JamesM Posted January 11, 2013 Posted January 11, 2013 No, I am not asking about myself. This is in relation to another thread. And perhaps this question has been asked at least once. It applies mostly to women as men are the ones who usually pay for sex. Would you date a guy who visited escorts for sex while he was single, or would you assume that it was something he did as a single guy? Would you be concerned that he would keep going or perhaps visit later when things were rough in your marriage? Would it matter to you that he paid women for sex rather than treat sex as something between two loving people? Just curious.
Els Posted January 11, 2013 Posted January 11, 2013 Mm, personally, no. Mostly because it would mean that he has incompatible views on sex. I don't think it would predispose him to cheating necessarily, I just want a partner who ties sex up with love the way I do. I don't think poorly of men/women who have visited escorts, though, and I have a few friends who have done so. But date, no. 2
Emilia Posted January 11, 2013 Posted January 11, 2013 Would you date a guy who visited escorts for sex while he was single, or would you assume that it was something he did as a single guy? Yes and I did so. My Australian ex used to work in an Australian mining town where there were very few women and this was the only way he could get sex. Would you be concerned that he would keep going or perhaps visit later when things were rough in your marriage? No. He told me about the experience, how it was timed and some light went up when he was supposed to have finished or something. As I knew him sexually, I knew it wasn't something that went with his style. I know someone else who might have been in similar position but I don't have proof (not connected to me), I can completely understand that. Would it matter to you that he paid women for sex rather than treat sex as something between two loving people? Just curious. No. I think people despair sometimes, it's not just a physical act. I sympathise. 1
Arabella Posted January 11, 2013 Posted January 11, 2013 Short answer... No. I don't care what his reasoning was for doing so. 6
Author JamesM Posted January 11, 2013 Author Posted January 11, 2013 Short answer... No. I don't care what his reasoning was for doing so. Why wouldn't you? Is prostitution simply distasteful? Does it give you a different image of the guy? If you fell in love with the guy and then he told you, would it be a dealbreaker?
edgygirl Posted January 11, 2013 Posted January 11, 2013 I really don't judge guys who did it, but I wouldn't want a guy like that for myself.
ThaWholigan Posted January 11, 2013 Posted January 11, 2013 This will be fairly predictable . I remember making the thread about being a virgin and the possibility of an escort to lose it. I wasn't likely to do it, but it met some opposition . I wonder if the ladies would be more sympathetic if the man lost his virginity to a hooker as he was struggling. Lucky I didn't have to ......
Arabella Posted January 11, 2013 Posted January 11, 2013 Why wouldn't you? Is prostitution simply distasteful? Does it give you a different image of the guy? If you fell in love with the guy and then he told you, would it be a dealbreaker? I would rather not start a huge debate about prostitution, so let's just say that I have moral issues with it (non-religious). That aside, I think exchanging sex for money turns it into a business transaction in which a man becomes entitled to have sex with this woman. Regardless of how she feels about it, and whether she enjoys it or not. I think that, in time, it would warp the man's perception and approach to intimacy. It's hard to say how I would react if I found out the man I love had visited a prostitute. If it was a one-time thing and he did it when he was very young, I may be able to overcome it. Hard to say. If we'd just been dating a short time, then no, regardless of the circumstances. -A 5
dreamingoftigers Posted January 11, 2013 Posted January 11, 2013 No. It causes me disdain to think of human bodies being used like drugs. Essentially, he is paying to get high. I also would want a guy who semi-regularly purchased crack and heroin in his single life. Seems like a no-brainer to me. Again, it would have be in context with their history. Are we forty and twenty years ago he did it, Or are we 30 and he's been doing it for ten years? Big difference. Same as with the crack. Did he do it eons ago? Did he go for treatment if it was a problem? Or has it been intermittent across the last while? What affect would it likely have on our relationship and his own life in the future? 4
dreamingoftigers Posted January 11, 2013 Posted January 11, 2013 If you fell in love with the guy and then he told you, would it be a dealbreaker? sigh, my husband told me shortly after we married that he had once paid a pros. To give him a bj when he was really loaded (he also lived on the street at the time). He said he was so drunk that it wasn't working for him anyhow. I found that hard to deal with that he hadnt told me prior to marriage. It left me having not been able to make a clear decision. I also suspect that there may have been more than that incident and that he was ****-testing me. Not appreciated. But clearly I did not divorce him.
Els Posted January 11, 2013 Posted January 11, 2013 This will be fairly predictable . I remember making the thread about being a virgin and the possibility of an escort to lose it. I wasn't likely to do it, but it met some opposition . I wonder if the ladies would be more sympathetic if the man lost his virginity to a hooker as he was struggling. Lucky I didn't have to ...... I would be sympathetic. Unfortunately sympathy makes a poor basis for a relationship. 3
dreamingoftigers Posted January 11, 2013 Posted January 11, 2013 I am not trying to t/jack but honestly just how dateable do you think I would be if I told all my potential BFS that I visited and paid for gigolos? (marl escorts? That is what they are called, right?) I think it's really weird and a total disconnect that guys often act way more slutty as a whole and expect us not to be turned off by it. I find it such a turnoff. Why would I want to wipe my face with the same rag everyone else is using? And seriously, when you are super-promiscuous, it just makes your sex have the value of a rag. Unless you do something about that and work on your attitudes and behaviors. It tells me a lot about a guy that he would PAY to stick it in someone who otherwise wouldn't want anything to do with him. 4
crude Posted January 11, 2013 Posted January 11, 2013 I'm guessing many of the women who believe it's a man's job to pay for dates and be the breadwinner are the same women who'd disapprove of a man paying for sex, like that's not what he's doing when he pays for dates.
