shame_on_me Posted January 11, 2013 Posted January 11, 2013 After 30 years how do you suddenly ask your wife if you can erm ... put it somewhere else ?? She thinks its disgusting always has done, i had never experienced it before and to be honest it was quite taboo when we were younger. Also i could make love to my exow 3 times within 4 hours, im 49 for goodness sake ive never been able to do that and i defo shouldnt be able to do it now. We would tie each other up, she would dress up for me, infact it was her mission to pleasure me. My wife has never been adventurous and we have over the years attempted different positions etc but she did not feel comfortable nor enjoyed it, so we stopped. She's a strictly missionary type of person and i have no problem with that and i hate saying this and please do not take it the wrong way but she cant and never will be able to compete with my exow ... again this could be generation differences as my exow is very open about sex my wife simply isnt and that is not her fault it is the way she is.
Author wanting more Posted January 11, 2013 Author Posted January 11, 2013 After 30 years how do you suddenly ask your wife if you can erm ... put it somewhere else ?? She thinks its disgusting always has done, i had never experienced it before and to be honest it was quite taboo when we were younger. Also i could make love to my exow 3 times within 4 hours, im 49 for goodness sake ive never been able to do that and i defo shouldnt be able to do it now. We would tie each other up, she would dress up for me, infact it was her mission to pleasure me. My wife has never been adventurous and we have over the years attempted different positions etc but she did not feel comfortable nor enjoyed it, so we stopped. She's a strictly missionary type of person and i have no problem with that and i hate saying this and please do not take it the wrong way but she cant and never will be able to compete with my exow ... again this could be generation differences as my exow is very open about sex my wife simply isnt and that is not her fault it is the way she is. This is what started my original post. As a woman married for almost 30 years and not knowing your H is or was involved in an A and be started talking about doing or trying different sexual things, how would you deal with that. I know most people on here say talk to her about what you want, but would you really try to do different things.
shame_on_me Posted January 11, 2013 Posted January 11, 2013 This is what started my original post. As a woman married for almost 30 years and not knowing your H is or was involved in an A and be started talking about doing or trying different sexual things, how would you deal with that. I know most people on here say talk to her about what you want, but would you really try to do different things. honestly i dont know if i would would be comfortable myself doing the same things with my wife that i done with my exow, but that is at the moment maybe i could fully answer this in a few months time
Toodamnpragmatic Posted January 11, 2013 Posted January 11, 2013 Shame... I hate to say it ( as I'd like to believe that reconciliation is a good thing), but in your situation I'm starting to think that you need to ask yourself some very hard questions... (a) can you see yourself ever being satisfied with your wife again? Ask yourself that and be brutally very honest with yourself...if your answer is 'no", then what does that tell you? Are you willing to live the rest of your life being unsatisfied? Again, be honest, as being unsatisfied may leave you open to cheating again, trying to find that same sexual connection you had with your ex other woman...you've opened the 'pandora's box' can you ever get the lid on again? will you constantly and endlessly compare your wife to your ex-other woman? if so, that's really unfair... (b) if you do stay with your wife, how will you address this so that it isn't her fault? Remember, she doesn't know you've tried and enjoyed these other things, so unless you talk to her, she has no way of knowing you aren't satisfied... © the hurt that your affair has caused goes way beyond sex... I hope that your marriage works out for you, but some marriages can't recover...there are times when it's just better to let things end... OP, I'm sorry for thread jacking ...please accept my apologies Yes that was a separate Thread..... 30 years and asking for things and getting nowhere I can see the conundrum he faces. He knows she has no interest and has given up expecting more then missionary. Why he is having trouble is he discovered this with the OW not his Wife. However this should be addressed on HIS THREAD. Parts certainly do belong here, but not others.
Realist3 Posted January 11, 2013 Posted January 11, 2013 honestly i dont know if i would would be comfortable myself doing the same things with my wife that i done with my exow, but that is at the moment maybe i could fully answer this in a few months time A month or so back my wife told me I could anything I wanted, and I said "this, this, and this." And she said, "Nope, nope, and nope." 1
Michael Johnson Posted January 11, 2013 Posted January 11, 2013 After 30 years how do you suddenly ask your wife if you can erm ... put it somewhere else ?? She thinks its disgusting always has done, i had never experienced it before and to be honest it was quite taboo when we were younger. Also i could make love to my exow 3 times within 4 hours, im 49 for goodness sake ive never been able to do that and i defo shouldnt be able to do it now. We would tie each other up, she would dress up for me, infact it was her mission to pleasure me. My wife has never been adventurous and we have over the years attempted different positions etc but she did not feel comfortable nor enjoyed it, so we stopped. She's a strictly missionary type of person and i have no problem with that and i hate saying this and please do not take it the wrong way but she cant and never will be able to compete with my exow ... again this could be generation differences as my exow is very open about sex my wife simply isnt and that is not her fault it is the way she is. Then maybe you should divorce her and let her find someone else who can satisfy her better since she will never "measure up" to your OW. 1
Author wanting more Posted January 11, 2013 Author Posted January 11, 2013 Yeah, I read what you wrote about SO - I'm talking you. I do believe a WS can R with their BS and regret, forget, put our of their mind the OW/OM. as an OW, I havent forgotten but do very much regret and put xMM out of my mind, I'm posting on here things that im curious about. I'm an OW/WS, Im just wondering about feelings and thoughts from BS. This is NOT about my ended A. I don't let myself go there anymore (past memories) maybe I am that "cold hearted bitch" my SO says I am, because what xMM does now in his life makes no difference to me.
