Would you date a guy who had visited escorts in his past?

[BetheButterfly]

No, I am not asking about myself.

 

This is in relation to another thread. And perhaps this question has been asked at least once. It applies mostly to women as men are the ones who usually pay for sex.

 

Would you date a guy who visited escorts for sex while he was single, or would you assume that it was something he did as a single guy?

 

Would you be concerned that he would keep going or perhaps visit later when things were rough in your marriage?

 

Would it matter to you that he paid women for sex rather than treat sex as something between two loving people?

 

Just curious.

 

I would if he repented, meaning realized how harmful prostitution (which is what most escorts with sexy pictures in their advertising do even though they lie about it on paper when prostitution is illegal where they are) and is firm in not doing it again, but rather helping the children and adults escape this form of slavery.

 

When I started talking with the man who I am honored to say is my husband for the last year (in Feb. we will have known each other for 2 years!), I asked him what are his thoughts about prostitution and pornography, as well as many other topics. I did not tell him my thoughts until after he shared his, as well as his experiences with them. For example, he told me that in his country, Ecuador, prostitution is legal and he feels sorry for the ladies who do it, because many are trafficked and many are also victims of abuse as children. I was glad to hear that he had never gone and that he understood the cruelness of this "industry" because it seems many guys ignore it or exploit.

 

Now, if he had told me that he did visit prostitutes, and thinks it's awesome, then he would not be my husband today. If he had told me that he did visit prostitutes before or once but that he was wrong and no longer does and because of his conviction and his love and care for them, won't do so again, then I would of course forgive and would not hold that against him. He would be my husband today even then.

 

My husband is a very honest man, like my Dad. That's one of the many things that I love and respect about him. You know that what he says is true. Sometimes both have the problem of being honest without tact, but they are both known for their honesty.

 

My husband before we started dating told me that he smoked marijuana in the past, as well as smoked cigarettes, but that he has stopped both years ago. I happen to like clean air and smoking stinks, in my personal opinion. Now, if he told me he is smoking marijuana and/or cigarettes, I would not have married him, but because he stopped and said he won't do either again, I take his word as the pure gold it is.

[BetheButterfly]

If she never asks, don't bring it up.

 

If she does ask, she's not very intelligent. And of course the correct answer is, "No, I have never paid for sex and think it's disgusting and pathetic."

 

Asking personal questions to a person one is deciding to become vulnerable to (and love includes being vulnerable to that person one loves) is not unintelligent. Rather, it is unintelligent to not know the person who one decides to love.

 

Lying is a horrible way to start a relationship, and lying is a very effective poison that helps destroy love.

 

I used to hope you would find a wonderful lady to love who loves you. Now though I hope no lady is duped into loving you while you promote lying and think it's ok to lie to someone who might give you the most precious and priceless gift in life: love.

[somedude81]

Asking personal questions to a person one is deciding to become vulnerable to (and love includes being vulnerable to that person one loves) is not unintelligent. Rather, it is unintelligent to not know the person who one decides to love.

 

Lying is a horrible way to start a relationship, and lying is a very effective poison that helps destroy love.

 

I used to hope you would find a wonderful lady to love who loves you. Now though I hope no lady is duped into loving you while you promote lying and think it's ok to lie to someone who might give you the most precious and priceless gift in life: love.

Give me a break.

 

Whether I had sex with prostitutes in the past has absolutely no relevance or affect on a current relationship.

 

When asked, it is a lie that most be told because the vast majority of women will not accept any answer other than "no."

 

If telling the truth means that one would not be able to have a relationship, why would anybody do anything but lie?

[Imported]

This will be fairly predictable .

 

I remember making the thread about being a virgin and the possibility of an escort to lose it. I wasn't likely to do it, but it met some opposition . I wonder if the ladies would be more sympathetic if the man lost his virginity to a hooker as he was struggling.

 

Lucky I didn't have to ......

 

I think it deserves the same answer a girl would get if she asked if a guy can take her seriously for a relationship if she had a very high number of sexual partners.

