copperlily Posted January 11, 2013 Posted January 11, 2013 I've been casually dating this guy and just as I was beginning to really like him, he suggests we go to a strip club together. Like as a date, I guess. I said, "Weird, but okay, whatever. Sounds alright." I don't have a problem with strip clubs or anything like that. But now I'm just sitting here imagining what this is going to be like.... him getting a lap dance and me cringing/fake smiling because I'm uncomfortable and jealous. What a terrible evening, right? Am I just being insecure? I'm not sure where these feelings come from, but I guess I've never been to a strip club with someone I cared about before. Advice is appreciated. Thanks.
Lani Posted January 11, 2013 Posted January 11, 2013 I don't think he's going to get a lap dance... surely not? Have you slept together?
Author copperlily Posted January 11, 2013 Author Posted January 11, 2013 I don't think he's going to get a lap dance... surely not? Have you slept together? I can totally see him getting a lap dance. And yes, we have slept together.
Lani Posted January 11, 2013 Posted January 11, 2013 Well, it all depends on what your boundaries are? If you're not cool with him getting a lap dance, then tell him that. You don't want to start things out this way if you're never going to be comfortable with it. He's testing you, to find out how far he can push things. It sets a precedent for the rest of your relationship, so be careful. 1
sharsh Posted January 11, 2013 Posted January 11, 2013 I've gone to strip clubs with people I'm dating... but it's always my suggestion, and I'm way into strip clubs. I think they're a fun time. It's not for everyone though. 2
KungFuJoe Posted January 11, 2013 Posted January 11, 2013 I've been casually dating this guy and just as I was beginning to really like him, he suggests we go to a strip club together. Like as a date, I guess. I said, "Weird, but okay, whatever. Sounds alright." I don't have a problem with strip clubs or anything like that. But now I'm just sitting here imagining what this is going to be like.... him getting a lap dance and me cringing/fake smiling because I'm uncomfortable and jealous. What a terrible evening, right? Am I just being insecure? I'm not sure where these feelings come from, but I guess I've never been to a strip club with someone I cared about before. Advice is appreciated. Thanks. DO NOT GO. Believe me you will regret it. I can tell already from from the part I bolded. If you aren't into strip clubs...you're going to have a ****ty time. And this is coming from a guy who frequents strip clubs with his wife. She enjoys it as much as I do. 3
Author copperlily Posted January 11, 2013 Author Posted January 11, 2013 Well, it all depends on what your boundaries are? If you're not cool with him getting a lap dance, then tell him that. You don't want to start things out this way if you're never going to be comfortable with it. He's testing you, to find out how far he can push things. It sets a precedent for the rest of your relationship, so be careful. Ack. I don't know if I'm cool with it. I can't tell if I'm just overreacting to my imaginings. Maybe part of it is because I don't know him as well as I'd like before getting a "test" like this lol. I really like this guy, and I do trust him but I'm also still getting to know him. I guess I'm trying to figure out if it's ridiculous for someone to do this or if it's just my own personal hang up. And I think we're dating seriously, but who takes their serious date to a strip club? I guess no matter what happens, I'll get better insight into his character for sure.
KungFuJoe Posted January 11, 2013 Posted January 11, 2013 Not to derail the topic, but man when I go to strip clubs with my wife and we both go up to the stage...I get totally ignored. They go straight for my wife and she gets boobies rubbed in her face and I get to pull out dollar bills for tips. So not fair. 3
KungFuJoe Posted January 11, 2013 Posted January 11, 2013 Ack. I don't know if I'm cool with it. I can't tell if I'm just overreacting to my imaginings. Maybe part of it is because I don't know him as well as I'd like before getting a "test" like this lol. I really like this guy, and I do trust him but I'm also still getting to know him. I guess I'm trying to figure out if it's ridiculous for someone to do this or if it's just my own personal hang up. And I think we're dating seriously, but who takes their serious date to a strip club? I guess no matter what happens, I'll get better insight into his character for sure. Like I said...you have to be 110% for it...otherwise you're going to want to run out screaming. Trust me on this one. There are a million other things you guys can do other than a strip club. I can't give you insight on his character but I think it's a bit forward and somewhat presumptuous. I consider myself a very open minded person and not very conservative and even I wouldn't take someone I was just dating to a strip club unless it was a completely NSA sex deal.
