wanting more Posted January 11, 2013 Posted January 11, 2013 If your WS talked about trying different things sexually, something you've never done before, would you be open to trying it? Using Shame's recent post on here About A sex, lots of people suggest him just talking to his BW about what he'd like to try, would you Be shocked by their request, wonder why now to try different things.
jwi71 Posted January 11, 2013 Posted January 11, 2013 If your WS talked about trying different things sexually, something you've never done before, would you be open to trying it? Using Shame's recent post on here About A sex, lots of people suggest him just talking to his BW about what he'd like to try, would you Be shocked by their request, wonder why now to try different things. Speaking as a man and for all men: Having your W or SO suggest ANYTHING new or otherwise IS the epitome of sexy - shocked my azz - nothing is a greater turn-on than feeling like your W or SO WANTS YOU in any way sexually. 5
dreamingoftigers Posted January 11, 2013 Posted January 11, 2013 Yeah I would try different sex with my WS. Largely because _I_ want different sex! He previously during his cheating years was a terribly unfulfilling lover and we rarely did the deed because his energy was outside of our marriage. Since separation, reconciliation and treatment for sexual addiction, the sex and openness has improved leaps and bounds. BUT there are things I have wanted to try for YEARS. So yeah, if he want to bring some new game to bed, I'm ALL IN.
Ninja'sHusband Posted January 11, 2013 Posted January 11, 2013 I'm with jwi71, I would have tried whatever WW wanted, and did. Sometimes things we tried were just...awkward:rolleyes:...(& sometimes not!) but we tried! This probably is more of a question for BWs? I'm guessing most men will give the same answer. She didn't always try things I suggested, but I don't think experimentation was an issue for us. She would come up with stuff that surprised me actually, and made me suspicious in hind sight. She claims her ideas didn't come from outside experience, but I'll probably never know for sure. She's lied enough that I can't be sure of anything she's ever said.
Feelin Frisky Posted January 11, 2013 Posted January 11, 2013 WS = wife's sister? Geez, I wish I knew all these abbreviations. I'll assume it's a sex partner and the answer is I probably would not need to be asked. I do everything a civilized savage already does--I won't eat shi+ or strangle myself, but most everything else is cool.
Author wanting more Posted January 11, 2013 Author Posted January 11, 2013 I'm with jwi71, I would have tried whatever WW wanted, and did. Sometimes things we tried were just...awkward:rolleyes:...(& sometimes not!) but we tried! This probably is more of a question for BWs? I'm guessing most men will give the same answer. She didn't always try things I suggested, but I don't think experimentation was an issue for us. She would come up with stuff that surprised me actually, and made me suspicious in hind sight. She claims her ideas didn't come from outside experience, but I'll probably never know for sure. She's lied enough that I can't be sure of anything she's ever said. I was going to specifically ask BW because Im assuming MOST men will have the same responses the 3 of you have already posted :-). But I didn't want to assume.
SidLyon Posted January 11, 2013 Posted January 11, 2013 If your WS talked about trying different things sexually, something you've never done before, would you be open to trying it? Using Shame's recent post on here About A sex, lots of people suggest him just talking to his BW about what he'd like to try, would you Be shocked by their request, wonder why now to try different things. Err it depends. A definite "no" to anything incorporating pain inflicted on me by him (or vice versa), children, animals, extra people (either male or female), or likely risk of death or disablement to either party. And I'd also be "shocked" by some of these requests. Would you? Other things might be difficult because either he or I are not fit/slim/agile enough (mid 50s in age), even though I might have no other objection to them. So no shock on my part. That possibly leaves many options as to different positions or locations. I wouldn't be "shocked" by much else, even if it turned out that whatever the request was wasn't for me.
waterwoman Posted January 11, 2013 Posted January 11, 2013 Err it depends. A definite "no" to anything incorporating pain inflicted on me by him (or vice versa), children, animals, extra people (either male or female), or likely risk of death or disablement to either party. And I'd also be "shocked" by some of these requests. Would you? Other things might be difficult because either he or I are not fit/slim/agile enough (mid 50s in age), even though I might have no other objection to them. So no shock on my part. That possibly leaves many options as to different positions or locations. I wouldn't be "shocked" by much else, even if it turned out that whatever the request was wasn't for me. What Syd said. As for locations we've tried most places
BetrayedH Posted January 11, 2013 Posted January 11, 2013 My wife and I went thru a lot of hysterical bonding after Dday. There wasn't a lot of "asking" involved with the changes we made. They more or less just happened via both of us in an unspoken way.