shame_on_me Posted January 11, 2013 Posted January 11, 2013 Then maybe you should divorce her and let her find someone else who can satisfy her better since she will never "measure up" to your OW. Sometimes i dont know why i bother explaining myself, i dont want anyone else and i doubt my wife does either otherwise she would of left me, she is strong minded that way. All i am saying is in my experience the affair sex was better than the marital sex, this does not mean i want to divorce my wife or leave her. That is the truth and that is how it is.
Furious Posted January 11, 2013 Posted January 11, 2013 After 30 years how do you suddenly ask your wife if you can erm ... put it somewhere else ?? She thinks its disgusting always has done, i had never experienced it before and to be honest it was quite taboo when we were younger. Also i could make love to my exow 3 times within 4 hours, im 49 for goodness sake ive never been able to do that and i defo shouldnt be able to do it now. We would tie each other up, she would dress up for me, infact it was her mission to pleasure me. I get the impression your ex-ow pulled out all the stops in ensuring you could never enjoy your wife again. For such a highly sexual woman, who you say hasn't had sex with her own husband in over two years, it just seems that there's something more going on in her psyche than just wanting to pleasure you. I think she wants to leave her permeant stamp on you, it's seems she gets off on the power she holds over you and I think she truly hates your wife and this her way to hurt her. The crazy sex she gave you was not only about the sex, it seems she craves to exert her own power. You say you told her you'd never leave your wife, I think that knowing this she made it her mission that she will leave you broken and that you'd never be able be happy again in your marriage. I get the impression your EX-OW is a very troubled person, that she has very deep issues, and you are representative of something she struggles with internally. I believe you know that, I believe you know something is off with her. 6
shame_on_me Posted January 11, 2013 Posted January 11, 2013 I get the impression your ex-ow pulled out all the stops in ensuring you could never enjoy your wife again. For such a highly sexual woman, who you say hasn't had sex with her own husband in over two years, it just seems that there's something more going on in her psyche than just wanting to pleasure you. I think she wants to leave her permeant stamp on you, it's seems she gets off on the power she holds over you and I think she truly hates your wife and this her way to hurt her. The crazy sex she gave you was not only about the sex, it seems she craves to exert her own power. You say you told her you'd never leave your wife, I think that knowing this she made it her mission that she will leave you broken and that you'd never be able be happy again in your marriage. I get the impression your EX-OW is a very troubled person, that she has very deep issues, and you are representative of something she struggles with internally. I believe you know that, I believe you know something is off with her. Thank you for this. I dont believe she hates my wife but something in ur statement rings true for me, i need to think abit more on this. She did quote that she would take me places ive never been before and always made it her mission to please me .. as much as i enjoyed it i always thought she was over pleasing me and i told her she didnt need to do this or that, but she always laughed and said she enjoys pleasing me and she will make sure i dont forget her. Never thought of it your way before though 3
Toodamnpragmatic Posted January 11, 2013 Posted January 11, 2013 I get the impression your ex-ow pulled out all the stops in ensuring you could never enjoy your wife again. For such a highly sexual woman, who you say hasn't had sex with her own husband in over two years, it just seems that there's something more going on in her psyche than just wanting to pleasure you. I think she wants to leave her permeant stamp on you, it's seems she gets off on the power she holds over you and I think she truly hates your wife and this her way to hurt her. The crazy sex she gave you was not only about the sex, it seems she craves to exert her own power. You say you told her you'd never leave your wife, I think that knowing this she made it her mission that she will leave you broken and that you'd never be able be happy again in your marriage. I get the impression your EX-OW is a very troubled person, that she has very deep issues, and you are representative of something she struggles with internally. I believe you know that, I believe you know something is off with her. So having great unadulterated sex has nothing to do with the freedom, fun & enjoyment of it all. It is just done by a woman to control a man and break them if they are married. Do you have respect for women, or just find them manipulative and calculating??? I agree however that she has broken him. I don't know what to make of it, outside dream of an affair like that.......
