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bf w/temper leaves me confused


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i've been with my bf since november 2003. we started out as great friends then our relationship just grew. we were a happy couple, very attracted to one another, got along fine, never had any arguments. He is a little moody as i like to describe it..i would say he is nice to me but can be mean to the waiter kind of thing. If he doesn't like someone he doesn't treat them nicely..unless he's in the mood to do so. Well he had to move back home to another state for school, so we've been apart for a month.


i went to visit him a week ago and it wasn't as great as we both had hoped, mainly because of his anger problem. one moment he is so kind, nice, and happy..but the next moment something makes him upset and he's a grouchy, mean person. He's been in moods before..but he's never been mean to me in the past..on this trip to visit him he wasn't treating me that well at times.


He doesn't call me names and he doesn't hit me. He even wants to change and feels bad after he realizes what a jerk he is being. But i just feel like i'm walking on eggshells sometimes..i was crying one night and he says:"what do you expect of me? i can't be happy all the time". That is true, but he really does have a problem and i don't know how to help him. He doesn't respect other's all the time..he can be unkind.


i just don't know what to do..most of the time i love him to death. But those moments when he gets in a bad mood..i almost hate to be around him. I kind of feel like i have to apologize to whoever we're with "oh he's just stressed..he gets like this sometimes".


Can he change? Should i give up and not risk staying on this emotional rollercoaster i'm on with him?


Another thing is that now we are a long distance couple..which is a hard thing in itself. We used to talk everyday, but he hasn't called me tonight..i'm starting to feel like maybe he doesn't like me as much anymore. And instead of recognizing that and telling me..he is acting it out through finding little things i do that bother him.



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If anyoen has such a bad temper I would leave them alone completely. I have been through something similar and it sounds to me as though it will only get worse.


Leave before it gets harder to leave.

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This guy sounds a lot like my first husband. When we were dating, I knew he had a bad temper, but I thought that he wouldn't ever direct that temper at me because he loved me. I was wrong. After, we married he became physically abusive.


I thought he might change too, but he didn't and things just got worse.


Break up with this person now before you get in any deeper. You don't even have to tell him that it's because of his temper, just tell him you don't want to have a long distance relationship.

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it will be hard to leave him because he has become my world. i think i'm very attached and reliant on this relationship. i do love him and care for him. i also feel for him, i worry that if i don't tell him why i'm breaking up with him..he wont see that he has a problem..therefore whoever he dates along the way will suffer like i did. gosh, if he would only change this one thing it would be perfect! we could live happily ever after..yeah right *wake up call*..i know relationships aren't exactly story books.


it's just hard because i am so in love with him. he has a great family..his parents are awesome and loving. i don't see where he got this bad attitude from. i will seriously consider if i should break up with him..and i'm not just saying that. i just don't want to rush into it.


thanks for your advice you guys, it means alot to know there are people out there who are kind enough to first of all read my long story, then plus you shared your personal opinions and advice.

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  • 2 weeks later...

Everyone and I mean everyone knows that you can't change someone. You can help them if they want, but in the end, it's them.


Women change temp. for their men, then they become unhappy because "love is blind" (the only reason why that's true is because we blind ourselves to try to make him happy) then they end up leaving.

Men, well, men you can't change. It's all up to him. He will try to change temp. However, it ends a lot faster. Don't take his crap. If you're serious about him, you may want to put a wall up.


You don't want to go any further in this relationship. If you do, and say a few years you get married, what if he hit you once? Ok, you cry, he says sorry, says he's going to change, he dosn't. Hits you again, you cry, blah blah blah, all over again. Soon you get beaten over and over again.


Don't get involved with a man that has an anger problem!

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