Keenly Posted January 11, 2013 Posted January 11, 2013 (edited) I went to see a really good friend of mine that I had not seen in a fee months. We were hanging out and talking about stuff and she started telling me about how she liked me.and then started Getting really sexual with the conversation and things she wants to do with me. I know this sounds awesome most guys but in this case its not. The problems : She is in a relationship. I'm not really comfortable with breaking that boundary anymore and I also don't want her to be tempted to leave her relationship for me. Because she would be disappointed when she found out I wasn't into it. Secondly , I love this girl like a brother. We are very close , but not romantically close. I really don't want our friendship dynamic to change. Third , for more background , she is a lesbian. That's not one of the problems, but.what ties into that is she is waaaaay to manly for me to ve attracted to. She dresses like a man, walks and talks like a man, doesn't wear makeup, doesn't have femenine body language etc. How do I tell her I love her Platonically without that rejecting affecting our close friendship ? Edited January 11, 2013 by Keenly
Author Keenly Posted January 11, 2013 Author Posted January 11, 2013 150 views and one post ? Help me out here lol.
Treasa Posted January 12, 2013 Posted January 12, 2013 If she's really a lesbian, why is she into you? Tell her you're really flattered but that you feel odd talking sexually with someone you care about so much like a sister.
Ninjainpajamas Posted January 12, 2013 Posted January 12, 2013 She's just fishing to sabotage her relationship, don't fall for it. Ask her how she's doing and tell her you just want to remain friends and taking a romantic step wouldn't even be the way you want to go with your relationship with her. Make it very clear and forward, if she really wants to be your friend she'll be fine that...I honestly just think she's going through some things and looking for an emotionally destructive outlet to deal with it. And IF I were you, not only does she sound extremely unattractive it is definitely not worth it regardless.
charlietheginger Posted January 12, 2013 Posted January 12, 2013 (edited) Shes prob not a lesbian just a tomboy found It eazier to be with women then men. She is attracted To you. I would give it a shot. I bet you might end up in a threesome With the two of them. If her personality is attractibe then Go for it. I bet if she gets with you she will take on a more Female role in dressing talking acting. You might attract her becuase she feels safe around You and non threatened. A women former lesbian I know was beatenby her father and verbally degraded by men in her youth. One day she met a polite caring loving man at work Had lunch and dinner he often complimented her. She feel in love and they are married Edited January 12, 2013 by charlietheginger
Author Keenly Posted January 12, 2013 Author Posted January 12, 2013 She's definitely gay. I've walked in on her before, and she has been this way since I met her. She is more manly than most of the men I know. I'm pretty sure she only likes me because oftthe amount of time we have spent together. She was homeless at one point in our friendship and I took her in and took care of her for a few months.
Mrlonelyone Posted January 12, 2013 Posted January 12, 2013 I know of trangender men, which means natural born females who live as males. People who take testosterone, grow bearsd and moustaches, and pack on the muscle who are none the less attracted to men. They consider themselves to be gay. Gender and sexuality while weakly related are not joined at the hips. Your friend sounds like a butch somewhat bisexual woman who's had more relationships with women. Your friend needs to get to know a man for a bit and/or really be impressed with him as a total person before she would ever consider being with him. All of that would be great but for her being in a lesbian relationship. What to tell her. Be honest. Tell her you aren't into her sexually and that women as tomboyish as her aren't your type. Men exist who canno't stand girly girls and who would love to get with her + with such a woman the vaunted girl girl boy threesome may just happen. I want you to be honest with yourself about something. Are you sure you didn't give off any signals to her that your interested on some level? Remember your signs of interest in a woman are 80% non-verbal and most of those are totally subconcious. Really think about how you've acted with her.
Author Keenly Posted January 12, 2013 Author Posted January 12, 2013 I haven't seen her, before the night before last, in over a year. I'm guessing its not that likes ME, she likes the IDEA of me. And no, when we hang out I act just like I do with ny friends .