dreamingoftigers Posted January 11, 2013 Posted January 11, 2013 honestly i dont know if i would would be comfortable myself doing the same things with my wife that i done with my exow, but that is at the moment maybe i could fully answer this in a few months time My husband said the same thing. When we were early dating he wanted a whole bunch of stuff that I had never tried. It was a blast! I loved it but he wouldn't experiment with stuff I wanted to try "uncomfortable." BUT when we got married, he stopped doing anything but vanilla. Than it petered away even worse over time. I was so pissed off and felt so gypped. Than the way he talked to his OW(s) OMG! did that ever piss me off! But he "would never talk to me like that." "it's disrespectful and I only said it to get laid." BULLSH*T It's taken awhile but our sex life has improved. Little more variety but not quite what we had in the early days and I can tell not what he had outside of marriage. It also isn't because he has an unwilling partner. I think it's because he isn't attracted to me. He swears up and down this isn't the case. Maybe a Madonna/whore complex. Who knows? I'm taking a break from LS today though. Thinking about it is pissing me off and I have a physics project due. 1
Furious Posted January 11, 2013 Posted January 11, 2013 So having great unadulterated sex has nothing to do with the freedom, fun & enjoyment of it all. It is just done by a woman to control a man and break them if they are married. Do you have respect for women, or just find them manipulative and calculating??? I agree however that she has broken him. I don't know what to make of it, outside dream of an affair like that....... Where did I say I don't respect women, and that they're all manipulative? I have followed Shame's story from the beginning and am only responding to his own particular situation.
Mr. Lucky Posted January 11, 2013 Posted January 11, 2013 I think the OP's question is easy to answer - Pre D-Day - Yes, yes and yes Post D-Day - No, just adding insult to injury Mr. Lucky 2
waterwoman Posted January 11, 2013 Posted January 11, 2013 I get the impression your ex-ow pulled out all the stops in ensuring you could never enjoy your wife again. For such a highly sexual woman, who you say hasn't had sex with her own husband in over two years, it just seems that there's something more going on in her psyche than just wanting to pleasure you. I think she wants to leave her permeant stamp on you, it's seems she gets off on the power she holds over you and I think she truly hates your wife and this her way to hurt her. The crazy sex she gave you was not only about the sex, it seems she craves to exert her own power. You say you told her you'd never leave your wife, I think that knowing this she made it her mission that she will leave you broken and that you'd never be able be happy again in your marriage. I get the impression your EX-OW is a very troubled person, that she has very deep issues, and you are representative of something she struggles with internally. I believe you know that, I believe you know something is off with her. I see what you mean. All this emphasis on pleasing and performing - selfless? Maybe, but also quite controlled and controlling. 2
Spark1111 Posted January 11, 2013 Posted January 11, 2013 I see what you mean. All this emphasis on pleasing and performing - selfless? Maybe, but also quite controlled and controlling. is it me? Are men so easily manipulated and fall in love through sex acts and sexual desire, whether real or feigned?? Are they really that basic a creature? Is that what it takes to hook and keep them? Plus, tell them they are awesome, awesome in bed, do them and ask for the credit cards and bank books? Really? And for this I went to college? Jeez....sorry for the t/j. 2
road Posted January 11, 2013 Posted January 11, 2013 Yes that was a separate Thread..... 30 years and asking for things and getting nowhere I can see the conundrum he faces. He knows she has no interest and has given up expecting more then missionary. Why he is having trouble is he discovered this with the OW not his Wife. However this should be addressed on HIS THREAD. Parts certainly do belong here, but not others. When the sex life is not what you want at home you drag your spouse to counseling. You make the effort to force the issue to get your spouse comfortable. If all else fails then you continue to act honerable and divorce your spouse if things are that bad. Having an affair is not an acceptable solution. 3
road Posted January 11, 2013 Posted January 11, 2013 A month or so back my wife told me I could anything I wanted, and I said "this, this, and this." And she said, "Nope, nope, and nope." Was your wife the WS? Did she doe these things without you?
nofool4u Posted January 11, 2013 Posted January 11, 2013 If your WS talked about trying different things sexually, something you've never done before, would you be open to trying it? From a spouse, absolutely. From a wayward spouse, probably not since it would be, to me, just a way to relive that which she did with the other man, or some idea she got by being with him.
