magss Posted January 11, 2013 Posted January 11, 2013 I need to vent big time and ask your opinion... I just started my 6th year of dating my boyfriend. I'm 35 years old. I don't want to be dating when I'm 35... I want to get married. He and I should be married by now but he's always looking for reasons why I should try to jump through a hoop or work harder on something! He and I have issues, sure, like all couples, but he's just making excuses. The longer you spend with a person, the harder it is to walk away. Should I leave him? I don't want to waste one more day of my life if this man is not going to marry me. Two years ago I broke up with him...we were separated for about 6 months. During that time I met and dated another man who fell madly in love with me. I had feelings for the guy but my ex was always in the back of my mind, negatively most of the time. Well this man proposed to me. I said no. I got back together with my ex because of many beautiful promises and dreams he promised to fulfil. I had stars in my eyes thinking 'wow people really do reconcile with their exes and "live happily ever after"'. Not quite. Look where I am now. There are times I wonder if I made a huge mistake...maybe I should have said yes to the man who was crazy about me. Why did I go back to the man who would dragggg me. That other man I KNOW for a fact he would have given me the world! But I pined after the guy who didn't treat me that great. I started seeing a therapist this week...Hopefully I will get a grip on what I need to do. I can't live like this anymore. This stuck feeling, at someone's mercy feels unhealthy. It's so hard to walk away though. Has anyone here ever been in my position? What do you think I should do?
truth_seeker Posted January 11, 2013 Posted January 11, 2013 I need to vent big time and ask your opinion... I just started my 6th year of dating my boyfriend. I'm 35 years old. I don't want to be dating when I'm 35... I want to get married. He and I should be married by now but he's always looking for reasons why I should try to jump through a hoop or work harder on something! He and I have issues, sure, like all couples, but he's just making excuses. The longer you spend with a person, the harder it is to walk away. Should I leave him? I don't want to waste one more day of my life if this man is not going to marry me. Two years ago I broke up with him...we were separated for about 6 months. During that time I met and dated another man who fell madly in love with me. I had feelings for the guy but my ex was always in the back of my mind, negatively most of the time. Well this man proposed to me. I said no. I got back together with my ex because of many beautiful promises and dreams he promised to fulfil. I had stars in my eyes thinking 'wow people really do reconcile with their exes and "live happily ever after"'. Not quite. Look where I am now. There are times I wonder if I made a huge mistake...maybe I should have said yes to the man who was crazy about me. Why did I go back to the man who would dragggg me. That other man I KNOW for a fact he would have given me the world! But I pined after the guy who didn't treat me that great. I started seeing a therapist this week...Hopefully I will get a grip on what I need to do. I can't live like this anymore. This stuck feeling, at someone's mercy feels unhealthy. It's so hard to walk away though. Has anyone here ever been in my position? What do you think I should do? My opinion: you made a mistake going back to him. If this guy after 6 YEARS of dating you still has reservations about marriage, then what hell are doing hoping he will change?! He likes you as a safety-net. He can count you to be there for him but he can still date other women on the side. This is why he doesn't want to marry you. Now I don't intend to hurt your feelings with this next statement but you need to realize that he doesn't see you as wife material. If he did, he would have proposed to you a long time ago like the other guy did. See if the other guy is still available and reach out to him.
RespectfullyAlone Posted January 11, 2013 Posted January 11, 2013 I am also interested in this other guy who fell in love with you. Feels like my situation actually. So you knew he was a good guy, knew he would love you and give you the world, proposed to you, and you left him because you couldn't stop thinking negative thoughts about you ex? Yet this other guy had not only said he would give you the world and love you, but was proving it to you? I almost don't feel so lonely now as you sound like my ex to be honest. She knew we would be great, I could see it. She was excited about our future together. But all I can remember as to the real reason she bailed on me so quickly was that when she was with me, she was insanely happy, yet said she couldn't stop thinking about this other guy. It might be true that they only ever flirted on skype, and maybe I'm only assuming they actually had a thing going before we were together. But she instantly walked away from me, our future together, her knowing I was dynomite with her kids, great romance, best sex she'd ever had. Heck our first night together she had six O's. She was very inexperienced in bed, and mentioned how she never had experienced things on such an awesome level with me. Anyway, it wasn't that things between us were bad, in fact to her they were apparently too good, too wonderful. And because of this and still thinking of this other guy, she left as quickly as she could run. So I have to ask you then, is this a confusion thing, or of just not getting what you want, and now that you have gotten what you want, you realize you don't want it. Or could it be that all women think of their past affections, even while in wonderful relationships with new guys? Surely not all woman then leave these wonderful relationships because they still have thoughts in their heads about ex's or crushes though? Seems my girl did however ;(
fancy feast Posted January 11, 2013 Posted January 11, 2013 You didn't make a mistake by saying no to the other. If you didn't want to marry him, there's nothing wrong with refusing (six months or less is scary quick anyway). Just think about whether or not your current partner is going to be able to fulfill your needs. Make your decision accordingly.
Recommended Posts