RichieBoy Posted January 15, 2013 Posted January 15, 2013 Thanks for the advice. That really does help! You're right ...I just need to not worry about it and just hang out as friends. She does consider me a closer friend than people she's known for much longer, so it's a start. I was surprised she mentioned all of that out of the blue, but I'm glad she's so open. I know she's under tons of stress with school and all the drama that goes on there (yay college) so I'm kinda doing my best to not pressure her into things. Sounds quite similar to what I'm currently doing, thing is shes a flat mate and i know she thinks its awkward to have flat mate relationships from prior experiance so when she caught onto me seeing her as more than a friend and asked, I just said I didnt mean to come across strongly with hugs etc (which is where she got the idea from) thus staying as a friend for the time being in order to not put her under any pressure. Waiting to next year when we're in separate accommodations but till then I'm just going to be getting to know her even more so in the future I can make better effective choices and improve myself further until thens to make myself a better person for her
outsidethebox Posted January 15, 2013 Posted January 15, 2013 Not good to label, fatal to friendzone her. Why does let's make out have to be complicated? It will be what it is. Sitting around describing something only ruins it.
MrCastle Posted January 15, 2013 Posted January 15, 2013 She doesn't like you. Not in the way you want her to, at least. The friendzone does not lead to hooking up. She very clearly said she's not interested in you romantically. So if you're putting time in hoping to advance this, I would focus my energy into someone actually willing to date me. You can accept the friendzone/consolation prize if that's your sorta thing but I would drop her if I were you. I would lay off communicating with her for a while to see if she ended up making contact first. If she doesn't you'll know you're not even a "friend" but rather someone she can take or leave.
Author NateC Posted January 16, 2013 Author Posted January 16, 2013 She doesn't like you. Not in the way you want her to, at least. The friendzone does not lead to hooking up. She very clearly said she's not interested in you romantically. So if you're putting time in hoping to advance this, I would focus my energy into someone actually willing to date me. You can accept the friendzone/consolation prize if that's your sorta thing but I would drop her if I were you. I would lay off communicating with her for a while to see if she ended up making contact first. If she doesn't you'll know you're not even a "friend" but rather someone she can take or leave. So, you're able to come to the conclusion that I was "friendzoned" by one meeting? I suppose it depends on the age group and the person. I've seen some people start off as friends and the feelings develop after a time - sometimes it doesn't. I also kinda dislike the whole "friendzone" concept as I made clear in another thread I posted in but that's not the point I guess. I'll see where it leads ...if anything, it's another good friend to have and another circle I can get into. It's not like I'll be heartbroken if she bails - it'll suck, but not the end of the world. I guess going through this rodeo before tends to give me that thought process.
MrCastle Posted January 16, 2013 Posted January 16, 2013 I suppose it depends on the age group and the person. I've seen some people start off as friends and the feelings develop after a time - sometimes it doesn't. I also kinda dislike the whole "friendzone" concept as I made clear in another thread I posted in but that's not the point I guess.. Well, the friendzone thing, whether you agree with it, or disagree with it, like it or don't like it, exists. It doesn't matter what you think. It matters what the girl thinks. If she believes in it, you're in it.
Author NateC Posted January 16, 2013 Author Posted January 16, 2013 Well, the friendzone thing, whether you agree with it, or disagree with it, like it or don't like it, exists. It doesn't matter what you think. It matters what the girl thinks. If she believes in it, you're in it. True I suppose. But if she was really friendzoning me, would she have been that forward? She was being completely open with me and always has been ever since we started talking. Usually when that happens the girl will just either a) flake out and vanish, or b) offer no explanation and that's that. I dunno, she just seems different from others I've attempted to date.
CptSaveAho Posted January 16, 2013 Posted January 16, 2013 "[...]if its not gonna work out...but I do hope you will know that even if we dont date, it doesnt mean i dont like you and stuff :3 i think youre very awesome and sweet and funny and smart and any girl would be pretty lucky to be with you, but its got to be a girl with the right chemistry, you know? You just feel it when its right with someone in That kind of way...and i had so much fun, and i would like to hang out again! But at the same time, im not sure if the chemistry is really right between us. Im open to exploring that a bit more though!" How much forward do you want her to be? Friendzone... Doesn't she live an hour away... find someone closer... 2
SJC2008 Posted January 16, 2013 Posted January 16, 2013 That's what I was thinking. I couldn't cut communication like that with her. She's actually the one who brought it up (I was going to, but wanted to be face-to-face instead) and has always been very honest with me, so she's not trying to play games or anything. I'm just not sure how to proceed. I was honest with her and told her that I haven't had my first kiss (and I'm 22), and she told me that was okay and maybe she'd "help" with that if I was okay with it ...pretty obvious what that likely means. Maybe going in for the kiss is the way to tell if the chemistry is really there? Stop telling women this! Fake it till you make it. Get the makeout exp, then get laid. So you're cover will get blown once you have sex that you were a V. What's the good news? If you told her BEFORE you were a V you probabaly wouldn't have gotten laid! There are women out there who won't care but more will than won't so you gotta play the odds!
