Prada Class Posted January 11, 2013 Posted January 11, 2013 (edited) I had second thoughts about posting this... as some might see me as being quite shallow, but I'm going to anyway... My granddad owned a successful international business before he retired, he passed away 2 years ago when I was 19. I was told that I was included in his will, but it was very complex and was going to be a long process... 2 weeks ago the process was finalized, and to my amazement I'm 21 and now worth something along the lines of £750,000 "in cash". Some other family members have received even more than that. We knew my granddad was wealthy, but we didn't know he had this much. I haven't told anybody in my social life, I'm still working my job as a graphic designer, of course I've stepped up my taste in designer clothes, got myself a nice car and a great financial plan on a nice apartment... those few things have been noticed but I've not given any explanation. - 1 person who is noticing a huge change is the girl I'm dating, We only started dating recently (something like 2 months), I've been healing from my first love relationship which ended last year, and this is the first girl I've been dating since then. This girl is in my eyes - gorgeous, naturally, uniquely pretty and I like her a lot and she has given me the same impression... So... I'm thinking about dumping her, why? Short term with her seems amazing, we've had good times together up to now, amazing sex every time, and we were getting on well, Recently, she is claiming that I have changed completely, she thinks I'm seeing other girls, she says I don't text/call her like I used to, she thinks I've lost interest in her, she is asking if I'm a drug dealer, questioning where my money is coming from (understandable)... But I don't see it, of course my mind has been in other places recently but she's overreacting, putting me on the spot and asking THE question... "do you really want me or not", and when I think about it I do, but I also think about life now if I chose not to commit to her. So I hmm & ahh about it and try to explain things are not simple right now, and that fuels the fire of her thinking that I don't. Our relationship has turned into 1 giant debate about how "I've changed" and things are not the same as they were before. I think I'm definitely going to feel it if I lose this girl, but I'm literally CONFUSED out of my F'ing mind about the whole situation I'm in... Edited January 11, 2013 by Prada Class
Balzac Posted January 11, 2013 Posted January 11, 2013 First of all you need to understand that outward signs of wealth are not validation of true wealth. The car, clothes, vacations, fancy restaurants. Secondly, your wealth advisors and attorneys can protect you from predators. That being said, life as you knew it has indeed changed. Wealth can be good AND bad. Often recipients of wealth feel guilt about not having earned it. They feel overwhelmed about managing it, working with advisors and being a good steward. Surely you have some of these feelings yourself, in addition to celebrating your good fortune. You have full and total decision making power as to your life choices now. How or IF you reveal any of this financial info to outsiders. It's easy but you'll have wins and losses. Treating friends to join you for experiences they cannot afford. Gifting monies in your name or anonymously. As for the romantic interest, the problems you describe, aside from her money inquiries, seem pedantic. The drug dealer question is one that speaks volumes about her inexperience and lack of character judgement. Most savvy people would quickly catch on that you had another income stream, most likely from family wealth. In polite social interaction they would not directly question you. I have a very close buddy friend who struggles with insecurity of dating girls who know some of his wealth. Our close, long time friend group, offers him feedback on his women. It's been interesting. Offering to private jet them to your place in XYZ is not my suggestion for a first date. Unless she too has a private jet.
Author Prada Class Posted January 11, 2013 Author Posted January 11, 2013 First of all you need to understand that outward signs of wealth are not validation of true wealth. The car, clothes, vacations, fancy restaurants. Secondly, your wealth advisors and attorneys can protect you from predators. That being said, life as you knew it has indeed changed. Wealth can be good AND bad. Often recipients of wealth feel guilt about not having earned it. They feel overwhelmed about managing it, working with advisors and being a good steward. Surely you have some of these feelings yourself, in addition to celebrating your good fortune. You have full and total decision making power as to your life choices now. How or IF you reveal any of this financial info to outsiders. It's easy but you'll have wins and losses. Treating friends to join you for experiences they cannot afford. Gifting monies in your name or anonymously. As for the romantic interest, the problems you describe, aside from her money inquiries, seem pedantic. The drug dealer question is one that speaks volumes about her inexperience and lack of character judgement. Most savvy people would quickly catch on that you had another income stream, most likely from family wealth. In polite social interaction they would not directly question you. I have a very close buddy friend who struggles with insecurity of dating girls who know some of his wealth. Our close, long time friend group, offers him feedback on his women. It's been interesting. Offering to private jet them to your place in XYZ is not my suggestion for a first date. Unless she too has a private jet. I don't know where the private jet thing came from... I wouldn't go as far to say my new way of life is going to involve anything like that because that's not something I could afford haha... That being said I think I see the point you're making, and I already understood that point prior, if I was to date a different girl right now... a first date would be no different than it was before I had have all of this money. The drug dealer thing is probably due to where we come from... basically working class England and maybe from where you're from to know of somebody dealing drugs would be a lot less common than it would here... I'm not from a *****hole, but people taking cocaine partying on weekends isn't much of a big deal... and she knows some of my friends are not exactly "legit" and thinks I'm getting involved with them. My life just feels like it's speeding at 1000mph recently and I'm confused about a lot of things, she's starting to feel the way she's feeling about me apparently "changing" and she's making it a huge issue, demanding answers to questions that I can't answer because I don't have them... I was thinking about taking her on a vacation to somewhere quiet and relaxed to talk about everything but I can't get time away from work until March and I'm definitely not going to leave my job...
