Missing Him Posted January 11, 2013 Posted January 11, 2013 I won't bore everyone with my story again, but I've realized for a long time that the best option for me was to go NC with my ex. The first time I attempted NC, he blew up my phone about 4 days later. This set me back a little bit and I experienced a lot of anxiety and panic about the situation, which led to he and I speaking for a few days. I then initiated NC again, and this time it only took 2 days before he contacted me again. Instead of allowing the anxiety to take over, I simply told him that I was doing fine, there was no need to check up on me, rejected (again) his attempts to be friends and asked him to not contact me again. I know that it's for the best that he and I don't communicate. But still, three days into the third attempt at NC, I'm feeling really anxious and upset. I don't expect him to contact me and I don't think it's a good idea that he contacts me, but I still can't let go of this hope that he will. Today has been extremely difficult. I've wanted to contact him nearly all day. Before, I had a small period in the afternoon where I would feel upset. Today, I've felt it all day. I guess I'm just wondering from those who have gone NC and stuck with it - how long was it before you felt as though you were living your life without your ex CONSTANTLY on your mind? How long was it before you stopped checking to see if your ex messaged/called?
Author Missing Him Posted January 11, 2013 Author Posted January 11, 2013 I feel like I'm seconds away from calling him. I'm not sure why I insist on putting myself through this I know it's a bad idea and I've been doing well in not contacting him the past few days and now, all of the sudden I have this intense urge to call him even though I know I'm only going to experience more hurt from it.
Ruby Slippers Posted January 11, 2013 Posted January 11, 2013 Today was the first day I wanted to contact my ex, too. I wanted to call him for two reasons: one, just to hear his voice because it always anchored my day, and I feel a little at sea right now; and two, just to talk to him for a minute and make sure he's OK. But I know he's fine. No matter how hard things get, he's so damned strong and stoic. And I'm fine, too. Personally, I'm not calling him because it's all been said, there was plenty of room to say whatever needed to be said. I let that go for a reason. And calling him now would just be doubting myself. Why should I doubt myself? I thought that decision through long and hard. I'm sure you did, too. Hang in there, hon!
cavalier99 Posted January 11, 2013 Posted January 11, 2013 (edited) I feel like I'm seconds away from calling him. I'm not sure why I insist on putting myself through this I know it's a bad idea and I've been doing well in not contacting him the past few days and now, all of the sudden I have this intense urge to call him even though I know I'm only going to experience more hurt from it. 3-4 weeks pure NC until you withdraw from the worst part of the addiction...and it felt like years. After this you adjust and time returns to normal. ..BUT you still think of them and it isn't easy. You just aren't going insane checking your phone ecetera and the massive urges are not there. You can control them and wont want to break NC after all the hard work. Also..you should block him. This helps too. Edited January 11, 2013 by cavalier99
Author Missing Him Posted January 11, 2013 Author Posted January 11, 2013 I ended up caving and calling him. We talked for about an hour. The conversation was nice and friendly. I don't feel any better or any worse after contacting him, I don't think, so it's kind of a wash. I do feel like every time I contact him, I reinforce to myself why I shouldn't contact him. I don't feel worse than I did before I contacted him, but I don't feel better either... and the goal is to feel better. So I'll just have to start over with the no contact and try to discipline myself better. Truthfully, I'm not ready to be back in a relationship with him even if it was something that he wanted. So I'm only going to torture myself if I don't go ahead with my life.
MyAngel Posted January 11, 2013 Posted January 11, 2013 If you don't want to be in a relationship with him please stop torturing yourself and making it harder by contacting him. It must set you back each time you have contact? I hope you are able to stick with NC and move on <3. I would love to speak to my ex but I will 100% not call, text, email - even though I want to talk to her. It is hard.
Author Missing Him Posted January 11, 2013 Author Posted January 11, 2013 I do want the relationship, but I want the relationship for what it was before and not what it would be now. I made a mistake by contacting him tonight, even if I don't necessarily feel worse for it. So now I will just shake it off and go forward with no contact, and let it be another learning experience.
MyAngel Posted January 11, 2013 Posted January 11, 2013 Ah if only we could go back to the way things were when they were beautiful. At least he was pleasant to you on the phone.
Author Missing Him Posted January 11, 2013 Author Posted January 11, 2013 (edited) He's always pleasant to me. The relationship ended because of the distance. He still wants to be friends, and in fact, he requests it pretty regularly. Our interactions aren't bitter or unpleasant. If I call, he never ignores. The problem is that the feelings are still there and I know that I'm setting myself up for disaster by doing anything other than NC He hopes we can make it work "one day" but the more that I think about that, the less of a possibility I think that is, and the more I realize that I'm setting myself up for heartbreak in the future. Edited January 11, 2013 by Missing Him
SuperSad09 Posted January 11, 2013 Posted January 11, 2013 I do want the relationship, but I want the relationship for what it was before and not what it would be now. I made a mistake by contacting him tonight, even if I don't necessarily feel worse for it. So now I will just shake it off and go forward with no contact, and let it be another learning experience. I totally understand. I think this is it for me too...I miss it for how it was. In all honesty, it wouldn't be the same and more than likely, it wouldn't be for either one of us what we are yearning for. It sounds like your person may be more willing to give it a shot than my person, but I also think "almost doesn't count" someone who truly wants to be with us, will make it happen no matter what! No matter the distance, the troubled times, etc. Good luck to you! Sounds like you are handling it all pretty well. I hate those strong urges too!!
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