dreamingoftigers Posted January 12, 2013 Posted January 12, 2013 NN - imo, you could say the exact same for a guys at the other end of the spectrum...good looking players. Numerous 'hot catch' guys I have known took many of their gfs for granted because it was so easy to find another one. In the convos I have had with women, their scorn over guys who have visited a pro is not due to morality issues or he sees sex as a commodity but more so along the lines of what revolver said (he had to pay to get it). The thing is its not just hard ups who use them. Many guys in stale marriages do, as well as many successful men purely because they can and want to enjoy the finer things in life. Tens of millions from your wall street heros each year goes to 'entertaining expenses' You are right. Hence players and such are not attactive to me in the least, nor to most women who desire an actual, healthy relationship instead of just being a "pit stop" in a guy's personal race. I know a whole ton of guys on here think "you want a bad boy/player full of drama and ups and downs because he's hot and has money etc." Truth is the actual players don't come right out and say "oh yeah, I'm a player. You see I have this big attachment problem and mother issues, so I am going to pretend to be super-into you until we have sex and then you can forget it. I'll already have been working on the next two girls." (who are rare btw, a lot of guys label themselves "alpha" and "player" but this means as much as those guys who were wearing those "porn star" t-shirts years ago) The VAST majority of us want NOTHING to do with mr. User/waste of time. SOME of us just want to get laid. SOME of us figure that we can change the guy once he sees how nice/kind/loving/great in bed we are. Then we learn the hard way that HE DOES NOT ATTACH and that we are wasting our time. Unfortunately the "player myth" and it is mostly a myth keep most of you other shyer guys from making a lot of moves and developing your own social/mating skill and from picking up on when a girl does like you. Proven btw. My suggestion: date a girl that is looking for someone relationship-oriented. They are pretty obvious. But go slow. See if they are the real deal. Someone who uses sex for recreation or to socialize Is a HUGE RED FLAG. (my H for instance had trouble making friends while sober and oddly enough in this day and age reaching out sexually may result in rejection, but it is actually a form of acceptable behavior so many sexual addicts will substitute in sex to even have someone to talk to. Many will sleep with people they aren't even remotely attracted to to build social relationships.)
PogoStick Posted January 12, 2013 Posted January 12, 2013 There are several factors that play into the issue and likely some subtle ones I won't even hit on. Speaking from the US perspective: First it's just cultural. Sex is taboo and people freely involved in sex have been demonized. Everyone wants sex but it's undertones are that sex is dirty and gross, it's sinful. "You're sleeping with everyone he's ever been with", it's such a ridiculous notion. I'm also breathing the same air as Hitler, and drinking dinosaur piss from the tap. Does that make me a Jew hating reptile? Escorts, strippers, and porn stars are all looked down on for these puritanical reasons. Ask what the woman would think if you have sex with a stripper or porn star (even without paying) and the disgust will be similar in most cases. On the flip side, men can't blame these women for their work. Strippers get paid outrageous amounts of money for just showing off their bodies. How many men would love to be a porn star, getting paid $$$ to have sex with hot young women everyday? In fact, supply and demand is why male porn stars are paid 10% of what the females earn. Second, there are issues of female jealousy and inadequacy at play. They hate knowing that men are willing to make decisions based solely on sex. It's threatening for them to know that there are women out there who are so "easy and slutty". That's why women who are easy to bed from the bars are castigated by other women too. Sex is the largest power-play that women have over men. These women who make it easy dilute the power for the rest of them and threaten women's security over keeping a man.
KathyM Posted January 14, 2013 Posted January 14, 2013 I think the plain and simple reason women are not interested in dating guys who go to or have gone to prostitutes is because they want a guy who has "relationship qualities". Someone that is going to be faithful to them and not cheat on them or go looking for someone else on the side. A guy who has been with prostitutes shows he doesn't care about who he has sex with, and will do it with anybody, and that doesn't give a woman any confidence that he's going to be relationship material if he stoops that low to get sex. You'd be hard pressed to find a woman who actually wants someone as a boyfriend who has that attitude. Women want a boyfriend who has some semblance of character and whom she can trust. A guy who has been to prostitutes shows he has neither of those qualities. Most women don't consider prostitutes as competition. I mean, competition for what exactly? The prostitute is not going to get the guy, and a woman wouldn't want that type of guy anyway, so there is no competition there. 3
Negative Nancy Posted January 14, 2013 Posted January 14, 2013 Second, there are issues of female jealousy and inadequacy at play. They hate knowing that men are willing to make decisions based solely on sex. It's threatening for them to know that there are women out there who are so "easy and slutty". That's why women who are easy to bed from the bars are castigated by other women too. Sex is the largest power-play that women have over men. These women who make it easy dilute the power for the rest of them and threaten women's security over keeping a man. That was exactly my point in my posting. Easy sex makes it less likely for a man to stick around or be loyal in hard times (no pun intended ).