Author NateC Posted January 16, 2013 Author Posted January 16, 2013 Stop telling women this! Fake it till you make it. Get the makeout exp, then get laid. So you're cover will get blown once you have sex that you were a V. What's the good news? If you told her BEFORE you were a V you probabaly wouldn't have gotten laid! There are women out there who won't care but more will than won't so you gotta play the odds! I suppose that was a mistake, although she mentioned that she would be willing to "help" with that part. Whatever that means.
outsidethebox Posted January 16, 2013 Posted January 16, 2013 It means a lot. It means she's willing to make out with you if you keep doing what you're doing and not sit around with her telling her she's a friend or whatever you pondered above. Basically time for thinking is over, time for doing. To be clear make out means kissing, cuddling, caressing, heavy breathing, etc. in private. If to break the ice she's showing you so be it. Don't overthink it, preferably don't think at all.
SJC2008 Posted January 16, 2013 Posted January 16, 2013 I suppose that was a mistake, although she mentioned that she would be willing to "help" with that part. Whatever that means. That's ok! Remeber it's about playing the odds so they're in YOUR favor. Most men and women are sexually experienced by the age of 20 so it's a safe bet if you meet a woman 20+ that she's at least somewhat exp'd and likes sex and doesn't want to be involved with a V becuse a v aint gonna beat up that coochie! Play it cool, if you get busted just style it out. "Yeah I was a V, somewhat of a late bloomer". Don't say anything else, if they dump you oh well you got exp. Sooner or later you'll have enough exp to where all this will be an afterthought. Your goal is to get the exp and not be like me, a 31 year old who has only had sex twice!
Author NateC Posted January 16, 2013 Author Posted January 16, 2013 That's ok! Remeber it's about playing the odds so they're in YOUR favor. Most men and women are sexually experienced by the age of 20 so it's a safe bet if you meet a woman 20+ that she's at least somewhat exp'd and likes sex and doesn't want to be involved with a V becuse a v aint gonna beat up that coochie! Play it cool, if you get busted just style it out. "Yeah I was a V, somewhat of a late bloomer". Don't say anything else, if they dump you oh well you got exp. Sooner or later you'll have enough exp to where all this will be an afterthought. Your goal is to get the exp and not be like me, a 31 year old who has only had sex twice! She seemed okay with it and even mentioned what you said about most women 20+ not being a virgin (she isn't either). She's been very understanding about everything and hasn't backed off because of it. Can't learn without doing as they say.
SJC2008 Posted January 16, 2013 Posted January 16, 2013 She seemed okay with it and even mentioned what you said about most women 20+ not being a virgin (she isn't either). She's been very understanding about everything and hasn't backed off because of it. Can't learn without doing as they say. This is where you're wrong and missing the point! Just becuase she was nice and understanding doesn't mean she's cool with it. What is she, or any woman for that manner gonna say? Eeeew get away from me virgin? No, they'll saw "Awe it's ok...blah blah blah" to your face and then friend zone you like YOU got friend zoned or just do the fade. While she's understanding to your face in her head she's saying "He'll never get me off" or "I like him but once he gets exp he might leave me for someone better so I'm gonna pass". Like I said there are exceptions but you gotta play the odds man!
Author NateC Posted January 16, 2013 Author Posted January 16, 2013 This is where you're wrong and missing the point! Just becuase she was nice and understanding doesn't mean she's cool with it. What is she, or any woman for that manner gonna say? Eeeew get away from me virgin? No, they'll saw "Awe it's ok...blah blah blah" to your face and then friend zone you like YOU got friend zoned or just do the fade. While she's understanding to your face in her head she's saying "He'll never get me off" or "I like him but once he gets exp he might leave me for someone better so I'm gonna pass". Like I said there are exceptions but you gotta play the odds man! I know. She's not very experienced either (or as she's told me...I guess it's believable). All in all, I'm not really too worried about it. If she's open with me, I'm open with her. She's willing to at least see where things go - she may be just letting me down gently, but...I guess the only sure way to tell is just to give it time. We've only had one date so far so really it's only the beginning especially since she's been looking forward to seeing me again.
SJC2008 Posted January 16, 2013 Posted January 16, 2013 I know. She's not very experienced either (or as she's told me...I guess it's believable). All in all, I'm not really too worried about it. If she's open with me, I'm open with her. She's willing to at least see where things go - she may be just letting me down gently, but...I guess the only sure way to tell is just to give it time. We've only had one date so far so really it's only the beginning especially since she's been looking forward to seeing me again. Don't overthink what I'm telling you just go with the flow. There is a chance she may not really care! You'll find out sooner or later. Just stop talking to her about your experience or lack there of all together. He'll don't wait for her to teach you to kiss, make the move when she least expects it!
