet for you. Your boyfriend truly wants you to to be happy, healthy, safe and secure. Unfortunately, he has a weird-ass way of showing it. Regarding his hurtful comments, you are right...they cannot be taken back. But they can, in fact, be apologized for and explained this way... your boyfriend is an idiot. His inner dialogue switch is faulty. He truly means you no harm when he says the hurtful things he says, and is only trying to be funny. Unfortunately, it is your boyfriend who is doing all the laughing, not you or anyone else. But that can be fixed in two ways: 1) a hard slap to his face or 2) discussing this situation like adults and ensuring it never happens again. You are faced with a situation of "the devil you know", your boyfriend, and the "devil you don't know ", your stubborn potential roommate. I highly suggest you discuss this matter with your boyfriend. Your boyfriend is not going anywhere. He will back you up 1000% on any decision you make. He is your partner, your lover and your best friend. Give him the benefit of the doubt. Again, that is coming from a neutral observer. I hope this helps. Signed, Neutral Observer (with boyfriend undertones) _________________ So, people. First off, thanks for taking the time to read all of this. What are your thoughts?
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