Happypuppy Posted January 11, 2013 Posted January 11, 2013 Hi! Please help me; this is constantly on my mind and I’m going crazy..! I have a very long and complicated question, that I really hope you can help me with, before I make myself mad.. I’ll try to keep it short though: In 2007 I met a really great guy (I was 24, he was 25) He was actually a friend of one of my ex boyfriends (which I later learned was kind of hard for him) Anyways; we got together as boyfriend and girlfriend, and everything was amazing. And I mean amazing! We could speak about everything, we loved the same stuff, sex was great and so on and so on. The attraction was radiating! One day, after 8 months, he broke it off with me and I didn’t understand anything. He just told me it didn’t work, and left. I was heartbroken like never before; I had finally been able to see myself getting married down the line (we even talked about kids; and it wasn’t me who brought up these things, it was him) After a week he asked me to have a talk, and then he revealed to me that he had been stupidly drunk one night and two of my girlfriends had hitted on him and appareantly they ended up in bed… Needless to say my sorrow was beyond this world. I had no one; had lost both my boyfriend and my two closest girlfriends. The thing is that no one who knows this guy could believe it. He has never been the one night stand type of guy, and his friends came to me to tell me they knew he absolutely loved me and they understood even less than me, cause he was just not that type of guy. He never had to tell me about him cheating; I would never have found out. Based on his honesty and knowing that this was really untypical of him, I decided we should give it another try. At this point he told me he wanted to live with me, get a cat, go grossary shopping, he would stay at home every weekend if that was what it would take, the list goes on and on; he just wanted to be with me. In the beginning it was good, but after his betrail I had serious issues, mostly about his feelings towards me. This spiraled into us “trying” on and off for a looong time. In restrospect I now see that I was way to insecure and scared of losing him. I was needy and I now know all the things I did wrong… It’s terrible to think I have wasted my chance with the guy I still in my heart think of as The One.. After trying to break it of several times (the both of us) because it didn’t work, he finally told me this summer that it was over. Then we hadn’t seen each other for about a month, because we both had been travelling (but we still had contact, and even with him busy across the world, he told me he was thinking of me) In my head I must admit I thought to myself “ok, here we go again”, but he actually didn’t make contact with me this time. We had agreed that we would tell each other if we found someone else, just as a curtesy to the other, and about a month after he told me he had met someone. I was still severly heartbroken for losing him, and our conversation didn’t end so good.. He blocked me from FB and so on. This was in September, he and this girl apperantly started things in June. But I heard from a friend of his that he had me as a screensaver on his phone at the same time.. I later learned that the girl he was talking about was a girl he had known almost his entire life, and that he actually had been with 15 (!) years ago or so. They don’t live in the same country and they had hooked up when she was visiting home one weekend. She then went back to her country (she is studying there) and it seems they have “agreed on their relationship” online after a while. I know for a fact that she has been after him for several years, without him showing much interest. The just came back after him visiting her for 1,5 months, and as far as I understand their plan is to move in together when she moves back here in march. I am trying to move on with my life, but this whole ordeal with this guy is constantly on my mind. I am flirting with guys, and generally happy, but I can’t let this go! I was so sure of him being IT.. To make matters worse, I asked him to have a coffee with me as a friend, a while after I learned about this girl. (about one month after, in a light tone) Just because we left things not so great, and because he had told me we might be able to stay friends and I missed talking to him. He then told me he didn’t want to talk to me, that he had to think of himself, that I should know that what he had done was hard on him and that I never should ask again and so on.. My question is this: What is he thinking…? I mean; I was the first girl he had ever lived with, he told me several times that he could see us growing old together and starting a family, that he never had such a great girlfriend, that he would be regretting the breakup between us, and one of the last things he said to me was that I was an amazing girl that deserved so much better. Is his feelings for this girl real you think..? After almost 30 years of knowing her and one weekend of hooking up, then living in separate countrys for 2 months? And after telling me all of these things and them trying to be together once before? I dream of us meeting one day and being able to start things all over again, with me having learned my lesson about re-assuranse and needyness… I find it hard to believe that he is in love with this girl, I think it’s him just trying to distract himself. A rebound? Or am I delutional…? What’s your opinion on this..? Please help me; I’m going crazy! And do you have any tips on easing into his life again? I really miss him, even if it’s just talking to him like a friend. And do you think I am completely forgotten..? Does he even think of me..? Haven’t talked to him in over a month, after him telling me that he didn’t want to talk to me, (except a text regarding some of our things, in wich he replied in a polite manner, but nothing more, and then proceeded to unblock me from FB. Asked him about it, he never replied) and haven’t seen him since June. Help!
Author Happypuppy Posted January 11, 2013 Author Posted January 11, 2013 No POV? I don't really know what to do here. I'm afraid it has been too long and afraid of being pushy and driving him away, since that was what caused us to break up in the first place. At the same time I'm scared he has forgotten all about me. I know I probably should just wait things out, if it is ment to be it will happen and so on, but at the same time I will like to make sure I still linger in his mind somewhere... Do you go from a messy breakup with a girlfriend of 5 years (on and off, that's what made it messy), tell her you will always think good things about her, that she should know what she has ment to you and that you always will remember her fondly, to jumping into a semi-long distance relationship with a girl you have known for 30 years? With no feelings what so ever left for the ex? Also scared he is so messed up from the cheating (he never fully recovered from that, seems I took it better than him) that he will never try to make contact with me again. Just because of the pain he gave me. He said it so many times; "you deserve better, you are the most amazing girl and I can never forgive myself for what I have done", wich in turn turned to "I wish I felt more for you, my feelings have just changed". That part came after me starting to act all needy and clingy because of the cheating.. So yeah.. Messy story. And even more messy in my head. Would really love som POV from you guys
Author Happypuppy Posted January 13, 2013 Author Posted January 13, 2013 Got drunk last night and stupidly sent a text to him.. It reads: "Hi I know I'm making a fool of myself and I don't care. You have tought me so much, and thanks to you I have become a better person. Thanks! I'm still thinking of you and regretting that things turned out the way it did, but everything happens for a reason, right? Hope you are doing good" My God.. I need help!
gullibleme Posted January 13, 2013 Posted January 13, 2013 It's just really hard to read and I keep re-reading the same sentences over and over ..UGH!! shorten a little and put some spaces maybe...I got a headache!
Author Happypuppy Posted January 13, 2013 Author Posted January 13, 2013 I'm sorry English is not my first language and I tried to keep it as short as possible. A few spaces would be in place, but I can't seem to edit it. Maybe I'll try to make another post..
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