SidLyon Posted January 11, 2013 Posted January 11, 2013 Err it depends. A definite "no" to anything incorporating pain inflicted on me by him (or vice versa), children, animals, extra people (either male or female), or likely risk of death or disablement to either party. And I'd also be "shocked" by some of these requests. Would you? Other things might be difficult because either he or I are not fit/slim/agile enough (mid 50s in age), even though I might have no other objection to them. So no shock on my part. That possibly leaves many options as to different positions or locations. I wouldn't be "shocked" by much else, even if it turned out that whatever the request was wasn't for me. Wanting more - you asked a fairly personal question which you later said was directed at BWs. I answered and also asked you essentially the same question, which you have ignored. You seem to be implying that you are somehow more sexually "advanced" than many BWs. It's only fair that you answer... 1
Author wanting more Posted January 12, 2013 Author Posted January 12, 2013 Wanting more - you asked a fairly personal question which you later said was directed at BWs. I answered and also asked you essentially the same question, which you have ignored. You seem to be implying that you are somehow more sexually "advanced" than many BWs. It's only fair that you answer... I apologize. I didn't mean to not answer your question. I agree with You mostly, If my SO asked or suggested some of those I would be shocked. (animals, children, or something outright dangerous, NO) Long ago SO talked of another person (female) which I said no. Pain to a degree (no burns, no sharp objects) but some pain. (sorry, probably TMI). It was most directed to BW because some BHs had already answered that they'd be open to pretty much anything their spouses asked. I did not mean to make it sound like i think I'm more sexually advanced, the start of my thread was just because a few people commented on another thread about "just talk to your BW about what is sexually exciting to him". I was really just curious I am sorry if I offended anyone
SidLyon Posted January 12, 2013 Posted January 12, 2013 I apologize. I didn't mean to not answer your question. I agree with You mostly, If my SO asked or suggested some of those I would be shocked. (animals, children, or something outright dangerous, NO) Long ago SO talked of another person (female) which I said no. Pain to a degree (no burns, no sharp objects) but some pain. (sorry, probably TMI). It was most directed to BW because some BHs had already answered that they'd be open to pretty much anything their spouses asked. I did not mean to make it sound like i think I'm more sexually advanced, the start of my thread was just because a few people commented on another thread about "just talk to your BW about what is sexually exciting to him". I was really just curious I am sorry if I offended anyone I wasn't offended but felt you should be willing to state your own boundaries given you were asking other BWs questions. Presumably in an attempt to guage what is normal among BWs. I also sensed you wanted to be able to compare yourself favourably to your MM's BW (or maybe BWs in general). No matter how many BWs answer your questions it won't answer for the one BW that you are worried about. I have noticed your other thread implies that BWs "make" their husbands think in a certain way about the OW. Perhaps if you ever became a BW yourself you would realise that they are relatively helpless and vulnerable when it comes to what their WHs and OWs are up to.
Author wanting more Posted January 12, 2013 Author Posted January 12, 2013 I wasn't offended but felt you should be willing to state your own boundaries given you were asking other BWs questions. Presumably in an attempt to guage what is normal among BWs. I also sensed you wanted to be able to compare yourself favourably to your MM's BW (or maybe BWs in general). No matter how many BWs answer your questions it won't answer for the one BW that you are worried about. I have noticed your other thread implies that BWs "make" their husbands think in a certain way about the OW. Perhaps if you ever became a BW yourself you would realise that they are relatively helpless and vulnerable when it comes to what their WHs and OWs are up to. Ok, I should've stated my boundaries in the beginning of my thread. Right or wrong, good or bad, I don't think of sex between xMM and his BW. I wont let myself let him stay in my thoughts. He chose, and I live with that. I have my own hatred feelings towards him now and that's what gets me thru. I wouldn't even want to visualize or imagine their sex life. The reason for the other thread was because of a comment from someone made about the WS having to acknowledge to his BW and her family that the OW was a horrible person, as he the WS was.
Author wanting more Posted January 12, 2013 Author Posted January 12, 2013 But you obviously do or else you wouldn't have asked. You think about what goes on in their marriage all the time - it's obsessive. From wanting to know how the BS treats the WS after Dday to wanting to know from the BS about polygraphs because the MM's wife said he took one. You complain about his wife obsessing over you, but you do the same. You are crazy!!! You and one or 2 other posters on here are probably the reason more WS don't post here. I'm pretty sure there are more long term BS on here than OW because for every respectful and considerate post 99% of BS post on here to an OW/OM, YOU come in with your ugly vengeful full of hate " I Know what you're thinking OW" reply and push people off. A BS can come on here and talk about all the great things there WS are doing for R, and how great it is they've put the OW out of their minds, but I can wonder and posts different things about what other OW/OM ard going thru and trying to understand it from a BS side and automatically in your eyes I'm Obsessed. Must be nice being queen of lala land where you can read between everyone's lines and know who they are and what they're thinking. When you post they should take the "supportive" off the website. 2
Author wanting more Posted January 12, 2013 Author Posted January 12, 2013 Think whatever you'd like ms know it all!!!!
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