Author copperlily Posted January 11, 2013 Author Posted January 11, 2013 DO NOT GO. Believe me you will regret it. I can tell already from from the part I bolded. If you aren't into strip clubs...you're going to have a ****ty time. And this is coming from a guy who frequents strip clubs with his wife. She enjoys it as much as I do. Well... the thing is I am into strip clubs with friends. But I've never been with someone I'm dating... Like I've never watched someone I was dating/romantically attached to at some level get sexual with other women before. But I get what you're saying.
Author copperlily Posted January 11, 2013 Author Posted January 11, 2013 Like I said...you have to be 110% for it...otherwise you're going to want to run out screaming. Trust me on this one. There are a million other things you guys can do other than a strip club. I can't give you insight on his character but I think it's a bit forward and somewhat presumptuous. I consider myself a very open minded person and not very conservative and even I wouldn't take someone I was just dating to a strip club unless it was a completely NSA sex deal. Thanks, this is helpful. Not what I want to hear, but I appreciate the honesty. 1
Treasa Posted January 11, 2013 Posted January 11, 2013 (edited) I love women. I like strip clubs. If a guy ever wanted to take me to one as a date, I'd dump his ass immediately. Especially if we were just casually dating and still getting to know each other. Talk about tacky and classless. If you want, tell him sure, and then immediately list the name of the nearest strip club with MALE strippers. Then observe how he reacts. ETA: I hate the new-ish mindset that women have to be totally laid back and cool with whatever a guy wants in order to show them they aren't clingy or pathetic. You have to draw healthy boundaries and not be scared to voice what those boundaries are. If a guy doesn't respect those boundaries, you cut him loose and throw him back into the water. Edited January 11, 2013 by Treasa 9
xxoo Posted January 11, 2013 Posted January 11, 2013 ETA: I hate the new-ish mindset that women have to be totally laid back and cool with whatever a guy wants in order to show them they aren't clingy or pathetic. You have to draw healthy boundaries and not be scared to voice what those boundaries are. If a guy doesn't respect those boundaries, you cut him loose and throw him back into the water. Exactly. Just say no! You earn respect by standing up for yourself, confidently, not by being the doormat trying to be a cool chick. 1
Arabella Posted January 11, 2013 Posted January 11, 2013 A lot of women make the mistake of putting themselves in situations they don't feel comfortable in just for the sake of appearing confident and cool. Don't do that to yourself. If your first reaction was thinking "Uhh, this is weird" and then wondering if you'll be jealous, IT IS NOT FOR YOU. Be honest with him and spare yourself the trouble. If a man who you've just started dating suggests you go to a strip club with him, it shows he has no respect for you and the relationship you're trying to build. It's not like you've been together for years and trying to spice things up. At this point, I'd even go as far as to sit him down and ask him why he feels the need to go to a strip club to look at other women so early on in a relationship, and why he wanted you to go with him. Depending how this conversation went, it could very well be a deal-breaker for me. I suggest you talk with him honestly and figure out where he's coming from. It could very well be his sexuality and values are very different from yours and this does not bode well for a long-term relationship. -A 4
Nightsky Posted January 11, 2013 Posted January 11, 2013 He sounds like a loser. Also you're just dating him casually yet having sex with him... You open yourself up for these types of shenanigans. This guy will probably get off on making you feel ensnarement, indignity and discomfort. Bad enough he's going to a strip club, worse that he's going so openly and proudly for no apparent reason other than "it's Friday" or what ever, the killer is that he wants to invite a date... 1
veggirl Posted January 11, 2013 Posted January 11, 2013 Gross what a tool. I would honestly never talk to a guy again if he thought a strip club was a place for a date. Says a lot about him. A, this early on it shows he thinks of you as only sex or as one of the guys...that he gets to bang. And B, really he clearly hits up strip clubs a lot lol it sounds like his go-to fri night plan. Loser. I wouldn't date a guy who goes to strip clubs when he has a girl though. 1
sweetkiwi Posted January 11, 2013 Posted January 11, 2013 Don't go. What a tacky fool. I hate strip clubs. Never been to one, never want to. I have known strippers through friends and these were the skankiest chicks I have ever met. I probably wouldve slapped that guy.