Nightsky Posted January 11, 2013 Posted January 11, 2013 You should let me manage your wealth. First piece of advice leave England and start your own business. At a minimum your money should be leaving England. Also don't tell girls you date about your windfall. Keep it to yourself. Also don't flash your money around at this point. By a nice used car. Something reliable that you'll enjoy driving. Doesn't have to be a brand new luxury car. Also as far as clothes dress nice but no need for anything too fancy pants. Live in a nice place but you're young and unsettle so probably rent and not at a crazy rate. Also with women read my 10 commandments again and don't argue with them.
april38 Posted January 11, 2013 Posted January 11, 2013 Hi there, you know it doesn't sound as if she is really over reacting. Hear me out, first, you have changed - You have other things on you mind, you are less focused on her and more focused on you (from the way your post sounds), and people who are close to you notice these things. That just goes to show you how in tune she is with you - you haven't even told her about your significant change in your life and she can sense it in your behavior. She feels your distance, it's called being intuitive. Also, the drug dealer thing? Well lets see, you are buying a whole bunch of new and expensive items in a short period of time with no explaination as to where the money came from. How would that look to you? I guess I'm just saying lighten up on the girl, you haven't been honest with her, and she knows it. It's as if you are sabatoging the relationship, do you realize that? And if she's just getting on your nerves and you are just looking for a reason to dump her, that's ok, but find a way to do it in an honest and caring way, don't blame her, this isn't her fault.
Balzac Posted January 11, 2013 Posted January 11, 2013 Your life is speeding into newness. Word to the wise~you cannot change the girl's trust issues. You can go so far in assuring her about your character. In no way does she stand on solid ground about her knowledge of you in two months of experience. She can shriek, plead and blame you about change, it's invalid. Dismiss it. Be yourself, do not take her on an intimate holiday until the basic relationship issues are resolved. That's my heartfelt recommend to you. I'm US and party favor dealers are here as well. Best decision kid to hang onto your job.
veggirl Posted January 11, 2013 Posted January 11, 2013 If you are spending so much more money that your gf is noticing, you are going to burn through your inheritance rather quickly I'd imagine. What has she noticed specifically? You shouldn't be spending any of that money right now, apart from like Nightsky said, perhaps a car, apartment. I would not reward her arguments and accusations with a vacation. Esp since you have only been dating for 2 months, why deal with constant debates? Date a girl that doesn't create drama (hard to find at your age of 21, but maybe out there somewhere)
Nightsky Posted January 11, 2013 Posted January 11, 2013 If you are spending so much more money that your gf is noticing, you are going to burn through your inheritance rather quickly I'd imagine. What has she noticed specifically? You shouldn't be spending any of that money right now, apart from like Nightsky said, perhaps a car, apartment. I would not reward her arguments and accusations with a vacation. Esp since you have only been dating for 2 months, why deal with constant debates? Date a girl that doesn't create drama (hard to find at your age of 21, but maybe out there somewhere) Yes if I was his trustee I'd knock some sense into him. I'd also be taking home a percent of that over million american dollars so I'd have good incentive to slow him down on the useless spending. He needs to invest in his future. 1
carhill Posted January 11, 2013 Posted January 11, 2013 I'd dial back the lifestyle change. It's been two weeks. Longevity is the ultimate success, which your grandfather showed a great example of. No rush. 2
edgygirl Posted January 11, 2013 Posted January 11, 2013 My sister married a man from a wealthy family. She was 22. She is almost 50 now. She told me the other day she had no clue his family was rich when they got engaged. I think that's the way it should be - no display of wealth with flashy items, etc. For two reasons: in memory and example of what your grandfather built (and it's obvious he was smart about it as no one knew he had so much money), and also because money gets burned very easily... you'd be surprised how that sum can disappear fast if you're not smart about it. On the other hand, I don't see what's the problem in you saying you got a small inheritance and could buy a car etc so she gets off your back with the insinuations. You don't have to specify how much you got.
