Ed the 3rd Posted January 11, 2013 Posted January 11, 2013 Hello, I just joined the forum about 2 hours ago. For the past 5 or so years I have been a loner; completely deprived of pleasant interaction with other humans besides idle small talk. That was due to two things: Where I lived and my Social anxiety. I've moved and the area is just amazing but I really want to meet people now but I have no idea how. I do want a girlfriend but I'm not sure where to start. I've seen people tell stories of how they are 40 and have never kissed a girl and it terrifies me to all hell that I may end up like that (I'm 19). How do I introduce myself to girls without coming off as a creep or an idiot? Its no matter where I go nobody is interested in talking. I've even tried online dating but the free sites are bad and the ones that actually have females charge horrendous amounts.
Balzac Posted January 11, 2013 Posted January 11, 2013 Welcome to LS. Friendly, helpful folks here. So, new neighborhood 'n new life, sounds great. Are you a student or working guy?
Author Ed the 3rd Posted January 11, 2013 Author Posted January 11, 2013 Currently looking for work since the move put a halt to College for a while. Thanks for the greeting btw.
Balzac Posted January 11, 2013 Posted January 11, 2013 Best of luck w your job search. This is a big leap at 19, good for you. Social anxiety can be managed, meeting girls will happen. Is the new neighborhood a pedestrian zone, high walkability score? Get outside and walk someplace every day. Are the shops you can frequent, even buying a small drink, forcing yourself to sit around, people will notice you're a neighborhood guy. What have you thought of as a strategy?
Mr.White Posted January 11, 2013 Posted January 11, 2013 I have had social anxiety in high school for my first two years. It is something I naturally overcame as I became adjusted to the huge crowd of people, and as I slowly became more social. I think you should join possible clubs such as bowling/baseball for adults and it will help you interact with adults around the area. That is the only possible option other then if you have friends in the area.
Balzac Posted January 11, 2013 Posted January 11, 2013 Is there a library? Often they offer short but interesting class, speakers, info sessions. Find out what's on that schedule, free or low cost. Every neighborhood has community action groups. Watch for flyers posted in windows or ask at the library. If the library isn't convenient, what public offices are? Is there a food pantry or community feed program to volunteer a time or two? I've found volunteering, even a time or two, great ice breaker. Girls......also volunteer.
Author Ed the 3rd Posted January 11, 2013 Author Posted January 11, 2013 Is there a library? Often they offer short but interesting class, speakers, info sessions. Find out what's on that schedule, free or low cost. Every neighborhood has community action groups. Watch for flyers posted in windows or ask at the library. If the library isn't convenient, what public offices are? Is there a food pantry or community feed program to volunteer a time or two? I've found volunteering, even a time or two, great ice breaker. Girls......also volunteer. The town I'm in doesn't really have much in it besides pubs and while I'm never opposed to a drink it doesn't offer much in terms of variety. Its odd because people here really seem to all know each other but short knocking on their doors I can't find any place to chat with em. Another town near mine may have a library and I know where its town hall is so I'll go have a look next time I'm there. I don't think there is any feed program or the like around but regarding your earlier comment I will try and get out more (Job search permitting I have the free time lol) but I can't imagine others talking me just because they know I'm local.
Feelin Frisky Posted January 11, 2013 Posted January 11, 2013 Any relation to RG III? Hi Ed, welcome to LS. Are you not in school at 19? Actually I dropped out at 19 and went back years later. I found school THE place to meet females when I did return. I spent my next few yeas being sucked into a job that was so demanding I didn't meet anyone except those I worked with, most of them not my demographic if you know what I'm saying. Anyway, as an old man now my feeling on the subject is that one has to be seen and admired to start becoming popular. If you still have a bad social anxiety, you live at a great time--there is medicine that doesn't involve sedating your central nervous system (which is what every who drinks is doing). I wish I had what I have now when I was young because I blushed a lot and felt awkward. I did overcome that without the SSRI meds I take now but it took me really getting in shape and polishing my image to feel like I was good enough. My job turned to a public speaking one and that helped build my confidence. I urge that you consider your future and take steps to challenge yourself socially--do something that gets you exposure and do it as a top performer. I got a lot of wrong messages as a kid and thought being good in school was sucking up. When I went back after years of work my entire attitude was different--it was not even about the education as it was the whole progress and being seen thing. I had to beat em off with a stick. I was a solitary guy too for a long time. You can attract people--but you have to put yourself among them. Put one foot in front of the other to keep doing that and don't accept any life style that is going to sequester you in some social dead end. Good luck.
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