Negative Nancy Posted January 14, 2013 Posted January 14, 2013 they want a guy who has "relationship qualities". Someone that is going to be faithful to them and not cheat on them or go looking for someone else on the side. A guy who has been with prostitutes shows he doesn't care about who he has sex with, and will do it with anybody, and that doesn't give a woman any confidence that he's going to be relationship material Yes, that is another reason. Very well put. 2
somedude81 Posted January 15, 2013 Posted January 15, 2013 So you wouldn't date a guy who has slept with a lot of women or ever cheated right? 1
sweetkiwi Posted January 15, 2013 Posted January 15, 2013 I wouldn't knowingly date a guy who had sex with prostitutes. It shows lack of character, lack of morals, lack of respect for women and for himself, objectification of women, putting your lust ahead of the welfare of others, lack of principles, disregard for one's sexual health, lack of self control, etc., etc. I'd also be concerned that he may have picked up an STD that he's either not aware of or that is dormant, which he might pass on because of his carelessness about his sexual health. There are WAY more reasons a PERSON visits someone for paid sex. My ex used to visit "message therapists" before me. He was a bit overweight and completely shy with women. Simply, he had bad luck. He RESPECTED women to the utmost and while these services were illegal the women were legal. I had a giggle about it because I simply couldn't imagine paying someone to rub me out... But then I gave him an amazing massage complete with happy ending. And I am sure it was the best he'd ever had. 1
Imported Posted January 15, 2013 Posted January 15, 2013 There are WAY more reasons a PERSON visits someone for paid sex. My ex used to visit "message therapists" before me. He was a bit overweight and completely shy with women. Simply, he had bad luck. He RESPECTED women to the utmost and while these services were illegal the women were legal. I had a giggle about it because I simply couldn't imagine paying someone to rub me out... But then I gave him an amazing massage complete with happy ending. And I am sure it was the best he'd ever had. Did you ask him in an old Chinese ladies voice, "You want I make banana cry?" and giggle hysterically?
somedude81 Posted January 15, 2013 Posted January 15, 2013 Did you ask him in an old Chinese ladies voice, "You want I make banana cry?" and giggle hysterically? A Rick roll on LS?
dreamingoftigers Posted January 15, 2013 Posted January 15, 2013 So you wouldn't date a guy who has slept with a lot of women or ever cheated right? Again, in my case, and I am sure many other's cases: It would depend on history and degree. I am obviously married to a high-number man who cheated on me. BUT I see great behaviors and efforts over the last year to overcome that history and repair the damage it caused. Is the guy a "recent" player? If he had a past say 10+ years ago and discovered that he was not pleased with how he was behaving or what the risks and damaging behavior was and is relationship-minded and respectful of women than yeah, he's probably quite dateable. If he looks to good to be true and his ex-wife says, "oh yeah, he cheated with his secretary, that's why we got a divorce. But I guess I deserve it because I WAS his secretary and he left his wife for me." Than nope, nada. Not going to happen.
dreamingoftigers Posted January 15, 2013 Posted January 15, 2013 A Rick roll on LS? I did one last April Fools. Who doesnt love a good Rick Roll?
sweetkiwi Posted January 15, 2013 Posted January 15, 2013 Did you ask him in an old Chinese ladies voice, "You want I make banana cry?" and giggle hysterically? No but I did say "me love you long time".
Woggle Posted January 15, 2013 Posted January 15, 2013 I feel like putting on 2 Live Crew-Me So Horny. Anybody remember that song?
