Here goes!

[NateC]

Well, I'm headed out to meet this girl I met on OKC. We've been talking for over a month before this, so I have some good feelings about this. Wish me luck!

[Treasa]

Good luck!

[Lani]

Good luck!!

Report back

[NateC]

So it was a shortish date (met at 10, I'm actually home now) but it went really well. We met at the beach area where she works and greeted with a hug. Walked on the beach for a bit (got some seashells!) and she showed me her work (an amusement park haha). We then had lunch and some fun with trivia cards they had there. I found myself laughing and smiling the entire time, and her the same. Gave her a hug goodbye after.

 

I really have great feelings about her, but I know she's under a lot of stress with the start of school and such, so I'm keeping things light and really getting to know her. So...tl;dr: it was great!

[Lani]

That's great news!

Keeping the first date short is perfect, gives you the opportunity to leave things on a high note with both of you wanting more.

I hope this all works out for you

[rys]

good for you

[Samilia]

Well, I'm headed out to meet this girl I met on OKC. We've been talking for over a month before this, so I have some good feelings about this. Wish me luck!

 

Good luck!

[NateC]

A bit of an update of sorts...I'm kinda unsure how I want to approach this:

 

We were talking last night about some random stuff about her school and such (she's a junior in college) and how busy she could be - but that wouldn't stop us from at least talking and such. That's when the dating topic came up ...she said she did like me and all of that but wasn't sure if the chemistry was there or not. She told me she's willing to explore that more.

 

I do like this girl and she's being really up-front with me so feelings don't get hurt, but I'm wondering ...what can I do? Since I'm new to the whole dating thing I guess I haven't really "made moves" so to speak, but I didn't want to make her feel uncomfortable. We're definitely still talking and everything so I think time will tell, but a bit of advice on this would be appreciated!

[CptSaveAho]

Stop talking for a week(don't send or respond to anything... this is damage control from your "future plans" FUBAR), then ask her out again... you will have your answer if she says yes/no

 

Stop talking about "dating" / future plans on the first date This crap needs to stop from all guys... if a girl brings it up... you walk... if a guy brings it up... she walks

 

Go out and have fun

[NateC]

Stop talking for a week(don't send or respond to anything... this is damage control from your "future plans" FUBAR), then ask her out again... you will have your answer if she says yes/no

 

Stop talking about "dating" / future plans on the first date This crap needs to stop from all guys... if a girl brings it up... you walk... if a guy brings it up... she walks

 

Go out and have fun

 

This is almost a week after we met. Since we're about an hour apart we spend a majority of the time just talking (usually via text since it's easier).

[CptSaveAho]

Stop talking for a week(don't send or respond to anything... this is damage control from your "future plans" FUBAR), then ask her out again... you will have your answer if she says yes/no

 

 

Reread this

[Drseussgrrl]

Stop talking for a week(don't send or respond to anything... this is damage control from your "future plans" FUBAR), then ask her out again... you will have your answer if she says yes/no

 

Stop talking about "dating" / future plans on the first date This crap needs to stop from all guys... if a girl brings it up... you walk... if a guy brings it up... she walks

 

Go out and have fun

 

This is awful advice, sorry. If a guy stopped talking to me for a week, and didn't respond to anything, I'd assume he lost interest and wouldn't feel "keen" when he started sniffing around again acting like nothing happened. I'd be seriously turned off by this obvious game.

[CptSaveAho]

Sure you would....

 

You know she friendzoned him... I know she friendzoned him... this is cleanup from his mistake... if she has any romantic interest in him... this will "fix" it and she will respond

[NateC]

This is awful advice, sorry. If a guy stopped talking to me for a week, and didn't respond to anything, I'd assume he lost interest and wouldn't feel "keen" when he started sniffing around again acting like nothing happened. I'd be seriously turned off by this obvious game.

 

That's what I was thinking. I couldn't cut communication like that with her. She's actually the one who brought it up (I was going to, but wanted to be face-to-face instead) and has always been very honest with me, so she's not trying to play games or anything.