Mrlonelyone Posted January 12, 2013 Posted January 12, 2013 I haven't seen her, before the night before last, in over a year. I'm guessing its not that likes ME, she likes the IDEA of me. You were friends for a while before this and corresponded a bit while she was gone for that year right? It's very possible for someont to like YOU even through all of that. (See the section on LDR's...if people can do that). And no, when we hang out I act just like I do with ny friends . How did you act with her before. Don't answer quickly just slowly think about it. These things don't just come out of nowhere. It may not even be something you realize is happening, or think is significant.
Author Keenly Posted January 12, 2013 Author Posted January 12, 2013 I told you already, I act like myself. It is not the same as I act in pursuit mode. Not even close to the same . We had no contact at all, a " fight " happened between us because my ex ( punched her in the face in high school ) started demanding I not see her and starting stuff between me and her. I am not leading her on or pursuing attraction.
april38 Posted January 12, 2013 Posted January 12, 2013 Over this past summer I had to break it gently to someone I care very much about. We've known eachother for 20 years, hadn't seen eachother for most of those years, but always stayed in touch, and see him as an amazing person whom I respect, but as a friend, and apparently he's been carrying a torch for me all of this time. Well, I was very flattered, but knew it wasn't going to happen. So I told him that I care very much about him, and he's very important to me, but I just dont see a future of romance for us. I told him that with other guys I might not have been so honest and direct, but that I respect him too much to BS him, and I really want and need him in my life as a brother, and would never want to ruin that by misleading him. I did it in an email, and signed it Love Always. He took it well, and we are still friends.
Mrlonelyone Posted January 12, 2013 Posted January 12, 2013 I told you already, I act like myself. It is not the same as I act in pursuit mode. Not even close to the same . We had no contact at all, a " fight " happened between us because my ex ( punched her in the face in high school ) started demanding I not see her and starting stuff between me and her. I am not leading her on or pursuing attraction. I get that. The thing is people don't always choose to act interested in some one. Most people don't have a switch they flip on and off which puts them a a certain "mode" to be attracted or act attracted or not attracted. It just sort of happens. Unless this woman is totally nutz she likely needed something interpretable as a sign of interest from you before she'd make a move.
Samilia Posted January 12, 2013 Posted January 12, 2013 I went to see a really good friend of mine that I had not seen in a fee months. We were hanging out and talking about stuff and she started telling me about how she liked me.and then started Getting really sexual with the conversation and things she wants to do with me. I know this sounds awesome most guys but in this case its not. The problems : She is in a relationship. I'm not really comfortable with breaking that boundary anymore and I also don't want her to be tempted to leave her relationship for me. Because she would be disappointed when she found out I wasn't into it. Secondly , I love this girl like a brother. We are very close , but not romantically close. I really don't want our friendship dynamic to change. Third , for more background , she is a lesbian. That's not one of the problems, but.what ties into that is she is waaaaay to manly for me to ve attracted to. She dresses like a man, walks and talks like a man, doesn't wear makeup, doesn't have femenine body language etc. How do I tell her I love her Platonically without that rejecting affecting our close friendship ? I know you got a lot of answers already, but here is mine.. I would be honest with her and tell her what you told us, the polite version of course, no need to bring up the manly manners. Friendships are great, it's not often that we find people we really get along with, I wouldn't ruin it by being awkward and not giving her a clear answer.
