crashvector Posted January 11, 2013 Posted January 11, 2013 I will not be posting here for a while after this. the conversation was more than I can bear. She told me she is moving out of the state. She repeated that her reason for ending the relationship indeed was what I posted in the original thread I made...she felt that I needed more than she could give me. Plain and simple. she told me how after her divorce, she HATED her ex husband for betraying her, and just could not live with allowing herself to get to the point of resenting me, so she felt it was best to end things now. Of course, I told her I would disagree with her on one major point: That it WAS a fixable issue, and that once we would have been married, things would be better. She reiterated that she wants to be friends, but does not think it wise to contact each other for 3 or 4 months at least, and then we could be friends after that. I told her "that may be possible for YOU....but I will never be able to bear the thought of you with someone else." and "You can move on because you are convinced your decision is the right one, or else you wouldn't have ended the relationship in the first place, but I, on the other hand, am NOT convinced, and cannot move on because everywhere I go, I take you with me." she told me she had to go after we talked for about an hour. So I told her "Since this may be the last time I ever speak to you, not that I WANT that, but just in case, I guess this is the time for me to put all my cards on the table here: If you see ANY way of things being different at ALL, now is the time to say so, because I cannot bear to lose you forever. It will irreparably break me." she said "I dont want to give you false hope or to keep you from moving on. I hope we can talk again as friends in a few months...but until then, I DO love you and I desperately want you to be happy. I'm so sorry I'm hurting you, it breaks my heart to know how bad you must be hurting, I take no pleasure in it, and I promise you, I feel terrible and guilty." So I said "Sue...I love you SO much. Goodbye, my sweetheart...goodbye." and hung up. So with this...I will be gone for a little while. I just wanted to let everyone know what happened. I'll be back soon.
Missing Him Posted January 11, 2013 Posted January 11, 2013 I couldn't even comprehend how you must be feeling. Please take care!
Balzac Posted January 11, 2013 Posted January 11, 2013 We will be here. Life can be brutal. Be good to yourself.
Author crashvector Posted January 11, 2013 Author Posted January 11, 2013 I couldn't even comprehend how you must be feeling. Please take care! There are no words that can come close to describing how I feel.
suladas Posted January 11, 2013 Posted January 11, 2013 That sucks but at the same time what changed since before? If anything you're better off then some people, you don't have any what if's you just have to move on and accept it. You know your ex cares and doesn't want to hurt you, which again is more then a lot of people get to.
MyAngel Posted January 11, 2013 Posted January 11, 2013 I'm sorry crash. I have to wonder why she called. What was her purpose, her intention..... Was it just to tell you she's moving? Please take care.
FailedFirstLove Posted January 11, 2013 Posted January 11, 2013 Very sorry to hear this but I guess that is your closure from her. I hope you do post. At the very least it helps u let it out. It's going to be so hard so please take care
Author crashvector Posted January 11, 2013 Author Posted January 11, 2013 she was as kind as she could have been, and i appreciated that. But still....she's done enough that she is planning to move to an entirely different state. it hurts so bad that I really can't feel...anything. I have NEVER hurt so much that I went cold and numb like this...and considering what I have...its not a good thing. like...all of my emotions are gone....except it feels like I can't breathe. this is something I will not be able to get over on my own, so I have made the decision to seek help, if even for just a few days. I can't help this. Being bipolar means that pain like this feels absolutely overwhelming to me, and as capable as I am and all the knowledge that I possess as a psych nurse has also taught me to know when to throw in the towel....and this amount of hurt is beyond even MY capacity to deal with. So, I have made the decision to seek help, because I am so heartbroken that I simply cannot handle it on my own. I wish you all the best for the next few days, and know that those of you who are also hurting are in my thoughts and in my prayers. 1
Author crashvector Posted January 11, 2013 Author Posted January 11, 2013 Oh, and i sincerely appreciate the way so many nice people here have been willing to listen to me pour my heart out in such a spectacular manner. It means a lot to someone like me going through SUCH a dark time in my life. thank you all from the bottom of my heart. 3
Missing Him Posted January 11, 2013 Posted January 11, 2013 I think that seeking professional help is a really good option for you. It may not be possible for you to work through such an experience on your own.
Author crashvector Posted January 11, 2013 Author Posted January 11, 2013 It may not be possible for you to work through such an experience on your own. No. It's not possible for me to do this on my own. Like i told them: "I just can not describe how I feel....there are no words."
Sunshine87 Posted January 11, 2013 Posted January 11, 2013 It hurts! I agree that this cross is too heavy for you to carry on your own. I feel better knowing that you will be in caring hands. You are such a lovely man. It breaks my heart that you are going through this. But there is light at the end of the tunnel. Difficult to believe that but it's true Pls keep us updated. We are all thinking about you and your progress will mean a lot to us. This woman will NEVER forget you. One day, she will look back and wonder how or why she discarded with true untainted love. Take care.
Author crashvector Posted January 11, 2013 Author Posted January 11, 2013 Thank you. I have to xanax and benadryl myself to sleep now...I've gotta be ready to go at 6am. I'm SO heartbroken...I don't know what to do. She meant more to me than any other person Ive ever met in my 36 years. So see the roaring flame that used to be our love fade away to cold, gray ashes...it is more than I can bear alone. The problem is that it will extinguish itself in time for her..but I will forever carry a flame for her. I will update you all when I get back. thank you all SO very much.
livelife Posted January 11, 2013 Posted January 11, 2013 We all love you Crash! I've been reading your posts but haven't commented since I feel like I am inexperienced with the situation (20 years old, in college.) Good luck. Please come back because Loveshack has helped me immensely in my past breakups and I know i'll get over this one. So will you!
Author crashvector Posted January 11, 2013 Author Posted January 11, 2013 I'm sorry crash. I have to wonder why she called. What was her purpose, her intention..... Was it just to tell you she's moving? Please take care. because she said that she didnt know what to do, and thought that me finding out about it from somewhere else besides her seemed excessively cruel to her to do that to me. 1
FailedFirstLove Posted January 11, 2013 Posted January 11, 2013 I really hope you find your inner peace crash. I know it's so hard right now even I think I should turn to a professional. It's going to be so lonely On here without u posting! Make sure you come back soon! I was getting better for the last couple of days. And I just came crashing back down. So I've taken stress and tension relief pills! She's gone to find her peace so now u can find urs take care!be strong for ur son
MyAngel Posted January 11, 2013 Posted January 11, 2013 Seeking help is the right thing to do when you are suffering so much. I hope it helps you a lot. You are a wonderful and kind hearted man. We all want to see you get through this. Hope to hear from you soon.
Inviv_girl Posted January 11, 2013 Posted January 11, 2013 Take care, hope you get better soon. Im sorry for what you been through. Im heart broken also right now and wish him the one who suffer!!
Just smile Posted January 11, 2013 Posted January 11, 2013 So sorry crash. And somehow I hope you find peace and happiness in this mess. I hope you heal quickly.please hang in there.
geegirl Posted January 11, 2013 Posted January 11, 2013 It's painful just reading the end of that phone call. I'm sorry Crash. Thinking of you and I hope you emerge out of this soon.
HARPER100 Posted January 11, 2013 Posted January 11, 2013 All the best Crash. I hope you get the help you need.
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