Els Posted January 11, 2013 Posted January 11, 2013 I'm guessing many of the women who believe it's a man's job to pay for dates and be the breadwinner are the same women who'd disapprove of a man paying for sex, like that's not what he's doing when he pays for dates. Maybe you'd like to stick to the topic and answer whether or not you'd date a woman who has paid for escorts, and why/why not, instead of trying to instigate yet another gender flamewar? 3
Author JamesM Posted January 11, 2013 Author Posted January 11, 2013 You are not T/J. In fact, that is the other side of the coin, but women rarely pay for sex. And while many men will defend other men's right to visit escorts, rarely will they want to marry an escort. I do wonder how many men would marry a woman who made herself available to men for sex with out without pay. Would a man date a woman known to "spread her legs" for any Tom, Dick or Harry? Good point. 2
dreamingoftigers Posted January 11, 2013 Posted January 11, 2013 I'm guessing many of the women who believe it's a man's job to pay for dates and be the breadwinner are the same women who'd disapprove of a man paying for sex, like that's not what he's doing when he pays for dates. I am the breadwinner. I paid roughly equally on dates with all of my BFS. If I wanted to do something more expensive I would at least offer to shell-out more. Not a factor. The fact that a man would look at date cost vs pussy output would be exactly the man I would want to avoid. 1
ThaWholigan Posted January 11, 2013 Posted January 11, 2013 I would be sympathetic. Unfortunately sympathy makes a poor basis for a relationship. True. Rock and a hard place, eh? 1
Revolver Posted January 11, 2013 Posted January 11, 2013 Most women who've I've asked this have said no. But not because they believe prostitution is wrong(hell some of the biggest advocates I know are women) its because they believe if a guy has to pay for female attention/sex he's undesirable and they obviously don't want to be with someone like that.
TheZebra Posted January 11, 2013 Posted January 11, 2013 I guess I'll be the lonely woman to say 'yes' What matters to me is who the guy is now, what he believes in, and what he does in the here and now. If I've learned anything in my life and work is to no never make assumptions, so I would never start assuming terrible things about the guy before I'd gotten to know him. Seems unfair. I wouldn't want a guy judging me on my sexual past, so I don't judge him on his.
Arabella Posted January 11, 2013 Posted January 11, 2013 I'm guessing many of the women who believe it's a man's job to pay for dates and be the breadwinner are the same women who'd disapprove of a man paying for sex, like that's not what he's doing when he pays for dates. Uhm, irrelevant. I am a professional woman, make more than my significant other and I pay roughly equal for our dates. I still feel the same way about it. -A
ThaWholigan Posted January 11, 2013 Posted January 11, 2013 Most women who've I've asked this have said no. But not because they believe prostitution is wrong(hell some of the biggest advocates I know are women) its because they believe if a guy has to pay for female attention/sex he's undesirable and they obviously don't want to be with someone like that. Which brings me to my point. I know a few guys who have been to escorts, and have spoken to quite a few girls who work as escorts. They told me that around half of their clients are virgins. One said that she tends to turn virgins away because she thinks they should "lose it to someone he cares about", to which I told her "well, if he's coming to you, chances are he's struggling to find someone who cares about him :laugh:". Saying that, I think it's beneficial for guys to work out how to get laid without paying for it rather than go to an escort - but I considered it at one point so I would not begrudge a man for doing so.
Els Posted January 11, 2013 Posted January 11, 2013 Most women who've I've asked this have said no. But not because they believe prostitution is wrong(hell some of the biggest advocates I know are women) its because they believe if a guy has to pay for female attention/sex he's undesirable and they obviously don't want to be with someone like that. I don't disagree entirely with you; I think that is the case for many men. But I've read an article where a male model - very buff, tall, charismatic, and good-looking - was asked why he buys escorts when he can step into a bar and almost be guaranteed sex. His answer was, "I don't pay them to have sex with me, I pay them to leave after it with zero drama".
FitChick Posted January 11, 2013 Posted January 11, 2013 (edited) Yes. He was a businessman who traveled extensively all around the world and worked very hard. It was impossible for him to have a relationship under those circumstances. He stayed at luxury hotels and occasionally bought the services of a beautiful and expensive call girl. He said he didn't do it regularly because, frankly, half the time he was so jetlagged he wouldn't have been able to enjoy what he had paid for. I dated someone else who went to a high end massage parlor that gave happy endings if the customer so desired. He was in the midst of a very stressful divorce and being self-employed he couldn't just run off somewhere on vacation. It helped him to unwind so he could focus. The last thing he wanted or needed was to be dating. My ex was in a sexless marriage for many years to a mentally ill woman and at one point he went to a brothel but said he felt so demoralized and despondent that his life and marriage had come to this that he couldn't go through with it. He filed for divorce soon after. Edited January 11, 2013 by FitChick
somedude81 Posted January 11, 2013 Posted January 11, 2013 If she never asks, don't bring it up. If she does ask, she's not very intelligent. And of course the correct answer is, "No, I have never paid for sex and think it's disgusting and pathetic."
Treasa Posted January 11, 2013 Posted January 11, 2013 I make more than any guy I've ever been with. I always offer to pay my way, or at least to reciprocate somehow (cooking him a nice meal at my place, whatever). I might or I might not. It would depend on the guy. People can change. A lot of people don't. 2
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