Mrlonelyone Posted January 16, 2013 Posted January 16, 2013 @NateC I disagree with the above posters. You weren't necessarily FZ'ed based on what she said. She said she's willing to give this a try and see where it leads. In short she just not 100% sure what she wants after one meeting. There are also plenty of women who enjoy devirginizing men. If women never had sex with virgins of a certain age then there would be far more life long virgin men. That said, usually it's done as a one off deal, or if you become their BF they don't want it generally known that you were a virgin. Western society judges harshly anyone who's sexual history and relationships fall even slightly outside the established norms. One more thing. When many women say they haven't had that much sex, realize that many of them only count vaginal penetration as sex. They are the ones who, many of us encountered and would do EVERYTHING but have vaginal sex. So her vagina may not be experience but ever other hole on her body may have been stretched.
Author NateC Posted January 16, 2013 Author Posted January 16, 2013 @NateC I disagree with the above posters. You weren't necessarily FZ'ed based on what she said. She said she's willing to give this a try and see where it leads. In short she just not 100% sure what she wants after one meeting. There are also plenty of women who enjoy devirginizing men. If women never had sex with virgins of a certain age then there would be far more life long virgin men. That said, usually it's done as a one off deal, or if you become their BF they don't want it generally known that you were a virgin. Western society judges harshly anyone who's sexual history and relationships fall even slightly outside the established norms. One more thing. When many women say they haven't had that much sex, realize that many of them only count vaginal penetration as sex. They are the ones who, many of us encountered and would do EVERYTHING but have vaginal sex. So her vagina may not be experience but ever other hole on her body may have been stretched. Yeah...I'm thinking it'll be best to just go with the flow at this point. When people say I overthink things - it's spot on and a curse at times. Dating is meant to be fun and a meaningful experience and I'll just derail myself if I keep asking "what if?". This thread's been perfect for sorting through my thoughts and it'll be updated regularly as things change for better or for worse. I haven't yet planned our next date because of her starting school again so I'm keeping to light conversation and our "movie nights" (we watch the same movie at the same time and text each other ...sorta our thing now ). Stressing about a guy needs to be the least of her worries right now and I'm being patient.
Author NateC Posted January 18, 2013 Author Posted January 18, 2013 Update: We're likely meeting again Saturday provided she gets better (came down with the flu that's been going around). We have a couple things we could possibly do ...movies, walking around the mall window shopping, or just lunch somewhere. We haven't made solid plans yet - but what do you guys think would work best? 1
Author NateC Posted January 18, 2013 Author Posted January 18, 2013 I hope it works out for you. I'm hoping. Valentine's Day is coming up quite quickly and I wanted to do something small (just because ...well, it's V-Day) but I may wait on that part.
Author NateC Posted January 19, 2013 Author Posted January 19, 2013 She texted me a few hours ago and I'll be meeting her at the mall with a couple of her friends - I'm actually okay with that because if this is to go anywhere I should at least know her friends a bit (besides, works in my favor too). It's only for a few hours and we'll likely do our own thing, so it'll be nice. I'm also a bit anxious because I have no idea how things will go, but that's part of the fun, right? She says she wants me to meet more new people, so at the very least she's comfortable with me meeting her friends.
MrCastle Posted January 19, 2013 Posted January 19, 2013 She texted me a few hours ago and I'll be meeting her at the mall with a couple of her friends - I'm actually okay with that because if this is to go anywhere I should at least know her friends a bit (besides, works in my favor too). It's only for a few hours and we'll likely do our own thing, so it'll be nice. I'm also a bit anxious because I have no idea how things will go, but that's part of the fun, right? She says she wants me to meet more new people, so at the very least she's comfortable with me meeting her friends. Uhh, haha--did she say specifically "meet more people"? or did she say "meet my friends"?--if it's the former, you're in the friendzone
SJC2008 Posted January 19, 2013 Posted January 19, 2013 Uhh, haha--did she say specifically "meet more people"? or did she say "meet my friends"?--if it's the former, you're in the friendzone Most of us were pretty sure he got FZ'd unfortunately. Unitl he loses his virginity he needs to keep quiet aobut it and get er done!
outsidethebox Posted January 19, 2013 Posted January 19, 2013 I doubt she's introducing you to her friends because she thinks so much of you she wants you to meet her friends. The key phrase there was she thinks you should meet more people. [cross posted with MrCastle]
outsidethebox Posted January 19, 2013 Posted January 19, 2013 You would need to either want to meet a couple of girls through her (and personally I doubt she has chosen two girls who she thinks might want to date you) or cancel out on this. And don't get into a bunch of whining questions to her about it.
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