Coping Vortex Posted January 11, 2013 Posted January 11, 2013 It's been going 8 weeks post BU. Most of that time NC some bread crumbs and a meeting weeks ago. NC for the past week or so. I'm still devastated and resigned to NC but I woke up this morning with the overwhelming desire to send her "I miss you" text I know she won't respond and I'm not sure why I want to do this. I know it won't do anything so really its not a reach out for a bread crumb as I am positive she won't respond. I'm 10000% sure of that. I just can't figure out why I want to do it. I guess I don't want her to think I hate her? It some how will make me feel better? I just want her to think about me? I can't figure out why I feel this need to send her this text.
cavalier99 Posted January 11, 2013 Posted January 11, 2013 Your only 1 week NC that is why you feel this way. Stay NC and the urges will get much easier in a few weeks. This is how long new habits take to become semi ingrained. 1
NoMoreJerks Posted January 11, 2013 Posted January 11, 2013 I've been NC for 20 days now, since the day that he dumped me. If *I* can do it, so can YOU! Come on, delete the text, and delete her number. Put the phone somewhere you won't see, if you have to. Do something else. I think you are afraid that if you don't contact her, she will forget about you... You want to remind her that you are still there. But really, if , for her, "out of sight = out of mind", then do you want to be with someone like that in the first place??? 1
Own Worst Enemy Posted January 11, 2013 Posted January 11, 2013 the real focus is the fact that you just want to be in touch. i get that. i can't believe that i can't just pick up the phone to text or email him, which i was doing multiple times a day without thinking about it, only 5 days ago. it is an absolute killer. but it is better than reaching out only to get more rejection, however kindly or cruelly it is put. now, if we all say that out loud, we might start to believe it for ourselves!!
Author Coping Vortex Posted January 11, 2013 Author Posted January 11, 2013 Thanks guys I needed the reinforcement. I mean really what am I thinking? She is with someone new. We tried a one day reconciliation weeks ago only for her to tell me she does not want to continue a relationship with me the nest day. I have to keep reminding myself of that. It makes no sense to text her. I guess I am mourning the death of the relationship. I guess I want her to know she is still in my heart. So sad it had to end. I loved her with all my heart. Our circumstances caused us to not to be together. Life seems so unfair. Had nothing to do with how we felt about each other. Life sucks sometimes.
SpicyMayo Posted January 11, 2013 Posted January 11, 2013 i feel you. u feel torn bc u know u love her but at the same time the circumstances interfere. and then u feel out of control and vulnerable. it's very unfair. thats why love is so powerful and scary bc it takes control over u despite the fact that the person you are in love with may not want to be with u, or they have commitment issues, or they are just not on the same page. make sure to also love yourself.
Author Coping Vortex Posted January 11, 2013 Author Posted January 11, 2013 i feel you. u feel torn bc u know u love her but at the same time the circumstances interfere. and then u feel out of control and vulnerable. it's very unfair. thats why love is so powerful and scary bc it takes control over u despite the fact that the person you are in love with may not want to be with u, or they have commitment issues, or they are just not on the same page. make sure to also love yourself. Hard to love myself. I find I am just trying to fill up every hour with something else but thinking of her, its so hard. Its one second, one minute, one hour at a time. Just trying to hold on until that one day she actually vanishes from my life. Seems like years from now.
na49 Posted January 11, 2013 Posted January 11, 2013 (edited) You want to send her that text so you get a reply from her. Well I have something real to tell you. She isn't missing you. She's got a new guy? Hell she's definitely not missing you right now. I know you want her to think about you, she's got a place in your thoughts, you want to secure your place in her thoughts. WELP sorry bud. Doesn't work like that. You miss her because you want her to come back. So will this witch ever "miss you"? Well she'll miss you eventually during a rough patch with this new guy, but as nothing else but a supportive friend. She'll reach out to you and hope that you reassure her that she is still God's gift to the world. That you're still crying over her because she is so great. You were supportive of her as her boyfriend, how'd you like to be supportive of her as just a friend? How great is that? You tell her everything that she wants to hear like you were together, but she gives you nothing in return. FRIEND ZONE is a big NO NO! Wait for her to send YOU something telling YOU that SHE misses you. You'll get it eventually. It will f*ck with your head. I got that text from my ex and my head was so screwed up after lol. Edited January 11, 2013 by na49 1
cavalier99 Posted January 11, 2013 Posted January 11, 2013 (edited) Its a tough adjustment. I used to receive tons of call and texts every week. Lots of plans, what is going on, what were we doing that weekend ecetera. I realize it was 95% her. Now I can leave my phone and look at it hours later or even the whole day and sometimes nothing. Now maybe I receive a call form a friend or family member. It is just strange and takes some getting used to. On the bright side i don't look at my phone for her communication anymore. And don't need to worry about getting back to her in a timely manner to avoid her being pissed. I'm free of that now sorta glad. She is blocked anyway and you get used to the idea anyway they are not interested in communicating. Edited January 11, 2013 by cavalier99
Author Coping Vortex Posted January 11, 2013 Author Posted January 11, 2013 (edited) You want to send her that text so you get a reply from her. Well I have something real to tell you. She isn't missing you. She's got a new guy? Hell she's definitely not missing you right now. I know you want her to think about you, she's got a place in your thoughts, you want to secure your place in her thoughts. WELP sorry bud. Doesn't work like that. You miss her because you want her to come back. So will this witch ever "miss you"? Well she'll miss you eventually during a rough patch with this new guy, but as nothing else but a supportive friend. She'll reach out to you and hope that you reassure her that she is still God's gift to the world. That you're still crying over her because she is so great. You were supportive of her as her boyfriend, how'd you like to be supportive of her as just a friend? How great is that? You tell her everything that she wants to hear like you were together, but she gives you nothing in return. FRIEND ZONE is a big NO NO! Wait for her to send YOU something telling YOU that SHE misses you. You'll get it eventually. It will f*ck with your head. I got that text from my ex and my head was so screwed up after lol. This is the therapy I need to hear. But I don't expect her to respond I KNOW she wouldn't. Not her style. and Yes she is with someone else. And I do disagree with you about her reaching out now she won't. She already did that 2 1/2 weeks after the BU we are going 2 months now. At that time she said she missed me etc etc but the next day went NC anyway. Since that time (3 weeks in) we got together (I went to go see her) we had a great day talked everything out and she at least agreed to see me and try to start over just dates) however the next day she told me she does not want to resume a relationship with me. After that, some bread crumbs friend like and now nothing. so no we have exhausted all of that lingering stuff. I just woke up feeling like I needed to put it out there truly expecting no response. She would not admit it she missed me at this point. She tried a little during the bread crumbs over the following week (sent her flowers on her birthday my last friendly act on Dec 29th) and it killed her to admit anything. I felt like I had to get that "I miss you" sentiment off my chest. It was more for me. I guess I just wanted to let her know I don't hate her. Just felt this weird feeling to send her that text thinking it was therapy for me. Edited January 11, 2013 by Coping Vortex
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