Author Prada Class Posted January 11, 2013 Author Posted January 11, 2013 (edited) If you are spending so much more money that your gf is noticing, you are going to burn through your inheritance rather quickly I'd imagine. What has she noticed specifically? You shouldn't be spending any of that money right now, apart from like Nightsky said, perhaps a car, apartment. I would not reward her arguments and accusations with a vacation. Esp since you have only been dating for 2 months, why deal with constant debates? Date a girl that doesn't create drama (hard to find at your age of 21, but maybe out there somewhere) That's basically all I have done, a new apartment(very nice), I move in on Sunday... A new car, And a new rig of clothes/shoes/nice hublot watch etc etc I've certainly not started acting like I'm some kind of millionaire, I've spoken to financial advisers and all that jazz before hand... I've treated myself just like they recommended and followed their advice word for word. When I sat down with her last night and "tried" to talk and asked her what's really wrong... Her words were: "I feel like I was just getting to know you and all of a sudden you have done a 180 degree turn on what we had going on, you're acting completely different for some reason and I don't think you even want this anymore"... That's what she said about how I have "changed" in her eyes, and then she said stuff like.. "and not to mention you're suddenly driving around in a brand new audi and just got an amazing apartment in *specific area* what's really going on?" And I can see that because I'm not satisfying her with answers... she's exploring possibilities herself.. "drug dealer", "seeing other girls", "not interested in her" etc etc.. I feel like locking myself in a room for a full week, getting a grip of my thoughts and what I want then I would be able to set the record straight with her... She clearly wants me, and I think I want her too, so I'm not going to throw it away on the basis that "I'm 21 it's only been 2 months therefore she's nothing to me or not worth it", because that's not the case... but my head is spinning in confusion with my situation as a whole... it's like trying to think straight after downing a ridiculous amount of vodka at the moment... and I'm pretty sure I've not drank any vodka. I was close to ending things with her last night.. never been so confused in my life.. I feel pathetic clutching at straws of advice on here... but I know this is a good community it helped me with my break up last year. Edited January 11, 2013 by Prada Class
veggirl Posted January 11, 2013 Posted January 11, 2013 So...why can't you just tell her you inherited some money?
Author Prada Class Posted January 11, 2013 Author Posted January 11, 2013 So...why can't you just tell her you inherited some money? Well I guess I can in the right moment... that's not really the iffy part and not really the question she's asking the most, it's things like this... "I feel like I was just getting to know you and all of a sudden you have done a 180 degree turn on what we had going on, you're acting completely different for some reason and I don't think you even want this anymore"... Basically: my life has changed and somehow I've become incredibly stressed out and confused... We had a good little thing going on, and I think I'd like to keep it, but now some bad water is flowing under the bridge and I haven't got a clue how to turn it back into fresh water... And to be honest this isn't even like me, I'm usually the master of disaster... but with everything else going on I'm overwhelmed.
TheZebra Posted January 11, 2013 Posted January 11, 2013 Basically: my life has changed and somehow I've become incredibly stressed out and confused... I don't understand how you're stressed and confused? I mean, if I had just come into more than $1mm I would be paying of any remaining debt (student loan, mortgage), stuffing some of it in the bank, and then getting a Financial Adviser and investing the remaining amount to guarantee that I have wealth for the future. If you mean you're stressed and confused about your girlfriend... why? She's creating unecessary drama and her constant saying of 'you've changed' are probably her way of trying to get you to spill the beans on how you came into the money. Accusing you of dealing drugs is pretty low. You came into a LOT of money and have just guaranteed your comfort for years to come. You're healthy. You're young. Why stress?
