Is it cowardly/strange to have others pick up your stuff from the ex

[ActionJ623]

Day 15 of NC (but the NC life is a whole separate thread altogether ) but like some of you after a breakup, you realize after making the decision to move on (with a side of hope things will return to normal) that your ex has your stuff! I use to think that I could use this as a way to initiate contact after awhile and work my way in to see if she wants to try again...buuuut I could care less now as NC changes the view of many things and i'm on the road to recovery, and now i'm actually afraid SHE will use this to re initiate contact with me, and leading me on once again, destroying my NC process.

 

So down to the question. I've had a friend offer to go get my stuff and gladly accepted with a thank you, but then he refused to talk to her until I initiated contact to make sure it was ok. I told him basically f*** that i'm not starting over, so my sister actually called me up (as I talk to her about the situation a lot) and said said f*** it i'll just contact her about it!

 

Now i'm worried the ex will view me as a coward/a grudge holder (and i'm absolutely not bitter about the BU) with these people getting my stuff for me instead of a more personal touch. I know I shouldn't care what the ex thinks but again I wonder how getting my sister/friend to do it will change things. I want this to be a...quick in and out in a sense because after this all the strings are cut and moving on will really sink in with the the usual side of roundhouse kick of reality.

[TerpVet87]

Hire several smoking hot escorts. Send them over to her place to get your stuff and have them say they are your new "friends". Sex with them is optional.

 

But seriously do yourself a favor and have someone else get your stuff. Some of the most painful moments I can remember were having an ex come get her stuff and me just watching her pack up and both of us being miserable.

[mammasita]

It's more of a shot to her ego that you don't want to see her. It sounds like you're doing good and calling the shots, keep it that way!

[Samilia]

Day 15 of NC (but the NC life is a whole separate thread altogether ) but like some of you after a breakup, you realize after making the decision to move on (with a side of hope things will return to normal) that your ex has your stuff! I use to think that I could use this as a way to initiate contact after awhile and work my way in to see if she wants to try again...buuuut I could care less now as NC changes the view of many things and i'm on the road to recovery, and now i'm actually afraid SHE will use this to re initiate contact with me, and leading me on once again, destroying my NC process.

 

So down to the question. I've had a friend offer to go get my stuff and gladly accepted with a thank you, but then he refused to talk to her until I initiated contact to make sure it was ok. I told him basically f*** that i'm not starting over, so my sister actually called me up (as I talk to her about the situation a lot) and said said f*** it i'll just contact her about it!

 

Now i'm worried the ex will view me as a coward/a grudge holder (and i'm absolutely not bitter about the BU) with these people getting my stuff for me instead of a more personal touch. I know I shouldn't care what the ex thinks but again I wonder how getting my sister/friend to do it will change things. I want this to be a...quick in and out in a sense because after this all the strings are cut and moving on will really sink in with the the usual side of roundhouse kick of reality.

 

If anything text her a date and time, send your sis

[FailedFirstLove]

Can I ask you a question please. What makes you want someone else to do it for you? Is it because you just so over it that u no longer want to see we anymore or have any sympathy for her? Or is it because u still have feelings and u don't want to make it worse if she sees u?

[ActionJ623]

Can I ask you a question please. What makes you want someone else to do it for you? Is it because you just so over it that u no longer want to see we anymore or have any sympathy for her? Or is it because u still have feelings and u don't want to make it worse if she sees u?

 

I'm afraid the latter. I have, in my observation, huge feelings for my ex even though i've made the decision to currently move on. I was the dumpee in our situation ( you may look at previous threads for more details) but in a way I have sympathy because she thought she found true love but that backfired terribly with the guy she was crushing on after our BU. I believe if I saw her again this soon after NC I would break down, willing to do anything and everything to get her to change her mind, and that's something I DO NOT want. She stringed me along for months and I think i've done enough trying to right the wrongs of our relationship.

[FailedFirstLove]

I'm afraid the latter. I have, in my observation, huge feelings for my ex even though i've made the decision to currently move on. I was the dumpee in our situation ( you may look at previous threads for more details) but in a way I have sympathy because she thought she found true love but that backfired terribly with the guy she was crushing on after our BU. I believe if I saw her again this soon after NC I would break down, willing to do anything and everything to get her to change her mind, and that's something I DO NOT want. She stringed me along for months and I think i've done enough trying to right the wrongs of our relationship.

 

I'm so sorry about that. I'm the dumpee too and it hurts so bad. If u were te dumper then I would have sad it was cruel thing to use another person. but in this case you need to protect yourself first. Don't let the wounds reopen. Any contact even through his friends hair kills me inside. No contact really is the only way for now