 

I'm just not sure how to proceed. I was honest with her and told her that I haven't had my first kiss (and I'm 22), and she told me that was okay and maybe she'd "help" with that if I was okay with it ...pretty obvious what that likely means. Maybe going in for the kiss is the way to tell if the chemistry is really there?

[Drseussgrrl]

Sure you would....

 

You know she friendzoned him... I know she friendzoned him... this is cleanup from his mistake... if she has any romantic interest in him... this will "fix" it and she will respond

 

Well I do agree he's getting put in the friend zone. But ignoring her for a week isn't going to fix it, sorry. Those stupid "hard to get" games don't raise my interest level in the least. It's so transparent.

 

OP you're 22 and never kissed anyone? I can see why she might feel there is no chemistry. Why don't you just date around and gets lots of practice before zoning in on just one chick?

[NateC]

I'll post what she said briefly:

 

"[...]if its not gonna work out...but I do hope you will know that even if we dont date, it doesnt mean i dont like you and stuff :3 i think youre very awesome and sweet and funny and smart and any girl would be pretty lucky to be with you, but its got to be a girl with the right chemistry, you know? You just feel it when its right with someone in That kind of way...and i had so much fun, and i would like to hang out again! But at the same time, im not sure if the chemistry is really right between us. Im open to exploring that a bit more though!"

 

I told her that I'm willing to see where it leads. I know very well we could end up as just friends, but a girl talking about me about this is a first. Usually I just get "I only see you as a friend" and they either vanish or we stay friends. I dunno.

[CptSaveAho]

This EQUALS

[...]if its not gonna work out...but I do hope you will know that even if we dont date, it doesnt mean i dont like you and stuff :3 i think youre very awesome and sweet and funny and smart and any girl would be pretty lucky to be with you, but its got to be a girl with the right chemistry, you know? You just feel it when its right with someone in That kind of way...and i had so much fun, and i would like to hang out again! But at the same time, im not sure if the chemistry is really right between us. Im open to exploring that a bit more though!"

 

This

"I only see you as a friend"

[april38]

Stop talking for a week(don't send or respond to anything... this is damage control from your "future plans" FUBAR), then ask her out again... you will have your answer if she says yes/no

 

Stop talking about "dating" / future plans on the first date This crap needs to stop from all guys... if a girl brings it up... you walk... if a guy brings it up... she walks

 

Go out and have fun

 

I can't agree with this and here's why - if a guy falls off the grid for a while and I wonder where he is, it may peek my interest - but only temporarily. It's happened before, and what happens is I become attracted to what I can't have, not the man himself, and eventually it once again becomes clear that there's no chemistry, and I lose interest.

 

Chemistry is either there, or it isn't. If it's there, then it's ok to let things simmer - actually it's quite nice, but if it's not there, there's not a whole lot you can do about it.

 

I suggest that the OP remains being himself, and let the cards fall where they may. It's the only way to ensure she likes him for him.

 

BTW, if I guy didn't respond to my texts, I would feel he was just rude, or game playing. This certainly isn't the way to start a healthy relationship

 

However I do agree with Stop talking about "dating" / future plans on the first date. on a first date you should be in the moment, and just enjoy the here and now. you can always text later, after you've had time to let the events on the date sink in, and say lets do it again. That's a much less clingy way to approach future plans.

Edited January 15, 2013 by april38

[april38]

I'll post what she said briefly:

 

"[...]if its not gonna work out...but I do hope you will know that even if we dont date, it doesnt mean i dont like you and stuff :3 i think youre very awesome and sweet and funny and smart and any girl would be pretty lucky to be with you, but its got to be a girl with the right chemistry, you know? You just feel it when its right with someone in That kind of way...and i had so much fun, and i would like to hang out again! But at the same time, im not sure if the chemistry is really right between us. Im open to exploring that a bit more though!"