TheZebra Posted January 11, 2013 Posted January 11, 2013 Live in a nice place but you're young and unsettle so probably rent and not at a crazy rate. With his money, I would actually recommend buying over renting. Of course, this depends on the area's real estate market, as not all places are improving or have improved after the crash. But investing in real estate is pretty solid and it beats throwing away, say $1k a month to someone else. And he wouldn't even have a mortgage, so it's not like he'd be paying interest. His only other expenses to consider would be maintenance and real estate taxes, but I think the increasing value of real estate over the years easily outweighs the cost. But, I'm just a regular person. Talk to a FA about this
Author Prada Class Posted January 11, 2013 Author Posted January 11, 2013 I don't understand how you're stressed and confused? I mean, if I had just come into more than $1mm I would be paying of any remaining debt (student loan, mortgage), stuffing some of it in the bank, and then getting a Financial Adviser and investing the remaining amount to guarantee that I have wealth for the future. If you mean you're stressed and confused about your girlfriend... why? She's creating unecessary drama and her constant saying of 'you've changed' are probably her way of trying to get you to spill the beans on how you came into the money. Accusing you of dealing drugs is pretty low. You came into a LOT of money and have just guaranteed your comfort for years to come. You're healthy. You're young. Why stress? This is why I thought twice about posting because I could seem shallow and ungreatful... But truth is I couldn't be more thankful and I understand how fortunate I am... But what you don't understand, and what I now do, is that when something like this happens and you're trying your best to integrate it into the life you've already got... things are not as easy as it may seem, having not experienced it yourself... If that makes sense.
veggirl Posted January 11, 2013 Posted January 11, 2013 Well perhaps she's noticing a 180 in your life because a 180 DID OCCUR in your life?! Geepers just tell her you inherited $ which allowed you to make those purchases. You don't have to go into specifics of how much (its none of her business) but at least she won't think you're dealing drugs. You're being too dramatic about all this tbh and making it a way bigger deal than it needs to be. Cause yeah if a normal average guy I'd been dating for 2 mos suddenly showed up with an Audi and swanky apartment, I'd be confused too and wonder where that came from. 3
Necris Posted January 11, 2013 Posted January 11, 2013 I don't know 750,000 doesn't seem like all that much to be honest, it won't last long if you spend it all, and you shouldn't flash it around.
Balzac Posted January 11, 2013 Posted January 11, 2013 HaHa yeah but he didn't exactly specify Audi R8 Spyder now did he? Just tell us what color?
salparadise Posted January 11, 2013 Posted January 11, 2013 Prada Class, I'm a lot older than you. I'm going to give you a bit of advice and I hope you'll consider it. First is, if you consider yourself wealthy and elevate your lifestyle it's going to be hell when it runs out, or you suddenly realize you only have a year or two left at the rate you've been going. Have you ever heard of "the poor rich?" Those are the people who only have a few million and try to maintain the appearances of an upper class lifestyle. They are a miserable lot. Also, as you're already experiencing, letting it be known you have money will change all of your relationships, and not for the better. Here's what I suggest... first, get a spreadsheet and a couple of books and learn really well about the power of compounding interest and time value of money. At your age, if you make the right moves, you could be truly wealthy by the time your my age. If you do the wrong things you'll be broke long before you'r my age. A good money manager can double that money about every 4-5 years without taking inordinate risks. So if you do this you could have 25 million by the time you're 45 or so. But it is all dependent on whether or not you can leave it alone and let it compound. Don't get sucked into anything risky––you don't need to because you have time. You have enough there to live nicely on it for 7 years, or to wait 20-25 and live nicely the rest of your life. Lifestyle will suck that money so fast you just won't believe. Resist. Keep your job and live on what you make. A few smallish treats won't hurt but they should be only a small fraction of the interest you earn on that money in any given year. This money has the ability to bring you financial independence or to make you miserable. The choice is yours. You will have to be able to delay gratification in order to make it work.
TheZebra Posted January 11, 2013 Posted January 11, 2013 I don't know 750,000 doesn't seem like all that much to be honest, it won't last long if you spend it all, and you shouldn't flash it around. It's not dollars
Necris Posted January 11, 2013 Posted January 11, 2013 It's not dollars I know euros, and thats a little over a million US dollars, maybe its just me but I wouldn't call that exactly rich. Its good useful money, but if you spend heavily you'll blow through that fairly quickly.
Necris Posted January 11, 2013 Posted January 11, 2013 Euros? Uh don't think so. Actually you're right looking at the OP that appears to be the british pound. Which correct if I'm wrong he has about 1.2 million US dollars, but I'm still going to say to me that's not rich, good money, but not rich, and that can be all easily spent away very quickly if OP doesn't watch himself.
edgygirl Posted January 11, 2013 Posted January 11, 2013 I agree that while a million is not exactly considered being rich today, if I was a 21 yo graphic designer and had that fall on my head, I'd also consider myself rich Creative professions suck. If I knew what designers made I'd have chosen another profession and be making twice as much as I do. Sorry but being a designer it will take him at least 15-20 years to make that kind of money.
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