Leigh 87 Posted January 15, 2013 Posted January 15, 2013 I have. My boyfriend is just the best to me, and I am happier than you could believe though (with him) so evidentally it has worked for me, despite his dubious past with hookers. My boyfriend is hot, tall, and good looking and has gotten beautiful girls to have sex with him before without paying them. However, most of his first sexual encounters were from hookers. It is what young people just did in his peer group. He had inheritence and just found paying for sex was more enjoyable, then spendng the night chatting some girl he was not even that into up for sex. He wanted to go have fun with his mates and not bother with girls, although he had 2 or 3 sexual encounters with non hookers during his adult life, when the girls came to HIM and he had to make no effort. ....He was a little ashamed of it when it came to talking to me about it. How has it affected him? Well, I truly believe he is capable of experiencing the deapest of love for a women, and yet still be able to have meaningless sex with a hooker. Because he has had sex where he did not want to kiss or please her; he has ust had cold hard sex with women, where all he cared about was using their vaginas for HIS pleasure. He knwos what it is like to be into a girl enough to truly want to please her sexually, yet he also knows what it feels like to not even want to KISS the women he has sex with! I believe if I told him I strongly wanted him to do it , he would be able to go through with it. Not that he would want to badly enough to think about it without me actually urging him to do it. ......MOst men in love cannot BE in love, and still have it in them to have meaningless sex with hooker. yet my partner could (but chooses not to, he prefer not to). 1
Leigh 87 Posted January 15, 2013 Posted January 15, 2013 I don't think it's the same. I think asking a girl if she can take a man seriously if he's had a high number of sexual partners is the same as asking a guy the same thing about a girl. Regarding escorts / prostitutes - basically, probably not because I think, like Elswyth, it would indicate a very different idea about sex than mine. That said, though, if the guy had evolved to a vastly different place than where he was when he did it, I would be capable of leaving it in the past if I liked him enough I agree. But I love my bf enough to want him to evolve to a different place. I can see he is capable of having loving sex, and it is obvious that he enjoyes sex in the context of a loving relationship, FAR more than he did with the hookers. We have both overcome issues that would make most people RUN, because of how we feel about one another. So far it has started to pay off, in that we are very happy. I want for him though, should we break up, to stick to having sex only in loving relationships, or when he is really into a girl. I am not sure what sort of person his past with hookers makes him, as he sure is loving and he is really prefers loving sex.
Leigh 87 Posted January 15, 2013 Posted January 15, 2013 No, that would be a deal breaker. The types of guys I like are in general pretty selective in who they sleep with. Guys with views "a hole is a hole" don't have the qualities I am looking for. That upsets me. My boyfriend is awesome with me, I have a great time, I do not see him as a low life or lacking in values.... I have options with men, I really do not feel like my bf is lacking something men who do not see hookers have.. As in, he is every bit as loving and great to have as a bf, than the guys I know who have never slept with hookers... I can seriously see no difference in their persinalities and values as a whole - between my partner, and the guys I know who have never done the hooker thing. .....Are you saying u need men to choose to go without sex, than to want a quick fix every now and then with hookers? opposed to you know, bothering dating girls when they really cannot be bothered? My bf PREFERS to date and be with an amazing girl, but there were just times when he was not into any girl he met, and got horny.
Leigh 87 Posted January 15, 2013 Posted January 15, 2013 I think the plain and simple reason women are not interested in dating guys who go to or have gone to prostitutes is because they want a guy who has "relationship qualities". Someone that is going to be faithful to them and not cheat on them or go looking for someone else on the side. A guy who has been with prostitutes shows he doesn't care about who he has sex with, and will do it with anybody, and that doesn't give a woman any confidence that he's going to be relationship material if he stoops that low to get sex. You'd be hard pressed to find a woman who actually wants someone as a boyfriend who has that attitude. Women want a boyfriend who has some semblance of character and whom she can trust. A guy who has been to prostitutes shows he has neither of those qualities. Most women don't consider prostitutes as competition. I mean, competition for what exactly? The prostitute is not going to get the guy, and a woman wouldn't want that type of guy anyway, so there is no competition there. I bet you 1000 bucks my bf will not cheat on me. With a hooker or any girl. I think he only has eyes for me, it is obvious. Peoples pasts do not necessarly dictate their future. Or I would also be a stupid @sshole, like I once was as a teen.
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