 

I told her that I'm willing to see where it leads. I know very well we could end up as just friends, but a girl talking about me about this is a first. Usually I just get "I only see you as a friend" and they either vanish or we stay friends. I dunno.

 

Making a new female friend means she has other female friends - so if it doesn't work out with her, a friendship is great because she might have a friend who finds you irresistible.

[NateC]

However I do agree with Stop talking about "dating" / future plans on the first date. on a first date you should be in the moment, and just enjoy the here and now. you can always text later, after you've had time to let the events on the date sink in, and say lets do it again. That's a much less clingy way to approach future plans.

 

Well, again this was about a week after our first date and she kinda just brought it up after talking about school and how she wished she had more time for the whole dating thing.

 

I do like your advice on just letting the cards fall where they do - I just don't want to make the mistake of losing an opportunity with her when she's the first girl I've attempted to date that's been willing to give me a try. One could say my batting average is about a 0 at this point.

 

Making a new female friend means she has other female friends - so if it doesn't work out with her, a friendship is great because she might have a friend who finds you irresistible.

 

That's always a plus too. It's a brand new friends circle who knows what could happen there!

[CptSaveAho]

I can't agree with this and here's why - if a guy falls off the grid for a while and I wonder where he is, it may peek my interest - but only temporarily. It's happened before, and what happens is I become attracted to what I can't have, not the man himself, and eventually it once again becomes clear that there's no chemistry, and I lose interest.

 

Chemistry is either there, or it isn't. If it's there, then it's ok to let things simmer - actually it's quite nice, but if it's not there, there's not a whole lot you can do about it.

 

I suggest that the OP remains being himself, and let the cards fall where they may. It's the only way to ensure she likes him for him.

 

BTW, if I guy didn't respond to my texts, I would feel he was just rude, or game playing. This certainly isn't the way to start a healthy relationship

 

 

LOL Women.... self talk... blah blah blah I would never do that

 

Then you agreed with me (bold and underline)

 

If its there, in a week she will say yes... if its not there... she will say no or ignore... you win either way

[outsidethebox]

Take her up on her offer and make out with her and have fun. She sounds nice.

[NateC]

Take her up on her offer and make out with her and have fun. She sounds nice.

Haha, yeah. She really is ...and the first girl I've really felt connected to in a lot of ways. I think I need to show it more.

 

This thread's also shown me there's a lot of differing views but getting advice here works as well as getting my thoughts down. I went into this knowing full well she could end up being just a friend as it always happens, but getting so close to her does at least mean I don't have trouble with that!

[april38]

That's always a plus too. It's a brand new friends circle who knows what could happen there!

 

So, since you're open to that, maybe that's how you should approach it. Tell her that you would like to hang out as friends, no worries about the dating thing, and that you would just enjoy hanging out. Then all pressure is off - you can get to know her, then maybe meet up with her and her friends some time, and who knows!!

 

Also realize that if you do get to know eachother with all pressure off, it might even create some chemistry between you and her. I find myself more attracted to guys who I get to know first, not just try to date me right out of the gate. Dating someone I just met feels awkward (most of the time).

 

Good luck, keep us posted!

[NateC]

So, since you're open to that, maybe that's how you should approach it. Tell her that you would like to hang out as friends, no worries about the dating thing, and that you would just enjoy hanging out. Then all pressure is off - you can get to know her, then maybe meet up with her and her friends some time, and who knows!!

 

Also realize that if you do get to know eachother with all pressure off, it might even create some chemistry between you and her. I find myself more attracted to guys who I get to know first, not just try to date me right out of the gate. Dating someone I just met feels awkward (most of the time).

 

Good luck, keep us posted!

 

Thanks for the advice. That really does help! You're right ...I just need to not worry about it and just hang out as friends. She does consider me a closer friend than people she's known for much longer, so it's a start. I was surprised she mentioned all of that out of the blue, but I'm glad she's so open. I know she's under tons of stress with school and all the drama that goes on there (yay college) so I'm kinda doing my best to not pressure her into things.