 

Is he clean of STD's? Is he faithful now? Not that having seen a hooker or having a high number of sex partners means you'll be unfaithful. Honestly, I have been with girls that everyone would think she is such an angel and how lucky I am and I wouldn't trust her to be faithful if I was away from her more than 3 days. I have also been with girls that everyone assumes is a slut and she was always very honest, real and I trust her. I think ****ing a hooker is an admission of failure, but I don't think guys that do it are going to be any less faithful.

[somedude81]

Asking if somebody has been with a prostitute is pretty much the same thing as asking somebody how many people have they've had sex with.

 

A question many women would be uncomfortable with.

[Mme. Chaucer]

I think it deserves the same answer a girl would get if she asked if a guy can take her seriously for a relationship if she had a very high number of sexual partners.

 

I don't think it's the same. I think asking a girl if she can take a man seriously if he's had a high number of sexual partners is the same as asking a guy the same thing about a girl.

 

Regarding escorts / prostitutes - basically, probably not because I think, like Elswyth, it would indicate a very different idea about sex than mine. That said, though, if the guy had evolved to a vastly different place than where he was when he did it, I would be capable of leaving it in the past if I liked him enough

[Mme. Chaucer]

Asking if somebody has been with a prostitute is pretty much the same thing as asking somebody how many people have they've had sex with.

 

A question many women would be uncomfortable with.

 

Do you think men would be uncomfortable with it?

 

If somebody thinks it's appropriate to ask it, and the person on the receiving end is uncomfortable (or perfectly comfortable but thinks it's none of their business to get the answer), it might indicate incompatibility.

 

Or maybe, if they like each other enough, they can decide to respect one another's boundaries and comfort zones.

[somedude81]

Do you think men would be uncomfortable with it?

 

If somebody thinks it's appropriate to ask it, and the person on the receiving end is uncomfortable (or perfectly comfortable but thinks it's none of their business to get the answer), it might indicate incompatibility.

 

Or maybe, if they like each other enough, they can decide to respect one another's boundaries and comfort zones.

IMO both of them are the type of don't ask, don't tell questions that people with common sense don't ask.

 

I would never ask a girl how many guys she's been with, if she's ever had a threesome, if she's ever slept with a boss or a professor, those questions are none of my business.

 

Except for the threesome one. If it was the good kind or the bad kind.

[Els]

Asking if somebody has been with a prostitute is pretty much the same thing as asking somebody how many people have they've had sex with.

 

A question many women would be uncomfortable with.

 

This is only uncomfortable when it is done too early, and interrogation-style. In most healthy relationships, after a certain point in the R (and yes, I certainly don't mean the first or even third date), you tend to volunteer intimate information about yourself and reciprocate. Anyone who thinks otherwise has never been in one.

[BetheButterfly]

Give me a break.

 

No.

 

Whether I had sex with prostitutes in the past has absolutely no relevance or affect on a current relationship.

Yes it does, because of your attempt to justifying lying below:

 

When asked, it is a lie that most be told because the vast majority of women will not accept any answer other than "no."

If having sex with prostitutes would have no relevance or affect on a current (or prospective) real relationship, then the "vast majority of women" would not say no.

 

Regardless, lying is cowardly and is an enemy of truth. So, when I know that lying is something someone thinks must be done in order to get an answer the liar wants, I don't trust that person at all. I understand when a person lies in order to protect a person from getting killed, like Corrie ten Boom lying to the Nazis about the Jewish people she was hiding, but I don't think the justification of lying about one's past is worthy of respect or trust.

 

If telling the truth means that one would not be able to have a relationship, why would anybody do anything but lie?

Some people are strong enough to tell the truth even when it means that another person will reject them for it. For example, I told my husband the truth about my past. He could have rejected me but he didn't. He told me the truth about his past with marijuana and smoking. I could have rejected him (I think smoking stinks) but I didn't. His past is his past and since he is firm in making sure it doesn't become his present again, I have no problem with his past.

[Imported]

I don't think it's the same. I think asking a girl if she can take a man seriously if he's had a high number of sexual partners is the same as asking a guy the same thing about a girl.