charlietheginger Posted January 12, 2013 Posted January 12, 2013 This women was homeless in her Time of need you were her hero. She has bonded with you. Have a few Drinks loosen up a bit and have sex You might like it. Chances are she is kinda Wishwashy between her sexuality and Loves or find people attractive not by The outside but by whats on someones inside. Big deal she is kinda butchy no big deal. she wants to extend how she feels about You past words and take it to actions. Imo words or talking will only ruin this friendship Alot of bisexual women have a agreement with their Female half that sex with a man is not cheating. I Think your being to picky about women" she is to Manly for me" this chick will prob give you the riding Of your lifetime. If you reject her you only have yourself To blame next time ur wondering why you can't get laid
Author Keenly Posted January 12, 2013 Author Posted January 12, 2013 This women was homeless in her Time of need you were her hero. She has bonded with you. Have a few Drinks loosen up a bit and have sex You might like it. Chances are she is kinda Wishwashy between her sexuality and Loves or find people attractive not by The outside but by whats on someones inside. Big deal she is kinda butchy no big deal. she wants to extend how she feels about You past words and take it to actions. Imo words or talking will only ruin this friendship Alot of bisexual women have a agreement with their Female half that sex with a man is not cheating. I Think your being to picky about women" she is to Manly for me" this chick will prob give you the riding Of your lifetime. If you reject her you only have yourself To blame next time ur wondering why you can't get laid First of all, I said I didn't want to have sex with her. If that wasn't an issue, would I even have posted this? Secondly, I can't have sex with her because she doesn't turn me on. At all. It would be like having sex with a man. She's awesome and we have had a lot of fun when we are together, but its not sexual tension fun. You are quick to give me the advice of "Words will only ruin the friendship" .......Don't you think banging her will.... I don't know... RUIN THE FRIENDSHIP? "If you reject her you only have yourself to blame next time ur wondering why you can't get laid" I have no problem getting laid. What I do have a problem with is finding a suitable relationship-material woman. I'm not interested in ****ing up a several year long friendship because my man parts are tingly. I understand you are trying to help, but what you are suggesting is the exact opposite of what I asked for help with. I'll be seeing her tonight, I'm just going to tell her, without going into detail, that I have too much respect for her to just treat her like a piece of ass, ETC.
charlietheginger Posted January 12, 2013 Posted January 12, 2013 First of all, I said I didn't want to have sex with her. If that wasn't an issue, would I even have posted this? Secondly, I can't have sex with her because she doesn't turn me on. At all. It would be like having sex with a man. She's awesome and we have had a lot of fun when we are together, but its not sexual tension fun. You are quick to give me the advice of "Words will only ruin the friendship" .......Don't you think banging her will.... I don't know... RUIN THE FRIENDSHIP? "If you reject her you only have yourself to blame next time ur wondering why you can't get laid" I have no problem getting laid. What I do have a problem with is finding a suitable relationship-material woman. I'm not interested in ****ing up a several year long friendship because my man parts are tingly. I understand you are trying to help, but what you are suggesting is the exact opposite of what I asked for help with. I'll be seeing her tonight, I'm just going to tell her, without going into detail, that I have too much respect for her to just treat her like a piece of ass, ETC. What im telling you is what you dont want to hear. So let me ask why would it be like sex with a guy? Does she have a vagina? Then it would be like having Sex with a woman. Respect is not treating her like ass. Why cant respect be "treating her like a woman that wants Sex with you". Imo ur throwing away a great opportunity To have sex with 2/3 women at one time. She will find Girls bring them to u and invite you into orgy sexcapades. Im just telling you by my exp. when i was younger I dated a bisexual girl she had needs for dingdong but perfered womens emotion interaction. My advice see her tonight take her to a lesbian bar You my friend will be the " exception male " brought Into the threesomes
Mrlonelyone Posted January 12, 2013 Posted January 12, 2013 What im telling you is what you dont want to hear. So let me ask why would it be like sex with a guy? Does she have a vagina? Then it would be like having Sex with a woman. Respect is not treating her like ass. Why cant respect be "treating her like a woman that wants Sex with you". Imo ur throwing away a great opportunity To have sex with 2/3 women at one time. She will find Girls bring them to u and invite you into orgy sexcapades. Im just telling you by my exp. when i was younger I dated a bisexual girl she had needs for dingdong but perfered womens emotion interaction. My advice see her tonight take her to a lesbian bar You my friend will be the " exception male " brought Into the threesomes ^^ THIS This bisexual woman would be the key that would open up the door of actually realizing a threesome. I had a friend in college who dated a woman who was quite a free spirit. She dressed in a way that could be regarded as butch. He had more of the best sex with multiple partners than ever in his life up to that point. I know how good the sex was because, I had sex with her once. She sucked my dick better than anyone before or since. Just have a couple screwdrivers loosen up and lay back. Then on Sundays she's the kind of woman who will want to watch the football game with you too. Seriously this could be a nice way to reject your friend...by dating them. Date them, then act in a way that they reject you. If your looking for a passive aggressive way to reject someone that's a good way. She will friendzone you after a bad date or two.
Els Posted January 14, 2013 Posted January 14, 2013 Tell her you respect other people's relationships and that is not a principle you intend to break anytime soon.
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