The value of words and promises in the workplace

[ChiaT]

Hello everyone!

 

So in my workplace, there is this lady who tends to put little value in her words and mini-promises, which I thought were harmless as I already know that some people just say things because of the formality or courtesy.

 

Before the Christmas and New Year break, the lady invited a few coworkers and I to do a Giving Day together as a group. I was very excited and proactive about it to show my commitment, almost as if I am organizing it. The lady and I had many email exchanges about the plannings; I was happy and convinced that she really wanted to do this. Two days before the last work day of the year, she suddenly sent a very formal email with holiday greetings and left for the break because she said that many people were not coming to work on the last day. She didn't follow up on the Giving day despite the fact that we originally wanted to meet on the last work day of the year to do a final planning; we even confirmed the meeting 2 days before (just a few hours before she sent the formal holiday greeting email)...Then I sent an email back to her asking what's next and what's her plan; she didn't reply until after the New Year, which was 2 weeks after...Her late email reply basically consisted of her apology and that she cannot give anymore for personal reason; just some rhetoric. I thought of her as a giving, compassionate, and kind person; someone that I would love to keep in touch with, but now she is just a lady that gives empty words and promises.

 

I know there are always promise-breakers and those who don't value their words. When dealing with these people while still studying at school, I usually could be passive around them while not being judgmental, and be around with others who were more genuine. Graduated from school, I thought that people in their mid-20s+ would be more mature, experienced, and genuine, hence putting more values in their words, especially ones that involve a great cause, such as giving to the ones in need. I am very serious when it comes to keeping my words and give to the needy ones. I feel so disappointed and am not looking forward to talk to her or see her at all because I know I will not be able to smile at her genuinely or enjoy a conversation with her; thankfully we don't need to work together. I hate to feel disappointed and think of someone badly; it gives me a bad start of the new year.

 

Were you once bothered by promise-breakers? How did you deal with them? I would love to hear some of your stories dealing with people like this at work or anywhere in general...Thanks!

[NoMagicBullet]

People who make committments to others and then bail out without explanation are found at all ages, not just in the 20-something group.

 

The way to deal with people like this is to follow-up systematically and make everything very clear:

- Make sure there are concrete deadlines that everyone is aware of.

- Make sure that each person is clear on what they are expected to do.

- Check-in with the others before deadlines to check on status and make sure everyone knows of the next deadline.

- Have a back-up plan, if possible, in case someone flakes out.

- Have everything in writing (e-mail is good for this).

- Let potential flakes know of impending deadlines beforehand, and what your course of action is if they don't follow through. (A message of this nature will usually get most people off their duff and get them moving.)

- Follow through yourself on your duties and plans.

 

Of course, timing, how to go about it nicely with different people, etc, is all something that depends on the project and people involved. But those are some general guidelines.

 

On a separate note, it sounds like you got heavily involved with this Giving Day, maybe to the point where it seemed like you were taking it over from the lady who organized it. It's possible that she felt threatened with your over-involvement and decided to just leave it in your lap with no notice, since you were almost running it.

 

Also, if she did indeed have something personal come up right then, then the whole thing may have been the last thing on her mind. You really have no idea what it was, and she obviously does not want to share this personal thing with coworkers. It could have been something pretty bad, and maybe she deserves a little more slack. Who knows?

 

Actually, is there a reason why you couldn't step in and do the Giving Day with the other coworkers once she left?

[ChiaT]

- Make sure there are concrete deadlines that everyone is aware of.

- Make sure that each person is clear on what they are expected to do.

- Check-in with the others before deadlines to check on status and make sure everyone knows of the next deadline.

- Have a back-up plan, if possible, in case someone flakes out.

- Have everything in writing (e-mail is good for this).

- Let potential flakes know of impending deadlines beforehand, and what your course of action is if they don't follow through. (A message of this nature will usually get most people off their duff and get them moving.)

- Follow through yourself on your duties and plans.

 

Yes..thanks! I understand these.

 

On a separate note, it sounds like you got heavily involved with this Giving Day, maybe to the point where it seemed like you were taking it over from the lady who organized it. It's possible that she felt threatened with your over-involvement and decided to just leave it in your lap with no notice, since you were almost running it.

 

Also, if she did indeed have something personal come up right then, then the whole thing may have been the last thing on her mind. You really have no idea what it was, and she obviously does not want to share this personal thing with coworkers. It could have been something pretty bad, and maybe she deserves a little more slack. Who knows?

 

Actually, is there a reason why you couldn't step in and do the Giving Day with the other coworkers once she left?

 

I doubt that her personal reason involves any crisis; she could have just be straight forward about it and just sent me an email saying that she can't do it anymore along with her holiday greeting, but yes..you are right, maybe I should just let it go. My problem right now is that she rarely kept her words before that and now because she failed to follow up with this serious promise which involves Giving, I am looking at her differently.

 

I did give over the holidays and consistently throughout the year, but not with the other coworkers. I don't even know who else were involved; I was doing more of how, where, and what to give for HER than actually leading the group. It is not important to me knowing who would be giving or who is running it.