Effy Posted January 10, 2013 Posted January 10, 2013 I've been seeing somebody for a little while now, I found out from somebody else just after it started that he lived with a long-term girlfriend (he didn't tell me himself, only after I confronted him about it). By this stage I had quite strong feelings and am posting here in regards to where to go from here as the "relationship" is still in it's early stages. The topic of the future of his relationship has come up on a few occasions, where he either avoids the questions or gives me lines such as "we'll just see what happens." I will be seeing him soon and am thinking about trying to talk about this and whether he has any intention at all of leaving his girlfriend but I don't want to scare him off or ruin things. How do I go about this ?
loredo21 Posted January 10, 2013 Posted January 10, 2013 you don't. you don't go about anything with him. take it from most of the OW here. it can only end badly! however if he shows significant proof that him and his GF are no longer together than you know where you stand with him. he can't avoid the huge topic that is his girlfriend. Plus you know you can't trust him already if he never told you he had a GF. don't' want to see you with a broken heart. it sucks :/
Author Effy Posted January 10, 2013 Author Posted January 10, 2013 you don't. you don't go about anything with him. take it from most of the OW here. it can only end badly! however if he shows significant proof that him and his GF are no longer together than you know where you stand with him. he can't avoid the huge topic that is his girlfriend. Plus you know you can't trust him already if he never told you he had a GF. don't' want to see you with a broken heart. it sucks :/ They are definately still together, he lives with her family. We have kissed a few times already, and am just unclear where this is going and if I am just getting used
whichwayisup Posted January 10, 2013 Posted January 10, 2013 "relationship" is still in it's early stages. End it. you haven't invested much time into him and relationship. It'll be easier to walk away now than in 6 months or a year from now. Bottom line is, the guy LIED TO YOU KNOWINGLY. He is cheating on his girlfriend! That should be enough to piss you off and make you dislike him and his selfish actions. he's a dolt. If you choose to continue on, then get ready for pain and heartache, the roller coaster ride of being second fiddle. Is he worth it? Really, give that some thought before you decide to jump in and chase someone who is a known liar and a cheater. What he's done is selfish and cruel, to both you and his girlfriend.
whichwayisup Posted January 10, 2013 Posted January 10, 2013 They are definately still together, he lives with her family. We have kissed a few times already, and am just unclear where this is going and if I am just getting used He is living with his girlfriend WITH her family. That says something..On many levels. The guy is probably there, rent free and together they are saving money..So the big thanks his gf and her parents get is him cheating on her? Come on. Please don't fool yourself into thinking that he is going to dump her and come to you. You are getting used. A man who cheats, uses the OW to some extent. Tell him goodbye. Let him know that you would possibly 'date' him in the future AFTER he ends his relationship and moves out of his gf's parents house.
MrWindupBird Posted January 10, 2013 Posted January 10, 2013 It's best to pull out while you're not in too deep. When you go through things together, and the you and him vs the world mentality kicks in, it becomes much harder to break it off. But pulling the plug is always easy to say and difficult to do. I wish you luck. 1
Author Effy Posted January 10, 2013 Author Posted January 10, 2013 Well I am seeing him tonight, should I ask him what's going on ? Or should I just flat out say I can't keep doing it if he stays with her ? Even though I want a relationship with him so badly By the way, I work with him so see him on daily basis.
promises Posted January 11, 2013 Posted January 11, 2013 Well I am seeing him tonight, should I ask him what's going on ? Or should I just flat out say I can't keep doing it if he stays with her ? Even though I want a relationship with him so badly By the way, I work with him so see him on daily basis. You should cancel with him, get a good movie and make some popcorn and call a friend. He's a loser. Sorry. You want him because of the attention he gives you. It's an ego boost, plus you are probably attracted to him physically. Emotionally he is NOT AVAILABLE. Sorry to be so blunt, but, I just had my heart ripped out so, trust me... care about yourself more right now and tell him to take a hike. 1
Catplates Posted January 11, 2013 Posted January 11, 2013 Well I am seeing him tonight, should I ask him what's going on ? Or should I just flat out say I can't keep doing it if he stays with her ? Even though I want a relationship with him so badly By the way, I work with him so see him on daily basis. Why are you seeing somebody else's boyfriend? There's nothing to ask him It's as plain as the nose on your face. Work affairs can get very messy and it can come to revisit you in the most unpleasant way. I might even lose you your job... consider! Don't see him tonight. You are wasting your time and helping him deceive his girlfriend and her family.
promises Posted January 11, 2013 Posted January 11, 2013 Effy: Heads up! He is going to tell you he is unhappy and that he never has sex. He will tell you GF mistreats him and you on the other hand truly understand him. At this point you will want to rescue from his misery. He will tell you he plans to eventually leave her and this will be like getting permission to have sex with him. Once you have sex, you will be hooked and he will tell you there is n o one like you. The two of you will likely consider the possibility you are soul mates. At this point you will not think straight and will continue to be te OW for a couple of years or until his GF finds out. When the GF finds out the guy will dump you. Yes, he will dump you because the GF and family are giving him room and board. By them you will be big time in love with him and your pain will be the most severe pain you will ever endure in your life. ding-ding-ding! CORRECT! What can we call these men???
loredo21 Posted January 11, 2013 Posted January 11, 2013 ding-ding-ding! CORRECT! What can we call these men??? Uh, men. Lol. Just playin.
promises Posted January 11, 2013 Posted January 11, 2013 Uh, men. Lol. Just playin. There is some truth there. 1
whichwayisup Posted January 11, 2013 Posted January 11, 2013 Well I am seeing him tonight, should I ask him what's going on ? Or should I just flat out say I can't keep doing it if he stays with her ? Even though I want a relationship with him so badly By the way, I work with him so see him on daily basis. Why are you treating yourself so poorly? Do you think so little of yourself to desparately want to hang onto someone who LIED to you? You barely know him, it's not like he lied and led you on for years. How long has it been? A few months? Weeks? Why be so passive and scared to react? GET PISSED. The GUY LIED TO YOU and you're afraid to tell him off - tell him to leave you alone! ONLY when he has broken up with her and some time has gone by, then you'll consider dating him. The guy is no prize.
wisernow Posted January 11, 2013 Posted January 11, 2013 (edited) I've been seeing somebody for a little while now, I found out from somebody else just after it started that he lived with a long-term girlfriend (he didn't tell me himself, only after I confronted him about it). By this stage I had quite strong feelings and am posting here in regards to where to go from here as the "relationship" is still in it's early stages. The topic of the future of his relationship has come up on a few occasions, where he either avoids the questions or gives me lines such as "we'll just see what happens." I will be seeing him soon and am thinking about trying to talk about this and whether he has any intention at all of leaving his girlfriend but I don't want to scare him off or ruin things. How do I go about this ? "We'll just see what happens" = You know, I have someone else, and I'll be happy to f you on the side, as long as you'll keep it quiet, and not make any waves. DTMFA. And if you don't read Dan Savage; DTMFA= Dump the mother f***** already. Edited January 11, 2013 by wisernow
awkward Posted January 11, 2013 Posted January 11, 2013 What you should do is lose his number and block any avenue of contact he has with you. And if a year from now you see him in the street, try not to hit him with your car. It is against the law.
pandorabox Posted January 12, 2013 Posted January 12, 2013 Walk, walk and keep walking until you bump into an.SM
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