TouchedByViolet Posted January 11, 2013 Posted January 11, 2013 Reading the OP's posts I feel like I need to learn from this man. She likes the guy, has slept with him, trusts him and wants to get to know him more. This guy needs to teach a class
mammasita Posted January 11, 2013 Posted January 11, 2013 Strip clubs as a casual date - nope. Strip clubs together in a long term relationship - awesome. When you are in a relationship, boundaries are already set. Whenever we go I'm the one gawking at the dancers, throwing dollars at them and wanting a lap dance, he's in the back playing pool with other guys. Sure he's looking, but he never does anything disrespectful.
TigerCub Posted January 11, 2013 Posted January 11, 2013 This guy doesn't view you as real dating material. From what I know of guys (which may not be much) - but I do know that when a guy likes a girl and wants to date her and keep dating her, he tries to put his best foot forward and tries to make the girl see his classy and charming and sweet side. This guy doesn't really care about that with you. I'm not saying that strip clubs are a bad outing. I've gone there with my boyfriend (but we've been together for 2+ years) AND I was the one who suggested it. I would never have taken him seriously if he suggested that at the beginning of our dating because it off as "I don't care much about you, now lets go look at some other naked girls so that I can have something to fantasize about when I'm ****ing you later" haha, I dunno, it just comes off wrong at that early a stage of dating (if you actually have plans to be his gf).
mitchell Posted January 11, 2013 Posted January 11, 2013 Since you are having second thoughts, why not tell him and offer to be his personal stripper for the evening in the privacy of your own home? You could provide him with your own lap dance and even take him to your private room for some sexier fun.
KungFuJoe Posted January 11, 2013 Posted January 11, 2013 Strip clubs as a casual date - nope. Strip clubs together in a long term relationship - awesome. When you are in a relationship, boundaries are already set. Whenever we go I'm the one gawking at the dancers, throwing dollars at them and wanting a lap dance, he's in the back playing pool with other guys. Sure he's looking, but he never does anything disrespectful. Agreed. Strip clubs with a partner can be awesome...as long as they LIKE women. If they are there just for the man...forget it. 1
ja123 Posted January 12, 2013 Posted January 12, 2013 I consider myself a very open minded person and not very conservative and even I wouldn't take someone I was just dating to a strip club unless it was a completely NSA sex deal. OP, I know you responded to this; but, I was going to write something along the lines of the man you're seeing only wants a FWB-situation with you. And it sounds like you want a real relationship with him. Are you OK just being a FWB? My feeling is that you're not. Also, this might be his way of introducing you to some of his other fantasies, such as threesomes. Are you OK with that?
BrokenPrincess Posted January 12, 2013 Posted January 12, 2013 Sounds to me like you're not comfortable going with this guy, so why do it? Also this guy may not even be thinking about watching the girls per se, but actually watching YOU watch the girls. Seems like most strippers gravitate to the women in the group and the men like watching them get a lap dance as much if not more than getting one themselves.
Ghisop Posted January 12, 2013 Posted January 12, 2013 When me and a guy I was dating went to new Orleans - we ended up in a strip club. Normally I never would go but I had a blast. He didnt get any lap dances and would give me half his money to tip the girls. I would totally go again
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