 

Regarding escorts / prostitutes - basically, probably not because I think, like Elswyth, it would indicate a very different idea about sex than mine. That said, though, if the guy had evolved to a vastly different place than where he was when he did it, I would be capable of leaving it in the past if I liked him enough

 

I didn't say it was the same. I said it deserves the same type answer. Most girls that were total sluts in their youth, at the very best, will tell you it is in their past and we should just accept them as they are now. Men are expected to swallow that whole.

 

While I wouldn't degrade myself to **** a hooker, I think guys should also be able to have a past and women should just accept it as the past.

[KungFuJoe]

It's funny. I asked my wife the same question and she said it would have bothered her that I slept with an escort before. But, a ONS? No problem with that.

 

Is it because of the "desperation" factor of having to pay for sex? That's what I figure it is. I know women hate desperate men.

[ThaWholigan]

It's funny. I asked my wife the same question and she said it would have bothered her that I slept with an escort before. But, a ONS? No problem with that.

 

Is it because of the "desperation" factor of having to pay for sex? That's what I figure it is. I know women hate desperate men.

True.

 

I guess on the part of the man, the willpower associated with not giving in even while "involuntarily celibate" (I hate that term) would be more attractive in the long run.

 

I know I rag on the strugglers sometimes because I think they whine more than they try to at least be more positive, but I do really feel for them, it is hard trying to connect with women and constantly falling short - it happened to me too. Not everybody is as patient and positive as I am, no matter how much I try to inject it into others. So I would completely understand if they sought out an escort. However, women will obviously not see it that way . I really do think that a lot of women don't really understand so much why one would come to that conclusion (I do know some women who struggle a lot too, and of course there are some here also).

[BetheButterfly]

It's funny. I asked my wife the same question and she said it would have bothered her that I slept with an escort before. But, a ONS? No problem with that.

 

Is it because of the "desperation" factor of having to pay for sex? That's what I figure it is. I know women hate desperate men.

 

Desperation is a part, but many guys who have sex with prostitutes/escorts/hookers whatever you call them also are not desperate. Many have loving wives or girlfriends and/or get sex for free with women who mutually AND FREELY (without demanding money or anything) enjoy sharing her body with him so...

 

One of my main issues with prostitution is that it doesn't include loving the person. Now, sometimes prostitutes can pretend to love the john who buys her body for a time, but true love can't be bought; love gives.

 

The biggest issue I have with prostitution is that sadly, thousands of children and adults (predominately girls and women) are forced into prostitution and are merely seen as money-making living machines for their pimps. This brings out the tigress in me which makes me want to pounce on those pimps and make sure they never hurt and take advantage of people again!!! I'm a pacifist and don't believe in violence, but I sure have no problem with standing up for the brave men and women who take on the pimps to try to rescue the children and adults being sold to stupid johns!!!! GRRRR.

Edited January 11, 2013 by BetheButterfly

[KungFuJoe]

That could be a part of it as well. My wife absolutely detests things like human trafficking, sex slavery, etc. She's always watching some TV special about it or some movie.

 

I can't stand it myself...I have two daughters (7 and 5) and I never let them leave my sight.

 

That being said, I know there is a huge difference between your average street walker and your high paid escort. Most of the high paid escorts are doing it for the easy money.

[Ruby Slippers]

I couldn't do it. I just don't respect men who do that. And you can't love someone you don't respect.

[KungFuJoe]

I feel the same way regarding diamonds, cocoa, coffee, luxury consumer products, toys, certain electronics and large amounts of clothes.

 

Sadly not many people share my vehement opposition to the widespread exploitation of vulnerable children in these industries.

 

I do laugh when I hear people start off on the ills of prostitution with a Foxconn produced iPhone in their brand name purse, sporting a diamond mined by African child slaves while wearing shoes assembled in an Asian sweatshop.

 

This IS actually a good point, and something I've considered.

 

It makes you think how much actual hypocrisy occurs in your daily lives without you even knowing?

[BetheButterfly]

That could be a part of it as well. My wife absolutely detests things like human trafficking, sex slavery, etc. She's always watching some TV special about it or some movie.