Ninja'sHusband Posted January 11, 2013 Posted January 11, 2013 WS = wife's sister? Geez, I wish I knew all these abbreviations. I'll assume it's a sex partner and the answer is I probably would not need to be asked. I do everything a civilized savage already does--I won't eat shi+ or strangle myself, but most everything else is cool. That was a big barrier for me as well when I first ran into these sites ^^. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/marriage-life-partnerships/infidelity/331883-abbreviations-frequently-used-terms-link WS is Wayward Spouse. One thing I've noticed though is the abbreviations tend to make the threads a little more invisible to search engines, which can be a good thing I think. Edit: Wait 6,972 posts and a supporting member?! Are you trolling!? =D
Feelin Frisky Posted January 11, 2013 Posted January 11, 2013 That was a big barrier for me as well when I first ran into these sites ^^. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/marriage-life-partnerships/infidelity/331883-abbreviations-frequently-used-terms-link WS is Wayward Spouse. One thing I've noticed though is the abbreviations tend to make the threads a little more invisible to search engines, which can be a good thing I think. Edit: Wait 6,972 posts and a supporting member?! Are you trolling!? =D No. I've booked right away on a zillion posts if I don't know what the abbreviation means. Thanks for the link. I'll make it a fave for future reference.
NotCamelot Posted January 11, 2013 Posted January 11, 2013 My wife and I have always enjoyed an "anything is ok, at least once" type of sexual relationship. I can't think of something she could ask for that we have not done. However, if she asked that something be done differently then I would wonder why.......and would think that's because she let the AP do it that way. I would do it for her, but I would be doing that stinking thinking.
Snowflower Posted January 11, 2013 Posted January 11, 2013 (edited) My wife and I have always enjoyed an "anything is ok, at least once" type of sexual relationship. I can't think of something she could ask for that we have not done. However, if she asked that something be done differently then I would wonder why.......and would think that's because she let the AP do it that way. I would do it for her, but I would be doing that stinking thinking. response deleted Edited January 11, 2013 by Snowflower
road Posted January 11, 2013 Posted January 11, 2013 WS = wife's sister? Geez, I wish I knew all these abbreviations. I'll assume it's a sex partner and the answer is I probably would not need to be asked. I do everything a civilized savage already does--I won't eat shi+ or strangle myself, but most everything else is cool. WS wayward spouse WW wayward wife WH.............
road Posted January 11, 2013 Posted January 11, 2013 If your WS talked about trying different things sexually, something you've never done before, would you be open to trying it? Using Shame's recent post on here About A sex, lots of people suggest him just talking to his BW about what he'd like to try, would you Be shocked by their request, wonder why now to try different things. Pre affair as a BH I would be willing to do anything between two people. Post dday as a BH why is my WW wanting to do this now? Because when a BH asked a WW prior to dday to do some experimenting if her responses were: 1: Yuck 2: No way 3: Pervert 4: Sicko 5: Pyscho Now why does she like and want to do these things now? Why does WW now want to do 1 -5 now? 1: good 2: better 3: best 4: bestest 5: WW saying, shut up and just do it god damn it Pre dday no problem. Post dday problem. How did WW learn about these things? Did OM teach her these things? Did OM do these things better? What was special about OM that he got WW to do these new things when for years WW would never do them with me? As if a BH did not already have enough mind movies now he has even more now once WW's request is processed about her wanting to do new things or old things in a different way now. So have you told your BH that you want to do things different sexually post dday? What has he said? How has he responded? Did he try them? Did he ask about you doing them with any one else? Did he ask why do you want to do them now and not before? 3
Author wanting more Posted January 11, 2013 Author Posted January 11, 2013 Pre affair as a BH I would be willing to do anything between two people. So have you told your BH that you want to do things different sexually post dday? What has he said? How has he responded? Did he try them? Did he ask about you doing them with any one else? Did he ask why do you want to do them now and not before? My SO found out about my A after reading texts on my phone. Some very graphic text between xMM and I. My SO and I have always had a very active, adventurous sex life (except right before the A and during, but not because of the A). I never did anything with xMM that I hadn't done with my SO. I know that doesnt matter because he still had the mind movies. I was just curious because lots of people on here suggest to WSs to talk to their BS Abouf sex (since A sex is supposedly so great) how would you feel about it and would you be open to trying different things.
JamesM Posted January 11, 2013 Posted January 11, 2013 I think this question applies to all marriages. If I suddenly asked my wife for something different, then I think she would be less shocked than I would be if she did. If it was something that didn't seem to be too extreme for her, then no problem. If it was something that she previously did not like, then I would wonder why she now liked it. But I would still go along with it.
