Minadee Posted January 11, 2013 Posted January 11, 2013 (edited) I am sat here very very bewildered. After a short conversation with J, he seemed irritable and blunt and I asked what was wrong. He told me it was something I didn't want to hear. I pushed and he cracked. He said "Harriet broke things off with me." I told him I was there for him. He spewed this stuff about driving in the fog and how he needed to be alone. I panic and tell him to come and get me and he said no, I want to be on my own. Am I insane for trying to console the father of my unborn child, someone I am still very in love with, over the fact that the girl he left me for has left him?! What in the world is wrong with me. Am I doing the right thing? When he starts talking about suicide it scares me because he has a lot of emotional baggage from his first relationship with a girl who was underage and lied about it and he attempted suicide then. I was very aware of this when I was with him. He starts crying. He says he never meant to hurt anyone and that he had ruined two people's lives. By now I am trying to keep him from driving but he is determined and tells me to leave him alone. I don't know what to do. I am in a very distressing situation. My heart is breaking knowing the fact that he was with this girl for 2 months (not even in an official relationship nor did he sleep with her!) and he is reacting like this! We were together for three years and he left me without a second glance over the shoulder, except from to get between my legs!!! Like he values her life over mine so much that he is contemplating suicide?! I was broken when he left me, and I had to get through that with only the help of this forum. I am getting very stressed trying to contact him. His last text was "I wish I hadn't told you" and I replied saying "I hope you are not texting whilst driving!!!!!!!" and he hasn't responded. I'm pretty sure this anxiety is not good for me or the baby. I have begged for him to go home and told him how this is making me feel, and how that it didnt matter how I felt about him and Harriet because I was his best friend and lover for three years and I wanted to let him know that I could handle him at his worse. Someone please help me. I don't know what to do. Edited January 11, 2013 by Minadee
JackO4 Posted January 11, 2013 Posted January 11, 2013 The situation seems awful. Going to someone you dumped for comfort about the breakup of another relationship is not cool. I'd try to convince him to get some help. Other than that take care of yourself, regardless of the current situation. Baby is whats important.
Author Minadee Posted January 11, 2013 Author Posted January 11, 2013 Thankyou for your reply. I told him he was being selfish by not thinking of me and the baby as his priority and how him getting worked up over some girl is taking it's toll on me. Phoned my best friend for support and she told me he was attention seeking and that he has got me wrapped around his little finger. I can't help that I deeply love and care for this man. I am trying to ease off a little but I still cannot believe this has happened.
geegirl Posted January 11, 2013 Posted January 11, 2013 (edited) Thankyou for your reply. I told him he was being selfish by not thinking of me and the baby as his priority and how him getting worked up over some girl is taking it's toll on me. Phoned my best friend for support and she told me he was attention seeking and that he has got me wrapped around his little finger. I can't help that I deeply love and care for this man. I am trying to ease off a little but I still cannot believe this has happened. He is being selfish for not thinking of you and the baby? You're just upset he has once again chosen her and YOU are distressing yourself and the baby. A baby won't rope him in so don't play the guilt game. He is not accountable to you or your feelings. You are not in a relationship with him. Your feelings of "worry" and "jealousy" are solely your responsibility because YOU chose to remain entangled with him post break-up. You chose to remain connected even when he was choosing Hariet over and over again. This should not be a surprise. You at some point felt she was safely out of the picture, your hopes for J and you to be together flourished. Now that he is placing her above you again, you're back to being upset that you're not getting what you want. Time and time again, this man keeps disappointing you. I just don't know when it's going to be enough for you to stop this wild goose chase. Edited January 11, 2013 by geegirl
Author Minadee Posted January 11, 2013 Author Posted January 11, 2013 (edited) It's not about that though, I was trying to look past what I feel when speaking to him. I am trying to get to him to seek help for what he is feeling. You can't tell me to not be concerned when he starts talking about suicide. Especially when it is a demon he has faced in the past. "He is not accountable to you or your feelings." I disagree with this though, he made his bed when he started playing two women and continued to do so even when realizing I was pregnant. He made his bed and now he has to accept he will be a father, therefore my feelings and opinions towards things are going to be a part of his life. He is constantly telling me how much he cares about me, and for the most part has not lead me on. He is not a bad man. He could have just deleted and blocked me on everything the minute I said "pee-stick" and done a runner into the sunset with Harriet and never contacted me again. I am more scared for his saftey. Of course I am deeply disapointed gee, and i'm sure one day I will have had enough. But you cannot blame me for trying or desperatley wanting more with him. Growing up I wanted a secure family unit like the one I was born into and when that little dream is gone, of course I get upset. But that is reality, that is life and it is much my own fault as it is his. I know i cannot blame anyone but myself for this. I feel maybe I posted this in the wrong forum. I was seeking advice on the suicide situation. I have dealt with self harming and suicidal people before but never an ex boyfriend and obviously not the father of my kid. I am trying to tread water very carefully but i'm at a loss at what to do or where to go from here. Edited January 11, 2013 by Minadee
geegirl Posted January 11, 2013 Posted January 11, 2013 (edited) He has to choose to seek help on his own. He doesn't even have the mental and emotional stability to handle a two month fling and you're expecting him to step up and be accountable for your feelings and your child? You cannot rescue him. Your friend is right. It's attention seeking. He knows it will rile you up and he is subtly guilting you because you forced him to reveal this to Hariet and now he has lost her. I understand your concern about his suicidal tendencies but your post also reads that you are again upset he has chosen her. He played two women. But YOU chose to play the game. He is not responsible for your feelings. Even when he was playing the two of you, and you identifying it, you still chose to engage. Not his fault, yours. Hariet was the only victim because she was clueless as to what he was doing. You engaged with your eyes wide open and chose to be a pawn in his game. You can't make him be with you or remain faithful just because you are pregnant. There is no guarantee that a man will stay by you, pregnant or not. You have to come to terms with this. He is responsible for being a father but not your partner. You just have to live with what you have, rather than focus on what you don't have. Stop placing accountability for your emotional well being on him. The moment he chose Hariet, you should have blocked him on everything and let him go. Everyone came on here and told you that. You should have set strict boundaries pertaining only to the baby if he wanted to be involved. Instead, he said he wanted nothing to do with the baby and chose Hariet, AND you still chose to engage. I don't blame you for wanting more, but when a man doesn't want it, stop holding a knife to his throat. We don't always get the fairytale ending. I'm 42 and once wanted children with my ex-husband but he was a man-child. Now, much older, I am starting to feel those mommy pangs and wishing I could get pregnant, it's not going to happen for me due to medical reasons. You don't always get what you want. You have a gift coming your way. Instead of enjoying your pregnancy, you're walking the streets in the rain at night, fighting with your parents, chasing after a man that is chasing someone else, etc. This should be a new beginning for you. Edited January 11, 2013 by geegirl
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