 

I can't stand it myself...I have two daughters (7 and 5) and I never let them leave my sight.

 

That being said, I know there is a huge difference between your average street walker and your high paid escort. Most of the high paid escorts are doing it for the easy money.

 

The reason the escorts are paid so highly here in the USA is because prostitution is illegal in most counties. However, sad to say many escorts, such as those in Las Vegas, are being pimped out. Please see the following youtube: Sex for Sale American Escort (National Geographic) FULL VIDEO - YouTube

 

Your wife might like to watch it too.

 

Las Vegas also has a big problem with underage girls prostituting themselves or being prostituted by pimps too.

 

I-Team: Rescuing Child Prostitutes From Las Vegas Streets - 8 News NOW

 

In Las Vegas, prostitution is technically illegal, but escort services get around the law by simply making the escorts lie about what they do. The law against child prostitution is just another law many pimps and johns break.

 

In New Zealand in Auckland, the law against underage prostitution is being broken too. Adult prostitution is legal there.

 

 

Police target child prostitutes in Auckland City - Story - NZ News - 3 News

 

 

 

 

In Brazil, prostitution is also legal, but children are being prostituted too.

 

Children For Sale (Documentary About Child Prostitutes In Brazil) - YouTube

 

Sad to say, prostitution preys on the young, wherever it is - in both countries where it's legal or not.

 

I am glad you love your daughters. Sadly, many runaway girls become prostitutes, mainly by being pimped. If your daughters ever have an issue, please don't make them go away but rather please let them know you love them and that they are safe with you.

 

My Dad has 4 daughters, and I believe his love and care for us is one reason why we aren't prostitutes, either as kids or as adults.

Edited January 11, 2013 by BetheButterfly

[somedude81]

Thanks for proving my point

 

With such strong beliefs against prostitution that many women have, a man would have to be a fool to admit it; unless he knows that she would be OK with the truth and understanding of the reasons.

 

The lie of saying no, doesn't hurt her or affect the relationship in any way, shape or form.

 

Remind me again why a man should tell the truth in this case.

[Lonely Ronin]

Remind me again why a man should tell the truth in this case.

 

So that you had a clear conscious!

[Treasa]

That could be a part of it as well. My wife absolutely detests things like human trafficking, sex slavery, etc. She's always watching some TV special about it or some movie.

 

I can't stand it myself...I have two daughters (7 and 5) and I never let them leave my sight.

 

That being said, I know there is a huge difference between your average street walker and your high paid escort. Most of the high paid escorts are doing it for the easy money.

 

Your life is going to be sheer hell in about eight or so more years, huh?

[BetheButterfly]

Your life is going to be sheer hell in about eight or so more years, huh?

 

My poor Mom and Dad... they've endured a lot with having teenage girls lol

 

But, Mom says it's worth it.

[kaylan]

As a guy I can say that id never ever date or have sex with a woman thats done any kind of sex work. Tjat goes for stripping, escorting, prostitution, etc.

 

It seems desperate and devaluing of sex in my eyes. So i understand exactly why most women wouldnt daate a guy whos done those things.

 

It comes off as pathetic and gross to many people.

 

Gotta be honest.

[Eternal Sunshine]

No, that would be a deal breaker. The types of guys I like are in general pretty selective in who they sleep with. Guys with views "a hole is a hole" don't have the qualities I am looking for.

[tuxedo cat]

I didn't think I would but as is often the case with hypothetical deal breakers your views can change when you encounter them in somebody you love.

 

My ex confided in me that he had once hired an escort when he was very young to get him off one night when he was incredibly lonely. He didn't actually have sex with her, so maybe that's why I was OK with it. I guess the fact that he was deeply ashamed and swore it was a one time thing helped me accept it.

 

I'm not sure how I'd feel if I found out a boyfriend had had actual sex with a prostitute. I guess it would depend on the context in which it happened, his age and how he felt about it now. I suspect it would be a deal breaker, though...if only because I wouldn't be able to not imagine him doing it with her whenever we were intimate. It would cheapen the sex for me.

Edited January 11, 2013 by tuxedo cat