Author wanting more Posted January 11, 2013 Author Posted January 11, 2013 You've said you're not reconciling with your SO, so I have to point out that it's not good for you to be wondering if xMM and his BS are doing "new" things in bed and wondering if his wife is going to wonder why he would want to try new things. Wasn't it you who said that when you spoke/texted the wife, she said things like, "I would NEVER do that?" I'm pretty sure that was you. Why do you care about their sex life? I know you're not talking about yours. This has nothing to do with xMM and BW. there was another post on here about talking to your BS about trying different things sexually.
JamesM Posted January 11, 2013 Posted January 11, 2013 Actually, Alice, I was going to make the same thread after reading shame on me's thread. And it wasn't because of my own sex life. I think it is a valid question as one sign of a cheater is suddenly asking to do new things sexually or doing different techniques that appeared to be learned. I like this thread and don't see it as a veiled question. 2
BetrayedH Posted January 11, 2013 Posted January 11, 2013 I was just curious because lots of people on here suggest to WSs to talk to their BS Abouf sex (since A sex is supposedly so great) how would you feel about it and would you be open to trying different things. I was open to new things and we did them. Certainly, it was awkward for me, awful at times. I envisioned the OM in the room telling me what she liked and what she didn't. It was a challenge to say the least. I should say that my wife didn't ask for anything to change. I put a lot of pressure on myself to be better in bed and I think she did the same to herself. I think it's something that happens as part of an attempt to reconcile. As difficult as it was, I was open to it and, quite frankly, enjoyed it plenty. It's what we should have been doing.
Author wanting more Posted January 11, 2013 Author Posted January 11, 2013 I do see it as veiled. And I'm calling the OP on it because these types of "mind movies" she may be having about THEIR sex life are not good for her. Your wife didn't catch you sleeping with another woman. Actually, you haven't even had an affair . . . you're just thinking about it. The MM in the OP's case on the other hand . . . . If you're going to call me out. Please call me out on something I've actually said. I do NOT have mind movies of them. My SO has mind movies of me and xMM
road Posted January 11, 2013 Posted January 11, 2013 My SO found out about my A after reading texts on my phone. Some very graphic text between xMM and I. My SO and I have always had a very active, adventurous sex life (except right before the A and during, but not because of the A). I never did anything with xMM that I hadn't done with my SO. I know that doesnt matter because he still had the mind movies. I was just curious because lots of people on here suggest to WSs to talk to their BS Abouf sex (since A sex is supposedly so great) how would you feel about it and would you be open to trying different things. What has your BH asked about the sex details? Did you tell all at once or let his question guide how much detail you gave to BH? What fallout has there been and how have you handled it? Does BH have mind movie problems, how have you handled those?
Author wanting more Posted January 11, 2013 Author Posted January 11, 2013 What has your BH asked about the sex details? Did you tell all at once or let his question guide how much detail you gave to BH? What fallout has there been and how have you handled it? Does BH have mind movie problems, how have you handled those? Since he had read a lot in the texts on my phone it was more just me confirming different sexual things. It went on for a while, if stopped for a bit but then xMM BW kept texting and he'd tell me about it, not really believing what she was saying because some OC it was so stupid and far fetched. There's still fallout and I'm pretty sure I'm not handling it He talks a lot Abouf the mind movies. Once again, I don't know how to handle that.
Ninja'sHusband Posted January 11, 2013 Posted January 11, 2013 I'm responding to road's post (don't want to quote since it's fairly long vertically^^ ) Yeah I had problems post D-Day as well. At first I tried to forget about it, then I started asking, why this why that? She denied anything she was asking for was from OM...but my trust was gone. We decided to divorce not too long after those discussions started happening (not as a result, the bigger issue was NC and her class)
Toodamnpragmatic Posted January 11, 2013 Posted January 11, 2013 (edited) And being sexist it is usually men who push the boundaries and are met with resistance. So it is truly an interesting question presented to males as to knowing their wife had an affair and suddenly the pandora`s box has been open, that was shut prior. Yes that would play games in my mind as would the affair. I think BetrayedH certainly during HB would be truly conflicted as to what is happening and it would be an emotional gut punch knowing if this was offside with him prior and was open to the OM, whether it is nothing more then transference and why she came back. Of course I am sure I posted a thread years back stating if my spouse did have a ONS or something that I never learned of and came back with a renewed vigour, would that be so bad. To further a argument, if your spouse had only an EA that never infringed on the marriage, but through those conversations was more open with you and adventuresome in the bedroom, would that be terrible? How about reading 50 Shades of Grey? Edited January 11, 2013 by Toodamnpragmatic
Recommended Posts